Would you willingly go into a care home .

I would do absolutely anything to avoid putting a burden on to my family. I’m lucky that my AC are all so caring but I want them to be free to get on with their lives. Just want quality time with them. That’s why I would go into a home if necessary.

I would be amazed if any Care Home would want to have me as a Resident. Kicking and Screaming would be my mode of entry!

The "liquid cosh" would take care of that soon enough.

My dad went into care home and loved it. He told me he could come and go as he pleased, have coffee and sandwiches made for him late at night, watch TV until about 1am etc. He never went to bed until v late around 1am and staff were ok with him sitting in the lounge. It was a council run home, with excellent staff who promoted personal choice. Sheltered flats are very good too with lots of trips and outings put on for residents. When I worked on homecare these were the happiest people. Sadest were the lonely people living in one downstairs room in an empty house alone. I would pick a sheltered flat complex.

My husband and I have both decided that a care home would not be first choice, and would prefer a live-in carer who we could trust, but if it came to it, then we would have to decide accordingly. I do not want our home sold to pay for care costs when it is the children's inheritance.

BigBertha1

I won't be doing any of that. I will be taken by a more permanent solution.

Suicide is a terrible sin. Be aware that we do not die spiritually but go on to be judged by our maker. Killing yourself to avoid the normal ageing process is wrong thinking and wrong doing.

That is your opinion, not necessarily others'.

Lucy your situation mirrors mine. My mother aged 97 is a determined woman and refused to go into a Care Home, and has lived alone in her home, with a care package since hospital discharge five years ago. She deteriorated in January and we thought she was dying but she is still surviving, just. She now has NHS Continuing Care at home, which was almost impossible to get!

The upkeep of her crumbling home and extensive garden has been a nightmare, also coping with frequent medical emergencies. I have other siblings who do not help at all, and I live 16 miles away. I would not wish my children to have to cope with this.

Sadly these latter years will be my abiding memories when she’s gone.

I also visited a terminally ill romany gypsy lady as a home carer. Her daughter told me she had 4 adult children. Each of her children moved into their mother's house to care for her for 2 weeks at a time, with their children and spouses. That way they never left her alone, and didn't put relatives in care homes in their culture.

My mother always said she'd rather go into a care home than burden us with her care but in the end managed to stay in her own home until she went to hospital with a short illness.
I'd be happy for my children to help me out but not to the extent of taking me to the loo or bathing, for which I would pay for carers. My daughter is straightforward enough to tell me when I need to go into a home.
One woman near us has kept her husband at home and has carers coming in but it is obvious that she doesn't have the temperament for this. He would undoubtedly be better off in a good care home.

Liz46

My mother used to say 'if I ever become a bother to you just put me in a home'. I looked after her when she had dementia and one evening when I was sitting next to my husband with tears dripping off my chin he said 'it is either me or your mother'.
One of my mum's neighbours had said that if my mother ever needed to go into a home I should go and talk to her. I went round and it turns out that she goes round care homes as a hairdresser. She recommended one and it was very good.
I would pop in at different times and always found my mum well cared for.

I hope you got rid of the unsupportive husband while you were at it? Unbelievable. I'm glad you found a good place for mum to be cared for.

I doubt either DH or I would be happy to go into a care home if the need arises, but I hope and trust we will see it as the best option if it does.

We have already promised each other that if either of us should suffer from dementia that the other will move heaven and earth to get the other into care as soon as possible. We have seen too many people wearing themselves out caring for a spouse or parent with dementia and worrying about what would happen if the competent person died first.

I could probably manage to care for DH with help if we have to face cancer or the like, but I would probably insist on going into care if I am the one to develop such a condition.

It is after all sometimes the best way of providing good care for the patient.

As for what we have to leave - our son doesn't expect anything, he has had his upringing which we could be said to have "owed" him, he earns good money himself and feels we should use ours to have the best possible out of the years left.

I would taking BigBertha route if l was able otherwise a carehome. Would not want my kids going through the stress of looking after me or the isolation of just home carers.

Four yeast ago I was put in a care home for two weeks to recover from an operation. Couldn’t get home quickly enough.
At my age I know I haven’t got much longer to live and I hope to die in my own home. I have a couple of lovely ladies to help with housework etc. And they will do all they can to help me.
After thirty four years of living alone I couldn’t bear to live with anyone else.

you have to remember there are no pockets in shrouds ,and wouldnt you prefer to be comfortable in your old age ? i know my answer ,i spoke to my children ,who all say the same thing ,"you earned it you spend it on you,, we would prefer you to be warm and comfy ,than you give it to us to spend ,".

I think the OP is totally unrealistic saying that she will never go into a care home . What if she had dementia . A dementia sufferer can usually be cared for at home in the early stages , but the condition can be totally unmanageable later on .
They need someone to keep an eye on them 24 hrs a day . For example they can leave the house at 3am to go to the post office . They can leave taps running or they could turn the gas on but not light it .
They don’t always sleep at night and their main carer cannot manage night after night with no sleep .

I along with my siblings look after our 95 year mum, she refuses any outside help and my brother agrees with her but it's us girls that do the looking after and we are shattered it's very stressful, she is an accident waiting to happen. Very stubborn

If it proved absolutely necessary. Yes. But would prefer to stay at home. And it depends on the care home. We have Enduring PofA for each other in case of dementia, etc. But the money might run out (especially in the South) and there is no sign of Johnson doing anything useful about care home fees.

I have already told my children that when I am not fit to live at home independently, they are to chose a lovely care home for me---the only stipulation is that I have a view of gardens or open countryside from my room.
I have also told them of my wish to have a natural burial in a rural location----or in the old part of the cemetery which is more like a rural church graveyard.
My own father ended up in a very caring NHS dementia unit (unfortunately closed shortly after his death) after many years of seeing my mother struggle to keep him at home.
Some years later my siblings and I had to take the decision that she was not safe to live alone(vascular dementia and heart problems), and none of us were in a position to have her live with us---so we found her a lovely residential home near me and her only grandchildren. We persuaded her that she was there for a rest after a spell in hospital.
She lived there for almost 4 years and the care and friendship of the staff was excellent.

Those saying they would choose live in care may not be aware of how expensive it it. I earned £500 a week doing live in care for an agency over 15 years ago. The agency would have charged much more to the person paying them.

I'm in a slightly different position as my DD is a carer in a residential home so is qualified to looked after me. I'd take her advice if I I'd TH were ever in that position.

My sister's mother-in-law went screaming and kicking into a home and then refused to come home for Christmas as they were having a Christmas dinner, carols and party games.

Having nursed my Mum, at her home, 120 miles from mine, for over 7 years...yes I would. I have informed my children that if I'm ever that ill, I will sort my own care and/or move to a caring facility. No one should be forced to care for me

We had a gardening club at my last home.
Belly dancing, cooking (always fun, since I was "in charge" and can't cook)
Yoga, meditation.
A book club, a lunch club, news roundup every morning, crossword afterwards, film nights with popcorn, a residents meeting once a month, where they set the agenda, quizzes, church..
I really loved that job!

Care home for me if or when the time comes.
My son is well provided for is I can find my care. I won’t be a burden.

We had to make this very difficult decision eight months ago. I sincerely believed I would be able to look after my husband for the rest of his life, but hadn’t factored in my own increasing frailty. After caring for him for him at home for eight years following a stroke he suffered, and numerous other health problems, resulting in his very poor mobility, I had to reluctantly admit that he could no longer be looked after safely at home. He was always adamant that he would not go into a care home, but his increasing dementia was the final straw and I had to look for a good local care/nursing home and fortunately found a wonderful one. He now enjoys a better quality of life than I was able to give him - he joins in a variety of activities , goes out on bus trips and receives 24 hour care in a very caring environment. It is horrendously expensive, but once all his savings are used up, I am hoping the local authority will help with that.
Speaking personally, having seen my husband’s care home experience, I wouldn’t hesitate to go into one and would certainly never expect my family to care for me in my dotage. If that means we’re left with no money, then so be it.