Black Dog 19

Doodle Thankyou, Ive not seen that one. I need to know when I get to the shoulder shaping so will have another look then. The nice lady that consoled me in the craft shop when I wanted wool for baby cardies (about3mths ago) said I could go to their workshop but Ive been too afraid to go. I'm v shy with strangers and tongue tied.
I'm so sorry about your heart rhythm problems. It often seems like when one problem settles another turns up. I hope you can get reassurance or some answers that will be helpful. Sleep well.
Wyllow I hope you're taking care of yourself the best way you know how. You are a fighter for other's causes. You are worth fighting for too. Hope you can rest peacefully tonight.

Night night BD's, thank you for good wishes and sending them back!

Night everyone . Not got anything planned for the weekend except church but I will find somewhere to go.
Have had a really bad week mentally.I’ve been out so much and driving a lot to both sons to help with children. So physically and mentally tired and really upset over families attitude and lack of caring. Been out tonight till 11 and now drinking whisky. And watching emmerdale. I sound so feeble!

Goodnight everyone. Hope it's a peaceful one.x

EllieAnne You are certainly not feeble. Just afraid and very upset about your situation. It is understandable that you are really upset if you are being taken for granted for your caring. I hope you can get through the weekend without too much frustration. I understand you might have poor weather but hoping you will be able to get out. You are a good mum. Sending a hug though I wish I could help more. X

Like Sweetpeasue said you are not feeble EllieAnne. The people who can and do hurt us the most are our own family. We wouldn't take the crap they dish out from non family members. Family who deliberately hurt us are cruel and if it's anything like me you didn't see it coming it hurts all the more. Plus if you can't understand why they did it and they won't face you and explain their actions makes it worse. But you have to reach a point where you decide you won't let them hurt you anymore and that is very hard and upsetting.

But EllieAnne never question if you did anything wrong because family members choose to hurt us . You are not to blame they are. They think they are perfect but they are far from it and one day they will have their come uppance .

I let my son hurt me for 3 years but I am done. I still love him and my 3 grandson's very much . But the son I love is my kind ,loving and caring son I knew not who he has been these last 3 years no idea who he is. His dad wouldn't be ashamed of him . He wasn't brought up to be cruel and cowardly. Unfortunately he has shown himself to be.

EllieAnne you are a kind and loving mom and deserve better from your son's. And if you have had the heavy rain we have it isn't safe for you to be driving late a night by yourself.

Take care and I know it's hard but you need to put yourself first your mental and physical health needs you to. 🌹

HVDY I take it your neurologist is doing all physical and electrical tests like MRIs and the like. If he can't diagnosis you please ask for your whole genome to be genetically tested . I know from my own experience no electronic tests could show what I was born with as it's in my DNA .

If it wasn't for the care from the dermatologist when I had jaundice I would have scars on my face ,left arm and right breast . Still follow her advance to this day to keep my skin healthy. And use Dermol 500 lotion daily. I was lucky I have no lasting liver damage . But still have to have regular blood tests to make sure all my organs are working as they should.

Scaredycat my brother has asked many times for ablation but they said no .He has had a mini stroke which he didn't know he had. Years ago when he worked as HGV driver had a load of scrap metal and piece feel on his head and cause a bled on his brain we nearly lost him they put a stent in his brain. The main reason why they wouldn't do the ablation is it doesn't always work or lasts long and can cause further heart damage.

I have a friend who has a niece is only 13 had it done twice but it didn't work. So won't do it again .

But like we all know medical advancements have come a long way. And new treatments are available that wouldn't have been possible 10 years ago.

Not having control of our own bodies is frightening but to live the life we want you have to make the world suit you and not the other way round. Even if like me I have to do things in an odd way but it means I can do what I want .

I have said before my extended family never treated me as being weird and my husband's attitude when I got worse in 1988 he just said we change our life to suit you and be a normal family. Our children never suffered having a disabled mom . In fact they grew up understanding people have health problems so did their friends.

The good thing about today most people don't shy away from people with mental , physical or both . Subjects which where taboo are coming out into the open. When my son decided on estrangement 3 years it was a taboo subject and parents where always blamed as of course it was their fault. But thanks to GN and some very brave woman it's out in the open. And because of them I talk openly to people about my son. And you would not believe the amount of people who have been hiding what family members have done to them

Yes there are and always be intolerant people who shout abuse. But over my decades of experience that had lessoned . And since moving to the north west had none.

Plus if I hadn't moved here still wouldn't have my diagnosis for my HPX or my PAF and hole in my heart.

Funny how life turns out.

Sorry didn't speak to everyone. But I only talk about things I experience. But I do think as said before all on here don't realise how strong you are and the care and understanding you give eachother is worth its weigh in gold.

Have the best day you can. And Fishwife please post again.

Wyllow hope you are keeping going and let everyone know you are still here.

ScaredyCat You said you had beautiful weather - you're obviously not being affected by all this rain then. The Neurologist tested my reflexes (arms, hands, feet and legs) I don't much like him, as his manner left a lot to be desired before (he'd told me I HAD to take steroids. I won't be told what to do) but he was ok this time. Perhaps because he had another doctor with him. Glad all was ok with your DH's ultrasound. Hope your cardiology appointment goes well.

SweetpeaSue What colour wool are you using for your knotting? The rain was very bad yesterday, wasn't it. I'm glad we live on a hill.

nadateturbe The burning sensation I've go in my legs is bearable at the moment (it was very much worse in the summer), so I want to only take tablets if it becomes much worse. How are you today?

Doodle Nortriptyline is an AD, the same as Amitriptyline, but is often prescribed for things like Neuralgia, Neuropathy, etc., for pain relief. The rash is there all the time, it never goes, but is better than it was in the summer. It isn't raised. I hope you manage to get to see the doctor next week. Your heart rate needs investigating.

EllieAnne You certainly aren't feeble. You're a good and caring mum. Your family may not realise you feel taken for granted. They just assume you'll always help them, because it's what we do. I hope you're able to see some other people to chat with this weekend.

Whiff Thanks. The Rheumatologist and Neurologist between them diagnosed ANCA Vascuilitis, which is an autoimmue problem, and it affects my feet, lower legs, hands and arms, but can also affect the lungs and kidneys, hence regular blood and urine tests every couple of months. I wasn't given any information at all in April, so I joined 2 Facebook Vasculitis groups and found things out. Looking at some of the photos on there, I'm nowhere near as affected as I might be - for now, anyway. You cope marvellously well with all the health problems you've got.

Wyllow Hope you're eating ok and taking care of yourself.

I was very feverish all night - shivering, despite wearing lots of clothes in bed, then feeling too hot, etc. I had a shower, changed my bed, put clean pyjamas on, and am lounging about. DH has gone to help Son1 move his stuff into his GF's house (getting rid of some things he won't need), so I've got the house to myself. Hope ADD BDers have a decent day x

HVDY glad you have a diagnosis. And on the Facebook group. I joined the Hyperekplexia Society Facebook group. They helped me so much and hopefully in turn helped at least one person. It's good to talk to others with the same condition . I now understand why my body has done and what does now. Also it's lovely to know I am normal for HPX. But like lot of things even those with the same gene mutation to me have things happening to them which
I don't have and vice versa.

HVDY I see now. Yes, I too only take painkillers when I can't function without them. I prefer to cope with the pain. And sometimes to help pain, you are told to take the pill regularly whether you have pain or not, or it won't work. I did it with amitriptyline when I had the head injury. So you would want to avoid that if possible.
I'm sorry to hear the neurologist isn't that nice. I got the wrong impression. I don't understand people in a caring profession not having a caring manner, being impatient etc. A neurologist earlier this year was like that with me on the phone. I hung up and he rang and apologised. But really people who are ill need to be made to feel comfortable and respected, and listened to. I know they're under pressure but it's not excusable.
I hope you're taking it easy, it sounds like you have a nasty virus, and I hope your temperature is staying down. Look after yourself.xxx

Afternoon everyone. It hasn't rained today. Every where is very quiet. Not many people on the park. I can't hear any children on the swings etc. No dogs out walking. Strange silence like the calm after the storm.
EllieAnne what a lovely name. Your family situation sounds very much like mine. I have no idea what I've done or said to make my daughter in law take against me. I've recently started seeing my 2 youngest granddaughters I'm in touch with my eldest but the 2nd eldest I've had very little contact with her. I've not seen my son or his wife for at least 4 years. All that may change next month at my eldest granddaughters graduation as her mum will be there . It's also 3rd eldest granddaughters 18th birthday that day who knows l might get lucky and get invited out for a meal. Although l won't hold my breath. Please don't sit drinking alone late at night if you want you could pm me . Hope everyone has had the best day they could.I've exhausted myself now. I'm finding the least thing at the moment leaves me shattered.

Hymnbook I too at times wonder what I've said or done to DiL, I'm very fond of her, even so. I don't worry about it any more. Let it go over my head. Families don't always run smoothly.
Is there a reason you're tiring so easily? Perhaps you've explained and I've missed it. I try to pace myself (have M.E.)
It's sunny here. Cheerful.
HVDY you asked how I am. Tired now thanks, but I've had a good spell. Made some mushroom soup yesterday, scones today, froze some, been to the Range to buy art stuff.🙂 can't complain.

HVDY What a horrible night youve had. I hope you're feeling better now and have had a quiet day. I'm really sorry about that Neurologist - you'd think he could apologise for you having to take those steroids for so long and his unavailability when you'd made several attempts to contact him. I'm dismayed at what's happening to medical care now. I know there are good Drs but some consultant's attitude are frankly rude. There are some lovely ones, I realise that but unfortunately, as with my Urologist, there are lofty ones too.
I knit a top in a golden mustard colour and I'm knitting now in navy.
Whiff I can't imagine what its been like for you to be cut off by your son in such a cruel way. I'm sure that heartbreak can kill some people and thats not overdramatic. So glad you've made a new life for yourself and found friends at your craft and exercise class. I think your DH would be proud.
Nadateturbe Hope you've been ok today. Hadn't heard of Still Life so looked it up and see the central figure is an art historian in her 60s. Ive read many different kinds of books but some, chosen by book members are not always my cup of tea. The one reading now is Fried Green Tomatoes at Whistle-stop Cafe. Its interesting and chapters short(an easy read) Ive liked Thomas Hardy, Brontes, some Tracy Chevalier, Maggie'O'Farrell, too many to mention. Just bought The Paper Palace but only lately started reading again as concentration been so bad. Yes, made many Blueberry Muffins before finding 'perfect' recipe. Its Famous Deparment Store Blueberry Muffins (American store famous for them).
Hymnbook I hope you'll start to feel better soon. Sorry that you too have had problems with son and DIL. I hope that something good can come out of your GDs graduation next month and some things can be healed. Kind of you to offer comfort to EllieAnne

Hope everyone has had a decent day.
Usual early morning pain but had quite a good day. We took aunt out then later went out ourselves for a few things, DH canvases and myself some bits n bobs. Found rd floods in places. Son on rig unable to come home yesterday so stuck till Monday. Hoping trains will be running. x

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- that craft shop workshop sounds something you,d enjoy- it’s always hard the first time you join any group. Have you a friend who would go with you?
How are you feeling? Have you been able to get out together or is the weather not so good?
EllieAnne- you are certainly not feeble- just unhappy and hurt by the lack of affection from your family. It’s not good for you to stay out late by yourself though and a drink whilst watching something you enjoy is fine. You shouldn’t have to leave your home as you do- hope you find a friend to have coffee with or something nicexx
Whiff- it is so sad that your boy who you love so much has become like another person. I believe the grandchildren will seek you out when they are older. Kind advice for EllieAnne.
I don’t want an ablation for the reasons your brother was given- I just carry on as best I can and at least I have an appt Monday.
HVDY - yes we,ve had 2 lovely afternoons this week. I overdid it on the first one so have been pretty lazy today.
What a shame the Neurologist had no kindness or compassion- what is the matter with theses people who pick a caring profession then don’t seem to care. Maybe they are just worn out.
Facebook groups like the Vasculitis one can be really informative and hearing fellow sufferers stories helps. I found an AF group but haven’t joined yet - so many different stories.
It sounds like you have a nasty old virus - make sure you rest as much as possible. Hope your Sons move went well.
Hymnbook- I,m sorry you too haven’t seen your Son for a long time. It must hurt very much. Maybe the Graduation day will build some bridges- fingers crossed you might have a meal with your Grandaughters.
Love to all

Evening all. Sweetpeasue most complicated stitch but I watched the video a couple of times and got the hang of it. Never seen a pattern with it in though.
Most people with skills would help someone who asks them for advice. You could try the group you mention.
I think, because DH hasn’t been well with all his heart problems I didn’t realise I had a problem too. I really struggled today on a short walk and only made it by going very slowly. Something is definitely not right but hopefully the doc will help.
Hope your son gets home safely. Weather is really bad in some places. We’ve had a lot of rain today but not the high winds other places have had.
Ellie Anne I don’t know what to say. Your children seem to take you for granted and don’t appreciate what you do for them. Only thing I can say is that you must be making a good bond with your grandchildren by helping look after them.
I’m not suggesting you don’t help your children as we know that’s what most of us are inclined to do but perhaps you could put yourself first a bit more. Hope the weekend passes without incident.
Don’t be critical of yourself please. Drink whisky and watch Emmerdale, why not. Why not do the things that give you some relief or pleasure. If everything else is bringing you down do what brings you some comfort without criticising yourself for it.
I also think Whiff is giving good advice. Coming from knowledge of the same hurt as you she understands better than many of the rest of us.
Whiff that’s a kind and thoughtful post. To give support and help to others when your own situation must cause your heartache is a nice thing to do.
You are obviously still a loving and caring mum despite the hurt your son has caused.
I’m so sorry about your friends young child. That’s awful she needed such an op. What a shame it didn’t work for her.
So pleased you are happy having moved to an area you like and are enjoying life more,
Kind of you to offer the hand of friendship to Fishwife as well. You are a lovely person to have in our little group.
HVDY funny how so many ADs have a second use as pain relief. Good to have something in reserve if you need it. Perhaps the hot weather in the summer made your symptoms worse.
Sorry you sound as though you are quite poorly. Hope you start to feel better soon and your DH is looking after you.
nadateturbe like you I cannot understand why some people go into health care. Fortunately, most of the consultants we have met have been charming and kind but we have come across one or two who had no bedside manner whatsoever or don’t know how to talk to people. When DH was diagnosed with blood cancer the man we saw kept telling us all these frightening details then finishing the sentence with “but you don’t have that” by the time he’d finished we were totally confused and had no idea what DH had or how to deal with it. Fortunately, our next appointment we asked to speak to the senior consultant who told us all we needed to know.
What is your next art project. Have you got anything in mind?
Hymbook I’m sorry for your relationship breakdown with your daughter in law. This thread works best for those who have understanding of others problems and reach out to them. It is clear you empathise with Ellie Anne and it’s nice of you to offer the PM suggestion. This is how support groups work best. I have always said in this thread we don’t have any solutions all we can do is offer to listen, support and where er have experience, pass it on.
Like you I’m getting really tired over nothing at the moment. Sometimes walking into the kitchen and making coffee is enough to wear me out,
Scaredycat like you DH didn’t want ablation either. I’m glad it’s off the table at least for now.
Nice your had some good afternoons. Now the weather is drawing in we need to make the most of the decent weather.
Are you still walking? We can’t do much at all at the moment but now it’s down to me rather than DH. What a change in circumstances. How is your GD doing now? Is she any better.?
Wyllow thinking of you and hoping you will have more strength soon xx
Candy Nanny Fishwife and Allsorts thinking of you too

Thank you all for your kind comments.
I don’t remember why I called myself Ellie Anne. It’s much nicer than my own name. I visited a friend this morning and had a shortish walk this afternoon.
Hymn book I don’t drink a lot at night but late at night is the only time I can relax after dh is in bed. I go to a friend on Friday night and stay out till I think he’s in bed. But I do get tired. I’m very fortunate because compared to many my health is pretty good. So I can spend a lot of time out of the house.
Sweet pea sue is it baby things you are knitting or for yourself ?

Scaredycat I didn't know about the ablation procedure but I'm sure you've made the right decision for you right now. It must be hard to make these decisions but I honesty think at times we go with our own instinct. I hope you get the very best out of your Monday appt.
I'd be terrified of going into a strange group. I dont have any friends I could go with. Yes, we went out today and Ive been ok apart from this morning thanks.
Doodle The previous top I did had the wrap and turn stitch in the shoulder shaping. There was another craft/wool shop about 30 mins drive from us and Ive been thete twice for knitting advice after buying wool there. They are nice too but the 'workshops' last much longer hrs and start early which would be no good anyway as thats when my pain is there. I'm so sorry you have not been feeling well. I think breathlessness can be caused by anaemia but sorry if you've already had that ruled out. I so hope you get some reassurance and get a thorough check up with your GP on Monday. It must be worrying for you. Such kind posts to everyone as always.

EllieAnne A beautiful name! So glad you saw a friend this morning and managed a walk. You have such gorgeous countryside in your country. I remembered the friend you visit on Friday and I'm sure she appreciates your visit so much. You have every right to enjoy a relaxing drink and you deserve that time to yourself to unwind. You are right, I did start knitting some baby things and sent them to the charity in Woman's Weekly(still cant write magazine's name without thinking of Victoria Wood's song! 😂) I actually got a personal email back thanking me-was so surprised, so unexpected.

I'm now knitting for myself. I know my 2 GC would not want knitted stuff. I think children now are quite fashion conscious and knitted jumpers wouldnt be' cool' enough for grandson. Hope tomorrow is ok for you.

Sweetpeasue I was reading the latest posts and just picked up from Scaredycat about you saying you were afraid to go to the craft group. I just wanted to say, I am or was the shyest person ever. My cheek twitched when I talked to new people, still does sometimes. I had to make an effort when my marriage ended. I had to force myself. But honestly the first time you go to something alone is the worst. And people in groups are usually so kind and friendly. I always ask myself what is the worst case scenario, and can I cope with that. The lady in the craft shop sounded very nice. If you would really like to go and feel up to it you should go. Honestly it will be fine.
You sound a bit like me - reading a variety of books. I've read some by all those authors. Paper Palace sounds good. Might buy.
Golden mustard sounds nice, one of my favourite colours.

Doodle that first consultant needs lessons in customer care. Your husband just diagnosed with blood cancer needed details of how if affected him and reassurance. Not bombarded with confusing irrelevant information. I'm glad you were able to see someone else next time. I really hope you see a GP tomorrow. You really need some help.
At the minute I am painting a cottage beside a river, nothing special, but I have been trying to do a little each day and the motivation is returning. And I feel I'm achieving something.

Scaredycat just googled ablation as I knew nothing about it. It does sound like quite a serious thing to have done, I can understand not wanting it. Not an easy decision. I do hope you continue to manage as you are, and that Mondays appointment is reassuring.

Can I just say to everyone I do read everything and care. My brain just tires easily and I can't comment and help as I would like to. Luckily some lovely ladies can be so helpful in their posts.

Doodle- I do hope you get to talk to your GP tomorrow but better still a F2F appointment. I,m so sorry that your walking has been so badly affected - I often have to sit down during a walk.I do try and walk everyday but this morning it really wore me out. We bumped into our eldest Grandaughter as she was dropping off my GGD for Tennis lesson so went and had a coffee- a lovely surprise but I was wacked when we got home.
The Grandaughter who has had Covid feels better now thank you but has to have an inhaler at the moment to help. She is a nurse so has been off work for a while but she’s back now I think.
Wyllow- thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful nightxx
Love to all BDers

Reading and wishing all the very best but things are very grim xx

Wyllow3 I'm very sorry to hear this. Are you talking to anyone about how you are?xx

Hymnbook The situation with your son and his family is sad, but I think sons often side with their wives if there is any disagreement with the mum. I hope, somehow, that you'll reconcile with your son and his girls.

SweetpeaSue The crafts workshop sounds interesting. Going anywhere alone is very difficult the first time, but you can do it . I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety, years ago, but somehow manage to hide it. In a very small group, I'm fine, so long as I can see the door (to get away quickly). Go, if you can, and if you feel uncomfortable, say you've left something in your car, then just go. I did that at a new job once . Kids thee days wouldn't want anything knitted (I can't knit, so that's just as well). My GDs like wearing big, oversized sweatshirts. Not at all feminine. I hope it's a passing fashion.

Whiff I'm pleased you're enjoying life more these days. You deserve some happiness after all you've been through.

Doodle I hope you manage to get seen by a GP tomorrow. DH and I aren't able to walk far or quickly now. We both seem to have aged such a lot in a very short time. My symptoms were worse in the summer. It's inflammation of the blood vessels, so I suppose any heat will make it worse.

ScaredyCat My SIL's sister had an ablation, for AF, last year. She walks miles, drives a lot (she drives from Wiltshire to Nottingham to visit her sister) and is pretty fit. She's 67.
You must do what you think is best, as an operation like that isn't for everyone. That was a nice surprise to see your GD. Glad the other GD is feeling better.

nadateturbe I'm shy, too. I assume other people are saying/thinking derogatory things about me (all to do with my mental state, I suppose). Like you, I read everyone's posts but I find that I don't always know the right thing to say in response. Doodle is very good at finding the right words.

EllieAnne The weather here is beautiful today. Hope it's good where you are and that you can get out. Enjoy your drink at night, why not, if it relaxes you.

Wyllow I hope you're getting the help you need.

Son1's move went well yesterday. DH and Son2 helped. They all went for a meal at the pub afterwards. I stayed in, had the heating on. After another feverish night, I feel a bit more human today. I need to be better, as the 2 eldest GDs are here for the day tomorrow. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x