Black DOG 13

Wyllow3 I do hope the drama was good and engrossing. Hope you've been OK.
Annie That must have been a bit of a shock as it woke you up too. Yes, I remember the lady with drink and perhaps MH problems. I hope she gets some help this time. You must feel a bit daunted about moving from your sofa but hope you find the bed more comfortable. I'm so sorry you will miss the memorial service. ?
EllieAnne Oh that's such an awful disappointment. I have thought how I'd feel in your shoes and I know I too would feel quite hurt. Its the feeling you've been left out. I don't know what to say but I expect your son didn't realise you'd be that hurt? Perhaps you could say how hurt you have felt about it to your son so they can make it up to you. I don't know how it's come about but maybe as you were with your daughter they didn't really think too much about it. Anyway, I'm so sorry you've been hurt in this way. I can see how you feel. I'm glad you had a friend to talk about this with. Hope that helped a little.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night. X

I missed your post too * Scaredycat*
Sorry. That must have been a very sad visit to your friends. Alzheimer's and Dementia are such awful illnesses and I find them very scary. My father in law suffered. It can understand you feeling exhausted afterwards. It's difficult to know what to say but I know you are an empathetic person by your posts so I'm sure your visit would have helped greatly and your friends will have appreciated it. Hope you can have a restful night

Well I’ve done my first 2 whatever’s on my bike. Doesn’t sound much but it was an effort. I’m hoping if I do that every day it might get easier.
Wyllow yes there are many who need support but just because others do doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep what works for you. It’s not your fault resources are limited.
Christmas is a problem for so many. We very seldom make plans until it’s nearly upon us. I always tell mine that as long as I see them sometime over the Christmas /New Year week I don’t mind if it’s not Christmas Day or Boxing Day but then I’m not on my own. Hope you get to do something nice.
HVDY I suppose it’s just change really. That is always worrying but on the other hand it’s good news for your sons. Think how nice it will be to visit them in their new homes.
Hope your son finds a decent place for him and his girls.
Hope you had a good time at the day centre. Are you still feeling poorly?
Sweetpeasue I always used to get Thrush with antibiotics. The GP told me to remember to ask for some other medication you could take with the antibiotics that would stop that happening. It would be worth asking your GP. You shouldn’t be in such pain all the time. Are you keeping a diary of these occurrences so that when you see the consultant you can show him/her. Record all the nights when you are having pain and the type of pain. Wish we could be more help.
Good to hear you have been a little better today. Hoping you have a good night tonight.
Oh Annie not that poor woman again. It’s not fair on you and the other residents that she should not get the help she needs to keep her from troubling you all. Glad it wasn’t her waving in your windows though. Hopefully this time maybe she will get help. You are kind not to join the others in trying to get her removed. Who is moving the bed for you?
I am thinking of you tonight and will be tomorrow. I know how that sad day always affects you so badly, reaching out with a big hug. God bless x
Ellie Anne you’re very upset and I understand why but please try not to read into it something that perhaps wasn’t meant. Maybe the invitation to join them for a meal was a spur of the moment thing. Perhaps your son thought his father wouldn’t be eating properly without you there or that he was lonely while you were with your daughter and that’s why he invited him. Sometimes others don’t understand the hurt they can cause. I’m sure your son didn’t mean to leave you out deliberately but sometimes they just don’t think about it. .
Why not phone him and say you were sorry to have missed your GD riding and can you come next time she goes.
Scaredycat it’s so good of you to visit your friend with Alzheimer’s. I know how hard that can be and it’s awful to realise perhaps they don’t know who you are. It’s such an awful illness. Been busy indoors today. Popped over to have a chat with my friend but otherwise lots of ironing and I had a good clear out of my wardrobe. I was exhausted after I’d finished.

Anniebach How awful for you to be woken up by all that going on. I hope the lady gets proper help. Thinking of you and hope you get your bed situation sorted out ok soon.

ScaredyCat Alzheimer's (the most common type of dementia) is terrible. The person with it changes beyond all recognition. It's particularly upsetting for the spouse and families.

Wyllow3 Duvet days are good on cold, wet miserable days.

SweetpeaSue I hope you are in less pain tonight.

Doodle I didn't go to the day centre in the end. I stayed in, chatted to DH's sister on the 'phone for 2 hours, rang my brother, and then cooked a roast chicken dinner. I feel ok, just got a muzzy head.

EllieAnne I can understand why you have felt upset, but perhaps your husband thought as you were seeing your daughter, he'd see your son. They probably didn't mean anything by it.

Great news this evening - Son1 has put in an application (it's apparently the done thing) for a lovely house, not far from the schools his girls attend. He'll be between us and his work. The area is very nice, and the house has been decorated recently, with a brand-new kitchen too. Things are looking up now. Hope all on BD has a restful night x

It was my husbands suggestion to go out and of course he paid as they never have any money. And they all know that visits to my daughter much as I love her are always stressful because of the long drive and her mental health. And as we are rarely in the same room and hardly speak I don’t think he would be lonely. He could sit in front of the tv all day every day without me wanting to watch my programmes.

HVDY wonderful news about your son. Hope it all works out for him. Hope you feel better soon.
Ellie Anne it seems the idea for the meal was your husbands then and not your sons at all. Perhaps you could make your own arrangements to see your DGD. What about your DGS have you tried to arrange to see him on your own?

Next time your husband goes to your daughters perhaps you could take your family for a meal while he’s away.

My gs and family are still testing positive for Covid so I don’t know when I will see them.
The worst thing for me is that when I brought up going out without me I was actually shaking and my voice was breaking and I got no reaction at all. He just carried on reading the paper.

EllieAnne Covid doesn't last long now, so it will soon pass. How did you want your husband to react? Think about how good it will be for you to see your son and his family again soon. It won't be long now.

How is everyone today? I had my session of CBT with the counsellor ('phone call). She made me see that I need to turn negative thoughts into positive ones - not always easy to do, but I'll try. Son1 has been offered the house and is going to accept it. He asked for a pay rise (his wage isn't great) as he's now been there 6 months. He's been promised a small rise, so it'll help him. Even this misty, grey day isn't going to make me miserable today.

Good news about the house Hvdy.
I wanted him to notice how upset I was show some concern , understanding. He didn’t even acknowledge that I d spoken.

EllieAnne Has your husband always been like that? He probably won't change now, but you can change how you react to his indifference. He perhaps thought you were overreacting. If you had been to see your daughter, why shouldn't he have spent time with your son and his family? (just thinking of it from your husband's view). Won't you prefer to be with your son and his children without your husband being there?

Ellie love I have to be careful not to over identify with you on the subject of husbands as you know mine was openly abusive...BUT....I spent far too much precious time wanting him to acknowledge/agree with/approval off/ husband.

He won't change, but you can off your own bat make gentle positive moves towards those you love and want to see. Some will work...and some won't, but please try.

HVDY - happy son/house news, terrific.

Annie, how is bed move getting on?

Had a good morning, a shingles jab that had no effect at all, a nattery gym and sauna so OK atm xxBD's

Wyllow3 Your advice to EllieAnne is very good. Glad you had a good gym and sauna time.

I've been lazy today (again). It's been pouring with rain, so all I've done is get a few things from Aldi and then looked at stuff on Amazon. Hope all on BD are ok x

Hello.
We,ve just got back from a funeral of a friend of ours. She had only just remarried a year ago to a friend of myDH. A really nice lady who was obviously very well loved - so many people there. It was so sad. I know everyone doesn’t like funerals but I do struggle with everything about them. Of course it inevitably brings memories back to the surface too. So I feel a bit worn out this evening - I,ll be ok tomorrow. Wishing you all a peaceful night and see you tomorrowx

Annie Thinking of you today and sending a warm hug and prayer. ?
EllieAnne I don't have any answers for your loneliness in your unhappy relationship. I'm not very good in advice but others here have some wise words. Just sending love.
Doodle I hope you have been OK today and your husband too. Thankyou for your kind words. They are helpful. I do keep a diary. Yes, this is same consultant, not changed though don't think there will be much more he'll be able to help with. Texted me to tell me MRI results normal.
I'm very low right now. Burning pain during night. Gynaecologist GP in our surgery examined me today. Given me Lidocaine cream. Not just thrush. Difficult to say, but fibrosis of skin suggests slight injury which is causing burning. I've felt this since recent op. No fault of consultant I should say. He said I may need to see a further Gynaecologist if doesn't heal. Don't know what to think, am bit stunned. Can't see my usual GP as away till 3rd Nov. Given anti-inflammataries too. Some of pain I get is from Bladder Pain Syndrome. Have my appt with Urologist next week. Sorry I'm just so low. A lot going on in my pelvic area. Some l started with, some has been added too with the op 2 yrs ago and now recent one. But we've all got problems here and not only here on BD.
HVDY Wonderful news for your son. You must be so pleased. Been rainy here too today. Hope Mr Cooper still doing well.

Scaredycat Wyllow Joce Nanny Whiff Violetsky, and all others on BD. Wishing you all a peaceful night, and a peaceful mind. Xxxxx
.

Ellie Anne I think you should ignore your husband from now on and make independent arrangements with your children to visit them. Hopefully you can see your DGS soon.
Don’t blame your son for your husbands actions. He probably had no idea you’d discussed going to see your DGd riding with your husband. It’s not very nice of your husband to be so unconcerned about your feelings. I wish you could go somewhere on your own. I’m beginning to realise why you have so much trouble with him. He’s not very considerate is he.
HVDY that’s wonderful news for your son, you must be so pleased. Glad the counselling went well. Yes been raining a lot here today too.
Wyllow glad your jab went well. Gym and sauna sound good. ?
Scaredycat sorry about your friend. What a sad day you’ve had. Hope you sleep well tonight and feel better tomorrow.
Annie how’s the bed? Still thinking of what you are going through today with your memories. x
Sweetpeasue I will do my bike ride in a bit. Should have done it before dinner but I forgot. Hope you are ok

I've just got to tell someone my fantastic news (sorry to brag) but I'll be back later -

Son2 just been here. His GF is pregnant! From the age of 18, he said he never wanted children (his GFs were always a lot older, one 27yrs older!), but since being with this GF, he's so happy and settled, they decided to go for a baby.
Son1 moves into his house 1st November (we'll have our house back) x

Crossed posts Doodle.
Well done you - - bike ride. My intentions were good in that respect. I'll not be able to join you for now till my problem is sorted. ?

Sweetpeasue crossed posts.
When you are in constant pain you are likely to feel low and depressed. Anyone in the same circumstances would be.
Lidocaine is an anaesthetic I think. I do hope that helps with the pain. I hope the urologist is helpful next week but in the meantime I hope the anti inflammatory meds help too.
Hope you get a peaceful night.

Sweeetpeasue double crossed posts ?. Little hug ?

Oh that's wonderful HVDY.
Congratulations to son2 and GF!
?

Scaredycat How sad about your friend. Funerals are really emotive for most people, I think, and remind us of people we've lost.

SweetpeaSue Lidocaine cream is to relieve burning sensations, and is a temporary anaesthetic. I hope it helps. It might be useful for you to keep a food/drink diary to show the Urologist when you go. I was treated, for 15 years for an Overactive bladder, and I then insisted I be referred to a Urologist. The first thing he told me to do was to cut out ALL caffeine. I was sceptical. When people I knew used to say they had decaffeinated tea/coffee, I thought they were being precious or trendy - I honestly couldn't believe the difference it made. It was like a sudden cure (I know I've mentioned it to you before, but what have you got to lose by trying it). I hope you have a better night x

Doodle, Anniebach, Wyllow3, Whiff, all on BD, I hope you all have a good evening too x

Thanks HVDY, yes I remember. I have done this before cutting out all tea and coffee but it didn't make a difference. Perhaps I should try it again. I read a list of acid foods that could be bad for people with Interstitial Cystitis/Bladder Pain Syndrome and tried to do that for a time too. The Urologist didn't mention any of this, I found out for myself. I see him next week so this time taking husband in with me. My last appt with him lasted 5 mins! Just said to keep on with maintenance dose of antibiotics then to stop them for last 2 months. Wonder if that's why my infections came back.
Scaredycat I've just noticed your post. It's been a very sad day for you. I know exactly what you mean about funerals. You will be mentally exhausted. Hope you can sleep.

Sweetpeasue it sounds to me like only a multi-disciplinary approach will help becuase of the multitude of symptoms. Certainly grab any pain relief for now. but see all the specialists you can to try and piece together solutions. Certainly try everything food and drink wise.
As a yoga teacher I know only limited amounts of pelvic health, but it is another avenue to try to get some help - I do have to do a lot of pelvic health exercises, and its certainly helped bladder and thrush wise. (carefully chosen exercise improves the blood flow to the area and encourages healing) Also obvious stuff like letting areas get air etc (this is getting TMI, but I think you now where I'm going)

Have you consulted a really really good herbalist? I Mean properly trained and able to give a consultation. Has to be worth a try.

Great news HVDY!

A very tough day there, Scaredycat sad dashing of new hope etc - be kind to yourself today and do something special tomorrow.

Annie thinking of you.

I'm OK - mixed day, productive in the end......huge amounts written in diary imagined arguments should discharge be mentioned, then picked self up to do some admin stuff and mailed a friend.

Best tonight to all other BD's.

Wyllow3 Thankyou for your all your suggestions and taking time to try and help. I believe one of the theories of the cause of Interstitial Cystitis is that the bladder lining may be defective and some of the urine acidity/toxins can get through to bladder wall and cause the pain. It wakes you up and can be pretty bad. I've had 1 urethral dilation and I Bladder Distention op but there isn't really any cure. You're so right, improved blood flow EVERYWHERE in body helps.
Oh you do the imagined scenarios too! They often run through my head. I hope it won't come to you needing yours about the discharge though.
Night all.