Black Dog 18

Whiff that was so sad with your dear husband, and so brave of you. You were indeed lucky to find that love, but it doesn't stop the awful pain of missing him.
I'm glad you have someone to help you at your tribunal. I don't know why this useless government makes it so difficult for claimants.
Good luck with the mammo. I usually take a painkiller before I go. But you are right about worry. No point in doing it until there us a reason. Although that is often easier said than done.
I see no problem with having more amitriptyline. I know people who take more than you. Hope your GP gives you them. Your illness sounds terrible, I had never heard of it before. I also think it's ridiculous that you've to wait so long to speak to him.
Shame you've to miss your group. Meeting up with others is so important.

ThankyouWhiff Your pain flare sounds awful, I dont know how you have coped so long. I hope everything goes ok today with your mammogram and on Monday with the tribunal. You should never have had to fight for this PIP, truly hope justice will come out of it.
You speak kindly of us all and you have so much to cope with yourself.
EllieAnne So sorry about your weekend and your ongoing situation at home. Hoping these weekdays help when you aren't stuck in the house so much in that atmosphere.
Wyllow Take heart, we are all thinking of you.x

EllieAnne sorry the emails didn’t work for you, I don’t think they would for me, can you phone instead or was it for privacy?

Whiff so many tough times in your life, raising the dose sounds a good idea. I hope the meet up helps you confidence tho it is hard to miss a regular friends group.

I need your “Take hearts” and thank you all. The taxi comes at 2pm and just freaking out inside its not just the test its the everything too much just atm factor. I went out for a short swim this morning I had to pass the time with something. Can’t eat all say before.
Be glad to be back home later!

EllieAnne missed your post. I'm really sorry you're feeling so low. And no, an email from Samaritans isn't helpful when you needed to talk, although they do have their uses. Can you maybe email that you would like a phone call?
I wish you could do something to make your life better.xx

EllieAnne Thank you. I'm sorry you've been feeling so low. Samaritans must have changed (like so many other organisations). An email isn't any use, is it? How about MIND? I've never tried these things - I tried counselling, twice, and the counsellors I got each time weren't very helpful - the first kept taking time off (so no continuity of care), and the 2nd one kept missing me up with someone else - she asked how my job in the bakery was going ? this was last year) and then if I felt better (I hadn't been ill).

Whiff I hope you manage to get the Amitriptyline increased. Mammograms are important but uncomfortable for a short time. I'm a G cup so have enormous breasts (not bragging, but complaining). It's like having them in a mangle! It's utterly disgusting that you're having to fight for PIP (I get the standard rate). The list of illnesses/disabilities to be eligible is huge, and the condition at the top of that list is depression/anxiety. I'd think that a lot of people pretend to be depressed or anxious because it's not easy for someone to dispute. I know of a young woman of 23 who gets the enhanced rate (highest amount) of PIP because she claims to be depressed. She's never been to work, but enjoys nights out with friends, holidays abroad with her boyfriend, and has no physical ailments at all. It's really so unfair. Nest of luck to you.

Hoping all is going well with Wyllow, and thinking of all other BDs today, as well. x

Sadly, no system is foolproof HVD. There will always be those who abuse it. But the PIP system is very unfair.
How are you Wyllow3?.

I don’t like speaking on the phone. Never have.I don’t like my voice and don’t think I come over well. But I don’t think I will carry on with the emails. It’s not helping.
I had some sessions a while ago with a mental health worker. He definitely wasn’t a counsellor because he told me lots about himself and his divorce. I know counsellors don’t talk about themselves.
I messaged son 2 to see if they would like to come for a meal at the weekend but het says they are busy. He didn’t say what they are doing so now I’m thinking they just don’t want to come and I don’t blame them.
I walked nearly 5 miles this morning. It was a lovely day . Stayed in the garden all afternoon.
Willow I hope you are safely home.
Hvdy I sympathise over the big boobs!
I was the same an f and I’m quite short so hated it. A few years ago I went for a private consultation and decided to have a reduction. I had to tell dh because although I was using my own money left by my dad, I think he might have noticed if I disappeared for an operation. Well he sneered at me and I was so upset but I did it anyway. The surgeon couldn’t make me as small as I wanted but it’s much better and I’ve never regretted it.

Whiff hope all went well today. Sorry you missed your craft group. I know how much you enjoy their company.
I had total hysterectomy too. Same reason. Get rid of potential problems.
So pleased someone from the Brain Charity is going with you to your meeting. Good you’ll have someone there to help.
No one has more serious problems than you. Different, but not more serious.
You are right. Those of us who have that sort of love are very lucky. Sorry you had to lose your DH so early on . Must be so hard for you.
Nadateturbe how have you been today? I don’t like mammograms eitherat but necessary I think.
Now Ellie Anne why do you always think the worst. I asked my son for a meal this week but he said they are busy too. They have a lot on but I expect we might meet up next week.
Why don’t you text him and ask if they are free sometime soon. I never suggest a specific date to my sons because I know they have very busy lives. I usually ask them to pick a date.
You had a good long walk today. Nice to relax in the garden after. Not nice of your DH to sneer at you. Glad you did what you wanted for yourself. I can understand the emails not being so helpful. It must be difficult if you don’t feel comfortable talking on the phone. I’m sure they must be familiar with people who find it difficult. Why don’t you give phoning a try next time.
HVDY your counsellor didn’t sound much good. Continuity is very important. How have you been today? Is you brother visiting your SIL?
Sweetpeasue did you take your first AD last night? How did you get on? Will take some time for them to start working but I hope you can persevere.
Wyllow I’ve popped in a few times during the day to see if you had been in. Hoping it all went ok and you are safely home now. No doubt very tired.
Back later

Absolutely tried out as been holding self together all day, I didn't get more till 5,45pm Just making myself stay up till 10pm so's don't wake too early..

It went OK in the end I didnt post as caught up in 2 long waits and state of mind such better not to think. I did come onto gransdnet but nt the right time to look inward.

The second wait was in a room alone most of the time for 1 hour 15 mins and crying in the end band all the people in the team were lovely in the end the procedure was difficult but OK and I am clear of anything really nasty - gastro sis says from what so far its going to be a "living with" tough IBS thingy we'll see.

You have to feel right with the MH worker or counsellor. No, I wouldn't expect a MH worker to share about themselves in early days Ellie Anne but definitely not to think all are like that? And HVDY totally "no no" if they mix you up. but so many good folks out here including some on helplines - one day I hope you pluck up courage with your voice to try a phone call Ellie Anne just simply because its hearing that voice back that can help.

Whiff a hug for the pain - understanding re PIP.

will catch up later to tomorrow

and thank you for all the love shown.Yes, it would have been good to have our friendly imaginary and warm hearted BD support fairy there xx

Get home, not "more" in first sentence.

EllieAnne You put yourself down too much. Nobody likes the sound of their own voice, but it's not what other people hear. Proper counsellors don't talk about themselves at all.
I'm only 5ft 1 so very top-heavy. Never been less than a D cup (I was 7 1/2 st then, when I was about 17). It's always been the first thing people (men) have noticed, I think. I wouldn't have a reduction, but knew a woman who did, when she was 60. She was thrilled afterwards. Glad you're happy with your results. Why not ask your son if he wants to get together one day, and let him suggest a day? That might be easier for him.

Doodle I've been ok, thanks. Went to the day centre (didn't go last wk or the wk before). Fish, chips and peas, then a scone with jam and cream . My brother went to see his wife today (his friend took him and then they had dinner at a pub). He said she was ok, but didn't give any details. How have you and your husband been today? How are his legs?

Sorty, I'm not sure what you're saying the diagnosis is Wyllow3. Great that it's nothing nasty.

Sorry. Not sorty!

Wyllow3 I'd somehow missed your post. Glad you haven't got anything nasty. Is it IBS then? Perhaps you'll need to keep a food diary, or cut out certain things?

Wyllow so glad you’re back. Take it easy now. DH had a tough endoscopy too they thought he had something twisted in his stomach but heard recently they now say ok .
So pleased they didn’t find anything untoward and you know the results already.
So pleased the team were nice to you.
Try not to think too much about anything tonight. You must be exhausted and need to just try and sleep. Take care. Glad it’s over.
HVDY you are right. I hate the sound of my voice. When I hear it in videos etc I think it sounds awful.
Glad you had a nice day at the centre. DH is ok but feeling a bit wobbly on his legs. We went for a short walk but it was too hot really so weren’t out too long.
Off to bed soon. Going out for lunch tomorrow which will be nice.

Wyllow It's been an exhausting day for you but thank goodness the procedure is over with all that travelling and waiting around too. I'm glad you had a nice team of caring people there right when you needed them. It must have been v hard to go alone. Youve done so well. Sounds as if things are clear(I think that's what you mean) and that must be such a relief. I do hope your tum problems improve though. Hoping you have a good peaceful rest tonight.
HVDY I'm glad you got out today to the day centre. Nice lunch too. Shame you didnt get much news from your brother about your SIL though. The counsellors you had have not been good have they, certainly they shouldnt be mixing you up with someone else.
EllieAnne I know there's an option to email Samaritans though Ive never used it. It does seem v impersonal. I'm another who absolutely hates my own voice( v northern accent). With Samaritans some, just like any people, seem more atuned to your personality than other, perhaps, though Ive always found them genuinely interested enough to listen to cares. Dont give up if you are in need another time.
Doodle I had a bad night last night. I'm sure it will seem trivial, but the cardi I was knitting is turning out to be thick and stiff and ruglike, not as it looked in photo. Ive been forcing myself to go with it and felt just wasted time. Had frightening crying do and took couple of diazapam. No AD last night. Took 1 couple of hrs ago and so far so good. Hope you and your husband have had a good day.
Nadateturbe Hope youve been ok today.

Had 3 dys of more lasting pain. Woke early and pain didnt ease after tramadol so needed oramorph and back to bed just crying. How can there be lasting pain without a reason. Husband not great today with headache and v low. Saw son this afternoon when pain had eased ofc and GS. Took him to park and it was nice.
Both v low tonight and I can't see way ahead. Husband hardly eating. Its as if theres a horrible spell on us.
If I have continued pain without any answers what can be left for us?
Sorry, but our situation feels bleak.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful night or as near it can be.

Doodle hello, how are you? I'm OK thanks. I had the most awful neck and head pain yesterday after having eye test the day before. All the strain on my arthritic neck. Gone thankfully. Lovely sunny afternoon chatting outside caravan. Home to rest tomorrow before family meetup of aunts and cousins.
Lovely sunny evening drive home.
Hysterectomy sounds like a very good idea!

EllieAnne I hate talking on the telephone. I find it really stressful. But it might be worth trying. Even for a few minutes at first. The more you do it the easier it will become.
I think Doodle is right. I usually ask my children when suits them. They're generally more busy with work and children. I'm sure they would like to see you.
HVDY I'm glad you got to the day centre. Scone with jam and cream..my mouth is watering!

nadateturbe glad you’re having a good time at the caravan. Sounds nice to just sit in the sunshine. Safe journey home.
Sweetpeasue not a good time for you at the moment.
Never give up hope. Things can get better. The ADs should help both you and your Dh when they’ve had a chance to start working. You have you pain clinic in November and a nice GP who seems kind and will listen.
It’s the pain that’s causing all this problem and if you could get somewhere with that things would look up for you and then your DH. Glad you got out with your son and grandson for a bit. Hope the new meds don’t upset you. Thinking of you both and hoping for a more peaceful night.

Doodle Thankyou for responding to me so late when you were getting ready for bed, thats good of you. You're right--not far off now for pain clinic after all this time!
Son didnt come out, we took GS alone. Dh just sat on bench while I reminded GS of all the things he could do now on equipment where, some yrs ago, he couldn't reach. I always try to boost his confidence as Ive always had so little and I want him to believe in himself.
Hope you have a nice lunch out tomorrow.

I seem to missed some posts. Doodle I'm glad your husbands endoscopy was clear. It's such a relief when tests are clear or show nothing 'sinister'. I hope your husbands legs are a bit better tomorrow and you enjoy your lunch.
Sweetpeasue I'm sorry you're both so down. Your continual pain is very hard to cope with. I'm glad it eased enough to take your little gs out. I'm sure he enjoys time with his grandparents. Give the ADS time to work, and hopefully you'll get some help in November. xx

Doodle have a nice meal out today.

Sweetpeasue you did so well with Grandson despite it all. I hope today is a bit less pain free for you, you have it rough.

nadateturbe hope you have a good rest today in preparation for family visits.

HVDY some minor results awaiting ? but yes it looks right now like I'm dealing with IBS and am working out foodie stuff. that day centre sounds a lovely place.

slept well for me and not expecting much of myself today except hoping head will be kind.

Best wishes for BD's for your days, back later.

(nadateturbe and another thank you for the two Taize songs - I bought the whole MP3 album with both on and a number of others too)

I got up at 8 and am going back to bed!

SweetpeaSue Things seem so bad for you at the moment, but don't give up hope, as things can improve. The ADs will help you and your husband. You've got an understanding GP, by the sound of it. If you could get the pain under control, it would help. Hope you slept better last night. It's good that you managed to see your son and grandson.

Wyllow3 IBS can be managed with diet and/or medication, so hopefully you will find out what starts it off, and will be able to avoid certain foods.

I was up at 7, planned to go out somewhere with DH today, but it's now grey and raining. Perhaps later then. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Good morning (or not, miserable rain here. Stormy night, our cover blew off the patio table and chairs, and a plant pot overturned!
I hope you find something to occupy you HVDY.
I am doing a food order, as Covid seems to be on the rise. I will still go into shops but not for so long. Saves energy too.
Swetpeasue how are you? If the cardi isn't working out, maybe just leave it for a while, and try something else?
Wyllow I hope you enjoyed your extra bed time!
Diet with IBS, some things are best avoided, but also it varies for each person, so it's partly trial and error. My diet is very bland but mostly works. eg,I'm not great with insoluble fibre. I can tolerate a little. But it's great that you haven't got anything worse. I'm glad you're enjoying the music, although I only remember sharing one. What album/s did you buy?
Have a good day everyone, whatever you do. Hope some of you get some sunshine.
What are you doing*EllieAnne*?
Enjoy your lunch Doodle.