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Suicidal deelings

(34 Posts)
Sallywally1 Mon 25-Apr-22 18:18:12

I don’t expect anyone to do anything’s and please don’t suggest Samaritans, lovely though they are.

I feel this every morning as if I don’t want to be here. We were supposed to be going away for a few days, but other half going on about needing two single beds as he feels pushed out be me. He mentioned an accident when I nearly lost my toes and needed more room in bed. Said he sat up drinking whisky as he felt pushed out! Another holiday I had excruciating pain in my ankles from cramp and was walking around the room quiet as possible. He also felt pushed out.

I feel I can’t go on. It’s not just marriage proble.s I am estranged from a daughter and my son has been very I’ll. I am semi retired and took a job for ten hours a week.

I just cannot see any point in carrying on. I have no friends to speak of. It’s ok I won’t take an overdose, but sometimes I feeel like. Sorry to winge, people have much worse problems than I do, but perhaps it might be better if I wasn’t here?

MissAdventure Mon 25-Apr-22 18:34:04

It sounds as if it's an accumulation of things that have been getting you down.
Is it worth suggesting that you look at them all individually and see what you can do to help yourself feel a bit better?

For what it's worth, for the first time ever, I can truly say I know how you feel thanks

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 25-Apr-22 18:34:35

No it wouldn’t be best if you weren’t here.
Apart from your sick son needing to know that his Mum is around if needed, you owe it to yourself to sort this depression out, he will at least tell you if you are depressed or are in a bad marriage.
Please go to your GP, he will be able to give you some anti depressants which I’m sure will help, or advise you to talk to a Counsellor.

Then you can take stock of your marriage and see what steps you need to take to sort it out.
I really hope you get some help soon.

Kate1949 Mon 25-Apr-22 18:54:06

So sorry you are feeling like this. I agree with going to see your GP. Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed by it all. Like MissA I too know how you feel. You are not alone. A GP on TV said last week that 90 percent of her patients now are people with mental health issues. Good luck.

DiscoDancer1975 Mon 25-Apr-22 18:58:45

I second Oops. Please go and see your doctor now. It sounds like you’re totally overwhelmed, and need to tidy up your mind, if you know what I mean.

In the meantime....why not book your holiday....with single beds. Perhaps even your own rooms, if that’s possible. It may put something back into your marriage, that has been missing. At least it’s worth a try.

Then, hopefully, you’ll start to feel stronger...mentally and physically, and you’ll be in a better place to help your son. All is not lost, because you’re estranged from your daughter. You’re just not ready to tackle that yet.

Just take small steps, and don’t try to do everything at once. Like I said....a tidy mind.

GP first...tomorrow. I wish you all the best. 💐

Whiff Mon 25-Apr-22 19:03:26

Sallywally1 I hope writing it down has helped you air how you are feeling. Life isn't fair but it's life. I have been through some horrible times and probably will in the future .

Unfortunately my husband died 18 years ago aged 47. He was very wise. We always knew he was going to die so he made me promise a lot of things. He knew what I needed to live without him.

The main one was live the best life I can. Have wobbles along the way but I always find a positive out of a negative . It might be something small or silly. I was having a really bad time few months ago . And saw a Woodpigeon about to mount his mate. He fell off the fence I couldn't stop laughing. But them thought is he ok. He was but to add insult to injury his mate flew off.

Saturday will be my birthday also it will be 2 years since I last saw my son and spoke to him. Had a wonderful time. 4 days later he sent me an email dumping me as his mom. I lost him and 3 grandson's.

But as horrible as it was and the way he did it was cruel and cowardly. The silver lining was I found help ,support ,advice and more importantly friendship on the estrangement forum. A thread started by Smiless2012.

You need to decide what you want the rest of your life to be. If you no longer love your partner and feel he doesn't love and care about you. You have an important decision to make. Do you still want him?

As far as your daughter is concerned have a look at the estrangement forum. The support thread is still there but it was continued by me when it got to 1,000. Complicated reason why but Smiles is still the back bone of the thread along with other long time friends.

Sorry your son has been very ill hope he makes a full recovery.

I am an atheist so I don't believe in any god . But I do believe in living . I feel I am lucky I have a wonderful daughter and her family,other relatives and friends.

Hopefully you will wake in the morning and feel life is worth living . There are only two certainties in life we are born we die. It's up to you to fill in the rest . 💐

Redhead56 Mon 25-Apr-22 19:12:42

No the world will not be a better place without you. Please ring your GP surgery asap and request an appointment. If you speak to a doctor you will referred to a specialist who will help you. You will probably also be given medication that will help. You will be able to see things more clearly and make it easier to deal with issues troubling you.
I hope you listen to good well meant advice here. Please do seek help you made the first step now on here so please follow it through. And come back on here to let us know how you are doing.

GillT57 Mon 25-Apr-22 19:20:40

Please take heed of the good advice and kindness of the posters on here, many have been through the same as you are at present, and maybe realising that you are not alone in this will help. Please see your GP, it will help you to sort out whether it is your mental health which is the main issue, or the man you are married to. Meanwhile, there is always someone on GN, just chat, pour it out, it really does help.

Kate1949 Mon 25-Apr-22 22:34:31

Someone very close to me took their own life. The repercussions are horrendous. Please see your GP. flowers

Hetty58 Mon 25-Apr-22 22:51:41

Sallywally1, it's time to seek (and accept) help - and find some joy in life just for yourself. Do please see your GP asap.

MissAdventure Mon 25-Apr-22 22:55:40

I just wanted to add that the black dog thread on here is very supportive of people who are struggling.
Maybe you could dip in and out of the chat there when you need some moral support.

SueDonim Mon 25-Apr-22 23:00:49

Not much to add to the good advice here except to say doing what you’re thinking of will help no one and may indeed cause a a lot of grief and unhappiness. Please follow some of the suggestions here, Sallywally. flowers

Caleo Mon 25-Apr-22 23:31:19

Sallywally, you need to talk with someone who is qualified to help you understand exactly what is the matter. Can you find a counsellor or psychotherapist near where you live? You need to look after yourself now, and stop worrying about whether or not you want to be here.

Quarrels with your husband , worries about your son and your daughter, and having no friends are getting you down and no wonder! You need to be kind to yourself and do what you can for your family without expecting too much of yourself.

Single45guy Tue 26-Apr-22 10:26:19

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Single45guy Tue 26-Apr-22 10:28:24

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Single45guy Tue 26-Apr-22 10:35:31

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Dibbydod Tue 26-Apr-22 11:18:13

Single45guy

Feel free to pm me just to chat more if you want to

Call me cynical or whatever , but I used to be on a dating site and sometimes I would receive messages from younger men trying to gain your sympathy and trust , saying all the right things to make you feel special & wanted , so please be aware , as I’m surprised this man has offered you to pm him , so I ask , why would a Single 45guy come on GN to post these messages ? It doesn’t add up .
I may be wrong and this young mans intentions are for all the right reasons …but …please be very careful , us older ladies are easy targets , and not everyone can be trusted .

Caleo Tue 26-Apr-22 11:30:55

Good advice Dibbydod! Scepticism is always a Good Thing.

Philippa111 Tue 26-Apr-22 11:56:34

Single45guy could have been born in 1945. But I agree that however well meaning the post may or may not be , in order to feel safe, it's better to go through the proper channels when one is in a vulnerable state. If you don't want to speak to Samaritans SallyWally there are other helplines available. Please find the help you need. Statistically most people will experience depression and/or mental health problems at some point in their lives. You are not alone and there is a lot more understanding and help available these days. Many of the caring comments here will have come from some understanding of and identifying with your difficulty.

Redhead56 Tue 26-Apr-22 12:58:47

I am wondering if SallyWally has taken any advice yet.

Maggie1952 Tue 26-Apr-22 13:12:24

Need advice please!! I’m 70 m
with 5 adult children plus their partners and 10 Grandchildren in all. My youngest 35 has been in Thailand for the last 11 years and now has a wife and my gorgeous grand daughter. I haven’t seen him in 3 years due to Covid. Finally he made it home with DIL and my
Gd. I was so excited so happy. My 2 daughters arrived home in the UK plus children etc to see their brother. All in all 20 of them all dispersed between my home and my daughter who lives close. 2 of my grand children weren’t allowed to mine due to their mums arguing and not speaking to each other. This caused great tension. Finally my son from
Thailand snapped and accused one of his sisters of not being able to sit in the same room as her sister. Im doing my best to stay out of it. Today my son and fam left to return to Thailand. Apart from being devastated at this I feel the whole month was overshadowed. Im trying to
Find some joy but I’m so sad. I can’t take anymore!!

lemsip Tue 26-Apr-22 13:28:56

Sallywally1 I am concerned about you as I've found your post from 31st MARCH 2022 Sallywally1 Thu 31-Mar-22 Nothing has changed for you and you really must talk confidentially to someone...pour it all out and a load will be lifted then you will be able to think more clearly of the way forword..............

MeowWow Tue 26-Apr-22 13:51:31

Sallywally1, please go and see your doctor and discuss how you’re feeling. I can totally understand what you are going through. I’ve been there too and I know you can climb out of that black hole you’ve fallen into, believe me. As for your husband, learn to accept he is what he is and won’t change. I had to do that. I’m sorry to hear you are estranged from your daughter and to hear your son is ill. Please remember, life is precious. We live every day but only die once. Don’t let those dark thoughts get in the way of living. You are needed. You are special. You deserve to live and enjoy life. 💐

Chardy Tue 26-Apr-22 14:06:55

Sally, you've got us to talk to.

Join something. Even if you don't think you can sing, join a choir. Even if you don't think you can paint, join an art class. Etc

And then come back and tell us.

MissAdventure Tue 26-Apr-22 14:40:23

Maggie1952

Need advice please!! I’m 70 m
with 5 adult children plus their partners and 10 Grandchildren in all. My youngest 35 has been in Thailand for the last 11 years and now has a wife and my gorgeous grand daughter. I haven’t seen him in 3 years due to Covid. Finally he made it home with DIL and my
Gd. I was so excited so happy. My 2 daughters arrived home in the UK plus children etc to see their brother. All in all 20 of them all dispersed between my home and my daughter who lives close. 2 of my grand children weren’t allowed to mine due to their mums arguing and not speaking to each other. This caused great tension. Finally my son from
Thailand snapped and accused one of his sisters of not being able to sit in the same room as her sister. Im doing my best to stay out of it. Today my son and fam left to return to Thailand. Apart from being devastated at this I feel the whole month was overshadowed. Im trying to
Find some joy but I’m so sad. I can’t take anymore!!

Maggie, you might have more response if you started a new thread.
There are lots of grans with family living abroad, and I'm sure they will be able to help you.