Would you willingly go into a care home .

Blimey!
A weeks worth of washing?

I don’t see what on earth is wrong or abusive about labelling people’s clothes. My mother’s CH had 36 residents, all with dementia - TBH I sometimes called it Kleptomania Central, the amount of ‘squirrelling’ that went on. Naming was the only way.

As a visitor, you left anything lying about at your peril! The visiting hairdresser once left her jacket with her car keys inside - it took a major search and well over 2 hours to find it.

It wasn’t just clothes, either - staff once found a dismantled photo and frame of my mother’s in someone’s room - luckily we had known to put her name on both. By a certain stage of dementia she wouldn’t even have recognised it herself.

It is just seen as very institutional, when it doesn't have to be (although in reality it's the easiest way to keep a track of things)

The fact that someone won't know isnt really acceptable as a reason not to respect the fact that the item belongs to them.

Never would I voluntarily go into a home. I would prefer carers coming in preference to a home any day of the week.

But what if your home is no longer safe or suitable for you, daisymae?

Next week, if someone else was paying. Food cooked for me washing done and plenty of time to read and be on GN.

I think what we perceive as desirable in a care home, may well not be for the person we are trying to accommodate in one. It would have been immeasurably better for me if my mother had agreed to go into a home five years ago, but she was adamant that was not her wish.
I think also you need to differentiate between Care and Nursing Homes. It is easier to have a homely natural
environment in the former, where less care is required.
I think we are too hung up on safety concerns. Perhaps as we age we don’t mind an element of risk if it means we can stay in our own surroundings. It’s our loved ones who stress about it, but it is in effect taking away control.

Floradora9, willingly - no, I'd have to be dragged in kicking and screaming. I'd rather throw myself off a cliff (if I'm still capable of doing so). My plan B is to commit a crime and go to prison - as the meals and conditions are so much better!

Farzanah, that's what the inspectors ask residents - 'Do you feel safe?' - not 'Are you content', or happy etc.

Hetty58 Given what people with experience of care homes have said about those they have experience of. Your post reads like a case of old dogs not being able to learn new tricks

MissAdventure, I don’t know how else care home staff are supposed to ensure ‘respect’ for residents’ things, except by returning them to the correct room - which is easy enough when they’re labelled.

Are staff supposed to know, in a home of maybe 36 residents, exactly which item belongs to whom?

I gave an example further up.

Whilst reading through this thread at breakfast, I asked DH the OP question, “Would you willingly go into a care home?”

His response was a resounding no. When asked how he thinks we will manage, in (hopefully) many years time, he just buries his head in the proverbial sand.

But I often worry about it. He just seems to think we shall never get so old and infirm we can’t manage.

As have many others, no doubt.

It's a conversation to have, I reckon, but then sometimes life throws up unexpected twists and turns, and things have to change.

MissAdventure

Blimey!
A weeks worth of washing?

I am confused by your response. Why would a weeks worth of washing be offensive?

I was thinking because of continence issues, and so on, but then if other stuff is washed often, it must work quite well, I suppose.

M0nica, (no experience??) - having tried three different 'luxury' care homes for my mother (in her last year), having visited at odd hours, very late or early, having a sound device hidden in her radio, having witnessed many 'accidents' and mistakes - I beg to differ. There's plenty of deluded folk around who have no idea what goes on - as they really don't want to know!

My uncle seemed happy enough in his Abbeyfield home, but, back then, we did afternoon 'happy hour' visits - and we were very innocent and trusting, asking few questions. He was easy going too, so I'm sure that helped!

I am comforted to know that, in reality, I'll never have to suffer that sad fate. I have far too many allergies for it to be a possibility.

MissAdventure

I was thinking because of continence issues, and so on, but then if other stuff is washed often, it must work quite well, I suppose.

She doesnt have incontinence issues, so maybe if there were it would be different. She has less than a full load weekly.

Missismac

We had to make this very difficult decision eight months ago. I sincerely believed I would be able to look after my husband for the rest of his life, but hadn’t factored in my own increasing frailty. After caring for him for him at home for eight years following a stroke he suffered, and numerous other health problems, resulting in his very poor mobility, I had to reluctantly admit that he could no longer be looked after safely at home. He was always adamant that he would not go into a care home, but his increasing dementia was the final straw and I had to look for a good local care/nursing home and fortunately found a wonderful one. He now enjoys a better quality of life than I was able to give him - he joins in a variety of activities , goes out on bus trips and receives 24 hour care in a very caring environment. It is horrendously expensive, but once all his savings are used up, I am hoping the local authority will help with that.
Speaking personally, having seen my husband’s care home experience, I wouldn’t hesitate to go into one and would certainly never expect my family to care for me in my dotage. If that means we’re left with no money, then so be it.

Surely they are assets of the marriage and are not just his for them to take them when you are still here and in need of the resources? How can they leave you to run a house with dwindling money?
Surely there should be a disregard?
I don't know but it sounds very wrong.

As I understand it, any savings in his own name will normally be regarded as his and will be part of the financial assessment, whereas for anything in joint names only half can be used.

No I would not willingly go into a care home - having worked in Social Services I have heard and seen too many horror stories (although some homes are very good)
However the fact is not everyone can be maintained safely at home, even with carers going in, especially if they are inclined to wander out into the streets in the early hours or have poor skin integrity that requires regular pressure area relief. A dense stroke for instance can change everything in the blink of an eye for someone who used to be fit and independent
I am hoping to stay in my own home as long as possible but accept there may come a time when I can't
I would suggest those worried about their childrens' inheritance take legal advice for the various options - there actually are ways, I think, to proect your property and keep it in the family s to speak should you ever need to go into care eg leaving it in trust, deed of gift etc so long as you take steps at a point you could not reasonably have envisaged needing a care home - laws may have changed, it is some time ago now that I worked in the field but worth exploring

My cousin had a dreadful (and expensive) problem with a trust that her parents had set up. She reckoned the only people who had benefited from it were the solicitor and the bank.

Woodlane I am sorry you cannot trust some solicitors and their trusts. If an LA believes that a trust was set up to avoid paying care fees, they will still take the money into account when calculating how much they will contribute, or not, and how much the person will have to contribute to their care.

If setting up a trust was a way of avoiding care fees, do you not think that people would be setting up trusts in their 100, 00s and all the main personal finance gurus would be recommending it?

People aren't, and personal finance gurus aren't. Do you not think there is a reason for that?

Spot on MOnica. Local authorities have been on to this sort of thing for a long time.

It's only 'deprivation of assets' if you could 'reasonably foresee' that you would need care. People should set up trusts while still young(ish) and healthy, not later, when older with medical needs. They still can do this - and many do.

I think the whole system is just ridiculous and totally unfair. We need to all pay in a lot more during our working lives, with those needing care simply receiving it, free of charge.