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Just need a handhold & support

(46 Posts)
Itsawelshthing Thu 29-Apr-21 08:03:01

Hi everyone. I hope you're all doing well?.. Just wanted to post this thread really because I just can't hold it together anymore and feel like I need to let it all out sad will try and cut long story short. I am 28 years old & a month ago, my son and I came down with a nasty vomiting bug. He just vomited constantly for 5 days. He recovered then I started to feel nauseous so I thought oh here we go.... Lasted 7 days! Couldn't eat a thing, then the diarrhoea started. I had no vomiting just nausea and diarrhoea. It was like water and bright yellow constantly. Everything I ate just came through me. This continued for about 2w, then slowly my pooh stared getting back to normal and now I'm back to being constipated again... I've always been like this!

My next symptom was me beginning to rapidly lose weight and completely lost my appetite. I put this down to not eating cos I felt so ill so that played a part but I am still continuing to lose weight and dropped 3 sizes. I been docs and he has done every single test from my thyroid, iron, full blood count, coeliac, liver, kidneys, calprotectin, faecal occult, bacteria and parasites.. Every single one came back absolutely clear and normal. I'm not diabetic either! Been checked for that too.

I got a bit b12 and vit D test done which came back severely deficient and the symptom of vit b12 says weight loss and fatigue which I'm having... I am so bloody tired all the time. But my absolute fear is bowel cancer or some issue with my stomach area.. Something sinister going on. The gp did say cos my bloods are OK chances are small but I've been referred to the hospital anyway to see what's the problem so I'm just waiting to hear sad I had a panic attack this morning.. I am eating every thing you can possibly think of as my appetite has come back and yet I am not gaining a single pound whereas before I would struggle to lose weight and would easily gain it.

Its gotten to the point that I am checking my stools. Sorry to sound gross but my poo came out a bit dark and I scooped it out and crushed it to make sure it was brown and not black!! I know it is disgusting but that is how much this is affecting me. I have a young boy that I need to be here for. I know that I can't change the outcome but I'm so scared sad sad

BlueSky Tue 18-May-21 12:49:42

Itsawelshthing just wanted to say that being a fellow HA sufferer I know where you are coming from. As I was saying on another thread we must go ahead see a doctor, do whatever they suggests and then wait for the results. Easier said than done but that’s the only way. This way you ease your anxiety and any problem can be dealt with.

Puzzled Tue 18-May-21 17:08:19

After severe illness, it is not unusual to feel depressed.
By the sound of it, many of your fears have been groundless.
Avoid being stressed. Stress does terrible things to the body and mind.
Take whatever pleasures come your way Remember, there are many far worse off than you, so enjoy what you have.
Food, shelter and a family. Enjoy all of them!

harrigran Wed 19-May-21 08:06:23

As someone who has had bowel cancer I do not believe your symptoms are cancer. Sounds more like a severe gastro intestinal infection.
Years ago when there was a warning from Cadbury's, about a serious contamination, I developed a dreadful infection from eating a chocolate flake and was ill for weeks.

Elizabeth1 Wed 19-May-21 08:29:48

itsaweshthing I’m reaching out to hold your hand you poor thing. What a turmoil you’re in. Try to relax a little by holding your breath for up to 8 seconds then let it out through your mouth nice and slowly do these exercises for a few minutes every day. I promise you this really helps reduce stress. flowers

Itsawelshthing Fri 21-May-21 08:36:36

Hi everyone. I has the ct scan, all went ok. They said it'll take a few weeks for the results so I'm in a bit of a mess. I said to the radiographer doing my scan what if it is serious though like cancer? She said that she cannot diagnose but she and her colleague who did the scan didn't see any abnormalities or anything that popped out at them, but see what the consultant says when he interprets the results... Would radiographers who can only perform scans, know if something is wrong? I am still very unsettled by it all. Its causing me so much stress. I'm starting to lose focus, I keep on making mistakes at home, at work, I cannot keep my cool when my son is being naughty, I'm snapping at my husband all the time. I just feel like running away from it all sad

Whiff Fri 21-May-21 09:38:34

Itsawelshthing what you are feeling is normal. Radiographers are highly skilled professionals. And they do thousands of scans a year. So they have a wealth of experience if something doesn't look right they wouldn't have said anything. They would have waited for the consultant.

It's hard waiting for results but the tests are done now that's the main thing. It's out of your hands. It's not easy but try and not to worry about what if.

Whatever it is you as a family will face it together. You are stronger than you think. You are young and have a family who need you. I know you are frightened and worried but so must your family. Over the years I felt like running away and hiding. But you can't . No one knows what life will throw at us next. Make the best of every day and talk to your husband out your fears. You may find he is frightened to. Your family are your strength and because of them you will get through this.

Our thoughts always go to the worst case scenario. The first year I got ill my main fear was that children would be taken from me because I was a bad mother because I was ill. My husband told me I was being stupid I was a wonderful mom . I was so frightened that first year not knowing why or what was wrong with me. But 33 years later I am still here. Still no name for my neurological condition but it doesn't matter . It's just part of me. Other things that are wrong well just waiting to speak to consultants and then hopefully get tests done.

After my husband died I tend not to worry about what ifs as there is no point . Worst thing that could ever happen to me was him during. Everything else I learn to cope with. Not easy but life is precious and we must make every day count.

I hope you get your results soon. And they will put your mind at rest. In the meantime try not to worry and concentrate on your family they need you and you need them. ?

Whiff Fri 21-May-21 09:43:00

Really must read what I write properly. Should have been. Worst thing that could ever happen to me was him dieing . Not during.?

JaneJudge Fri 21-May-21 09:45:41

I think you need to contact your GP and tell them how stressed you are and talk it through with them. Anxiety can cause upset to your gut too.

Primrose73 Mon 24-May-21 11:49:19

Need advice how do I stop living in the past a ND inmy head,I am driving myself mad.

GillT57 Mon 24-May-21 12:48:58

Hope you can soon get your mind put at rest with a diagnosis. Just one little tip though; don't cut out wheat from your diet, by doing so you may negate a coeliac test or gluten intolerance. Just something my son was told when he was having tests for his digestive disorders. Having a very bad bout of gastric illness is very disabling, and it takes your gut a while to get the balance of digestive flora back to normal. Sadly, ( as with my son) anxiety about your symptoms can cause the symptoms to worsen.

Whiff Mon 24-May-21 12:54:45

Primrose73. What is a ND in my head?

Primrose73 Mon 24-May-21 16:11:22

I live in the past and just cannot leave past problems behind me, cannot
move forward.Any advice appreciated.

Whiff Tue 25-May-21 09:14:34

Primrose73 it's hard but the past is the past. It's done with no point in worrying about it. Worrying won't alter anything that has happened. You need to live for the present and future.

I don't know what your family set up is. Or what you are coping with that you can't leave the past alone.

If you have read this thread you know what I have been though and others here.

Living in the past means you are not enjoying your life now. After my husband died I had to make a new present and future. My life with him was at an end. It's hard making a new present and future. Especially as we had made plans what we wanted to do with our lives as we got older.

Living in the past is not living. I struggle everyday with his loss plus health problems. But I will not stop them from living my life. I have to much I enjoy doing, family and friends who care and love me and who I care for and love.

If this last year has taught us anything life is short and none of us know how long we have got. So live life to the full.

Take joy in the little things birds in the garden, having a chat with a friend etc.

If I get down I give myself a talking to and snap myself out of it. It's not easy but anything worth doing isn't easy.

Without knowing why you are living in the past really can't help more.

Pixieboots Tue 25-May-21 18:56:19

For self help with panic attacks and worrying there are two excellent books by Sue Breton called Dont Panic and Why Worry. For anxiety on a more geneal level Dr Claire Weeks books, dvd and cassettes/cds are excellent. Anxity can cause psychosomatic but nonetheless real physical symptoms as well as the turmoil of the emotional symptoms which are so difficult to understand by someone who hasnt personally experienced them or supported someone experiencing them. Being able to 'pull yourself together' or 'snap out of it' sounds so simple but isnt that easy. Be kind to yourself ?

Whiff Tue 25-May-21 19:07:44

I didn't say Primrose should snap out of it. I say I give myself a talking to and snap myself out of it. It's my way with getting on with my life. I know it's not easy , it's not easy for me but I can't live with what if's . To much has happened in my life. With my ill health and loved ones dieing I make the best of everyday. None of us know how long we have got and even if we did there's nothing we can do about. So make the best of the life we have got now.

Pixieboots Tue 25-May-21 23:38:39

Whiff, I wasnt making reference to your post - apolgies that you thought it was.

Whiff Wed 26-May-21 06:22:35

Pixieboots sorry I misunderstood. I have a nephew who has panic acts and suffers from anxiety. I will tell him about the books you recommend. Hopefully they will help him he is only 33 and has suffered since his teens.

Pixieboots Thu 27-May-21 21:59:11

Whiff - some of the books have been available on ebay and amazon as Claire Weeks books are from 1980s . There used to be a Claire Weeks website but not sure if it still runing. Your local library may also have them. Hope your nephew finds them beneficial.

Itsawelshthing Sat 19-Jun-21 16:43:38

Hi all. Thank you for your lovely messages. Just want to msg and say I have a telephone consultation next Saturday. I received a letter saying my results was ready and to book an appointment with my consultant, so I did and the next available appt was next Saturday. I sort of hope that means I don't have anything sinister. They would've told me by now if it was worrisome wouldn't they? I got 1 more week to go and I am so worried.

TrendyNannie6 Sat 19-Jun-21 17:15:01

While I really feel for you and what you have gone through I think you need to take a deep breath itsawelshthing, you have got results from your dr and they have decided to take it further, you have vit b and vit d that have shown severely deficient result, that will be sorted! You get your results very soon so that’s good! How you think can affect your body immensely so when you are stressing you aren’t helping the situation, as I’m reading your posts I can tell you are getting yourself wound up, bless your heart( I don’t mean that in a patronising way either) you are focusing on there being something sinister, please please try and be positive, great idea about trying to get hold of some dvds or self help books on anxiety to try and calm your mind! Will be thinking of you on Saturday love, sending you best wishes, take care x