OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Thank you - I drop off OK, but when I wake early it all goes round in my head. I am better busy and just getting on with things. It is sad to see him as he is and I need to be distracted from that. But I will get there.

Lovely that you have your girls looking after you. You must be exhausted, do hope you manage to get some sleep.

I expect you're aware that hospitals don't always appreciate the importance of taking PD meds on time. My husband was diagnosed five years ago, and so we do know some of the problems involved. I do hope the surgery goes well, and that he is safely back home soon. X

Have only just caught up with your difficult news. Thinking of you and your DH. Hope you get some sleep.

Hope you get some refreshing sleep tonight, lucky, you must be exhausted in every possible way. But isn’t the human spirit tenacious, your description of such a frail man showing those signs of his younger fitter self are amazing!

Thank you for the updates lucky, as much as I want to say to you let others look after you I understand your need to be busy. Hope you and your husband can rest well tonight. Love to you both.

I agree with grannyqueenie his younger, inner self is definitely coming through and he is trying to fight the latest buggeration. He knows exactly what is happening to him!

I hope he slept well and the ward is not too noisy. The one I was on last year was worse than a train station.

I hope you are getting some rest.

I have been with him all day till now as the nurses sometimes forget his PD meds - I do not blame them; he needs them at regular times that are not drug trolley times and they are frantically busy. I am going back for 5.30 to help him eat his tea - he has a slight swallowing problem and the nurses do not have the time to help him get stuff down slowly.

He has pulled out his naso-gastric tube - and who can blame him! He does not really need it - he just needs people with enough time to help him get the food down slowly.

I will go back in to help him with his tea, then come home for a moment's peace - he is in a 4-bedded ward and the man next to him (who has been in since Day One) bellows - and I truly mean bellows! - at max volume - sometimes in pain, but the rest of the time, totally non-stop, he is treating the poor patients to a machine-gun rate of max volume ramblings - peppered with army slang! He is a bit of a Hooray Henry (ex-army and ex-barrister from what I can gather), so it is all done in the poshest of accents. When his family came in on the first day they thought he should have a room of his own - well, blooming well pay for it please! - and are very demanding of the staff. I admire their patience, I really do.

You must be exhausted, Luckygirl. Hospital visiting is tiring at the best of times but you have more than your fair share on your plate.

Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep once your tea time vigil is over. Please take care of yourself is easier said than done, I know.

that sounds like a nightmare ward ! I hope you manage some rest tonight and that OH gets his meds

I hope your DH starts to pick up now he's taking some food. It will cheer him up enormously having you there to encourage and support him. Take care of yourself too.

Can't add any more to Ginny's post, take time for yourself Lucky

Hope you've had a restful evening Lucky and that you manage a decent night's sleep.

Thank you.

I had a difficult night as sometimes my statin gives me nightmares and I was wake with that a lot of the time. And then I found I had turned the clocks the wrong way! - I knew exactly which way they should have gone, but must have been a bit befuddled last night.

It would be lovely if the nurses had time to do the things that I am doing then I would only need to go in once a day. I am fine when I am there, but exhausted afterwards.

This is so hard for you, but you must look after yourself and give yourself some down time, or you won't be in any state to look after anyone, never mind yourself. Saying this, I am sure I'd be just the same ...

But this is so so wrong, that they do not have the staff to help and support him the way he needs to- what about those who do not have family?

Thinking of you- much love and hugs.

Oh nooo! You poor thing, it's easily done when your mind is juggling a thousand things. It must feel overwhelming at the moment, but it will pay off in the end, as your DH will recover quicker with your care. I know Mother's Day is going to be fraught for you, but you have your lovely girls and that's everything.

I wish we did really huge bouquets, but these are pretty.

Not surprising that you were a bit befuddled Lucky. I’m thinking out loud, but could you delegate a couple of days ‘care’ to your daughters so that you can just go in for a brief visit whilst they ensure your husband’s general needs are looked after? I just think that you will need to pace yourself before you hit a period of burnout.

With any luck the relatives of the fellow in the next bed shouting and screaming his head off will get him moved to a single room- they probably think he is mixing with the more downmarket- if only they knew! You could complain about the noise because it must be affecting your DH big style and he cannot lie in bed with blankets covering his face 24/7 to drown out the awful noise. I think that is very insensitive of the staff to leave that fellow there in his present mental state.

Please, please, you must look after yourself and get as much rest as possible.

I have just come back from the hospital to have a sleep as I am at the end of my energy. I will go back in when I wake up. I have decided not to worry about the mealtines - I will just take in stuff I know he loved and give it to him whatever the time of day. The nurses say they will feed him his meals, but I know that by the time they get round to it (they are frantic in there) it will be congealed on the plate.

He is not making any progress - still not been sat out, and still got catheter, fluids, oxygen etc.

When I was with him this morning he said he was going to asphyxiate himself. We just need to get him to the point where he can be discharged to a more peaceful cottage hospital.

He is in a PJ top that he has had on for about 4 days and it is revolting - caked in dried drool and food, as is his beard and moustache. I always made sure that his tops were washed every day at home as he drools a lot. A DD and I are going in later to try and change his top and shave his beard very short.

But for now I just need sleep and more sleep. My back is paining me from bending over the bed to try and hear what he is saying.

The nurses are doing their best - they are just up against it.

Sorry - offload over.

You 'offload' whenever you need to
Hope you can get some sleep now
Sending kind thoughts and wishing you great strength

lucky taking in food you know your dear OH likes and can eat is definitely the way to go , as is a rest , please get into bed and stretch out , nothing like bending over a bed to pain your back , massive hugs and best wishes for both of you xxxxxxxx

Lucky I hate to say it but your DH is not being cared for. It does not sound to me as though he has been washed since admission if he still has the same revolting top on.

I do not care how busy the nursing staff are, it is their job to care for the patient and if that means sitting by his bed and feeding him hot food, so be it

I am well aware of his weight and general weakness but if two physios do not at the very least stand him tomorrow sometime I would be asking questions. He should have a frame in front of him and a physio either side.

I’m so sorry lucky, so much pressure and worry. If off loading here helps then of course do it I understand the staff are busy but it does sound as if your husband’s care could be better. Wishing you success with your mission later. I’m pleased your daughter will be there to support you.

If a great lump like me can be levered out of bed and stood up with one Physio , i cannot see why two could not get your DH out of bed , if he is sitting out he might feel a bit better .In fact an Aide and one nurse can do it , and yes , he should be washed every morning . My OH was clean and tidy even though he was completely immobile . I think the bed can be raised and lowered so you don't have to bend over so much

I am so sorry Luckygirl. I know you have written before about your DH, and this must be so much worse for him to bear and of course for you. It definitely shouldn't be like this in hospital, you shouldn't have to bear the responsibility for his meds and meals and hygiene. Unfortunately I know what you mean, if it's anything like the district hospital where my mother spent weeks. The acute shortage of nurses means most of them are running around doing their best, but know that they are letting patients down. Relatives dont like to complain because they feel that their loved ones are vulnerable and they don't wish to further demoralise staff who are often individually kind and caring, and the situation is not easily resolved. However, basic care such as washing and changing your DH should at least be done. I hope you can manage to get the rest you need, and that he improves soon so that he can be moved to somewhere calmer and kinder. Kind thoughts and best wishes.