Black Dog 14

Wyllow3 I love listening to music, too, with headphones on (it drowns out my 24/7 Tinnitus for a while). I hope you've had a relaxing day.

Anniebach Why do those places have the heating on so much? Could you ask if anyone has got a fan you could use? Leave the window open a bit?

ScaredyCat Did you see your GD ok?

SweetpeaSue How's your day been?

It's been a funny day, full of different emotions - happy that we met Son1 and his girls, had a pub lunch then we to his house, the girls showed us their Christmas things. Sad, because Son2 is adamant that he's going to leave his GF! She is in agreement, apparently. Angry that he (and she) chose to create a baby before being settled together. Pleased that the baby is going to be a girl (private 16 week scan). Anxious, as Son2 has asked if he can move in with us until he gets somewhere to live (we haven't long seen So1 go after almost 3 years of being here). Sad again, about the whole situation.

Hope everyone on BD has a relaxing evening x

Evening all. How’s everyone been?
Sweetpeasue you are so right. Those we love we want to be happy and any troubles they have are ours too.
Not a good night. My mind was stuck on thé whatiferies again. Couldn’t sleep for anxiety till late morning. Then I couldn’t wake up. How about you , how have you been doing? How did the legal meeting go?
Wyllow so pleased you slept. Perhaps for once your mind was at rest with the decisions you had made,
If you don’t see anyone during the day in RL then know that others are thinking of you. We are here. You are not alone in this. I hope between the gym and Quakers you manage to keep occupied. Go to a cafe somewhere and sit or the library. Just see life. I hope you’re ok and you have family who care for you. Instead of physical activity, to distract you from anxiety why don’t you try something else like jigsaw puzzles or painting. Something that occupies the mind without you having to go out.
HVDY that’s a nice idea for a gift for your DGDs. They must have enjoyed that. We went out even though it was spitting with rain. Just felt we had to have some fresh air and a walk, had to hold on tight to DH as he’s very wobbly at the moment.
I’ve been watching the Detectorists. It has a very haunting theme tune and I can’t get it out of my mind. Been there all day.
Oh I’m so sorry about your son and GF. You must be so upset. Such a shame things aren’t working out between them with a baby on the way. Hopefully, they can work something out where they both have access to the little one and you get so see her. Thinking of you and sending a hug.
Scaredycat you are so kind. Yes I am worried. It’s ongoing . Just hope and pray for the best but scared for the worst.
Things were ok but I can’t stop myself thinking what if this happens or that. Wish I was an optimist.
Has the whirlwind arrived yet 😊. Hope you have a good time. Relax and enjoy yourself.
nadateturbe thank you so much for your kind thoughts. DH has aged about 10 years in the last 2. He’s still reasonably cheerful though a bit worried about his lack of balance and the fact that he can’t walk far without his legs aching. He has one more test to go, a brain scan, and then we hope to go back the the geriatric unit for summation of their various tests and see what they come up with. Hope you have had a good day.
Please do keep posing of your would like to. There is no need to reply to us all. We understand you being busy or not having the time. We are interested in you so just pop in when you like and tell us how you’re doing.
Oh Annie what a nice gift from your DD but you do need help to set it up. So many things you could watch that are nice.
What about one of your DGC could they pop in and help you.
Could you have a fan in your room. I know nursing homes keep the places quite warm. If you can’t open a window perhaps a fan would help. I’m sure it’s just a matter of adjusting to a new environment but you need help getting things sorted.
Cwtches from me too. Things are ok but it’s the never ending anxiety of what could go wrong that troubles me. Much love Annie xx

I may not be able to post to everyone so forgive me. Son arrived at brother's late so never saw him last night. So looking forward to going to them this morning but had to wait in for call that didn't come
I was anxious enough about that but more and more anxiety building as couldnt go see family. Was in a right state so by 11-30ended up ringing and postponing solicitors call and asking for the call tomorrow morning or after 3.I'm still going to be left waiting for the call. I cant take it on mobile where family are. Im getting more and more anxious it takes over.
So.... It was v emotional seeing them and granddaughter. Granddaughter gave me such a thoughtful personal gift and it was very moving. We all went out for a pub lunch with other sons girlfriend and her little girl and my DGs. Only just got back at 8 but tummy has been really giving gip and is rebelling. We're both so tired now. Son goes home tomorrow and other son goes back on rig same afternoon.
Doodle You sound so worried. I hope you're husband is ok you must be concerned. I know we care so much that our families are ok that its difficult to settle. Do hope you're able to rest tonight.
HVDY I'm so sorry about your son and GF. Just as things appeared to be looking up theyve turned around again. It will be hard to see your son so unhappy. Its very sad for you. I hope things will work out so you can all find a way where you will be able to see your new granddaughter.
Wyllow Im glad you have been able to come to a decision about going to see family. I do know what you mean about no quiet places to retreat if you're staying over as Ive done this and it can be exhausting. Its very early days after your separation and you need to be kind to yourself.
Annie I hope you can get help with that TV. You certainly dont want to be watching rolling news coverage just now. Hoping you can feel more comfortable soon and feel cooler.

Scaredycat*Nadateturbe *EllieAnne and all on BD wishing you all a restful night and peace from worries. x

Doodle Thank you. I hope somehow, something can be worked out with them. I've never worried about Son2 - he's always had a well-paid job, he's always had a nice car, own house, etc., never ill (had 1 day off work in 8 years, despite not having any Covid jabs either). He's always been sensible, until this. We would never say no to him staying with us until he sorts something out. He's going to view a house 1/2 a mile from us, tomorrow. He's hoping to put in an offer on it, then withdraw the offer on the place he's been waiting for (GF said she doesn't want to live there anyway). What a situation .

Your husband certainly has some problems. Poor man. I hope the brain scan all goes well. It must all take its toll on you, too - but that's what marriage is, isn't it - for better, for worse and all that. Our generation didn't throw in the towel when things got tough.

Wyllow3 Doole's suggestion of jigsaws etc sounds good. I do a lot of crosswords, logic puzzles and word games (and the games on Gransnet too)

Hope all on BD has a good sleep x

Couldn't rest after all as personal demons came back to life not living even as I then got over tired by doing stuff till dropped...I just cant concentrate on crafts or puzzles tho I do post on political things as its so much in my background - (thats not a distraction, its a genuine part of me, but was in the past an activist)

Wrote diary, as ever looking forward to bed whatever it brings, looking forward to next counselling in under a week aways have extra meds on hand...I guess the evening are worse having no one special to share with, tho so many on gransnet are similar.

Annie in my mind..a fan sounds like a good idea...I hope you can get the TV help as soon as is possible, if its a smart Tv there is so much on - I watch a lot and on catch up, some things really "speak to one' and others, a good distraction.

I feel so sad about what you are going through Doodle, HVDY, and Sweetpeasue. Keep on keeping on dear friends and those BD's not in today too or who follow but dont post..

Sweetpeasue you had a good time with your sons so enjoy that thought. How sweet of your DGD.
I know that build up of anxiety plays havoc with my stomach so not surprised you are having a bad time now.
I hope the phone call comes through tomorrow. Try and sleep tonight. Not easy I know. I was up and on GN last night. Tonight I’m going to try not to think about my worries and sleep.
HVDY your son sounds quite capable and in a reasonable financial position. Maybe him moving out for a while might make them both realise what they’re missing or maybe it’s for the best if he was unhappy there. Hope things work out for them both.
DH is actually feeling better in terms of his cough and breathing thanks.. His balance is a worry as he can fall or stumble so easily. I hope they can find the cause and perhaps help in some way.
Sleep well all

Wyllow I hope you sleep well tonight and have counselling again soon. Do you read at all. Have you thought of audio books just to relax to as someone else reads. I do that sometimes just to have a different voice in my head. Hope you’re ok.

I'll be OK. Just sometimes can read. I should remember more what's on "sounds" when I try to curl up and sleep Doodle. good reminder.. I like a good classic story like you say.

What do others put on in the night? For me, its always music, depending on mood, ie "meaningful" or "easy listening" (as in Enya or "easy classics").

Not the spoken word. I know some people listen to the World Service in the night, but not sure its those who have depression/anxiety or who are just not good sleepers.

I cant imagine anything less inducive to sleep. I take a lot of meds at bedtime, so not sleeping for long periods is unusual, more what it feels like when I wake.

You really must want to see the Doc with DH. I'm so sorry its like that with someone you love.

Hello Wyllow we are obviously both here tapping away together.
I can listen to music much, for some reason it makes me sad. I can cope with the odd pop tune but anything remotely melancholy and I’m off.
DH has had so many health problems over the years so we’re used to this sort of thing. I don’t like the fact he’s becoming more and more wobbly on his feet. Won’t be long till he has his scan, early Jan.
DH takes lots of meds at bedtime and can fall asleep within minutes whereas I either fall asleep quite quickly or I’m awake for ages ruminating on things.
BBC sounds is good. A wide variety of programmes to listen too. Hope you have a good night.

Can’t not can

Annie I hope you get the tv sorted out soon. It does help to pass the time. Are there people there other than the staff who you can chat to?
I’m trying to be more positive and appreciate what I have. Was feeling a bit suicidal last week but am a bit better now. I know I ll have ups and downs but I am trying.
I’m going to sort out kitchen cupboards today and go shopping for bedding in the sales.
The weather is wet and windy so probably won’t get a walk.
Thinking of you all.

How is everyone this morning? It's bright and sunny here. I was awake a lot in the night, thinking about Son2 and his situation. Nothing I can do anything about, of course. Changed my bed, got the washer on. I've sorted out a lot of bedding sets for the charity shops - 5 single, 4 double. I'm going to clean the house later - I saw on Mumsnet one woman who hoovers her entire house every day, often twice! Hope everyone on BD has a decent day x

Hi all x sunshine in S.Wales .

HVDY you have much to worry about, which parent will the child live with ?

Ellie Anne yes you have those dark days but my love you are stronger than when you first joined us x

I am breaking my own rule re looking back in time. Clearing the bungalow was the cause, we got engaged on New Year’s Eve, oh what hopes and dreams

How is everyone?

Anniebach The child will live with the mum, no question about that. I think she'll make things very difficult for my son, but we'll see. He certainly won't shirk his responsibilities altogether though. Looking back on memories - where does the time go? How long were you married?

I've started doing some jobs, but I keep sitting down and coming on here inbetween (I'm easily distracted)

Ellie Anne hugs cos you felt so bad, sounds like a very bad black hole indeed. I recall you said you might go see the GP after Christmas? do come on here for hugs next time? I know its really hard to, really hard. One feels "what's the point".

Annie warm thought heading your way too. I think this time of year as well as your bungalow trigger brings the past back and significant events x

HVDY, again, no wonder you are turning things over in the night: they will need to work things out in their own way...hope you can keep up a relationship with the future mum and grandchild.

Went to the gym, its sunny and thought, "I'll have a little walk in the park on the way home". But too tired. Off to bed. and doodle, will go looking on sounds.

Music?t here is a level of sadness where it helps, comforts, connects, and some music that triggers memories that are too much....for me love songs of certain kinds are mostly off limits, I still want A Significant Other. whether this is likely I have no idea!

I'm going to try and get up to DS and DiL for my birthday later in January - its midweek and the kids at school and DS and DiL out, so opportunity for resting and save up energy for play after school hopefully.

tho I was so pleased they were OK with me not going up tomorrow for NYE, its too long without seeing them.

Doodle didn't sleep brilliantly but better than you! Just immense sadness and fears of how little I can do atm. Its sad how MrD is struggling and naturally will bring up worries. Look, if it goes on, a little help with sleep now and then from the GP? You can take tablets say one in four nights and you won't get addicted.

Wyllow You're very sensible to rest/sleep when you need to, of you feel tired. I don't sleep during the day, no matter what, as I won't sleep at night if I do (I never sleep right through anyway).

I've cleaned all the upstairs windows -DH had to to the bits I couldn't reach. Cleaned the bathroom, changed the bed, did the washing, tidied the kitchen. Son2 came round earlier - he chatted at length, again, about the difficulties in his relationship. I just listened. I hope everyone has had a decent day x

HVDY- what a terrible shame that your Son2 is having to go,through such a sad and trying time with his GF . I do hope that if it is an irreparable situation that they will come to an agreement that suits them both and also gives the little one some stability in her life. So sad for you too but I know you will be the the best Grandma for her. She will have 2 lovely cousins too. I,m sorry you have so much on your mind to be concerned about.
You are having a busy day today by the looks of it . I would rather stick pins in my eyes than hoover my entire house twice a day like that Mumsnet lady.
Make sure you rest this evening. When do you start your new Job?
Doodle- I do hope that when your DH has had his scan there will be something that can be done for his balance. It must be very unnerving for,you both especially as you enjoy your walks so much.
I wish I could push your worries away and hope last night you were able to sleep peacefully. I always tell myself that I can do nothing about anything in the middle of the night so just sleep- if only it were that easy!!
Yes we had our whirlwind visit and we all went to my daughters For lunch and pressies etc. Our great grandson got his first watch and spent at least an hour telling us the time every minute- like a mini talking clock! They left this morning and we are exhausted but so grateful that they love to visit us.
Thank you for asking X
SweetPeaSue- it must have been so stressful waiting for that phone call- I cannot deal with uncertainty like that at all so can understand how you must have felt especially as you were going out. You sorted it though and took control so that you could see your family. I,m glad you had a good time and that you had such love from your GD.
Hope the phone call has happened today and you now have more peace of mind.
Wyllow- I,m glad you were ok to go to the Gym this morning- it’s a sort of good tired I expect - hope your rest in bed has revived you a bit.
Yes aim for your family visit in Jan - they will be delighted to see you then to,celebrate,your Birthday.your children sound lovely understanding people.
EllieAnne- so good to hear the positivity in your post. What a brave person you are. Hope you enjoy your busy day.
Annie- hope you can manage to get a fan for your room- I think you would be more comfortable then.
Would it be possible for one of your GC to help set up your new TV - there are so many varied things to watch and bring you some cheer- the news isn’t one of them is it!!
Did you enjoy your Christmas lunch -I forgot to ask.
Wishing all BD a pleasant evening and good sleepxx

ScaredyCat Thanks. They will either sort it out or not (I think not). I'm starting the job next Wednesday (4th). It should be ok. How old is your GGS? It's nice that he's enjoying his watch. Learning to tell the time is exciting to children .

EllieAnne Glad you feel a bit brighter today. Did you manage to get any new bedding? I love new stuff like that - I'm having to get rid of some, we've got far too much.

How has everyone's day been? I'm going to do a very quick and easy tea - grilled bacon, poached eggs, tomatoes, Hash Browns and toast. DH loves that. Hope everyone has a relaxing evening x

Nice time there Scardeycat but oh my yes exhausting.

HVDY - `i gus the lining is very valuable as often people can talk through by taking out loud, but a painful listen all the same. Hoping to hear your job goes well.

I hope we get to hear from Sweetpeasue about the phone call.

Doodle had "sounds" on for sleep so now have to catch up on the bit I missed.

I've had an extra dose of meds today and its really helped, cant do that often but oh a nice break.

I've caught up on some admin that was left for ages, scarped lots of bits of paper for one List, and arranged hopefully for a birthday visit to family when they are on school days, DiL is just waiting to meet up with her calendar. If its tough this time even if they are at school will contact the nearby hotel for a little natter about staying and costs. (Quiet room - can I come and go...)

Eaten too much and I feel queasy now. My own fault 🤣
Ellie Anne sorry you felt so bad last week. I wish I could help but there isn’t anything I can do apart from pray for you which I do already. Please know we do care and if you need to chat come in here.
You sound a little more positive. It’s hard when troubles pray in your mind to get going a bit more. Im going to try and do the same. If I think about what worries me all the time I’ll just sink so I need to be a bit more positive and just keep hoping.
What colour bedding are you going for. I’ve just bought some with a lovely pinky lilac under layer. Makes me pleased every time I look at it.
HVDY I thought your were a manic cleaner but hoovering every day or even twice a day is so much. Having said that, my dear mum used to do that. Hope things work out for your son
At least you know he will talk to you which must means he trusts you and your judgement. It’s when they won’t talk you start to worry. .
Annie you lost your DH so many years ago but that pull is obviously still there. I hope you can be happy or at least find some contentment in your new home. Have you met anyone else there yet?
Wyllow good plan to go to visit family for your birthday. I’m sure that’s a good idea.
Don’t know if it’s something you’d be interested in or not out there was a long article in the newspaper today on a podcast called The rest is History. It had extremely good reviews and seemed to cover a range of topics. I thought I might give it a try. Have you heard of it?
Thanks for the advice re sleep. I am going to try and let myself relax tonight and not think of what troubles me. Let you know how I get on, Hope you sleep well too.
Sweetpeasue Scaredycat have you had a good day?

We all seem to be having lot of problems lately and thank goodness we have each others support. I dont know what I'd do without the ongoing kindness of everyone here.
No call so I called them. Person who wanted to talk to me gone on annual leave till Tuesday! Pain tjis morming got worse. Hung on till son left for home. Got back in and had to start antibiotics(v sure its urine infection). Got sample for Drs tomorrow. Taken strong painkillers, so just a quick post. I just want to thank you all for being there for me. I really appreciate it. Hope you all get a resful night. x

Wyllow A hotel/B&B for a visit to the family sounds a good idea. Any Premier Inn/Travel Lodge doing any deals?

Doodle Son2 does trust my judgment, he told me so. Nice to know, and good that he can talk to me (never DH, who keeps out of it all). I hope you manage to sleep better tonight. I take my Mirtazapine at about 10.30, it helps me to sleep for a few hours, then, if I'm awake for ages, I take an antihistamine. Perhaps a glass of wine or something might help.

SweetpeaSue We're all worried about things, aren't we? This BD is a help to us all. I'm glad of being able to say things on here.

Anniebach Have you met any of the other residents? Are you taken to a dining room for your meals, or do you have them in your room?

Love to all x

I didn’t get my bedding. The shop I went to didn’t have much choice and didn’t feel like going elsewhere. I want a fleece set in charcoal. But it’s not important.
Dr phoned today with the results of my bone scan. Bone density has improved by 15 %. The dilemma is whether to stay on the medication or not. They don’t like you to be on it for more than 10 years. I’ve been on it 8 and half. But if I come off it bone density might decrease. It’s up to me to decide. I wish drs would advise us. How do I know what is best?
I’m sorry so many of you are unwell or worrying about family. I shall be glad when the holidays are over and I have a routine again.

Ellie Anne my bone density was very bad for my age when younger. At 40 mine was worse than someone aged 80.
When I went again 10 years later it had improved vastly. They asked me what I’d done. I couldn’t think of anything. Then they asked if I’d changed my eating habits and I said yes my DH has heart problems and we have been eating low fat low sugar and no salt food. That’s what’s made the difference they said. So you could try and see what happens without the meds.
I know what you mean about routine. Hope you sleep well.
Sweetpeasue sorry the pains back. It could well be another UTI. What a shame. Yes we support each other as we all know in some way what it’s like.
I am fighting a battle with myself tonight not to think to deeply but to try and rest my mind.
HVDY at least if your son talks to you then you know what’s going on which is a good thing.

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