Anxiety attacks

Just let him stay at home and everybody else go to the family gathering and enjoy themselves.

I have a close relative who has suffered in the same way for many years. She has a restricted life but one that she is comfortable with.

If you are talking him starting meds and counselling 4/5 months ago Carenza123 its very early days for a very serious anxiety condition.

People can't change that quickly. It doesn't sound like he had much counselling - real change takes long term counselling (and a total willingness to engage)

I think Lathyrus has a good practical solution for now. Managing situations, him not going into ones that produce extreme anxiety.

So sad, but lathyrus is right.

He must be allowed to do as little or as much as he feels capable of.

Having had many a panic attack as a young teenager at school in front of everyone (and been laughed at) it has affected my whole life , and my ability to socialise with regard to how many will be there, who they are and how ‘loud’ they are.

I have coping tactics learned over a life time, but I still have to be allowed to decide for myself what I can and cannot attend.

Carenza
Are you able to help him when he has an attack. I was shown this simple technique many years ago.
Of course this isn’t going to take 2 minutes, but keep going.
Take the person out of the situation.
Hold their hands.
Get them to look you in the eye and hold that contact.
Then do deep breathing with them.
You must keep them holding eye contact.
I wish you well.

I find men can be reluctant to talk to people about their mental health as there is still that belief that it’s not the macho thing to do or they feel embarrassed about sharing about how they feel, especially with the “older” generation. Thankfully things are changing and younger men are now acknowledging their mental health and it is spoken about more in schools, media etc.,

Here are a few links that have proven useful to people I have worked with that your husband might like to look at and be of benefit to him too?

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Anxiety

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/about-anxiety/

www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/anxiety

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/mindfulness/

Lathyrus is right. Horrible for your husband, for everyone else to witness his distress., do hope he starts to improve.

Does he want to go to the family gathering ? Or would he rather stay quietly on his own
I don’t think you should just ban him in case he ‘embarrasses’ you all , poor chap
If he doesn’t really want to go then it’s by far best he stays quietly on his own at home if he wants to go then as it’s a family gathering is it in a house or in the public If it’s in a house give him a safe space to go to if he feels he’s getting stressed if it’s in a public place not so easy
There is a lot of help for Anxiety but there isn’t an overnight cure and tablets aren’t quick either it’s a learned process how to deal with it
A lot of towns are now getting men together in walking or talking groups and proving very helpful
Hiding him away as if he’s an outcast isn’t going to help at all he’s got to learn coping strategies and those you can help with

My husband suffered like this many years ago when he was under a lot of pressure. It just came on out of the blue, it was very frightening for us , we had small children at the time.
Our doctor prescribed tablets, which helped, and my husband found it helped to go out for walks by himself, somewhere quiet. I think it took about 2 years for him to feel better, and the anxiety never returned. Our daughter also developed the same problem in her early teens, and became agoraphobic, luckily she came out of the worst of it but will probably have to take medication for the rest of her life, she's now 37. There is no shame in doing what ever helps, this problem is so widespread.

I'm sure you know about breathing into a paper bag to help with the attack. it might make himfeela bit more secure if he carries one with him..

I agree with BlueBelle. I have suffered all my life with anxiety. I could never explain how horrible it is. It has got worse as I've got older. I can now physically shake in social situations which can make holding a cup, glass, plate etc very difficult. I was told by a close family member that I was 'being ridiculous' although on the whole people are understanding.
Family members may be embarrassed but let me assure you the are not half as embarrassed as the sufferer. I think leaving him out of occasions is hurtful. Can you imagine how he feels? I'm sure you can't if you've never experienced it. I wish him well.

Kate. Far more embarrassing and upsetting for the sufferer.

Exactly Smileless .

Is he on any meds that could be aggravating the anxiety when I was on a reducing dose of prednisolone I became depressed and pursued to try anti depressants I developed horrendous anxiety sometimes in early morning which progressed to being tearful. Off both now (18 months ) it’s taking long time for adrenal gland to recover but think I am just about there. To link in with another post walking helped to walk of the anxiety

Thank you for your helpful comments everyone. He has mobility problems which does not help. It is a work in progress.

It’s not always being “left out”.

My relative refers to stay away from events and scenarios that make her anxious. To live a life that contents her.

The problems come when others want to help her lead the life that they like.

I agree it’s important to include those with anxiety without embarrassment by anyone, but it’s also important to let them chose without pressure to conform

Yes. The sufferer must do what's easiest for them. I make myself attend things and sometimes it's a bit of a nightmare. I don't want to give in. I've missed out such a lot because of 'nerves' as we used to call it.

Careenza123. Continuing my story at the time I had mobility issues I had open chest surgery got a dissected aorta which had delayed two new hips. Now both done. I had a small mobility scooter for getting around the grounds at home and managing some gardening I also had a large one ( both second hand )for going to gym for cardio rehab and visiting friends etc apart from giving me my independence just driving around in all weathers relieved some of the anxiety and helped with depression. It also gave my husband and son a break
I’ve been extremely lucky I feel like a new woman now

I suffer from bouts of acute anxiety about certain situations. The only thing that works for me is a low dose of Diazepam (Valium), I take it very infrequently but Doctors don't like it as it can be addictive. I have tried all the suggested techniques like meditation and breathing, with limited success. I was also told by a close relative that it is "ridiculous".

Some people with anxiety want to push themselves in engage in social events, others are happy being at home

As much as it may hurt people who want him there, is he happy at home? If so let him stay there, a person happy with the way they live their life can be safely left to live that way

Maybe find other ways for him to engage with family? Emails or messaging?

‘Self help’ is one of the best ways to manage panic and anxiety - I dont say that lightly. I would recommend Dr Claire Weeks’ books, self help for your nerves, her audio cassettes and a dvd of her being interviewed in the 1980’s on Pebble Mill at One. They may be available from your local library or ebay or google Dr Claire Weeks to get to her website. Also very helpful are Sue Breton’s books why worry and don't panic.
Anxiety and panic attacks are so much worse for the sufferer than anyone who may witness their distress.

It's tough not only for him but also for the people who care for and support him.
Something to consider might be having a quiet space available during gatherings or events where your husband can take a break if he starts feeling overwhelmed.
Openly discussing plans with family and knowing in advance what might trigger anxiety can help to create a more understanding and supportive environment.
Also, it's important to educate the family about anxiety and its impact. I recommend reading this article on free ways of helping people with anxiety. The one I recommend is going for a walk. Physical activity can lower the anxiety level.
Remember to take care of yourself as well. Supporting a loved one with anxiety can be draining, and your well-being is just as important.

pascal30

I'm sure you know about breathing into a paper bag to help with the attack. it might make himfeela bit more secure if he carries one with him..

This is what I would do.
But it sounds more serious. Poor man, I hope the treatment helps eventually.

I went through this with my mother for years .
Recently , one of the church ladies described her as a recluse .
As this lady is demonstrating the first signs of dementia I let it go , but I was upset and angry .
My mother , despite having an excellent education and career suffered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks .
By the time , her menopause kicked in she couldn't even travel to work on the train anymore .
Her GP prescribed huge and increasing doses of valium and largactil .
Later , she relied on medicinal toddies of hot brandy .
Prozac replaced her previous medications .
She refused to go out unless I went with her .
She had severe agoraphobia .
Every social activity was agony for her .
Before her health failed she had become a prisoner in her house .
I really tried to get her to go out - just to the local shops and cafes .
I tried to get her to go on small holidays with me without success .
We needed to move into a more suitable house and that caused more upset and hysterics .

I used to go to a
lot of trouble to get people to come to the house .
On one occasion ,she refused to come downstairs to her birthday party .
My daughter's nasty mother in law was embarrassed by my mother's behaviour and cut us out of every family celebration .

So I have every sympathy with you .
It is so difficult .
Take care of yourself, because trying to care for someone with mental health issues is exhausting .

These anxiety attacks are really hellish I’ve had many in my youth and I had lots of support no one was at all embarrassed family and friends just loved and supported me through them they even brought me a brown paper bag to breath into and the anxiety soon receded. They have to run their course so just bear with whoever has these attacks nothing to be embarrassed about get a grip all who feel embarrassed