Black Dog Gang 4

Annie keeping busy that’s good I hope for you, keeps your mind busy.. so pleased for you, your granddaughter lovey.
Don’t let the physio upset you Annie you must speak up, she a physio she can’t possibly know how you feel,

Doodle how sad for you DGS, yes my heart goes out to him, pets are part of the family it’s so sad God bless you and your DGS

Thanks both, not great today either but have achieved a couple of things this morning so not a totally wasted day. Taking it easy for the rest of the day because a big reunion thing tomorrow with friends of our dear dead son. Going to be stressful but DH, DS and Dil will be there with support.

Doodle so sorry to hear that, very hard when youngsters have to learn about death.

annie is it possible that getting angry sometimes is therapeutic? I don't mean with our nearest and dearest but with someone/something outside our immediate circle.

Hi all x

Doodle I am so sorry to learn about the dog, please let us
know how your grandson is coping

nonnie tomorrow may bring you sorrow but hold onto
the love which will be shown for your darling son , I will hold
you in my thoughts

Joce. Hi brave friend

I have been working on my indoor garden today, there are so many more plants I want but no room for them

Hi all my husband has only gone and booked a cruise, now this is when I start to get stressed and upset I don’t know why. I think it’s because I don’t like leaving my safe place, I will be ok when we get there it’s just the build up to it, always upsets me. Any ideas how to not get stressed, any one else like this when going away errrr

Joce , we can all listen and support you.

When is the cruise ?

Thank you Annie it’s beginning of December.
Just for some reason always upsets me..

Joce always feel like that when we have booked an holiday. Didn't used to, used to enjoy the anticipation, from booking to travel. Last couple of years all gone, I'm reluctant to go, spend nights thinking about possible problems which I know I shouldn't. I tell myself I'm lucky to be able to go away but to avail. So you are not the only one.

Bluesky Thank you i know what you mean, I am so lucky I know. I just never want to leave my family, is that a bad thing I don’t know.. it will be lovely to see some sun we still have rain hear there is no end to it... I am complaining about going away and the poor people hear that have lost everything they have. I am so ungrateful, now I’m getting more upset, I am sure they would give everything to be in my place.. I just don’t want to go back to that horrible place that I was in a few months ago. Errrr sorry all

Joce years ago when I was working, a colleague in his sixties, told us that his wife didn't want to go on holiday. I thought how weird! And now it's happening to me!

Thanks annie. Have you been outside again?

Joce I've never felt like that, for me it has always been a way to get away from the real me! Perhaps some sort of distraction? Lists of what you need to take, finding out about the places you will visit, cleaning your home from top to bottom, making sure your affairs are in order? I keep rewriting the instructions and letter of wishes for when I die and I don't have any reason to think it might be soon, just feel I must make everything ready for others to deal with. I also keep turning things out to get rid of so there is not so much 'stuff' for them to sort through.

joce you’ve done so well recently, try not to let this get to you. I realise it stresses you but try to think about the positive side. Spending some time with DH, no washing up or ironing. Time to read, see new things, get some sun. Don’t be afraid to have some happiness. Yes others are suffering in the flood but you have had suffered too. Take some happiness and enjoyment while you can.

Hello again everyone - sorry I haven't been here for a while. It's been busy family-wise and we now have little DGD for the weekend. However, DD and SIL have been having a painful time and I have been getting messages from DD with sad face emoticons and telling me how painful it is...I know little about the extent of their problems but only that they are on the verge of separating. DD has a disability and it won't be easy for her living on her own but that is no reason to stay together. Could be part of the problem, I don't know. DGD knows nothing about the problems they are having. All we can do is babysit and offer to listen. Thankfully they are having couples therapy but it seems to be leading them to splitting up imminently. I feel so desperately sad for them all and scared because I don't know how they will cope on a practical level (there isn't a lot of money around). It's preoccupying my thoughts and that doesn't help my mood or anxiety state, of course....

Re holidays: I used to suffer from holiday anxiety - when I was ill with anxiety and depression the idea of going abroad was overwhelming. I worried that I'd be wasting money if I didn't enjoy it, felt guilty about being able to go when others couldn't and not being able to appreciate what I had. I still went, but often ended up getting migraines and UTIs which were another worry that became a vicious circle. These days I am much better and enjoy going away - which I am very grateful for. That said, I now worry about going too far because of elderly relatives who might have health crises, plus now the relationship crisis with DD2 and her partner. I would love to travel somewhere this year. We never fly so it's train and ferry or Eurostar - OH has a flying phobia, and it's better for the environment too. It's horrible though feeling anxious about going away. I recognise all those feelings; you feel you need to take everything with you and fear being without something vital. Being away from what is safe is difficult. I think preparing for it together is key, and maybe planning shorter trips to get used to a slightly longer holiday.

Joce you will be ok, I understand ‘a safe place, I walk half way down the path come back in the bungalow and am in a safe place, it’s what we tell ourselves x

nonnie been thinking of you today, hope there was happiness as well as sorrow in the meet up x

Rowantree, hello , I have been thinking about you , so sorry you have such worry, we are here for you x

Hi friends. I have been doing ok and even Christmas shopping. Then tonight while sitting at the log burner watching programme on iPlayer - when out of the blue my heart started racing and I felt lightheaded or dizzy although nothing was spinning. Thought I might faint or something. Didn’t last long but enough to make me very anxious. Went and lay on top of my bed feeling bit down in the dumps as things were going pretty well with only being anxious here and there. Anyone else has this feeling out of the blue?

Hello Flutterby , dizziness and lightheadedness can cause the anxiety or the anxiety can cause them. They cause me to be very anxious.

Claire Weekes spoke of it in one of her books, - if the room spins it could be problem with ears, if the room doesn’t spin then it’s anxiety . I have found tension in the neck can cause the latter.

Great to know you have been doing so well , x

My daughter (DD1) reminded me about Radical Acceptance when I get anxious or low feelings which threaten to overwhelm me. It's about noticing and noting how you are feeling with curiosity - Oh, I am feeling anxious again. I notice my heart's racing and thumping and I'm feeling cold and sweaty....' for instance. Just sometimes speaking these thoughts out loud can sometimes take the sting of fear out of the feelingsFlutterby! and Anniebach. Takes practice though but worth persisting. I am trying to do this each time I get a scary thought or feeling I don't like.

Rowantree glad you can enjoy going away again. My last attempt failed miserably when I had to cut short a trip abroad as I felt ill and couldn't wait to get home. Not sure if the anxiety triggered the physical symptoms or viceversa.

Anniebach and Rowantree thanks for your helpful word. I just got bit down and upset as I had been doing ok and then the heart racing and the lighthead feeling felt so intense that I started the ‘what if’s’. As I said it didn’t last long but has unsettled me. I really appreciate you both getting back to me so quickly - just what I needed.
Love to you both.

Those ‘whatiferies’

Must share this with you, I contacted the surgery last week and asked for CBT for the agoraphobia, was told , wait for it !

Yes certainly, call into the surgery for a pack, it has an application form and explains about CBT

I had explained I had agoraphobia when I asked, so I replied
‘I can’t get to the surgery because of the agoraphobia,

Sorry but if you want CBT you must collect the pack and fill in
the application form !

You are joking - I think some training is needed at the surgery.
I hope you get the pack brought or sent to you.
I would just like to say Annie I think you are great. Your wisdom is second to none. X

Anniebach you couldn't make it up, could you?? Like something from a bad TV comedy. Only it's just not funny. There needs to be far more training for all medical staff and those working in GP surgeries to support patients with mental health conditions. Why couldn't they either post it or email it to you? Would they do that, do you think?

Flutterby1 How well I know those 'what-ifs' when they take hold! When I was on a a course entitled Mindfulness for Anxiety and Depression, they encouraged us to look at fear and anxiety as something to look squarely at. We tend to push painful fear away and run from it and that doesn't work. We use all our energy and more and we start feeling panic and awful physical symptoms as the adrenaline takes hold. It's counter-intuitive but doing just the opposite is more productive. Start by 'noticing' your body's response to fear and list every symptom - out loud if you can because it reinforces the action and is grounding. You might say 'my hands are clammy...my heart is palpitating...my mouth is dry...' and each time you feel anxiety, practise noting the physical symptoms. Sometimes I would visualise lying underneath a stormcloud when I felt crippling ansiety; and telling myself that I wasn't always feeling like this and that the cloud would pass over in time. At other times, giving yourself kindness and compassion can soothe; actually giving yourself a gentle hug as if you were comforting a dear friend. I would stroke my own arms gently or pat my chest with one hand (sounds daft, but what the hell) and tell myself: You are having a difficult time at the moment, but you are doing your best and you will get through it...I am with you.' These won't 'cure' anxiety but they are all coping strategies and empowering when you get the hang of them.

Rowan It is very hard being the onlooker and feeling helpless. As parents we feel we should be able to fix things for our family even though they are independent. I am sure you are doing the right thing by just being there for them and not getting involved.

Thanks annie yesterday was better than I expected it to be and I am glad to have spent the day with lovely people. This morning I had a message from one of DS's friends and photos of his toddler. It is so good to hear from his friends and realise how supportive they were to him and now to us. Feeling rubbish today though. Are you still getting down the path?

May I suggest you ring the Practice Manager and ask them to post the CBT stuff to you?