Black DOG 13

Hi henetha lots of love and I don’t think you are alone, ‘why NOW”. I’m not quite suere…why, yes the winter coming on, yes a general sense support is harder to get, yes to well, tough times ahead for many heat food wise and we empathize with those struggling I think? Or some personal trigger?

Oh Thankyou so much * FannyCornforth* Have just sent a message to the Gransnet email. I'm so sorry you aren't able to pm me. I sent you a pm about that but not sure if that will enable you to reply. I've not blocked anyone so don't understand why it's happening. I SHOULD have put that in my GN message! derr! I will contact them again. Don't understand why this all seems so difficult.

Thank you Wyllow3. I think worries about money don't help, and things are going to get worse for all of us (except the rich of course!). And a half-milestone birthday next week....
I'm really really old now! .
And feeling guilty because I've got nothing to really grumble about, except a bad back.
Sending you a big thank you.

I'm preparing for this training course, even though I have had a cold stuck on my chest for nearly 2 weeks now and I'm not well enough to go. Just can't bring myself to say so to anyone

Hi all x

Welcome henetha You are not a waste of space, it’s good
you are still practicing your mindfulness, keep doing so x

Wyllow there are happenings in our lives we are unable to
share, you are going through a marriage breakup, no matter
the causes it can be a bereavement x

Reasons for talking on Black Dog are not marked from 1 to 10,
everyone’s reasons for joining here are equally respected , some have been here several years, they know come winter
i will be talking about my fear of snow, the weather forecast
just has to say ‘snow in Scotland’ and my stomach starts churning, I live in Wales.

We are and have been going through troubled times, Covid,
lockdowns, now costs of food, heating etc, the unknown is
frightening. We can share our fears here .

HVDY my plans for eating solid foods have crashed, but I do
have Hobnobs and baby rice pudding!

How is everyone ?

"my plans for eating solid foods have crashed,"
ouch and sorry* Annie*

VioletSky its SO disappointing to say no when you've geared yourself up and thats taken exert oooopf. Sigh, but you have to look after yourself.

Oh yes Annie - lots of grieving, of the complex sort, but obvs care that he hasn't had a bi-p crash.

HVDY- hope you are ok today and not whizzing about too much! We are still away and by some miracle it is still sunny. Visited some well loved places today - bringing back memories.
FannyCornforth- it’s lovely that you feel safe here and it’s nice to have your company.
Wyllow3- you have so much compassion. I do hope your ex is found safely. I know how it feels - the dreaded catastrophising. Any small bit of bad or worrying news can send my mind into overdrive and I shake and my tummy churns and straight away fear the worst. I do hope you arrived safely with your family.
SweetPeaSue- so pleased you are here today - been thinking of you. Hopefully a good sleep has helped you think a bit straighter you must have been so exhausted.Don’t be concerned about what you post - we will listen and care and try to help the same as you would do for anyone her. Good luck with the GP tomorrow.
Whiff- so glad you are here and also,that your nephew has benefitted from help too. I have 2 nephews that have MH troubles and it is often not easy for their Mum my dear sister.
Henetha- you are right the thought of this Winter looms large for many people. Not only the financial worries but there must be many like me who dread the cold ,dark,gloomy,days ahead.
Those big Birthdays really creep up on you don’t they- hope you have a really good one though.
VioletSky- be careful that you don’t make yourself more poorly by working when perhaps you should be looking after yourself.
Annie- yes I,ve been paddling- can’t resist the lure of the sea!!
We,ve been to one of the most beautiful beaches today - it really takes your breath away. Don’t mean to show off just share with you as I know how you love the seaxx
Doodle,EllieAnn,Nanny etc hope you have had a good dayxxxx

Now you’ve mentioned rice pudding I’m really fancying some. But the real stuff with a skin on top!
Trying to work myself up to phoning daughter. She had a bit of a meltdown on Friday due to house problems. She can’t cope with things like that and has no one near her to help. In the end I got her dad to go to help but he’s due back any time and I know it’s not resolved. I suppose I d better wait for his side of the story first.

Anniebach. It might sound daft, but have you tried Pot Noodles, pot porridge, or even Farley's rusks?

ScaredyCat The GDs went home late morning, so I went out for lunch with DH and Son1, then we went to a pub we like that has reals ales and live music (I did the driving so only had tonic waters). It was an Irish folk band. Just got home now and put the heating on. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

SweetPeaSue So pleased that you slept well. Hope you feel better today.

I hope everyone on BD has managed to get through the day alright. There are quite a lot of us now on BD x

Lovely post Scaredycat great to hear nice fresh sea air and waves splashing and that horizon that stretches the gaze.

(I too have a D sis who offers listening and advice and has a sorted life!)

Ellie Anne probably wise to hear his views too, I hope she is "helpable"

Had fresh air walk with DGD and DS. Rare to get some together time with him so treasured. Totally knackered but raised spirits.

My goodness I have a lot of posts to catch up with.
Annie I know of course your story but it never ceases to amaze me that you keep going regardless and trying to help other. Diamond indeed. ?
Wyllow despite the abuse you are very loyal to your ex and are kind to be trying to help him. I’m sorry your ex is missing. That must be concerning. I hope you have better news soon.
Sweetpeasue glad you had a good sleep you must have needed it. Please be honest with your GP tomorrow and tell them how bad you have been feeling. Hope it goes well.
Whiff so pleased you nephew is coping a bit better. Glad you are feeling a bit better.
Henetha no one is a waste of space. We all have value in the world but sometimes we lose our sense of that. You are most welcome here. Perhaps you have been affected by all the news lately. It’s all been so depressing it’s affected many of us.
You are so helpful Franny . How are you today?

Henetha bad backs are painful hope you feel better soon and congratulations on your birthday next week. You didn’t tell us which milestone that was ?
Violetsky if you are not feeling well then you should say so, no need for extra stress. However, if you do end up going I hope you get on well and enjoy it.
Annie I love Hobnobs and rice pudding. I’m glad you are able to enjoy at least that. Are you still having the liquid meal replacement things (forgotten what they are called?)
Scaredycat didn’t realise you were still away, how lovely. Hope you are having a good time. Ooh I’m so pleased you’ve had a paddle. I love to have one every time I’m near the sea.
Nothing like walking along the beach and hearing the waves lapping against the shore.
Ellie Anne you can have my pudding skin I only like the bit underneath. I can understand your nervousness about phoning your DD. Worried about how bad things are. Good thing your DH went to see her. I hope it all gets sorted soon.
HVDY nothing daft about a pot noodle. I used to love those at work. What a lovely time with your son and DH. Hope you enjoyed the music. It is a bit more chilly today I think.
Wyllow how nice to see your son and DGD. Hope you had a good time together. Do they live close by?

Doodle alas no, 2.75 hour drive.
They have suggested I move up there to be close: its a ginormous decision, don't have to make it quickly, BUT I'm not coping looking after what is a small house but large garden and weary of the responsibility. I'm only 71 so have time to "build new life" not just for/with them but new start.

After years of illness and the bad isolating marriage, I haven't got a lot of ties locally but rely heavily on The Familiar and local support systems. So within a year or two or so its a decision to move locally but somewhere easy to live or up sticks. (Family will be staying in area where they are, that much have ascertained due to many factors) first things first - steady as she goes.

You have all just demonstrated what I said earlier, - such lovely kind people on here. It makes me feel much better to read all your kind words , so thank you everyone. And heartfelt thoughts to all of you who have such sadness and problems to deal with .
I'm 85 next Wednesday. It's truly astounding to me that I've lived this long.

Wyllow3 I moved house 3 years ago. No one was dependent on me anymore as they had all died so I was free to move. I had struggled in my house with its large garden for years. I rattled round it. As you want to move the first thing I would advise is to start decluttering now. It takes a lot longer than you think and is mentally and physically exhausting especially if you come across things that spark upsetting memories. But I loved the feel of having a good clear out . I made a list of all the furniture I didn't need as I was down sizing. I moved closer to the children who lived over 100 miles from me. I had to stay where I was after my husband died and the children moved out because I had both parents and mother in law dependant on me. I was lucky as I knew what area I wanted to move to.

I live my life making lists it's what keeps me on track as I forget things. It's not any form of dementia but down to my HPX . At least knowing what is wrong with me I know it's not me being weird.

Anyway off on a tangent again. I made a list of what I wanted in my new home and want I didn't need and another list of what I was prepared to have done and what I wasn't.
Did this long before I put my house on the market.

Buying and selling is very stressful ,sleepless nights and lots of tears. But well worth it.

I knew I needed a bungalow so had a list of 20 I liked the look off. My children whittled down to 6. I wanted to live in Merseyside but didn't know all the areas just knew a few.

Moving for me has given me ,me back I didn't realise I had lost me. People here know me not all my labels and I found it very freeing. I loved my bungalow from first viewing knew exactly what I needed to do. My only worry moving was would I like the neighbours but I needn't have worried. My neighbours are lovely. I existed in my old house since moving I live my life to the full.

My move has all positives but 1 minus . I lost my son and 3 grandson's due to him deciding he no longer wanted or needed his mom in their lives his choice I didn't do anything. Anyway that's well documented on another thread.

But everything else is positive. See my daughter and 2 grandson's every week ,have wonderful GPs . Finally found out what my neurological condition is April this year and I was born with it and it's rare. Also found out last year I was born with a hole near my heart. Brilliant health care . I have more friends than I had before. Go to GP referral exercise class and a mixed media craft group. Excellent bus and local travel service. I feel like I have always lived here.

As I did say I rambled on. But apart from my son I am happier and healthier I have been since my husband died. We take our memories with us . A house is bricks and mortar it's people who make it a home.

I hope you are all feeling better in yourselves today .

henetha you have 14 years on me! And here you still are and I'm glad. Loving post, I agree.

I've been awake since 4.30am and all the bad things crowded up on me this morning. I know some is Stuff I have to lay aside as best possible, a case of "mind seizing on all worst things at once and catastrophising them" but dominating was making sure that ex is OK and not disappeared in a bad way. Courage mes amis...

Whiff that was good to hear! thank you. Had to look up your condition as it was a mystery to me too until I did.

Granny23, reading back through the posts I saw that your dh had died during the pandemic and all that entailed. Not to comfort your loved on at the end and have your family around you I thought was barbaric, I know many would have risked it as I would have but that you weren't allowed to. This has affected so many people and no wonder they are suffering from depression. The thing is it was taken out of all your hands and your loved ones would hate to think of you suffering this on top of the grief you feel anyway. You would have had no counselling just the pain of it.
There are so many reasons for depression, no two the same, I'm glad there's this space for all who do, At times I get very low but luckily after a few days I can resurface and seek out company which helps me, I get very lonely and have little support but the thought of the alternative spurs me on, I can well understand those that can't however when depression has that hold.

Wyllow3 it was a mystery me to. Even my neurologist hasn't any patients with it. It's only through genetic blood testing it can be detected. It's not as simple as a startle reflex it's more complex than that. It's a mutant gene which effects the brain receptors and effects your limbs hence pain in them and falling all my life. But it causes other problems as well. Limbs jerks , siezures,what's called brain fog and some have bowel problems. As it's hereditary it means both my parents where carriers for the gene mutation I have got. My brother nor my children have it but they could be carriers. But they can have genetic blood tests. I know my daughter and brother have asked their GPs and shown them a copy of my diagnosis from my neurologist. I let my son know and sent him a copy of the letter but never heard anything back .
My syptoms got out of control 34 years ago . I am now 64. Luckily my new neurologist didn't know what was wrong but put me on a tablet to stop the jerks and siezures. It's like a switch has been turned off. Because of Covid it over 2 years to get the blood test results. But at least I know now. So that's a massive plus.

FannyCornforth Have sent you pms explaining I've been in touch with Gransnet yesterday and again Mumsnet this morning about message deletions and your not being able to send pms to me. Hopefully this will be sorted soon.

Sending love to all.

Sue pm sent to you.
The pm problem was all my fault! I’m so sorry

Wyllow a difficult decision for you. Moving close to family or staying in a familiar area there are lots of pros and cons. When my parents were older I was lucky my brother lived close to them so that he and my SIL were at hand if anything happened and I did the weekend top up. Certainly it is more difficult to cope with a move the older you get. We moved because of a large garden too.
Sorry you have had trouble sleeping. When you have worries they tend to gather in the early hours.
Henetha congratulations on your upcoming birthday. Have you any plans to do anything special?
Whiff good advice about moving. It certainly requires a lot of energy. I am pleased you are enjoying life in your new home and have so much to enjoy. The loss of contact with your son and family must be heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I hope with time he comes round.
I didn’t know about your condition either. Glad you have some treatment that helps.
Allsorts what a kind post. Yes lockdown was a cause of much suffering for many.
Sweetpeasue hope you had a better night.
Annie how are you today?

As ever a thoughtful post Doodle.

I hope you are keeping OK yourself, and Allsorts you are clearly weathering rough times well done for the courage.

*Whiff, a grim condition...one of those that you wish had been ID'd and treated much much earlier. But you helped me a lot this morning by getting me a-pondering on the way home.

I do feel I am in a sort of "waiting room". I have very little energy for bits of crafts but even when I do am unsettled, disinclined, everything impermanent.

Obviously its part grief and puzzlement about an abusive break up which was a very rapid flare up due to MH factors that I'm living alone, but in fact tho its a lovely small quiet house with big ++

it was wrong all along for me when we moved in together 2015 and I felt that many many times. Its a bit too lost out in the 'burbs for an old alternative hippy like me.....tho I tried to be who he wanted etc etc .

I can't change me but Whizz what helped was this thinking,

"OK, I'm in a waiting room. I can't settle to anything, but I can declutter and process and that IS positive wherever I go."

As regards my worry about my Ex, there is a project he'd mentioned going to, and I think I feel confident enough to drop by rather than try and contact officialdom.

I'd better define this, " too lost out in the 'burbs" as I don't want to say the wrong thing..

for me it means - no shops, cafes, any other amenities/centres without a car. I'm the only house in the whole road that puts posters up for elections or issues...people only really walk by to walk dogs or leafleting/the post.

Afternoon all.
Whyllow- It’s a big plus that if you do chose to move closer to your family that they are going to stay put there. Otherwise you could move only to find they then have to. It’s not a decision to make lightly and you are wise to take your time.
I think as we get older it is essential ,if at all possible, to be near all essential amenities and public transport. Also somewhere where you can watch a bit of life going on.
Sounds like you have come to a better conclusion re your ex- do hope he is ok so you can get peace of mind.
Henetha- will think of you on Wednesday. I,ve just had a Big One too so let’s just think we are like fine wine getting better with age- I wish?
Whiff- what great advice you have given Whyllow. I have moved many times and agree that people make a home - and maybe a cat or two!!
Allsorts - good to have you her and your wise words.
SweetPeaSue- hope the GP appointment has helped you today.
Doodle- Thank you.We are here for a few more days and loving it as much as ever. Today it’s windy and a bit chilly so it’s waterproofs on for walking but really enjoyed it.
This morning was early waking and Whatifferies - yes even on holiday- but being here helps and the sea of course.
Hope you are ok.
HVDY- That pub sounds brilliant- the sort my sister and BiL love. Just the job as I expect you miss the GC when they go,
It’s got chilly hasn’t it- what are we going to be like when it’s really cold. My DH and I are like chalk and cheese - I,m always freezing and he,s toasty no matter what. Makes for some interesting discussions every Winter.
Ellie- did you have some rice pudding? The thought of rice pudding skin makes me go Yuk.
I,m sorry your daughter is worried right now but hopefully your DH was able to help her look at things more rationally. It was nice of him to go and try to help. Yes wait and see what he says- good luck.
Love to all BDG

Scaredycat what a thoughtful post and..just keep on getting that sea air. Can I be a fly on the wall for your Heat Discussions? (just joking.)

"Also somewhere where you can watch a bit of life going on. "
Do you know, thats nailed it on the head! Yes!