Black DOG 13

Ellie Anne I hope the fresh sea air has picked you up a bit. I’d like to hug you out of the bad place where no one likes you, and needless to say that if you do decide to speak to someone - that’s the first thing to say, because you are far from alone, you have just been more honest and self aware than many can be.

Sweetpeasue you poor love. The worst pain related fear, that it never will get better ,and that you do not feel you can cope anymore if it goes on and not knowing what it is well enough. Dear Sweet, you need to tell them.

You say, “Perhaps different self refer schemes in different areas.”. YES There are self refer NHS CBT/group/individual therapies locally here called

Improving Access to Psychological Therapies

This is a term used in other areas I believe so worth googling to see if its self refer as well as GP refer.

Thank you for your kind words Wyllow3 I may not have been clear but I am now receiving counselling as of last month from someone. I hope you have a better night tonight.

Dear Whiff I felt close to tears reading your story (thank you for sharing what must be difficult to write). You have certainly not had an easy life. My dear brother had Dementia and he the most gentle and courteous of people became violent if anyone tried to touch him. It is an awful illness.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your poor husband, like Annies died a young man without seeing his children grow up and you having to look after all the family yourself. I think you deserve a medal let alone PIP.
Please do not say your reason is trivial as it is far from that. We all have things that cause us tears and hurt and whilst the reasons are different the feelings are the same.
I don’t know anything about PiP so can’t help in that way just sending you my love and prayers for you to get the help you so justly deserve. x
Wyllow you are so right about having to keep pushing for help. My son and DIL have had to fight for years for help for my DGS. There just isn’t enough resources put into MH. So many in need.
DH and I always write a bullet point list before we visit any clinician. It helps to have a note to remind you of things and to make the most of the time you get.
I’m sorry you are afraid of the dark. Do you live on your own ? (don’t answer that if you don’t want to. Not prying just wondering if that’s why you don’t like the dark)
Hope you have a better night tonight. I’m sure your advice is a big help to others. So pleased you’ve finally been contacted today re an assessment next week. Hope you gain some benefit from it.
HVDY I watched all the TV coverage yesterday. Hope you had a good time with your DGDs over the weekend.
Ellie Anne from what Wyllow says it might be worth giving the help lines a try. I expect the weekend was a long one for you. Glad you’ve got the beach close by. I find the sea so huge but calming in a way.
Granny23 it’s good you have found someone to talk to when you’ve been very low. Many of us bottle up our feelings. If you can talk to others that’s a good thing.
Annie sorry you were in your own so much over the weekend and you didn’t have a working TV either. I hope your carer has been in today and you’ve had a good chat.
Sweetpeasue whatever the cause of your pain I have no doubt that what you suffer is genuine. I hope the MRI sheds some light on your symptoms. I think you should go down any path that might help you. I’m sorry if you’ve said already but have you ever been assessed by the pain clinic? Whether or not you peruse legal action against the NHS is up to you but I would persevere in trying to get something done about this ongoing pain. Keep fighting that because you need help. x
Violetsky that’s a good idea about self referring. I’m glad you were able to get some help. How have you been today?
Scaredycat DH and I went for a short walk this evening but ended up doing nearly 3 miles. Years ago we would have coped with this easily but lockdown took away a lot of our ability to walk. We got home totally exhausted but pleased. Like Annie says we must keep walking. Have you been out and about today?

Yes I've lived alone since had police involved and locks changed etc where I live since January. I often like being alone, btw with my stuff, and my music, and free of what was happening, tho its reach is long.

Fear of the Dark is a particular things for me it triggers inner fears. I know what they are/why and its one of those areas that is unlikely to change Its not S.A.D. I have good strategies to cope as its such a known inner feature of my life and PRN meds sometimes

As you can imagine I like twinkly things )

This winter I want to get one of twinkly silver trees as soon as it gets dark early, like indoor blossom. Night light.

I don't imagine I'm alone in this for a minute. Darkest time before the dawn, such a shared human experience.

Wyllow thank you for explaining. I can understand you enjoying your own space after the trauma you’ve been through.
I’m glad you have coping strategies and hope they help you.
In Sweden and Norway where they have many dark hours they have things called happy lights. They seem to sell them here now too. If I can find a link I will post it.
It’s to cheer them in the dark hours. I like twinkly things too. I like the sound of the tree you mention. Hope you have a better night tonight.

www.amazon.co.uk/CHAINUPON-Cotton-Children-Bedroom-powered/dp/B073LXZJ88/ref=sr_1_12?keywords=Cotton+Ball+String+Lights&tag=gransnetforum-21&qid=1663706088&sr=8-12
Apparently they are called cotton ball lights here.

*Wyllow3, You have such a beautiful poetic way of describing light in the darkness. You are so right. I also liked your way of referring to MH condition rather than illness (even though, of course, there are certainly severe MH illnesses) It is more reassuring to people who are described as having MH issues and less isolating and frightening. Do hope you sleep tonight.

Hello, I read this thread quite a lot but don’t post very often. (I do think it’s a wonderful thread, how you all support and really care for each other )I have made a momentous decision today for me and that is to not watch or read any more news because it is just getting me so stressed out with what’s going on in the world today and I can do nothing about it. I have taken the news apps off my phone and off my iPad and I will not be reading the news and politics threads on here anymore. I need to do this for my own mental health. I must say it’s not going to be easy because first thing in the morning when I get up I put on sky News and a soon as I get in from work I put the news on but I am determined..?‍♀️

Then thats an excellent decision Shinamae.

Now, what will you pop on in the morning especially instead? Do you like to have music...or....something from BBC sounds like a light or classic drama if you want the spoken word..

doodle, those are lovely, so soft and happy.... On my list.

Well I did like watching Jeremy Vine but that’s a lot of topical news so won’t be that…?‍♀️…so I might have to do some housework and put some music on!..

So sorry for posting my troubles again. Been up since half 2, initially with the pain but I can't sleep as my mind is full of the injustice and I just feel I'm completely alone. I can't explain my isolation or pain. No one can understand my sense of being assaulted and lied to. The TRUTH is so important.i know Dr's can make mistakes. Fully see that. But to wriggle out of it is inexcusable and has led me to suffer physically and mentally for 2 yrs. Family affected. Relationship affected. I will not trust again. I see no end to this. I can't explain the pain. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore. If there's a God He will know and believe me. Surely He's the Truth. So why will the Truth be kept covered. I don't know if I've any fight left. I'm sorry, I know we are all suffering. But Why? Why? X

Sweetpeasue you don't realise but by posting here you are still fighting. Anniebach and all long termers here can help you. It takes courage to post and tell strangers about your problems and what's going on in your life. You have shown you have more strength than you think. Others here can help you more than me . But don't give up . Life can be awful and unfair and no one should have to suffer as you and others here have . But life is worth living . I try and find a positive out of a negative usually something silly or small. It's not always easy but if you look there is always something. I will give you an example . Because I fall at lot on the way to the bus stop the other day day I lost my balance even though I walk with a stick and fell into a privet hedge. The positive from that was it was very dense so I stayed upright and didn't have to apologise for denting someone's hedge. See it's silly.

If you think you can find a positive like I said it can be small and silly.

I am an atheist so don't believe. But know people who find comfort in their faith. But you don't have to believe in a God you just have to believe in yourself.

You still post here so you haven't given up . Keep posting whatever you feel and you will be understood and helped. There are only two certainties in life we are born we die. The rest is up to us. No one's life is perfect and while people pretended it is there is no such thing as perfect.

By admitting you are struggling means you can get help. The hardest thing I found was to admit I can't do everything alone. You had admitted that so accepted help from people far wiser than me.

Today is a new day try and find something to make you smile even for a minute. ?

You are not alone but going through the darkest of spaces does indeed seem to go on forever and there is no light for those times and it seems there will never be again.

A few years ago I was discharged from my support system by someone who didnt know me and who had written a report that contained serious inaccuracies. I fought at first then went under for a long time. And Sweetpeasue it took me a long time to trust again, but I have.

All I can say is, within us is a strong survival instinct, because events brought me out and I was re-referred and have a lovely worker now.

Everyone with a spiritual side has a different idea of what god can and cant actually do, as a Quaker I can only "hold you in the light" of compassion and love.

As to the "why" of extreme emotional pain, of suffering, its probably the biggest question we can pose of our existence of humans. We can endure, survive, and share.

I didnt have a great night but am planning a day with as much r and r as possible.

I so appreciate your messages. I will get back later. Been awake since 2-30.
Painful swelling in a certain area so must join the queue for Dr's at 8.
Whatever religion around the world, it is based on TRUTH. Whatever is good and honest and fair is based on TRUTH our Law system is based on TRUTH. Whoever we are, be it the lowest of jobs to the high--no man (better say person hadn't I?) is above another and should be treated the same and answerable the same.

Whiff, Anniebach, Doodle, ScaredyCat, Wyllow3, and others on BD, I've been reading all your various posts. You have all endured such suffering, in your own different ways, and some of you still suffer, now. I admire each and every one of you for the way in which you have coped, and are still coping, with your troubles.

I feel very fortunate not to have had some of those devastating upsets in my life. Like everyone else, I've had bereavements, ill health at times, and worries about family, but nothing to compare with things I've read on here recently. I wish you all well and hope you get the kind of peace you deserve. I might not be posting so often, but I'm here and reading. xx

Waiting for call back. I'm really sorry, I know I came over a bit 'preachy' in last post. I'm wavering between anger, apathy and despair.
Whiff Thank you so much. It was so good of you to take trouble to post those words, not least when you've so many troubles of your own. You did make me smile. I hear what you're saying. Double glazing on our window is truly shot and been misted up for ages. Can barely see out the bloomin thing this morning. Really annoying. Sun shining through it makes it look worse, but hang on, it actually scintillates and sparkles. Thank you dear Whiff.
Believing in myself is the very hardest bit. I don't hold my head high and never have. Sort of person that apologises to lamp post bumping into it. Really. There are reasons for that. I know we are all flesh and blood and I can forgive and do so. That is and always has been my nature. Because I know how human we are.
Thank you again Whiff.
Wyllow3 Thank you for taking the trouble to write and tell me your experience. That must have been a very dark time for you. I'm so sorry you had a bad night. I don't know a lot about the Quaker beliefs but I'm glad that you have comfort from this.
I thank you for caring. I do wish you a decent day.

Sorry everyone. I'm extremely weak right now. It's pathetic.

HVDY You've had so much to cope with. As Doodle said we're all different and worry and anxiety affects us all. You are a brave lady.x

Hi all x

Truth , my two granddaughters have contacted me this morning, had a big fall out, they want to speak to me, I know
they will not lie to me I also know they will tell me their truth.

All religions have their own truths , not a shared truth , as a
Christian my faith teaches me love and forgiveness.

Sweetpeasue you need your energy to cope with the present
not the past, we cannot change the past x

HVDY so sorry you have decided not to post as usual, your
posts encourage me to continue not to give in , you fought back after a stroke so definitely a ? x

I am not trying to be a moderator on Black Dog but we are on
the 14th thread, the first was Black Dog, the second was classed
Black Dog 1, but it was really Black Dog 2. 1,000 posts on every
thread. So many needed to share.

From the start it was understood that no one’s needs, troubles etc were better or worse than anyone else’s. Everyone is welcome and will be supported as much as we possibly can.

Since COVID peoples mental health has been affected and caused a heavy need from the NHS .

Shall we bring back our positives for the day ? Be it climbing
Snowdon, walking down the garden path or not hiding under
the stairs if you have seen a spider. Nonnie and her positives,
some here will remember.

Hugs to all,x
How is everyone?

I had some tricky "Ex" stuff to deal with so cancelled a zoom and as my car off road...

and the sun out...

walked down to the big Sainburys in the sun for my meds and cashpoint (this is a big thing for me). I know the staff there now well enough for smiles and greetings so had a coffee. avoided the "TU" rails, and walked back uphill. Sense of achievement

I know your grandaughters will benefit from a truthful listening, Anniebach.

You say,

"From the start it was understood that no one’s needs, troubles etc were better or worse than anyone else’s. Everyone is welcome and will be supported as much as we possibly can.

Since COVID peoples mental health has been affected and caused a heavy need from the NHS "

To both, absolutely the case. Referrals are still on the rise and workers short.

Yes, it's central to any thread like this there is no hierarchy of pain or need.

Thought a long time on the walk what to say about faith and it's along the lines of what Anniebach said. Quakers don't happen to have a creed and finding truths as in trying to practice and find love and compassion to others whatever you do or dont believe is at the heart of good humanism too.

But in very dark times yes this can fade. As if there is a river of love and compassion or a sunrise that flows but sometimes you just cannot access it.

it has taken me a very long time however to give up the idea that Something Will Come Along That Will Make Everything Alright. Work in progress?

Shinamae welcome. I know exactly what you mean about the news and have myself stopped reading any news on a couple of occasions in the past when I couldn’t cope with things myself and the news was just making things worse.
Hope you find a lighthearted serial or radio programme to watch or listen to at those times of the day instead. Something to keep your mind occupied.
Sweetpeasue I’m so sorry you’re in pain again. I hope you won’t take this as being hurtful as it’s the last thing I want but sometimes when I’ve been angry about something that’s happened (usually to my DGS) I find it goes round and round and I keep stewing over it and it makes me feel worse and even more angry. You have been hard done by and not looked after properly. Right now you need to get well. Concentrate your energy in perusing anything that brings an answer to your pain problem and then when you are feeling better, tackle the injustice and wrongdoing. At the moment you are fighting two battles your physical health and your mental trauma. You do have the strength you are braver than you think. You are not pathetic, please don’t think that.
Along with others I have cried the same thing for my DGS. Why him, when will it get better. All we have is hope. Don’t give up we are with you x
Whiff and Wyllow what nice posts. Hope you have a better day Wyllow
HVDY you have been through a lot too. Don’t forget that. As Annie has so often said everyone’s need and troubles are valued the same. We will miss you if you don’t post so much so please stay in touch. Like you others have suffered much more than me but it’s the combined spirit of being there for each other that helps and we need to hear from those feeling better too to give everyone hope.
Annie I’m so sorry about your DGDs. They were getting on so well. Perhaps it’s living together that’s caused the problem. Either way I hope it’s resolved soon.
Wyllow glad you got out and had some pleasant contact with others, a smile can lift the spirits can’t it.

(I think our local supermarket doubles a bit as a sanctuary for some customers AND workers and truly it makes me see how much we all need each other as everyday smiles chats and respect shared by those in need).

For Sweetpeasue

Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

HVDY

It's not a competition lovely, people arent given scores...

That is because everyone has their 10 and their 10 is the worst thing they had to deal with.

Your 10 is your 10.

Your 10 feels as bad as someone else's 10.

Even without a backstory, lots of people suffer depression due to illness or hormones or a simple chemical imbalance.

They are also a 10.

Some people, like me, sometimes they are a 0 and sometimes they are a 10...

Everyone deserves a place to be honest about how they feel and get the support they need.

This is your place, so we can put the kettle on and you can bring the cake

Please bring the Hobnobs HVDY

Lovely posts.

I do a nice latte.