Black Dog 20

Scaredycat oh how I would love an M&S here. We have a tiny shop that sells a few sandwiches and yoghurts plus chocolate crisps etc. I am very cold but have padded jacket which is quite warm. To be honest it’s probably lack of movement. Sitting by DH day in day out. I do go for walks but it’s so very cold in the corridors I don’t stay out for long.
So sorry for your friends DIL. That is so sad.
Yes Alzheimer’s is awful to witness especially when you have known the person before it set in.
HVDY DH is in a room in his own. Even in the main wards patients are curtained off so not much contact.
How lucky your son and partner are that you are willing to have Chubby Chops. Mind you it’s lovely to spend time with them as they are growing up.

Doodle It's taking so long for them to get that infection down. I do hope your DH's breathlessness seems better today . It must be so distressing for him and yourself to witness. In our main hospital (30mins drive ) we also have an M+S food shop. I hope you managed some soup today to warm you up. I've thought of you both often today and just hope that things will get better very soon and you can be home together.
Scaredycat You have much sadness around you right now with your friend's distress about her DH's illness. It must be frightening to see so many suffering . You will be helping her more than you realise ,just by being there for her. Hope you are looking after yourself too. It must be so hard. Thankyou ,yes I'm still taking the ADs.
HVDY You're a real 'hands on' Grandma. (Sorry if that should be Nana)
As Doodle says, your DIL and son will appreciate you looking after baby while they take a break. You will have your hands full and will be forming such a close bond.
Nadateturbe Hope you're feeling a bit better today. It must be so awful to be awake for hrs. I get awakened if pain comes on though usually after painkillers start working can drift back again. I used to be awake for hrs so I understand how awful it can be. Is there anything you can take if you're desperate for a night's sleep?
EllieAnne Hope you had a good walk today. It was bright here ,though at least a couple of inches of snow and we managed a beach walk .It's been a while since we had a walk so it was good to be able to do that. It was a bit scary though, getting down from the icy paths in the sand dunes onto the beach.

Nadateturbe Meant to say, I hope your son is OK and has stayed in touch. Hope you sleep better tonight.
Wyllow Thinking of you as always. X

Wishing all BDs old and new a peaceful night.

Doodle I hope you managed to get something nourishing to eat. I hope your husband will soon be better and that he can go home so that you can be together again soon. DH and I feel very lucky to be so involved with baby - we didn't have that with the other GDs - DH and I saw the children once a fortnight for 2 hours only, at a time she dictated, and only ever at their house. Things changed when Son1 split from her and had his girls regularly.

SweetpeaSue I'm a "Mammar". Baby smiles and knows us straight away when she sees us. Son had booked this spa thing 2 years ago! The expiry date is this coming Sunday, so it's their last chance to go. How lovely to be able to have a walk along the beach. It sounds so nice. No snow here, thankfully.

I've been doing my painting (and have got another one to start next week).

Wyllow3, Whiff, Candy6, ScaredyCat, EllieAnne, Nadateturbene, and everyone else on BD - hope you all have a restful sleep tonight. x

Good evening, I've read all your posts but can't answer as I would like to at the minute.
Hopefully tomorrow.
Sending love to everyone and hoping for a peaceful night for you all. xx

Evening all, all caught up at last! I have been reading but gradually. I’ve had an “always tired” week this week but feeling more alert tonight. Some evenings, I just can’t wait to get to bed and sleep. I have purposely made my life busy to help with MH but now I’m coping better, I think I could cope with a slower pace of life. Trouble is, my job tops up my small work pension. I’m nearly 63 and won’t get my state pension until I’m 67 which seems a long way away. I could manage without working (I think) but it pays for my little luxuries like my caravan, which we love. But I’m definitely wiped out on the days I work. We’ll see. Lots of you have worse issues I know.
Doodle I hope your DH’s infection is under control soon. It will be such a relief for you to be home. It’s so hard sitting at bedside each day. Eventually, DS’s hospital did have a Costa which was better as the hospital restaurant was awful. I stayed there 24 hours and it was hard but like you, I just didn’t feel that hungry, stress plays it’s part in all that. Try to look after yourself as best you can though, I do realise now that we need to look after ourselves so we can be strong for others, but it’s not easy. I remember living off pot noodles once, not a good option! I really hope things get better for you very soon.
Ellie Anne sorry for your loss. I do think though, like others, you should try not to travel to the funeral. The weather is so bad and the distance for you so long, I think the family would understand entirely. Or, let DH go alone? If he’s up to driving there, fine, if not, then train fare would be cheaper for one person. I hope you enjoyed your walk on the beach. I miss the beach and long for when I can go again.
Nadaterturbe how proud must you be of your lovely son? To think about someone else in their hour of need when suffering yourself is so very kind. I do hope he gets the help he needs soon , he certainly deserves it. I’m certainly an advocate for AD’s and the help they can give and I hope your son finds the right one for him. A psychiatrist once said to me (in the days when you actually did get to see a psychiatrist for depression) that there were a lot of medications available, and if one didn’t work, then another one would. That statement in itself gave me hope.
HVDY enjoy your time with chubby chops. It’s lovely that you finally get a good relationship with your GD, It must make it even more special. Enjoy every minute.
Love to everyone else. Hope you’re pain free, both physically and mentally and if not, then sending extra ❤️. Wishing you all a peaceful night xx

Night night, BD's xx

After 14 days of IV antibiotics there is a hint that things might be improving. Chest X-ray better too thank goodness.
Sweetpeasue I had a lovely moist blueberry muffin for breakfast today. A protein pack of nuts and seeds for lunch and a vegetable samosa for dinner. Just picking what I fancy but not really hungry.
HVDY how nice to receive lovely smiles from your little chubby chops. What are you painting this time ?
nadateturbe rest and get your strength back
Candy. I know what you mean by feeling too tired to do much. Your job provides a good top up. Nice to have your caravan and well worth the work I would think.
Wyllow sleep well
Hope everyone has a good weekend x

Doodle Oh I'm so glad that there's been an improvement in your DH's infection and in the chest x-ray. That's something for you to hang on to and hopefully he will be able to come home soon. So pleased for you. Nuts and seeds good and blueberries too! 😊 Sleep well tonight and take care of yourself for Mr D.
HVDY 'Mammar' sounds quite unique -not heard that one. You will be a v special DGM to your Chubby Chops. It must be so lovely to be greeted with that special smile of recognition. Such special times. Hope baby sleeps well for you in her new sleeping bag.
Nadateturbe I'm so sorry you're not back to strength yet and still seem to be sleeping poorly. Sending a hug and hope you're feeling better soon.
Scaredycat Hope you are OK. We went for another walk today. Its really cold here and no sun, northerly wind quite strong.Didnt feel like it but so glad that we did and feeling v 😇 .
EllieAnne Hope you're OK today and have made the decision about the funeral.
Candy It's so unfair- I think- about the women's retirement age being hoisted up so rapidly. I hope you won't have to keep going until then, you'll be worn out. It must be lovely to get away to your caravan though. Hope you get some good night's sleep.
Wyllow Wishing you peace of mind and sending love.

Take care all and hoping all have a restful night.x

Have read everyone's posts. Thanks for kind thoughts. Glad Mr D is slightly improved. Wonderful news. Thinking of you all.xx

Candy6 I don't get my state pension for another 15 months when I'll be 66. We manage with my PIP (lower rate) and DS's private pension. It's surprising how we manage on so little but it's a case of getting used to cutting down. We'll be better off when he gets his state pension at the end of April. You'd find a way to manage.

Doodle I've almost finished a picture of a bee on a flower. The next one will be some ferns in glass vases. I'm so pleased your husband is now beginning to improve. Fingers crossed that he won't be in hospital for much longer.

SweetpeaSue I think it's a Nottingham thing. My mum was Mammar, and so was MIL. Glad you managed to go for a walk. It's nice to have some fresh air.

Nadateturbe Hope tomorrow will be better for you. Rest up.

Chubby Chops came at 10.30. Parents went off to the Peak District. DH and I played with, sang to and generally entertained her. then after her nap, we went to a country park. The lake was frozen over, so we didn't see the ducks or swans, but we saw lots of squirrels. She's had dinner, a bath, and bottle, and is now asleep in the crib (but for how long??). Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Evening
Doodle so glad your husband is finally responding to treatment. It must give you such a lift. Fingers crossed he’ll be home soon. Take care of yourself.
HVDY I’ll be 67 when I get my pension and yes, I’m sure we’d manage. When I’ve had enough of work, I’ll know and making sacrifices will be worth it. It’s lovely doing those simple things like going for a walk with babies, I used to love it. Hope you have a peaceful night!
Sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a pain free day.
Nadaterturbe sorry you’re energy is so low. I hope you manage to rest and your energy levels improve soon.

I’ve had a productive day - I’ve sorted out what we call our “store room”. It’s part of the garage which my husband converted for storage, we have direct access from the house and it’s a godsend. It’s also a dumping ground and has needed sorting for ages. It was one of those jobs you start then sorry you had. I had a sleep for a couple of hours in between but now it’s done. So cathartic!

Hope everyone else has had a decent day. Love to all, especially Wyllow and Ellie Anne (as I know weekends re difficult for you). Take care all xx

Night night and wishes for being as well as possible.

Doodle very glad your husband has a slight improvement at least it shows the antibiotics are working . Antibiotics are great but they can make you feel low and the amount your husband has had he might be feeling fed up and down . I know you both want him home but he is in the best place. Having a room to himself while it might seem lonely for him but it lessons the change of catching anything from other patients.

But I do worry about you . As your own health is at risk plus being exhausted travelling to and fro to the hospital and not eating healthy foods it's taking its toll on you . Which your husband sees and must make him feel guilty. But we do what we do for love .

I know my husband hated it when I had to look after him when he had cancer and then was terminal. Men what I call a mans man where he thought he had to take care of everyone one else hate it if they have to be cared for my husband,dad ( where ) and brother are that sort of man. My son was the same no idea who he is now . But imagine he is like his dad looking after he's family but doesn't give a flying fig for me.

Nightmares are back but I know why it's the run up to the anniversary of my husband's death. I am fine during the day but coming out in my sleep. So this morning put the radio on at 3 when I was woke from one. I listen to classic FM and went straight back to sleep .

Hope chubby chops had a nice long sleep HVDY. It's a lovely feeling to know you and your husband are trusted so much to look after her overnight.

I get my state pension end of Apri and asked for my forecast and was very pleased to see I get full state pension even though I haven't worked since my daughter was born she's 40. But I did pay 10 years voluntary contribution in 2017. To top up my pension forecast. I have been having UC and health UC since April because my savings got so low the solicitor who the Brian Charity got me pro bono to fight to get PIP and go to tribunal told me to claim . I applied for PIP forms March 2022 when my neurologist let me know he knew what was wrong with me. My daughter filled them in for me and the rotters gave me zero on everything and MRN decisions the lazy woman who decided could even be bothered to right a new report just used the PIP decision and move the sentences around. They must think people are idiots. Didn't know about the Brain Charity until we had a new member at craft group. But they helped me. Had the tribunal end of August 2023 . As it's a court their decision is final awarded enhanced for living and enhanced for mobility indefinitely and it can't be taken off me as its a court decision plus they back dated until March 2022 when I asked for the forms. UC both will stop when I get my state pension. So far been told I will get 48p per week from my husband's NI contributions. Which I have challenged as I was told on the phone I would get half . My husband paid 30 years full NI when he died that was the qualifying amount for full state pension. Just waiting for my letter to ask if I want my pension and also a letter from them about claiming my husband's pension.

DWP are supposed to help people but they are the worst ones who discriminate against anyone with a disability. Took me 35 years to get disability benefits. I was born disabled but because I had no diagnosis was turned down even with my diagnosis they turned me down because it rare and never heard of it.

Makes me so mad they make it so hard people give up trying but I am a fighter had to be too all my life. But I was brought up in a large extended house family who never treated me as weird think it helped as I had an uncle with Downs . My husband always knew there was something wrong with me but he loved me no matter how bad things got . His father told me I was defective but at least he said it to my face. I wanted to slap him one but we just walked away. But still went back next week because my husband loved his parents even though he didn't like them. But he never gave up on them or his mom after his dad died. My mother in law over lived her son by 11 years . And denied she every had a son or 2 grandchildren. But I never gave up on her and I hated that woman for 40 years. But we all have a moral code we live with and I couldn't not look after her. It's not how I was brought up .

As usual rambled on and went in all directions again .

Glad to see you post Wyllow.

Ellie Anne what did you decide about your brother in law's funeral ?

Take care all . 🤗

Candy6 Clearing out cupboards or anywhere feels so good. We've got stuff that needs throwing out or giving to charity shops.

Whiff It's terrible that you had to fight to get what you were entitled to, but I'm glad you got PIP eventually. Mine finishes when I get my pension, April next year, I believe.

Chubby Chops had a bath, bottle and then bed (travel cot) at 9pm, but woke at 11, had a small amount of milk and went back to sleep. She didn't wake until 7.45! (DH and I slept on settees and I checked her a couple of times in the early hours but she was asleep). She woke up smiling and cooing. I fed the Grandcats at 7, then came back and fed baby.

Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Doodle- good news at last. I do hope the improvement is continuing today. Glad the X-ray was more encouraging too.
Think it’s important that you eat the things that you fancy eating- great if they are healthy too. But you need to keep your strength up and also your electrolytes. Hope you have a good sleep tonight.
SweetPeaSue- yes there are so many people we love who at the moment have really difficult health problems. Spoke to my sister this morning and my niece is not well at all and will need surgery. There seems no end to it.
It’s wonderful you,ve had a beach walk- bet it looked lovely. It’s so good to hear that you have been walking again- it really does lift your spirits.
Glad you’re tolerating the ADs well it seems.
HVDY- what a good little girl she is and obviously very adaptable. It’s lovely you are spending so much time with her and your Son and DiL know she is happy while they have a little break.
Mammar is a really nice different name - I,m Nanny or Nanna depending on North or South!!
You have done this painting quickly- ferns sound lovely. Lots of different greens.
Candy6- oh I love a sort out- did you find things you,d forgotten about? It is tiring though but satisfying isn’t it.
Hope this weekend you can have some rest and catch up with your sleep a bit. I think you did the right thing keeping busy when it was difficult coping with MH but now you feel less troubled you can enjoy down time. The caravan is perfect for that and it’s something you both enjoy - roll on the better weather eh.
Whiff- what a fight you have had one way or another. You could write a book!
Nadateturbe- hope you,re feeling stronger today. X
EllieAnne- hope the weekend is not causing you too much stress.
Wyllow- thank you for the post- wishing you happier times ahead. Take carex

Hope all BDs old and new have a peaceful evening and restful sleep.

I've finished it. The outside is meant to be painted white but I'm going to leave it

CandyYes, it does feel good to get a place tidy. I did my airing cupboard last week and nice to see neat piles. Sounds like your 'store room' was mammoth task so hope you had an easier day today.
HVDY Aw! ' ..woke up smiling and cooing' She is enjoying her stay and is very happy with you. Such a responsibility when you have a baby overnight and can be a bit scary I found. You will be ready for a rest.
Whiff I understand about the nightmares. You will notice that time of yr and certain anniversaries.Its easier to distract yourself in daytime activities but in sleep I think we must subconsciously remember painful times and we're not able to do anything about it. Glad you found the classic FM helped and you could go back to sleep.
* Scaredycat* I hope your niece's surgery isn't anything too major. Your sister will be so worried for her. Upset in families can pass from one to another and everyone worries about each other.
The ADs do have a certain side effect which I'm sticking with for a while. The walks weren't too long but really help.
EllieAnne Hoping your weekend isn't too bad.
Doodle I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your DH is continuing to make tiny steps forward and this infection will soon be gone. I hope your DH was in good spirits today.
Nadateturbe Do hope you're feeling a little better today physically and mentally. One affects the other so much, I realise.

So different today.Bladder pain back all day and started with awful urine retention and pain. Been on painkillers all day and feeling so low as don't think there are any answers. Aunt rang and hoped she hadn't missed a call from me. I'd been concerned she'd been disappointed I'd not asked her out this morning but she was taken out by her DD anyway.

Wishing all a decent night's rest and hoping all troubles will ease .
Wyllow Think of you always. X

HVDY that’s a lovely picture. Sounds like you had a wonderful time with Chubby chops.
Looking forward to seeing the ferns when done. You seem to do them so quickly.
Sweetpeasue I wish I had a tidy house. Not having spent much time there since Christmas I still have the decorations up, cards on display and lots of washing that hasn’t been ironed.
So sorry you’ve had such a bad day pain wise. The urine retention is most unpleasant. I wish something could be done.
Scaredycat managed to get a chicken salad tonight. Really nice. So sorry to hear about your niece. Hope the surgery is successful. Always things to worry about aren’t there.
Hope you are keeping well yourself.
Whiff yes we do what we can for those we love.
So sorry to hear about your nightmares. That must be upsetting and frightening. Good idea of turning the radio on.
Hope you have a better nights soon.
Candy I love a good clear out too. Gives you a self satisfied feeling. Hope you can relax tonight and know that it’s done.
nadateturbe How have you been today.
Thanks all for your kind thoughts about DH. No doctors today as it’s weekend but DH does seem better to me so I do hope I can bring him home soon.
Ellie Anne and Wyllow thinking of you both x

Hello everyone, thanks for nice comments about son, it was thoughtful of him, but I think we would all have done something to help.
I'm not really up to posting and have scanned through. I do hope I feel more able tomorrow to read properly and talk to everyone. Husband hasn't been great, I think he has long covid. But you all know what its like looking after each other.

Thinking of you all.xx

Another thinking of you all xx

It was so nice having Baby Doll for 2 days. She's such an easy baby, very happy, "talks" a lot. Visited Son2 and his stepson (a lovely boy) Had a (home-cooked) lunch in a pub, baby slept. - Son's girls were with their mum for the day, so we didn't see them. Baby went home at 6.

How is everyone today? SweetpeaSue Urine retention is horrible. Have you got a UTI do you think?
EllieAnne, hope you're able to get out somewhere today.
nadateturbe Hope your husband feels better soon.
Doodle Hope your husband feels a bit better each day.

Going to visit my brother soon - he had a bump in his car yesterday (foot slipped off the pedal and he went into a postbox, his 1st accident in 40+ years of driving a car), and his car will be off the road for a while - he can't borrow mine as he needs an automatic).

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

HVDY Your little Baby Doll sounds so cute and gorgeous. It's good that your son's stepson is a nice lad and I'm sure he will benefit from being in such a warm family. Oh your poor brother -with his wife in the care home , his son recovering from serious surgery ,he has a lot on his plate. I hope your visit goes well and he is kinder and warmer.
No it's not a UTI, it's all part of the bladder problem I think, as it has been like this before though not as bad as this. I've had pain all day again, I'm sick of it.Just feels as if I've been punched over n over in bladder.
Nadateturbe You and DH are having a tough time. I really hope he hasn't got long covid for both your sakes. You are bound to feel v fatigued with extra worry and he won't be able to do things he used to. How long is it now since he picked up covid? Don't worry about posting.

Hope everyone is not too bad and you and Mr D are coping Doodle.

nadateturbe I’m not sure many would go so far to help that man as your son did. Hope he gets help himself soon.
Sorry to hear your DH isn’t well either. I hope you have some help re shopping etc. Wishing you both well soon.
HVDY what a lovely time you had. Is the stepson the baby’s step brother (sorry I might have got lost somewhere.
Sorry about your brother. Hope he’s ok.
Sweetpeasue this just isn’t right you feel like this so often. It sounds so painful. Do any of your meds ease the pain? Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Had a lazy Sunday with the papers today. Doctors rounds tomorrow. I do hope they have good news.
Take care all x

We’ve got a severe weather warning for wind and rain overnight and I can hear the wind getting up now. I got to church this morning. Still not made any firm decision about funeral but son 2 wants to go if he can get time off.
Hvdy your poor brother! He’s having a hard time.