Black DOG 13

Sorry to hear you had a bad night too, HVDY and just hope that your day is better than it looked like, or is tolerable!
It helped a lot chatting to new friend we turned out to have more in common than I had thought possible.

What helped as well was realising when I got back how very bl**dy angry I am. Because I often don't recognise anger in myself I turn it inwards and it bites me, so realising it helps. More inner information to work from.

Hi MaggsMcG nice to meet you, and you are right statistically, rates are very high especially now legal beavers are involved so v bests, Whiff.

I read loads of messages on here today, and I am so glad to see that people are ready to support each other.
I sometimes have bouts of "down" times. Luckily, I usually manage to pull them up again eventually.

Mostly sad about family things that are going wrong, some are worse than others. A good cry usually helps. I watch Christmas Movies at the moment.

Welcome MaggsMcG

Wyllow rather a shock for you yesterday, NHS is in crisis,
why do you find mixing with people and making friends so
difficult? Please don’t assume you will be cut off from support,
you are on medication? x

Sweetpeasue what a relief the biopsy was clear, David isn’t
interested in Women's rugby, the last match would have caused
his petals to shrivel, he will come off the top of the wardrobe
for the six nations x

HVDY will you feel lonely when your son moves out ? X

Scaredycat a walk in the sunshine and FaceTime with your son , how wonderful x

Joyce have you fully recovered from Covid, don’t forget we
care and are here for you x

Ellie Anne winter approaches, i am so concerned for you,
any groups you can join ? how is choir practice going ? x

Doodle dare I say, yes I will, ipad playing up again, need new one but the heating bill ! Sending hugs x

How is everyone?

Welcome, MaggsMcG

Anniebach No, I won't feel lonely when he goes - I did feel lonely when he started this job in April (he'd worked from home for 2 years). I'm looking forward to the granddaughters' stuff all going. He's looking at a house this evening. He won't go far from us, he's always been a home bird. Sorry you've got problems with your iPad. Is it to do with your broadband connection? x

EllieAnne- S o sorry you had such an upsetting homecoming. No wonder you felt like turning round and going back. Thoughtless behaviour spoils so much for you - hopefully you,ll be able to go to the stables soon as your GD will be wanting you to see her progress.
Will you be going back to the choir soon for your Christmas singing?
SweetPeaSue- Great news the biopsy result was good- one thing to cross off the list! Hope today is a good one for youx
Doodle- I think we sleep well on a first night back as it’s so good to be in our own bed again! Travelling can be tiring too can’t it. Are you still up for the exercise bike?
HVDY- AF better today thanks. I hope your friend is doing well after her ablation. I had a cardioversion a few years ago which helped and now it comes and goes. I don’t let it stop me doing anything but it makes me feel tired . Of course anxiety is not the best companion for AF!
I like the sound of your days out especially when they involve cream cakes - must be nice to be able to see your sister in law.
Lovely to have a visit from your son - does he live near you?
Mr C is one lucky moggy.
Wyllow- I,m sorry I don’t know enough about the sort of problems you are having to help much but always here to give you support . I did know what you meant about the rug over the hole though - not for the reasons you gave but when my doctor retired I felt scared. He was so understanding of MH and always there just to chat with. I,m glad you have your sister to chat to and now have met somebody who could become a good friend for you - take care
Whiff- thank you for those kind words. I must try to remember them when the night time’whatifferies’ strike.
MaggsMcG- welcome nice to meet you.
Annie- we,ve been walking this afternoon and I filled D H pocket with sweet chestnuts!
Can’t believe those Gremlins are back again! Thought you,d sent them packing. Don’t want to think about the heating bills- thank goodness the sun is still shining.xx
Love to all in BDG

Whiff- I’m recently returned to GN so it’s a long time since I posted anything, but I wanted to comment to tell you how brave I think you’ve been to be so open in sharing your story with us.
You are carrying a tremendous load at the moment so it is no wonder you are feeling low and tears are natural.
I hope talking about your feelings on here is helpful, it’s so good to have a safe space to share and know you are among friends.
Take care

ScaredyCat What are you going to do with all those sweet chestnuts? Son2 lives 1/4 of a mile away - but only until the weekend . He's sold his house, but the purchase of his new place (12 miles from us) won't be completed until Dec/Jan, so he's moving into his GF's place (11 miles away). Son1 lives with us, but is looking at flats and houses now, hoping to get somewhere - he's likely to be about 4 miles away

Wyllow you explain how you feel very well and it’s quite understandable you don’t want to lose that support.
It’s nice you have a sister to talk to. Can’t remember if you’ve said, does she live far away?
I think there are so many people with MH problems now (or acknowledging problems) that it has become much more acceptable to say if you have issues. That is good, because really most of us don’t go through life without periods of depression or anxiety I think. A craft group sounds a wonderful way of meeting people.
Hmmm. Er yes the exercise bike is here with me. I need to dust it off. I will have a go…….tomorrow. I will let you know how I get on.
Whiff people with MH issues often forget to be kind to themselves. Sometimes we are our own worst critics.
Nice post. Thank you.
HVDY those nightmares sound awful. Just wondering, you haven’t changed any medication recently have you? Sometimes that can cause problems. Be nice to have a Wednesday activity for yourself. I go to church on my Wednesdays and enjoy that.

Hello MaggsMcG I can understand only too well the family worries. I hope you watch the cheerful Christmas movies and not the sad ones.
Annie you made me laugh, poor David. Hope he’s safe on top of the wardrobe until the rugby season starts.
Yes I know the heating bills are a worry but the iPad is your main source of contact and interest so hopefully it will work properly soon. x
Scaredycat ah I see someone else hasn’t forgotten about my exercise bike challenge. Yes I am still up for it but being the procrastinator that I am I will start tomorrow ?
Sounds like a nice afternoon walk. I love the sunny autumn days. Some of the trees are a lovely colour now. The red ones are my favorites.
Hello Willsnan what a very nice post. I think I remember you from a while ago.
HVDY 12 miles isn’t far by car. He will still be close. Ours are about 15 minutes away by car which is lovely.
Ellie Anne I was thinking about you last night and how upset you were. I have a feeling I remember a previous time when you went to your daughters and you were upset that your husband had gone off to see your grandson without you. Is it possible he gets lonely when you are not there and that’s why he goes to visit the children? Hope you are feeling a bit better today.
Sweetpeasue how have you been today? Hope things are a bit better and you are getting out a bit,
Joce hope you and Coco are enjoying some nice walks.

Hi BD’s. Its not entirely logical Annie its to do with past horrors cant yet lay to rest, although the meds I take are psychiatrist prescription only so it would mean huge hassle. One of the original Care Plan aims was to reduce the amount of Diazepam I am hooked on through support over time:

but I think lots more people are going to be on Meds instead of “people time” things being what they are in the NHS. Discharge also means no access to crisis lines, no helpful letters drafted for getting help on housing or benefits, not able to attend the drop in group and a lot more.

I did “ID” and other feeling related to yesterday as well as anger - huge amount GUILT (yes, I get lots of BD’s are familiar with that one) - ie wanting to “hog” resources when many other around so bad etc etc and yes the psychologist did bring that in and yes she does know it matters to me.

Still, I’ve had a nap and got on with some positive things admin backlog since then: we’ll see how the night goes

And I will be with other BD’s in the early hours in spirit who are wakeful including you Annie in pain.

Nice walking Scaredycat - yes you are right about AF and anxiety! I think BD’s are vulnerable to these physical conditions, IBS being another major one..bosy mind stuff - glad to hear you got a walk in this afternoon.

Very sorry to hear of lurking gremlins all round.

Ah Doodle there is nothing quite like your own bed when you have been away however nice it was. Sister , alas, lives 7 hours drive away in the SW, I’m in S Yorks.
DS and family are closer in Co Durham 2.75 hours drive and I’m still good on driving motorways up here in t/north where they are not exactly the M25!

I’m sad to hear about family matters being troubled, MagsMcG. Spot on re good cry. Christmas movies - what ever works!!!

Very nice to meet you Willsnan I’m a newbie so dont know many back-stories, time will sort that!

More sympathetic thoughts for Ellie Anne and Joce (dont know you yet properly sorry)

Doodle No, my meds are the same ones I've been on since the stroke. Perhaps, subconsciously, I'm thinking about both sons moving away. 12 miles isn't far at all, I know.

Son1 went to look at a 2 bedroomed house this evening, said it was no good. Parked cars, bumper to bumper both sides of the road. A gang of teenagers hanging about next door. Other side, lots of rubbish in the yard, dogs barking. Nowhere to put a dining table. £700 a month (the going rate here, and it wasn't even a particularly good area.

I haven't felt good all day - sore throat, hot/cold, headache, so going to bed soon. Hope everyone on BD has a peaceful night x

HVDY So sorry you're not feeling well at all. Big changes regarding your sons moving away too. Hope you yourself have a peaceful night too - - without nightmares.

Have been wondering if I should post or not. So many with big problems. My heart goes out to you all. It often hurts to read your awful experiences and the unfairness of life. But - lovely people here, and without feeling pain, how could we empathise with others?
Am not good. V depressed. Pain and burning from frequent UTIs, bladder pain syndrome, Thrush, that's not responding to treatments for 2 mths (sorry TMI, probs caused by all antibiotics). I shouldn't go on, but I KNOW this has all happened to me since operation that went wrong. Gynaecologist says he's going to try and get MRI report. My appt with him not till 2nd week Nov. He told me couldn't identify something there-- but its OK for me to wait. Just so depressed right now. Been going on too long. Can't trust. So sorry. Wish I had the bravery of so many on here. Pain just burning. Said too much. Only adding to everyone's burdens.
Goodnight all. I'll be back on track tomorrow. X

Amendment--he didn't say it was 'OK to wait'. I say that myself, ironically.

Dear Sweetpeasue

I hear you, it's been a rotten, exhausting time for you.

Bravery comes and goes. May it visit you again soon as it can, in the meantime have a hug.

Big changes HVDY phew that house sounded horrible ...

hoping for as good as possible nights for all here

(there are always the limericks and word association games that are "open all hours" I've spotted one or two BD's on them....)

Thankyou Wyllow3 Hope you have a better night.

SweetpeaSue It's no wonder you feel so depressed and exhausted. You've got so many ailments, which all seem to be connected with the awful mistakes made by the surgeon 2 years ago. I hope you get the MRI results very soon. You need some proper help. x

Morning all on BD. I hope your day will be OK and something good, however small will enlighten you all.
Been a tiring night but I'm back on track and think medication might be kicking in. Sometimes it's like your nearing the summit of the mountain and you turn a corner and you're at the bottom again. We're not alone in that are we? It might seem like it at times. It's life, I guess. X

Thankyou HVDY. Hope you have a good enough day. X

Morning all. It's started off to be one of those days - I hung a load of washing out at 8 (I was up at 7 but thankfully no nightmares last night) but then it started to pour with rain, and still is . I texted my brother at 7.30 to say I was still feeling a bit rough but that I would still take his wife with me to the day centre - he misread the text so isn't bringing her here. I've done my hair and make-up (a huge job in itself) so I'll go on my own. Part of me wants to stay at home, but I did that yesterday. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Had a bit better night, went to gym, under duvet with HWB, intend to stay and hide from the world and my brain (radio drama, etc).

Hope it doesn't carry on being one of those days HVDY and a wee bit better pain news there Sweetpeasue

Hi all x

Very much down, there are a few here who may recall my
next door neighbour and the problems she causes, yesterday
afternoon a woman came to my living room window waving her arms, shouting but I couldn’t understand her, she kept on
for several minutes then ran away.

Midnight my hall was lit up orangey , I thought someone had come into my bungalow. Nothing I could do.

The next door neighbour was having another ‘bout’, seems it
went on for hours, the woman at my window was part of the
team trying to get into next door they wanted to come into my
back garden to try to gain access into her garden. The orangey
light was ambulance and police vehicles headlights.

There will now be a campaign to have the woman moved and
again I will not take part, she is an alcoholic but I don’t know
if she is mentally ill, she has daily care and support.

Bed being sorted tomorrow, I didn’t realise it was the 21st, I
can’t go home to take part in the memorial.

That’s my rant

How is everyone?

Annie I remember you speaking about your neighbour before. I hope she gets the help she needs and you get peace. And that the bed gets sorted out ok.
I’m down too. I found out that as well as going to see gd ride they all went out for a meal afterwards. When I asked him about it ( I was physically shaking) and told him I thought it was a bit mean doing it when I wasn’t there he ignored me. Is acting like nothing happened.
I met a friend for coffee and broke down in costa.
Thought my son might have said let’s wait till mum is here but obviously he didn’t care either.

HVDY- hope the day has improved as it’s gone along. Good for you for going out when you didn’t feel brilliant- you are one determined ladyxxx
SweetPeaSue- so pleased you are feeling improved today hope it’s gone on to be a good one.
Willsnan- welcome nice to meet you.
Wyllow- you did well to go to the gym - it’s amazing what a better night can do for us isn’t it. Stay cosy with your hottie.
Annie- what a disturbing and unsettling night you had. I hope that your neighbour gets some proper help to sort her out she must be very mixed up. You are right not to get involved .
There are certain dates and days that will forever burn images in our minds - today is one of them for you. Sending a comforting hug . Good luck with the bed.
EllieAnne- I,m glad at least you had someone to talk to about the events of this week. There will be another day when you can see your Grandaughter ride . I don’t think it’s the fact that they went out together and don’t think for one minute your son thought like that but it’s the totally uncaring attitude when you tried to explain how you felt. I,m so sorry you are so sad x
Doodle- hope you have had a good day.
After a very disturbed night We have today been to see our oldest friends one of whom has Alzheimer’s . We like to see them always but it is so sad to see someone disappearing before your eyes. I feel exhausted but glad we went. Tonight will hopefully be better.
Heres wishing all BDG a peaceful nightxx

Very distressing Annie both events. How is the bed getting sorted? I am so glad you are not "joining the campaign"..there but for the grace etc etc.
btw, really worried about you and the fears of someone coming in. Do you have an alarm button on you? I don't think I'd have been as brave as you.

Ellie Anne it is really upsetting not to be considered when they know what you'd like xx.

TBH my son just doesn't think*, its not deliberately nasty, but of course everyone's situation is different and it might happen a lot for you. Being with little ones is "lifting" and no wonder you would have liked it.

Just so glad you had a friend to confide in.

(*Every year DS and family go up to DiL's mum for Christmas. I went up once with Ex and it was lovely but a bit demanding. However this is he first year that I'm alone and last night I asked what was happening, ie given changed situation they might have asked? He literally hadn't considered it. As it happens I'm not sure as its a long way/has to be car and very crowded.

But....OTOH when I was really ill 2002 to 2011ish I hardly saw them, I was an absent mum, they coalesced round DiL's mum, and so my expectations are in line with having created that situation, however regrettable)

Just missed your post Scaredycat a sad visit.
Yes been nice under duvet, am relieved don't have to think of governors.