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visits and phone calls and emails etc when you're feeling poorly

(64 Posts)
Marmite32 Thu 18-Nov-21 18:47:16

I'm a crabby old woman at the moment with this horrible shingles.
Various complications, the worst is neuralgia.
thank God I have several good friends and relations who ring or email etc and I just can't be bothered to get into a conversation. Going over the symptoms just makes them worse.
How can I say give me a break without hurting their feelings?

Oofy Fri 19-Nov-21 20:33:57

Naninka
Adults can get chicken pox, as children do, though adults are often iller. My DH caught off my daughter when she was junior school age, and she was well apart from the itchy spots, but he was laid very low.
After the bout of chicken pox, the virus becomes dormant in part of the nerves, the dorsal root ganglia, and can become reactivated, usually in responses to stresses of various kinds, when it causes the very painful blustery rash in the patch of skin supplied by the nerve, leaving behind the highly painful neuralgia when the rash settles. It seldom crosses the midline unless more than 1 nerve is involved. The vaccination won’t completely remove the chances of getting shingles

Oofy Fri 19-Nov-21 20:37:28

(Sorry, pressed post before finishing), but should reduce the severity of the attack and risk of getting neuralgia, so MarinaL has been really unfortunate.

Grapes Fri 19-Nov-21 21:03:37

Nannan2. You get Shingles as an adult if you have had Chicken Pox as a child. The virus remains dormant in your system until something triggers it again and it surfaces as Shingles. Do have the vaccine as it is very painful and can last a long time. My husband has had it since June and has to have large patches, which act as a local anasthetic, applied every day. Shingles can destroy nerve endings which causes the pain even after the original rash has healed.

Allsorts Fri 19-Nov-21 21:23:18

Be grateful people care, just explain you’re feeling really poorly and can you ring when you feel a bit better. They are just concerned.

Unigran4 Sat 20-Nov-21 00:09:52

The wife of a friend of mine became seriously ill and hospitalised (pre Covid, a virus in the heart). He was at her bedside for long hours, and then came home to find loads of messages on the answerphone enquiring after her. By the time had answered all their calls, answering the same questions all the time, he barely had time to eat before going to bed late and repeating this for many days.

In the end he emailed all those who had shown interest, updated them all on her current situation, and then promised he would send one email each night to all of them to report on progress. In his email he explained why he was doing this, and all the recipients respected that.

Result. He still came home exhausted after a long day visiting, but he sat down, wrote his email in 15 minutes, cooked for himself and went to bed, far less worn out.

He is an author and related to me by marriage, and when his wife recovered he pieced together all the emails and the answers, and, with their permission turned it into a short story.

If you want to read the story, its on Kindle and called "Out of the Blue" by Michael Bartlett.

Mistyfluff8 Sat 20-Nov-21 03:18:24

Had my shingles jab when I was 70 .Had to really push for my husband to get it as there is a shortage of vaccines in the UK Child I looked after had it apparently if a child under 1 gets. Chickenpox very mildly he can get shingles next which this little boy did

BlueBelle Sat 20-Nov-21 05:43:37

Well it might be annoying you but how lucky you are that you have family and friends who love you enough to contact you
My friend recently had some bad news health wise and told me she would contact me when she felt able I honoured that and sent her a card saying thinking of you and two months later I heard from her do tell people what YOU want
thank people for ringing ( or get a friend or relative to) and tell them you ll contact them as soon as you feel better, a true friend won’t disappear

Now here’s the opposite story my friends next door neighbour was unwell (she had no idea what with) and told her he didn’t want any help or contact so she left it, then after a some days still not seeing him, she knocked at the door he didn’t open it but indicated through the glass that he was sleeping, more days passed and she left a phone message then she started to get concerned so rang the police who broke in and he had been dead a week The post mortem showed absolutely no clues at all as to why he had died it was a complete mystery but a horrible shock to her and his family
(who lived away) friends and neighbours he might be alive now if he’d accepted her concern

cupcake1 Sat 20-Nov-21 06:56:30

I had shingles when I was on holiday in South Africa. Felt and looked awful as it was all down the right side of my face it was so embarrassing. Several doctors visits and a hospital visit as they were afraid I’d lose my sight. I was on 16 tablets a day. The medical staff were brilliant though. Get well soon it’s a horrible virus. flowers

Misha14 Sat 20-Nov-21 07:26:21

I know that I'm luckier than some Grans as I still have my husband, but when he was in hospital a few years ago, my daughter shielded all calls from family. I let her know how he was and she passed the news on. It really took the pressure off.

BlueSky Sat 20-Nov-21 09:10:17

I have family abroad whom I usually would love to chat to over FaceTime. Well they never initiate the call apart from when I’ve just got out of bed feeling like death warmed up! I used to rush to answer, now I don’t and call them back later when I feel more human!

BlueBelle Sat 20-Nov-21 10:02:40

Bluesky that reminds me of last Christmas my son in NZ decided to do a video call with no prior warning and introduced me to granddaughters new partner and to the in laws all sitting round the dining table I was just out of bed with a beautiful bed head and no make up I was embarrassed to say the least I tried suggesting I d call back but no it all went unheeded telling me I was fine as they all sat there in their glad rags

BlueSky Sat 20-Nov-21 10:35:57

BlueBelle Same here! They say: “You are beautiful as you are Mum! grin

Marmite32 Sat 20-Nov-21 19:54:53

Thanks to all for kind words and reminders that I'm very lucky to have good friends. And a Husband to help.
It's also reminded me to be more tactful when contacting people I know who are poorly.