I must have had "second sight" for although the meeting was intitally scheduled to review my care after the Abuse and separation from EX - ie total change in my life...
...after a few awkward minutes (it was with psychologist and my own worker, a nurse) they told me that my worker is retiring. This was OK, I like her a lot but could see she was overstretched and not enjoying holidays etc.
But there is no replacement. They explained - and I totally believe - that the team is nurses down, they can't replace them, they are having more and more desperate referrals, and so on.
The offer "on the table" was see the psychologist for 3 months once a month and then "review".
I said, you mean review for discharge don't you. This is becuase in 2017 a psychologist whom had never met me wrote a report that led to my discharge that contained many inaccuracies, and after Discharge I went into a suicidal depression for 2.5 years.
Now this Psychologist is a very different person and does know me reasonably well so my feelings aren't necessarily based in reality........but I have not got over my fears about what happened before. Before, no psychiatrist was involved, and no sign of one here. But I felt my nurse disagreed with the psychologist but wouldn't say so.
I bargained for seeing her for 6 months, not 3 months which gives me a better time frame.
(Remember the private counselling is NOT for long term MH support but for taking over the abuse for 10 sessions)
I CANNOT argue that I need more compared with other patients/users - I don't - I can only speak only on the basis of what I feel works for me after many many years.
I'd even disclosed that I felt I have no one who, if I had to go into hospital, could bring me clothes and so on from home, or visit - that I am physically TOO TIRED to build, post the isolation of abuse, new contacts/friends from Quakers and so on that I am closer to. (Family too far away for that sort of thing and with 4 kids one very disabled, etc etc) After 20 years of MH stuff friends I used to have years ago long disappeared, I used to be very sociable indeed.
What I DO know is that they didn't used to Discharge people until cutbacks - but would leave us users on the books on a very low level to allow for ups and downs.
Its a matter I've even challenged them on, on governors level. The "revolving door" syndrome where someone gets discharged then goes into crisis and has to be re-referred via GP's and we know what the situation is like there atm.
Its a new ideology - "everyone can recover" borne of cutbacks not good medicine, for it you have say diabetes or similar you get monitored not discharged unless there is another crisis.
I went into "cant stop cant rest mode" and have not really had time to "feel it through". its too big. then I got a stupid call from Ex grumbling about this and that and boasting about his and that "on the street". Tresoddit.
I said something at the end to the psychologist worth checking out here.
I said I feel like there is a rug over a hole that could get pulled away any moment. She said lots of people feel that who aren't ill. I said do they?
I know what she is saying I think, that life IS very insecure, we ALL have fears of what might happen - but is the hole of everyone under that rug that fear of falling into suicidal depression again? I'm afraid she is yet another professional who conflates my articulateness and ability to receive my condition to actually coping with it and staying well.
Love to all. x