Black Dog 10

How can you…. I meant

Polly you say you’ve sometimes looked at this thread and find it cliquey. Over the years we have had many who join in, some for a couple of posts others long term some who pop in and out as the need arises. I have never seen anyone post on this thread that they haven’t been welcomed or that they have been patronised. Many over the years have said the thread has helped them. We have somewhere where we can talk about out problems and worries without being shut down or told to cheer up or worse things happen at sea or there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, we have all been through that.
Annie is one of the kindest people on GN and her own personal traumas give her an understanding and empathy for others who come on here looking for some support. The ‘my love’ is part of her personality and kindness. Not a patronising phrase but part of who she is. I am one of many who has benefitted from her kindheartedness.

There are GPs, Mental Health teams, CBT classes, government funded groups, online courses, many, many places people can go to to get help with their problems. This thread isn’t for helping people find a way through but for telling them they are not alone in their suffering and to listen.

Yes questions are asked but no one has to say anything they’re not comfortable with. We point out this thread is not private and informations should be carefully given. It is not being nosey or wanting to pry it is just to get an understanding of what might be upsetting others so we can sympathise/empathise as one or other of us has usually been through something similar.

I am so sorry about your daughter. Anxiety and depression affect so many aspect of your life and is hard to cope with and it is also hard to be around a loved one and watch them suffer like that. I’m sorry you feel this thread wouldn’t be of any help to you but if you ever change your mind you would be welcome.

I hope your daughter gets the help she needs soon.

Hello everyone how is everyone doing?
I have been doing some gardening the passed few days..
I have been sleeping a lot better since I had my hypnosis, just hope it continues for me.. I still wake with bad anxiety but it has been passing before I get up which is good for me... fingers crossed it usually goes on till lunchtime..
give my bonsai his first hair cut I’m so pleased with him...
Take care all have a good weekend ?

My love is not patronising in this thread it is a way to show kindness.
Also we have regional area's in the UK and My Love is just the way people speak. It's different from when someone who had got their facts wrong , said to me in a aggresive manner 'LOOK LOVE', and yes he was shouting. Now that I'd say is patronising.
I hate cliques and I have to say I have never found this on this thread. Everyone is welcome. I would not have posted on here if it was, especially the way I have been feeling.
I use this thread as it helps me off load and write down the things that are troubling me.
I am sorry about your daughter "Polly"and Hope's she feels better soon.

Sorry I have just read the last few posts,
Doodle well said!! I agree with everything you had wrote..
You, Annie and many more on hear have help me so much..
I suffer with anxiety and depression I certainly need my friends on hear, I really do not know how I would have got through some days. Annie I love when you say MY LOVE to me it shows you care, I find it very endearing...

joce I think we all feel the same, glad you are able to enjoy your garden. I bet it looks lovely.

joce good to hear you are sleeping better. If the hypnosis works for you, that is good.
Your bonsai looks lovely. No wonder you’re pleased.
Yes I agree, I don’t know what we’d do with out Annie and her kindness.
rafichagran, like you I don’t like cliques either. Never been in one and have no desire to do so. I’m glad you feel you can off load here. We all have times when we need to spread the load.
Hope you are ok Annie
Have a good weekend all. x

Hi all x

Enjoying the sunshine?

Very much Annie having a coffee out at the moment. Just relaxing while my partner is watching cricket or football.
Hope you are ok. X

Hi all,
I was up and dressed by 4 am this morning.
I woke feeling agitated, couldn't get back to sleep so thought I'd get up and get on with the day. I often have more energy in the mornings, but not that early!
I did an online workout, had a coffee and did some weeding and tidying. Later I vacuumed downstairs which was a terrible mess but I don't have the energy to do upstairs.
More gardening...but increasingly the low feelings returned, brooding that 'most people' were out seeing friends and we weren't. It's a recurring theme with me - always has been and I have a horror of being lonely and feeling like a reject.
DH has been working on family history and pulling it all together into book form. This project has occupied most of the waking hours. We go out, but he won't engage in any talk about DIY, repairing stuff, re-decorating our increasingly shabby house and gardening is something I mostly do by myself, though he does do occasional mowing or weeding the drive. He does his best but the obsession with the family history, even though I find it interesting up to a point and have discussed it with him, is getting me down for some reason. I do things now and then with friends - I don't have many, but we meet for coffee, or Pilates or a walk. I've also joined the WI (don't laugh!) but I'm not good at feeling confident in large numbers where everyone knows everyone else. I find it easy to feel on the outside and that adds to my depression and brooding thoughts.
I'm so tired now after my early start, and should be listing things to put on ebay, but my back aches, i feel tired and lethargic and low. I don't like the heat but it was lovely in the early morning.
I still have a nasty habit of comparing myself to others (old feelings of rejection and being on the outside looking in). It seems to me that everyone's lives are 'together' and happy, though my brain knows that's not the case. I just can't shake that feeling. I'm ashamed of some of the thoughts I have and wish I didn't have them. At 67 I had hoped I wouldn't be struggling with feelings like this still, but I have to accept that it's a part of me, like it or not (and I don't, I hate it, and me for having them).
My Black Dog lurks these days, sometimes coming out to smother me and then returning to its kennel for a while. I guess today is one of those days, at least at the moment.

Sorry for the self-pitying rant, but at the moment there is no one I can talk to. I hope I haven't made anyone feel worse.

Sorry you feel like that Rowantree, you are not alone, I had a lovely home once, but now it needs decorating. I have got the bathroom done and I have saved very hard to do the kitchen. I am getting someone in. I am not excited by it, it is something that needs to be done.
I understand the lack of energy as well, and yes it does seem other people have wonderful lives and have it all together. I am finding that I have no enthsiasm at the moment.
If you are anything like me these feelings pass, but are exhausting and depressing when you experience them.
I hope you feel better soon.

Hello all, sorry you down Rowantree hopefully it will pass soon

Thought for the day

People cry not because there’re weak
but because they have been strong for two long.

Enjoy the sunshine ?

Evening all x I’m in the garden but I’m too hot, don’t seem to cope well with hotter temperatures, do you feel the same? Is it just ageing? Complaining as usual, how on earth am I going to cope with going to the Med if and when we’ll be allowed?
My low is because I keep hearing about sad things happening to people I know, which given our age is to be expected up to a point. I won’t even go on about my DC and DGC in Australia as I know that’s how it is for the foreseeable future.
Sorry if I’ve added my gloom to the thread.
Wishing you a peaceful night x

rafichagran yes it does pass after a while and I'm sure lack of sleep doesn't help. I know I've got much to be thankful for so I feel guilty for feeling envious and resentful of the social lives of others. I'm trying to practise gratitude but need to not feel overwhelmed before I can do it. Blue sky I'm not a heat lover either. Seems to be a very narrow temperature range I can tolerate! Too cold and I mutter. Too hot and I feel exhausted and irritable. I like summer early mornings, or evenings though when it's cooler and magical. I'm sorry that some of your family live in Australia. That must be very tough. I thought Norwich was difficult - I live on the Surrey/Kent borders!

Joce I don't feel very strong at the moment but it's true that over the years I've had to be and there are a few family problems bubbling away again ( that's life, I guess)

Hello all.
Annie I’ve been on full tidy up mode today so unfortunately, not seen much of the sunshine. Relaxing now though and it looks beautiful outside.
rafichagran glad you are enjoying your day and doing well.
rowantree (I love your username by the way). Not everyone is having a great time. There are more out there having a hard time than you realise. Don’t look at how people appear on the outside, life is rarely as wonderful as some make it out to be.
You may feel lonely but you certainly aren’t a reject. How would you think such a thing. All of us are unique. We all have our place in life. Many feel lonely I know but try not to have such a low opinion of yourself.
From reading your post, I think you are very hard on yourself. I think you bring yourself down by thinking others aren’t interested in you or they don’t want to know you.
Whenever you join a group, there will always be those who have been before and know each other. It takes time to blend in. Please don’t give up and don’t go looking for reasons to think they are not being friendly.
You deserve a huge pat on the back for joining the WI. Great news. That’s the first step. It will take time to get to know the set up and to meet people. Take your time and stick with it. Don’t expect to be welcomed with open arms straight away or to be included in everything, it does take time, really it does. Please don’t give up.
I think perhaps you may have an inferiority complex. Low self esteem. It’s easy to think you have nothing to offer but the reality is, there is a place for all of us. I am not the life and soul of the party. I find it difficult to make conversation with people I don’t know. I too can feel left out or not wanted but I do try to talk to others. Your post is not a self pitying rant it is a description of how you feel. And that’s fine. You are welcome here. We all have out worries and problems. You are not an outsider, you don’t have to try and fit in. Just join us in conversation here and find out a little of others problems. Perhaps you have experiences that can help others. ?
Joce what a lovely saying. How are you doing?
bluesky like you I can’t cope with the heat. In my case it’s not ageing I’ve always been like that. Never have been one to sit on a beach.
Never feel you have to be positive or upbeat here. Nothing wrong with saying you feel low if you do. Being sympathetic/empathetic to others can play on our minds. Try to remember that our days on this earth are numbered and we are allowed to be happy. It must be so hard for you having family in Australia. Take heart. We are getting there with this virus. Slowly I admit but things are getting better.
Rowantree I expect your family problems are what is bringing you down a bit. I worry about my family a lot and that causes me sleepless nights and anxiety.
Take care all x

Rowantree thanks. Yes sadly this Covid has disrupted a lot of lives, used to cope by visiting as often as I could but all that had to come to an abrupt end.
It’s good you still have your DH even if you don’t have the same interests etc, I keep saying this to people, I’ve still got mine and I realise how lucky I am.
I too was thinking about joining the WI but I’m not sure I would enjoy it as I am rather unsociable and would hate feeling ‘the new girl’ when everybody had made friends. Take care x

Doodle I’m plodding on thank you..
we wouldn’t be mums if we didn’t worry about our children would we,
I worried about both my DD they are struggling, I don’t seem to cope with them struggling like I do with my self. I would much sooner worry about myself than them if that makes sense...
I love the hot weather more so cruising ? with the lovely sea breeze and nothing to do.. think it will be a long time before we do that again, but yes I think we are getting there with this horrible virus..
have a peaceful night sleep all ?

Thankyou Doodle I agree with you when you said we dont have to be upbeat here, that is why this is such a good thread, we are encouraged to be ourselves.

Doodle thank you didn’t see your post earlier. So kind of you to always have a comforting word for whatever problem we might have. We can learn so much from others and their coping mechanisms on here! Good night all x

Yes Bluesky that’s the nice thing, we can all help each other.
No need to pretend on this thread just able to say how we feel.
Oh Joce me too. Worry about DC and DGC is what I excel at ?
Hope everyone has a good weekend. It’s so hot. Phew.
Is it as hot in Wales Annie ….don’t tell me it’s raining?

Purely for the record, more than once, I have left work on a Friday, saying that I would never return. But I did!
Hence I preach the gospel of building on small successes.
Hopefully without being patronising.
We can't all walk a mile in the others shoes, but have gone some of the way.
Now retired, so away from the pressures.
But worries still arise.
Will the traffic on the journey be bad?
Have just reapplied for Driving Licence, have to sort out house insurance. Both sources of worry, but will be better once done.
Just that each day I try to find some small achievement to provide cheer. It does work!

Hi all x

I am not even going to try to be upbeat. I wish it was raining in
Wales , having about 3 hours sleep at night, full sun on living
room window early morning and I am still on the sofa, 5th month. Door and window only opened five and half hours a
week.

Last Wednesday decided to sort out boxes of photographs, not
a good idea. Found one of one of my sisters and me on holiday,
we have been estranged for over four years, last night I dreamed she was with me and gave me a hug, that’s never going to happen. Then all the photographs of my husband he is still 30, and of my darling daughter, going to make albums for my grandchildren, did send them one of me pony trekking,
caused much amusement,
Not heard from physiotherapist about support with wheelchair. 4th week. Saturday I tried myself, was stuck on the
banana board for ages!

Waiting for results of my mini tornado’s finals, her brother and
sister had 1st, gulp.

How is everyone, hugs x

Oh Annie. Sending you gentle hugs. The heat can be torture for some of us. And have you nagged the physio? Not sure what the back story is there and forgive me if I'm wide of the mark but it might help to ring daily so they can't 'forget' about you?
Why are hugs from your sister not going to happen? That sounds so painful. Is this estrangement so final?
I hope your day brings some peace of mind after unearthing so many memories. It sounds very raw for you.

Puzzled for many, retirement can be a boon, losing the anxiety of working. Hope you get your driving licence ok. Sadly for those of us who worry, there are always things to worry about but some days are indeed better than others so we must enjoy them.
Annie I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe that you have been left to cope with things without any help. Do you have a call button or anything you can use to summons help if you get stuck.
I hope your MT does well in her finals but she is a young lady full of love and good hearted. She will make her way in life I am sure.
I wish you rain in Wales today to cool things down and a gentle cwtch x
Rowantree I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today. I don’t cope with heat well either, I wilt.
Hope the rest of the gang are coping ok.x