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OH now on end-of-life care.

(520 Posts)
Luckygirl Fri 24-Jan-20 17:10:07

OH in nursing hone with end-stage PD, and he has been in terrible mental stress with paranoia on top of his total physical helplessness. He shot a temperature yesterday and clearly has some sort of infection - probably chest. I opted for him not to go to hospital, as I know this is what he wants. They are trying (and failing) to get oral antibiotics down, and have scratched all meds non-essential for his comfort . We just want him to go in peace now. But he is intermittently awake and in distress that he cannot articulate. They have all the necessary drugs for palliative care.

I am torn between wanting to keep him and wanting him to just go now so his distress is over. It is a torment

grannyactivist Sun 02-Feb-20 13:28:55

Lucky my condolences. I expect your emotions are mixed just now; feeling relief in this situation means you're glad your husband's suffering has ended. You didn't want him to leave you, but given his current existence, you wanted his suffering to end. In time better memories will be recalled and you can remember him as he was before the illness took him.

'Tis but the bed, the peaceful bed,
Where rests the weary pilgrim's head,
'Til dawn the joyful day,
Which, when the shades of night are fled
Shall all his toil repay.

loopyloo Sun 02-Feb-20 13:34:22

Dear Lucky girl,

Many condolences to you. May I say, you did so well looking after him so well for so long.
Look after yourself now.

Sar53 Sun 02-Feb-20 13:37:10

Luckygirl my condolences to you and your daughters at this very sad time. I'm sure your emotions are very mixed today. Look after yourself and each other. Xxx

Bathsheba Sun 02-Feb-20 13:37:23

Oh Lucky I am so very sorry for you and your girls. It’s been a long time coming, but it doesn’t make the loss any easier to bear, does it? In time you will remember all the good times, and these last months of pain and confusion will fade from your memory. Sending love to you all flowers

Nannylovesshopping Sun 02-Feb-20 13:40:07

Dear luckygirl your loving husband is now at peace, the loss in your life now immense, but hold on to him in your heart, you have been the very very best loving wife ever?

Septimia Sun 02-Feb-20 13:41:12

Condolences from me, too, Luckygirl. I know just what you mean about it being a mix of relief and loss.

He was a very fortunate man to have you to fight his corner.

I hope that the happy memories will, in due course, outshine the difficulties of the more recent past for you and your family.

Susan56 Sun 02-Feb-20 13:42:44

My condolences luckygirl to you and your family.Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers?

nanaK54 Sun 02-Feb-20 13:49:01

Sincere condolences flowers

SueDonim Sun 02-Feb-20 13:55:47

I’m so sorry, Luckygirl. flowers Even when death is expected and a relief, it still comes as a shock. Xxx

GrannyLaine Sun 02-Feb-20 14:04:48

So very sad for you Luckygirl I imagine you will be physically and emotionally exhausted so take all the time and space you need to grieve. Life is just so unfair sometimes. flowers

Grannybags Sun 02-Feb-20 14:25:14

Luckygirl I have been following your long and difficult journey, although haven't commented very often, and have been filled with admiration for how you have tackled every problem which has been thrown at you. You obviously loved your husband very much.

I hope you find peace now and enjoy the happy memories which will gradually come back to you flowers

Oopsminty Sun 02-Feb-20 14:25:58

Thinking of you, Luckygirl

Sparklefizz Sun 02-Feb-20 14:33:04

So sorry to hear your sad news, Luckygirl . My condolences to you and your family. Take care of yourself. flowers

Ginny42 Sun 02-Feb-20 15:07:42

Luckygirl, so sorry to read your sad news. Your love for your erudite, witty, musical man shone from your posts. That is a very special love and one to treasure. Love to you and the family. flowers

Katyj Sun 02-Feb-20 15:13:51

Been following your story Luckygirl,so sad. Take comfort in the knowledge that you did your very best for him, he couldn’t carry on bless him. Rest in peace xx

Bellanonna Sun 02-Feb-20 15:20:02

RIP Mr Lucky. Condolences to you and the girls, Lucky.
?

vegansrock Sun 02-Feb-20 15:24:29

This so sad. I hope you find comfort in the knowledge he is at rest and you did all you could. “There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love”. Is a lovely quote from Thornton Wilder.

Curlywhirly Sun 02-Feb-20 15:38:58

So sorry to hear your sad news Lucky, my condolences to you and your family thanks and a thanks to Scribbles too. Take care. xxx

blossom14 Sun 02-Feb-20 15:39:50

I also followed your story and admired your staunch fight to get the best care for your DH.
My condolences and take very good care of yourself.

Billybob4491 Sun 02-Feb-20 15:44:50

Sad news - I will uphold your family in prayer.

granny'sbuttons Sun 02-Feb-20 15:49:33

So sorry to read such sad news Lucky. Sincere condolences to you and your daughters and grandchildren. May you all support each other with love, especially in all the busy-ness of the immediate days to come. flowers

Framilode Sun 02-Feb-20 16:20:29

Sadness and relief in equal measure for you both. I hope now you can find some peace of mind and get some rest. You did absolutely everything you could possibly have done for him. Sending love.

phoenix Sun 02-Feb-20 16:28:17

Thinking of you.

xx

M0nica Sun 02-Feb-20 16:31:41

flowers words are inadequate.

Anneliese63 Sun 02-Feb-20 16:41:42

Words are so inadequate but my deepest sympathy for the loss of your precious husband. thanks thanks