Black DOG 13

*Doodle all the very very best for your DH and yourself tomorrow.

Scardycat really felt for you re the funeral.

HVDY its so great you take SiL - probably her only outing?

I'm pretty down because over the last weeks my long term bowel problems getting bad again. 3 ops, last one on 2016. (tum tramlines). I'm bloated like I was pregnant: its more than what I initially thought, a run of constipation due to stress.

First we are going to clear the unlikely but very baddie options, thats 2 weeks.

Then its likely that my bowel has narrowed some way or got partially stuck to an adhesion of old, and no simple answer. We I'd a problem point, but a long wait after cleared of the 2 week thing for CT scan.

And my b**** to be Ex has not been and signed what he said he would on Monday and his phone down. Not that I can "make" it happen. Once he signs it I have the security of knowing I can keep my house.

Yes, CFS makes it worse as exercise helps and it generally reduces enjoying being with people and getting out to get back on feet post divorce etc.

Doodle You'll be at the hospital by now. Hope it all goes well for your GD. 4.30 start . You'll both feel shattered later, I should think. Son2 is calmer now that the sale of his house is finalised. He'll make a good dad.

SweetpeaSue Thanks. He moves next Friday. He and his GF are away to Stratford on Avon for this weekend. If it floods here, it won't affect me - our house in on a hill . I hope you're getting on alright.

Wyllow3 Sorry to hear about your stomach/bowel problem. I hope it settles down soon. Is your ex trying to drag things out, or has he forgotten about signing the papers?

I've got my air fryer arriving today. I ordered it 8 weeks ago, and it's only now in stock. I'll see what I can cook over the weekend. Hope all on BD has a decent day x

Wyllow3 Yes, it's the only time my SIL goes out. She never wants to do anything or go anywhere (my brother stays in with her every day). Her son occasionally takes her to his house (twice a month). She doesn't seem to mind, though

My neighbours are like that HVDY just go out appointments, well she does. He has a wander down to the shops everyday first thing and its his little outlet I think.

Wyllow3 Such a shame. My SIL forgets things very quickly (Alzheimer's) so by the time I'd got her home yesterday, she'd forgotten where we'd been/conversations/meal, etc. My brother goes to the shops most days.

Hi all.
Doodle- I hope by now yourDH has had his Op and all is well .
You must feel tired after such a long day. Hope you did manage to sleep ok but it is hard to sleep to order isn’t it. You,ll be pleased to get him home so you can both relax a bit. X
SweetPeaSue- hope you haven’t had any flooding today. It’s a lovely day here today but a definite nip in the air.
No AF today. Yes it scares me sometimes as it is quite unpredictable. Something as simple as bending down can kick it off but also walking can sometimes stop it!! The worst thing is how tired it can make you .
I,m sure that applies to your problems too- hope you are ok today.
Wyllow- Sorry about your bowel problems they can be very debilitating. I think I read somewhere that the bowel,is sometimes referred to,as the second brain and they can affect each other.
Oh I do,hope,that your Ex signs those papers soon and that he is not deliberately delaying things. You will feel much less unsettled when you know your home is secure.
Having to deal with that and CFS must be very wearying. Hope today is better for you.
HVDY- You are such a good friend to yourSiL- she must feel very safe and secure in your company. It’s nice too for your brother to know she is in such good hands. It gives him a bit of free time too I expect.
Hope you enjoy your new air fryer . I met a lady the other day who had got one very recently. She absolutely loves it and was so pleased with how many different things it can cook. Look forward to hearing how you get on.
Annie- if you are reading this I hope you are getting better rest with your new bed. Hope too the arthritis pain is easing - it must be so restricting for you. I miss you as do all the BDG xxx
Love to,all

Hi all, and love. xx Too tired to squeak much.

Doodle I hope everything went well for your husband today and he is not too uncomfortable. I should think you're both very tired now.
HVDY Son has an air-fryer and loves it. I will be eager to know how you find it. Glad you live on a hill - you must feel safe in heavy rain. Its very hilly where we are, and we're half way down one!
Scaredycat No flooding around here today but we've got the cold nip here too. Keep having to remind myself it IS November. Hope the AF has kept away for you today. It must be so annoying too when it starts. Strange it can start so easily without warning like just bending down yet walking can stop it. I get palpitations and have an irregular heartbeat but thankfully nothing serious. Does your medication help to control it or can anything else help? It must be frightening and an extra anxiety you could well do without having.
Annie I hope your new bed is comfortable. Think I got confused and thought in a previous post your bed had already arrived. We all miss you.
Wyllow It's terrible that your bowel problems are re-surfacing again. What a time for it to happen when you've so much else to contend with.
I'm so very sorry. As you know I've had/have some issues here myself and this all comes at a time when I'm currently terrified about my adhesion being the cause. I don't know what your operations were for but I hope it is a help to you that your sister and BIL are Gastroenterologists. I hope by now you may have heard from your ex that he's signed the paper he'd promised today. What an awful situation to be in. I do feel for you. Hope you can get some sleep tonight.

I've not been sleeping and have had more conflicting facts. I've not liked to say how disturbed I've been as you've all got your own troubles. Im praying about it all and strangely Wyllow has verified my present course of action. I hope I can keep stable mentally.

Love to all BD. X

Wyllow3 Im so very sorry you have all this to deal with. I'm not sure what you mean when you've said you hold up people to the light. I've not heard of the expression. Is it a Quaker belief or something else? Whatever it is I would like to hold you up to 'the light' too. x

What a lovely lot you are. Thank you all for your kind wishes about DH.
Needless to say despite being asked to be there early he was last in the list, no complaints though he was just so pleased to get it done.
Sweetpeasue funnily enough I did actually sleep last night so didn’t feel too bad about getting up early but now I am so tired.
DH wasn’t nervous about the op only that they wouldn’t do it if his BP was too high. Fortunately it was ok.
Im sorry you aren’t sleeping well and have found out some more conflicting information. You do sound worried. I don’t know much about adhesions but it sounds unpleasant. I can understand your concern. Hope you have a better night tonight.
HVDY house sales are always troubling times. Good to hear the sale has gone through. Hope he can relax a bit now and that he and his GF have a good weekend. Expect there will be lots of chat about the new home, Hope the move goes well.
I heard a lot on GN about people having air fryers, people seem to like them. I do hope you get on well with yours, please tell us what you make.
Wyllow I read your post on the GM thread too. You seem to be approaching things calmly in your writing but I expect under the surface you are worried. Firstly I hope the two week test comes back fine and then they can tackle finding out what’s wrong. How long before the CT?
Your Ex is being a right pain in not signing. That’s the last thing you need at the moment. Hope he signs soon.
Thinking of you and praying for good results for you and Sweetpeasue x
Scaredycat glad no AF today. We all seem to have some ailments that exhaust us at times. With me it’s the asthma. Not bad round the house but I do notice it when I tackle a small incline like the two bridges we have to cross in our walks.
I wonder if walking calms the heart rhythm by just going at a steady pace. Hope you have a good weekend. We aren’t likely to be out as I think DH has to wait a day or two before doing too much.
Ellie Anne hoping you have things to keep you occupied this weekend and you can get out of the house.
Annie I wonder how you are getting on with that bed. Hope it’s proving to be a success. We are all missing you.

Wyllow I have just read a brief account of Quakers beliefs so I see now how you think of the light. One thing for sure is that we on BD have come to care about each others struggles and whatever our beliefs, kindness, compassion and understanding is a currency that we can all share between us.

CT likely to be useful" 6-8 weeks, could she what blockage/problem is, not necessarily treatment options unless gets worse, its partly a "living with" until becomes clearer thing. but I'm having a nice evening Whatsapping family. Yes uncertainty will be a problem but nothing to be done, if it becomes acute as in 2016 then will act accordingly, GP is ringing me on 2 weeks and remember my sister is a gastroenterologist.

Sweetpeasue I really hear how disturbing it is. its full of conflicting emotions, things out of your control, "people in power" issues, unknowns etc. No surprise its high levels of anxiety and feeling ever shifting sands under your feet. You must speak up here when you need to. Glad you looked up, "the light". I don't see a faith is necessary to bind us together - its just something that found me in my life and then of course I meet others where compassion and gentleness prevails.

HVDY you have been so lovely with your family hoping git will reduce levels of pressure over time.

(IME there is often a delayed stress effect so none of us should be surprised if "but things are going better? How come I still feel. x, y, z exhaustion or symptoms or anxiety"

Scaredycat not surprised the AF hit you after the funeral. Glad it calmed somewhat.

Doodle! so glad to hear DH has had it done! Waiting is the worst. It must be scary at times having asthma however "used" you are to it.

ScaredyCat I hope your AF doesn't start up today. It must be quite alarming when it does. Could your medication for it be increased?

SweetpeaSue Hope you had a better sleep last night. The conflicting facts have obviously worried you. I hope you get some proper answers.

Doodle Glad all went well with your husband. He must be relieved it's over and done with.

Wyllow3 I hope you're ok this morning. You'll know more when you've had the CT. With your sister being a gastroenterologist, could she hurry things along?

Anniebach Hope you're getting on ok. We miss you. EllieAnne Hope you manage to go somewhere and see someone to chat with today.

I'll be testing the air fryer tonight. It's supposedly the best one available. It roasts (whole chicken, joints of meat), grills, air fries, and bakes (it can do bread, cakes, and puddings), so I'll see what I can practice doing.

Hope everyone on BD has a decent day.

Hi all x I am anniddig - irritable, and this putting it mildly !

Physiotherapist, occupational therapist, doctors, district nurses,
social services, carers, next on the list? a dietician! I am grateful for their advice but they seem to think a broken body = a broken mind, to hear ‘I will put another throw over you,you must be cold , I know if I am cold and can put on another throw.

I miss my iPad, cross stitching, i accept the arthritis has now spread to my wrists and possibly my shoulders, it’s what arthritis does. Rant over.

My electric bed ? I wonder if I am the only person who has
motion sickness when the bed raises 🙄

I miss you all so much, hope to be back with you soon, and yes,
keep walking, I stopped 5 years ago when my darling Catherine
died.

My love to you all x

I suppose sometimes people do the only things they can think of to help. It must be irritating. But at least you have lots of carers, and aren't being neglected.
I'm sorry you're having such a miserable time Annie. I do hope it improves.
I wish I lived close, I would come and visit .
Sending love and hugs.
Saying a little prayer too. xx

Annie- YAY!!! So good to see you here again.
Yes I guess all those well meaning phrases must be irritating after a while but I just feel pleased that you seem to be getting some proper help at last. As long as they don’t say”Bless” that drives me up the wall!!!!
Arthritis is such a cruel thing - I do hope that you get some relief for the pain soon. Maybe you could use those little seasick bracelets like I have used on a cruise!!! I,hope though that you have had more restful nights despite the queasiness!!
We miss you too Annie- and as nadateturbe says we would all I,m sure be queuing up to visit you if we lived close by.
Big hug coming your wayxxx
Doodle- so pleased your DH op is over now- hope you managed a good rest last night.
I didn’t know you suffered with asthma- does the cold weather affect your,breathing on a walk?
Yes like you said I figured that steady walking might help with AF and sometimes it does- I,tried today but it didn’t want to cooperate!
Your DH must be so relieved his op is over- what a lot he has had to contend with. He sounds a very calm character,
Have a restful,weekend.
SweetPeaSue- my meds do help a lot but not always- sometimes I,m scared and it’s just a pain in the b…..
I,m sorry you,re having bad nights again - it makes everything much harder to deal with when you,re exhausted doesn’t it.
Wish I could wave a magic wand to make you better.
Wyllow- nice to hear you enjoying family times albeit virtually.
Face Time has made a remarkable difference to those of us who have loved ones a long way away.
Hope you soon have good news re the signing of the papers.
Have as good a weekend as you can.
Love to all in BDGx

Hello lovely people. My, its lovely to "see" you in Annie. it sounds like its gone from a no help to being overwhelmed by all the different people coming and going. I just hope the outcome is a regular level of friendly, genuinely helpful but not overwhelming level of support.

ah, if BD's could relieve you of that greatest sorrow (hugs) and yes we wold all like to drop by for a cuppa (if you are not overwhelmed!) Someone asked after you otherthread, I forget which, but you are clearly in many hearts.

After a bad night I took it easy and went to the gym and did my 30 min walk (which should do every day but still....). then I got down to seriously applying myself to anything yogic which could stretch and massage my colon. (Yes its OK to use the c word in BD's. (my son said I had put him off his dinner last night).

a therapist once said to me, "use your resources!!!!" - well we all know easier said than done. .

the nicest thing was bumping into a woman whom I used to see a lot but we lost contact when I was "out of it" (like many others each time it happens) and we had a quiet chat and she asked me for my mobile number (oooo!) and suggested gentle walks in the park. She has got AF recently so has to take it easy.

So I immediately thought of you Scaredycat and best wishes living with its ups and downs. she said she gets very tired and the drugs don't help.

(btw, Ex says he will definitely sign next week)

SweetpeaSue to sure how I helped glad I did. Take care now with all these conflicting bits of facts, information, and contradictions. Do you do stuff like relaxation tapes? I have some that sometimes work. the other thing I wished for you are some relaxing massages, just sending some virtual £££ for you to get something nice to happen.

HVDY you have been so great with your son, you've gone the extra mile bless. Hope the air fryer is a success - heard so many good things about it.

Doodle hope DH is recovering OK and you both can heave a sigh of relief.

Thinking of BD's not in recently and those "lurking". signing off to disappear under the duvet!

Haven't read everyone's posts yet. But wanted to say glad to see Annie is back and glad to see you still have your sense of humour you made me laugh and I need that .

Different things have happened since Wednesday which have been difficult but Friday my best friend let me know her husband died on Thursday. And knowing what she is going through has made me remember how I felt the days that followed my husband's death. But at least I can help her not make the mistakes I did. I thought I had to be strong and not upset the children so I kept my feelings bottled up until bedtime. When the anger and rage hit me I thought I was wicked feeling this way and fought against them. Which was stupid as I only hurt myself . Once I embraced the rage and anger I felt better.

Grief isn't just a mental and emotional thing it's physical as well. The moment my husband took his last breath I lost half of myself and haven't been whole since and never will be . But that's the price I paid for loving him and he me.

She has asked me to phone on Monday so hopefully I can help. But have told her if she wants me to stay she only has to ask and I will go to her for as long as she needs me. They had been married 36 years and could never have children. She is in poor health as it is and am worried she won't look after herself. Grief like love never dies not in my experience anyway. But you learn to cope .

When my husband died my present and future died to and it's so hard to make a new present and future but you have to. I promised him I would live the best life I can and I do. I know how lucky I am to have been so loved and found my other half of myself. As some people live their whole lives and never have that. We where lucky we found eachother when we where young 16 and 18. Had 29 years and married 22.

I still see him sometimes with that stupid grin on his face but it makes me happy. I am an atheist so don't believe we will be together again but that's fine. He lives on in my children's and grandson's DNA and that comforts me.

I am not sad for me but for what my best friend is going through. And on that note better shut up.

Take care everyone. Knowing you are helps me thank you .

Anniebach Glad you're back. It sounds as though you're getting the help you were missing all that time, but now it's all a bit suffocating? I know what you mean about feeling "travel sick" when the bed moves up and down. It's an odd feeling.

Wyllow3 It's nice that you're in touch with that lady again. Perhaps you'll be able to go for walks with her soon? Well done, going to the gym.

Whiff That's sad about your friend, especially as she hasn't got children and grandchildren. You know exactly how she feels. Grief never goes, it just becomes easier to live with, I suppose.

I tried the air fryer, I did chicken breast fillets and potatoes - both on the "roast" setting. The potatoes were all crispy on the outside but fluffy inside and only took 25 minutes. Much quicker and easier than using the oven. The chicken was lovely and moist. I steamed some vegetables, so it was all healthy. I ought to have taken a photo, as they do on Facebook I hope all on BD has a restful evening. x

I'm glad you can now help your friend, Whiff. she knows someone will "hear her out" and not evade her. I'm not good with grief/loss, what you say is very true.

(FWIW, Many people of faith don't believe in seeing them again, some do, some don't. But what you say about carrying on in children and grandchildren, yes.)

Glad the air fryer worked, out, HVDY.

(btw, answer to "With your sister being a gastroenterologist, could she hurry things along? ". Not now she is retired, but of course she helped already as the GP took everything she'd said to me -which tests, possibly what wrong with tum - on board.

But - there are any things that they are not sure about, could be this, could be that, and tests don't always give AN answer just bits and bobs.

I think we are ill equipped to live with uncertainty with Western medicine, expectations are very high of there being AN answer, tho all of us living with MH stuff sort of know that?

Annie It's so good to hear from you again. Hmm, your bungalow sounds like it's at bursting point. It must seem like your home isn't your own at times but it's good to know you're being helped after so long in need of it. I'm sure, when your needs have been understood then things will settle down a bit. Your bed must be an amazing piece of equipment and once you've mastered it, and you feel you are in control, instead of feeling the bed has got a mind of its own, I think you' ll be friends.I hope so. I hope your pain is being controlled too, you must be sick of it. We are thinking of you and wishing you to recover some use of your hands so you find life a little easier. Sending a hug.
Doodle Hope your husband has had a good day and that his eye is feeling better. Also that youve both had a decent rest. I'd not heard of adhesions either until I'd looked up Endometriosis(which I thought I might have). Bowel adhesions can be pretty serious and cause quite a bit of trouble which Wyllow, I'm, sure can agree. Hope you're OK and you are well Doodle.
HVDY Hope you're having a decent weekend. Also that the air-fryer is proving itself tonight. We saw some today in supermarket but wasn't sure if it was a 'good' one - - there are so many around.
EllieAnne How are you? Im hoping things are going as well as they can for you, under the circumstances. Hope you can see a friend for a chat and some company.
Wyllow You do so well with your gym and are trying to help yourself with your gut problems with the yoga and stretches. I've not got relaxation tapes but try and do the breathing techniques that a nice ambulance man taught me and some bits that counsellor has talked about. Well, you've helped by talking about the wretched adhesions that have come back in previous surgeries as it's confirmed that I'm right to be concerned. I had sent for my medical records after being discharged. Turns out I had2 Fimbrial cysts removed and NOT 1. It's not feasible to me that these things are all played down. I've never had previous abdominal surgeries so don't understand the bowel adhesion and the extreme bowel pain needing A&E this year.
I hope your ex has been in touch and can reassure you about signing. Take care of yourself.
Scaredycat I'm so sorry you've been still getting you AF episodes. It must be so difficult to cope with when it comes on and must add to your anxieties. I think if you had a magic wand you'd be pretty busy with it for us all and then some! Getting much colder now so gloves and scarves coming out for walks. Plus a lot of will power making first move.

Take care of yourselves everyone and thinking of those I've not mentioned by name. Have a peaceful night.

Sweetpeasue you are right. Being kind, caring and compassionate are things that all can share no matter what colour, race or belief. Hope you had a better night last night.
I had the best nights sleep in ages. Trouble is I have been very slow in doing things today as I was so late getting up.
Wyllow by the time you get your two week results it will only be another 6 ish weeks to go. Hope it doesn’t get worse and you find out what’s wrong. Obviously you know what signs to look out for but it must be useful having your sister to talk to. Sorry you had a bad night but sounds as though today in the gym was a good workout and a possible walking companion.
Let’s hope Ex is true to his word and signs those papiers.
HVDY your air fryer sounds as though it made a good impression on its first outing. My mouth is watering.
Does it take a lot of cleaning after? That would be my main worry. Any spare roast potatoes 🤣 they sound delicious.
DH seems to be doing well thank you.
Annie how lovely to hear from you. Oh dear, from one extreme to another. You sound inundated with people when you are used to a quiet life. Motion sick on your electric bed 🤣 oh dear. Hope you get used to it soon. I hope they are all being kind to you and you will get some benefit from all this attention. I know you must miss your iPad so much. We miss you too. Hope you are back with us soon. Much love x
Scaredycat I’ve tried those seasick bracelets. Not sure if they worked or not really. Yes I’ve had asthma since I was 25. It’s not nearly so bad now. In fact quite under control really but when I was in my 20s and 30s it was really bad and quite severe. When I had a really bad attack I was convinced I would die before help came fortunately help arrived in the form of a good old fashioned GP . He arrived in the middle of the night in his pyjamas like a knight in shining armour and saved me.
Cold weather doesn’t cause me as much problems as walking up slopes but I’m not too bad these days.
Not surprised you get scared with the AF. Hope the meds continue to work and offer some relief. Been for a walk today?
Whiff so sorry for your friend. It will be difficult for her without children or grandchildren but it sounds as though she will have a good friend in you. Not just a friend but someone who has been there and knows how it feels. You and your husband must have been so happy together. You must miss him so much. I have been with my DH since I was 16 too. I realise I am very lucky and cherish that. Hope you are doing ok.
I’m up for another early night. For some reason I feel really tired. Hope all the gang sleep well. Take care

Oh Whiff You'll be so sad and concerned for your friend. So many things you have said about anger that I could relate too. Our posts crossed so I've missed some today. Will be back later. Just wanted to say how sorry I am for you and your friend.

Wyllow- so glad you bumped into your friend again- she sounds like somebody who could be a kind gentle companion.
You,ve had an energetic day today so hopefully it will help you sleep better tonight.
Whiff- you write so movingly about the love you shared with your dear husband. So sad for your friend - I know you will help her and listen which is a great quality. After a bereavement so many people are afraid to talk to you and you want so much to talk about those you have lost.
HVDY- sounds like the air fryer lived up to its promise. Do you cook all those things at the same time? It must be much more economical than a conventional oven. Your sons will be great to try different dishes on!!
Doodle- I think those bracelets worked for me but maybe I would have been ok without them- I wasn’t taking any chances! Flippin anxiety!!
How I wish we still had those lovely old GP,s. When I had my son at home mine came out like yours after the birth as I had a haemorrhage. Glad yours kept you safe.
Yes had a walk today - it was quite nippy but I just love to get out in the air as DH was at Golf.
Hope you have another good sleep tonight.
Goodnight allxx

SweetPeaSue- 🪄🪄🪄- think these are magic wands!!! Sleep well.