Male Surgeons behaving like demigods!

I’m sorry so many of us have had bad experiences- but not all surgeons are like this. My nephew is a senior consultant surgeon in Edinburgh. A kinder, gentler man you could not wish to meet. He listens and he cares. It’s his vocation.

I’ve had both types of specialists, lovely and sadly life changing. I had to complain about an incident recently. I always take someone with me but I’ve still encountered horrible experiences. I always thank the nice ones as kindness in approach makes such a difference to the situation experience.

I saw a consultant, privately, for my extreme menopause symptoms. He told me I was no worse than anyone else and I could get dressed and we would discuss the options. He left the room, I stood up and 'flooded' all over his lovely cream carpet!!

Next time I went to see him there was a highly patterned rug next to the couch.

Divine retribution!!!

Thirty-seven years ago when I was 21 and in the hospital, I had excruciating leg cramp to the point it made me scream and cry, the entire leg from just below the knee down to my toes totally cramped and twisted, I was in absolute agony with it and the doctor/surgeon, male, ''machoman god'' told me it was ''all in my mind, I'm imaging it, just pretending to get attention'' even though he could clearly see my dark red face, tears, the muscles in the leg twisting and toes twisting and separating. Again, female doctors/surgeons/nurses appeared to be terrified of him and subservient. He made me cry so I reported him but of course nothing was done because he's a male surgeon and I was a ''mere'' female shop assistant. Even a male nurse backed him up and went against me.

There was another one there at the same time with his attitude, I dared to ask a question once as he was examining my leg and he loudly snapped ''I'M the doctor so I ask the questions''.

In the ward I was in, there was a woman in the next ward who I could quite clearly hear was having a severe asthma attack, she was panicking and crying and the ''cramp doctor'' literally shouted her telling her she's being ''childish'', ''is stupid'' to ''grow up'', ''it's only a bit of lack of breath'' His attitude made her condition worse but he didn't care, just barked orders to get her to be quiet.

In 2022 by hubby was admitted to A&E with a suspected heart attack, thankfully it wasn't, it was a blockage which they sorted out and he was back home that night. He told me all the doctors, nurses and examiners were absolutely lovely, they made him laugh by cracking jokes and kept him going through various tests etc. but at the end, before he was discharged he had to see a doctor, male, same attitude as the above two, very abrupt, rude, female staff scared of him. I dread to think what those 3 put their wives through!

Good on you, kittylester!

How can things change if nobody complains about this type of behaviour

My son was born with talipes in one foot. The orthopaedic surgeon visited us while we were still in the maternity unit. I asked him what was the cause and I was shushed by the midwife and told not to ask Mr S questions. To his credit, he looked embarrassed and did reply to me.

Please speak up and complain. This will only stop when we call time on it. Too many 'medical' people are on power trips and of course we are never more vulnerable than when we are ill. They are by no means all healers by any definition. As an aside, I am in the awkward position of knowing that one of the consultant gynaecologists at our local hospital is a rapist, who avowed to his victim (the only one I know of, but I expect there are others) that he was going to join that profession so he could spend his time examining women's sexual organs. We have to be firm and protect ourselves - it is so easy to be overawed by 'white coat syndrome' and that is why we need an advocate present.

I trained to be a nurse between 1967&1972. Consultants were busy people who rarely had time for niceties
.They were polite but could be a bit forgetful on the other
hand
Maybe he was very busy at that time. Don't condemn him for a little rudeness.

NHS consultants are routinely treated as an elite; for instance consultants and other NHS high earners enjoy free parking whereas lesser mortals have to pay. The NHS gathers millions of pounds revenue annually from staff parking.
The NHS management do not like staff to be whistle blowers especially if they are low down the food chain. You can end up indefinitely suspended or worse. I worked for the NHS on the clinical and non-clinical side for over 40 years and I saw numerous examples of this. The NHS has loads of legal powers that an ordinary employer does not. Once the unions had been rendered toothless the situation became even worse. Patients are in a stronger position of course but NHS Patient Liaison schemes seldom seem to be much help.

Your experience seems rather different from mine. I worked in
several different hospitals under different trusts from 1970 to 2018 but hospitals do vary.

Ooopsadaisy1 Late husband had a couple of female Consultant Oncologists and I've had a female dermatologist, all excellent.

i remember back in my days of studying the sociology of health and the hierarchies in the system.From the gods of neurosurgery to the lowly health assistant.I can remember lying in a hospital bed some years back and observing this.Of course there are some lovely doctors and awful health assistants but the hierarchy is there.

6 years ago I had to have a urinary catheter and was told it would be in for about 3 days. When I rang to have it removed the nurse practitioner told me 4 to 6 weeks. Ki was a bit shocked and she said " I tell people if they can't wait that long they take ot put thrmselves" . I eventually had am appointment and her whole manner was dismissive overall the hospital had not dealt with me well. I made complaint about the overall treatment and included her remarks. The hospital PALS were supportive a d they passed her justifications back tome and she said she wouldn't have expected me to remove it myself.

My son has had a dreadful time over the last few years after an accident at work and the response from some areas of the NHS hasn't been the best....he'd been eventually referred to a Neurosurgeon .

He listened to my son and asked lots of questions, he showed my son scans etc, explaining everything fully and checking that my son understood.
At the end of the consultation, he said that he would help and started to discuss next steps, at this point my son actually broke down - I think it was relief at being listened to and being told that something would be done.
The consultant asked the nurse present to escort us to another private room and make sure my son was alright, he came into the room a few minutes later with cups of tea for all and sat chatting with us for 15/20 minutes.
Wonderful man and surgeon!

Listening to male medical students’ banter in the 1970s I resolved never to go to a male gynaecologist.
And observing my doula client’s’ treatment in the 21st century, I have begun to question why male doctors choose to go into obstetrics; those who do need to consider their motivation and ask themselves some hard questions such as “am I enjoying exerting power over vulnerable women?”

i had a lump removed from my breast many years ago. the student Dr grabbed my breast aggressively. i told him off at the time and he was shocked.
many years later I had to complain to a hospital manager. my mother was in a room on her own as she was dying . the Dr entered the room whilst she was speaking - allegedly directed to me but she had started the sentence way before she opened the door. My mother was in pain and when I asked her for pain medication she said the only one that was suitable was morphine and it would kill her. She had just days to live! The reply to my complaint was just a brush off.

My son is a surgeon. To be honest he's been behaving like a demigod since he was about 2. An unusual child though.

Joking aside, this anecdotal evidence is awful and I'd hate to think my chap would ever be so rude or dismissive.

But they are exceptional in what they do and I reckon bedside manners might not always be their forté

I was told that my orthopaedic surgeon was an arrogant pig and our first meeting he explained that he was THE best at hip replacements … and he was ! Also, although I was only in my 40s he got me into hospital in a couple of weeks and the op changed my life. So, along with being arrogant, he was understanding and insightful . I could never have thanked him enough.

The consultants that I worked with were all very kind and 'humble'. They'd introduce themselves as, 'one of the doctors'. Maybe the consultants of old were demigods but today's ones certainly aren't.
I've seen consultants chiding junior staff for not treating patients with respect.

This had nothing to do with the medical ability of the doctor but his attitude towards me... My DH had a stroke following surgery. To make a long story short, the neurologist entered his hospital room loudly and abruptly announcing his arrival, when, after a sleepless night, my DH had finally dropped off to sleep. Not ever having seen this fellow, I said, "Please, he's asleep, whisper." He said, "You will not speak to me as such," and spun on his heel leaving the room. Returned in moments and called me outside where he had 3 women (nurses) in attendance and began berating me that "I would be dealt with and reported." I listened before responding, "If that's how you enter every room, you should know what's going on before you so loudly enter, this is a hospital of sick people." And I left them, returning to my DH's bedside. I then made notes of what had transpired and put them away. Three weeks later, I wrote a letter of this event, sat on it another few days, reread it to make sure it was not emotional or dramatic, and mailed it to the hospital neurology head. He called, we talked, I'd mentioned in the letter I waited to let my emotions calm. He said, "I tell my students this so often, write down your concerns or events, let your emotions calm, then pursue your action. This is the last straw for this doctor. I've been notified of multiple events concerning his attitude. If you need any help in the future, this is my personal cell number..." I don't know what happened beyond this phone call, but I did see later that particular doctor was no longer on the hospital's website.

Although I knew I was suffering from an interstitial lung disease, last week while I was in hospital for an unrelated operation and overnight stay they found my oxygen levels were dangerously low, so after the op I was transferred to the respiratory ward. I ended up being in hospital for a week while they did scans, blood tests etc.

The consultant did his rounds and told me I had pulmonary fibrosis. I asked him what the prognosis was and he curtly said it was a terminal disease and I had 3-5 years to live. I know I asked, but I would have liked him to have had more of a bedside manner whilst giving me my death sentence!

Cambsnan You still have time to file a complaint. The hospital needs to know what this Dr did - not following confidential protocols. That is a violation! Here in the US these guidelines are called HIPAA.

These demigods (as you called him) are around. They may or may not be highly skilled (we don’t know), but the last thing a hospital or surgical center wants is to get a bad reputation.

In my last 20 yr hospital job, these narcissistic doctors did not last long. Do this place a favor by letting them know what you experienced. They truly want to hear these things so they can investigate.
Good luck!
USA Gundy

I know what you mean. Male Gynaecologist consultants are pretty bad too ..more in a perv way though. He spent a good part of the consultation, following examination, eyeing up my legs. Yuk sleazy and made me feel uncomfortable, so much so I couldn't follow what he was saying. All under the observation of his junior doctor (who knew it was happening) but was either complicit or too scared to intervene. Also in the room was a female assistant present during examination and, she was lovely. She looked away and I don't think she would have had the courage to speak up. It was very uncomfortable but also sort of slyly done so I couldn't have said anything. And more to the point what could I have said. He'd only have denied it.

I had the dubious pleasure of a female consultant with the same unpleasant manners. I ended by asking her to refer me to a different hospital where I knew I would not be saddled with her.

A patient can be excused for not feeling well enough to tackle a rude doctor, but the other staff of the hospital should not be putting up with this behaviour either.