Black Dog 22

What a day, HVDY! I hope you found the diagnosis helpful, and the advice is effective (although the lying down bit will test your parience!)

Good for you for getting the walk in Scaredycat yes I understand the far of losing it.

EllieAnne I hope you will feel up to people soon, I’m sorry the weekend was so negative an experience.
It’s hard to self care when you don’t feel close in a mutual situation.

Well done to you Doodle for koko in the way you have been doing.
What you say is spot on. I am with you too.

Sweetpeasue Cant face the garden just atm! It’s a very big one. Maybe if I get some support I’ll ring a firm to get it done. It does sound like the GP was helpful today but it’s going to be uphill for DH. I hope your mind is a little relieved what the GP said about a stroke.

Today had to be a stay by the loo day for 6 hours I’d been so blocked/swollen had to take action. TMI to say more!

Night night all, loving wishes to all BD’s whether in today or not.

EllieAnne I can see how terribly fraught you are after such a bad visit to your DD and so sorry things are so bad.
Though your relationship with your DD may feel as is if it's 'broken down' , this might be a temporary thing. Please don't abandon hope. You have done everything possible to be there for her and it is not yourself to blame in any way. She may not be able to see things straight. Whatever, you are not to blame at all.
It's so hard that you are not getting support when the chips are down and you feel no one is looking out for you.
I hate to see you are feeling so isolated.
We care, EllieAnne. Time might heal some of the things that have gone wrong in your visit to DD and you need to know that you have done your very best. I'm thinking your DD knows this. You are a good person and mum.
Sorry if I'm assuming so much
Just wanted you to know I care and don't think your visit hasn't helped. It shows your DD you care. X

Sweetpeasue good some things were sorted out with the GP and your concerns about your DH’s BP taken seriously.
Ellie Anne sorry I didn’t realise Sport in Mind didn’t work in Scotland.
How about the Ramblers. Joining small walking groups. Are there any local art classes you could join. I have no talent whatsoever but have joined a friendly group.
Tai chi or chair exercises. I think you need to try and concentrate a bit more on yourself. You worry so much about your family but you’ve done your best. I hope you find something you can join in with. U3A, do they work in Scotland?

Yes I am very sad because I feel our relationship has broken down .
I’ve tried so hard .
I also looked up sport in mind but there’s nothing in Scotland.
Sweet pea sue I’m glad you got some answers.
I’ve still not seen or spoken to anyone.
But I’m realising that it’s always me looking out for others and when I am withdrawing no one is checking on me.

Doodle You crept in behind me.
Ok- I'll stop apologising - it's a bad habit I have. Yes, I care and try to say the right things but truth is there aren't any words that can take away your pain and heartbreak and that brings tears even as I write it. I so wish there was. I can only continue to pray for some comfort for you. Your words to Wyllow are very poignant and show so much caring.
Once again , love x

Candy Hope you've had a good day with your DGS. Helpful ideas for Wyllow.
*EllieAnne You have tried so hard and I'm just so sorry about your visit to you DD. You can only do your best and you have done, plus the long drive there and back - you've made a big effort.
Nadateturbe Hope you've been OK today.
Scaredycat Your words about it taking courage to reach out to someone unhappy are very true. Kind words to EllieAnne too . Yes, sweetpeas are the best scent aren't they. I've always loved them. You are so good keeping up your walks. I hate walking alone and DH hasn't felt up to it and can feel my body and joints stiffening. I need to be more disciplined about my physio exercises too now my physio appts have finished.
HVDY Oh my goodness ,3000ft! I'd have been terrified. You are so brave .
I'm glad your physio seems to know more about what is causing your pain. The tear sounds horrible no wonder the pain can be so bad. If I lie down it's fatal and I have to fight closing my eyes. I hope his advice helps I really do. Thanks, we've been married 42 yrs. Hope you have lovely day with son tomorrow.
Wyllow You are doing so well even though you might not feel it. Glad you managed that grocery shopping too. Just wish you didn't feel so bad in yourself and sorry that your tum has been so bad. That can't help you to feel well at all or want to do things. I loved Scaredycats words that if you managed just a fraction of time in the garden then one day you might look and say , yes that's MY garden. Sending my love.
Doodle I've never heard of Sport in Mind so I googled it and think it's not in my neck of the woods . I really hope you will meet some good friends and just enjoy the company . You are such a fighter as I know you've said its hard to just walk into a room of strangers so you don't find it easy at all. It's very hard to go somewhere new and I am terrible at it . I hope today hasn't been too bad for you. I think of you a lot and sending another huge hug. X

Well we got appt with previous GP and we thought he looked a little uneasy when we went in. He was v nice as usual (though no apology). In fact he seemed to know nothing of DH seeing Rheumatologist lately or the GCA biopsy.DH showed him letter of the planned scans and biopsy and the 'bruit ' finding.
Good thing is the aching in left arm and hand , he thought was from prev Carpal Tunnel op ,and not what I was dreading might be stroke sign. He's sending DH back to hand consultant he saw 5yrs ago.
The bad bilateral BP readings that were handed in and we were told were normal he was v interested in and he said we're certainty not normal. He's making sure that it's discussed at next meeting as he said the nurse that averages them out hasn't done it correctly. She's merely added both arms up and calculated the average score. I'm glad about this as it could help other patients problems sooner and heart problems too. He's going to highlight the issue of more BP readings in both arms at next meeting.
So, DH wearing a splint in hand now and waiting for another specialist.
He's not been good today but managed a potter in garden.

Hope all BDs mentioned or not have a decent, peaceful night. X

Sweetpeasue please stop apologising for what you say to me. You can say nothing wrong because I know whatever you say comes with your love and care. I am truly grateful to everyone for their consideration and caring. I miss my darling husband more than it’s possible to describe but I am getting by day by day. I went with a friend shopping to day somewhere new. We had a good day and bought a few things, had coffee and lunch and came home exhausted but pleased we’d been on a trip.
Oh I’m so sorry I missed your wedding anniversary yesterday. Congratulations. How many years?
Did your DH get in touch with Gp today.
Candy yes there are things out there but you have to go searching for them. Is it today you’ve got your DGS.
Wyllow I too have the what’s the point. Like you I have family but I have lost the love of my life. I think the point I have come to is that unless I end it all I have to live and if I’m going to live then I can suffer or I can do everything I can to make a little happiness in each day. Sounds trite and simple but as you know only too well far from easy. You are suffering and I am suffering but we are causing the suffering by our thoughts. Believe me I know those thoughts are so hard to control. They are frightening, depressing, morbid and bring sorrow. We have to move on. We have to make something to live for be it only a small moment of pleasure or even a moment of not thinking each day. I am with you in your bad moments. You are not alone as so many others in this are not alone.
HvDY wow you finally made it. Fantastic. Hope you really enjoyed it. Hope the physio advice helped. Hope your son has a lovely birthday hope you all enjoy the birthday meal
Scaredycat glad you managed your walk today. It’s good you went early it’s been so hot. You are such an example to us all of someone who’s been through so much pain but still managed to carry on and build a life and care for others,
Ellie Anne all I can do is pray for you that you find some peace and happiness in life.

ScaredyCat The family are all well, thanks. Son1's birthday (43) tomorrow, so DH and I are taking him and his girls for lunch his GF will be at work). Nice that you got out for a walk before it got too warm.

EllieAnne Sorry things are so miserable for you

Balloon trip sounds amazing.
I’ve not spoken to anyone since I came back.i can’t face it.

Morning all. It’s a hotty today🥵
Nadateturbe- so glad you,ve been able to enjoy your lovely coast- it’s so good for the soul being by the sea. You certainly earned your rest. Do you take photos with a view to a painting - I think your work is really good.
Doodle- your Sunday sounded one to lift the spirits a bit. Your friends must have been so glad to see you at Chirch.
Sport in Mind seems like something that you could enjoy - certainly worth a try. You don’t have to go again if it’s not for you but the walks should be nice. Always an opportunity to chat as you walk. I remember if people invited me to things I went even if I didn’t feel like it - it takes courage to invite somebody who is so unhappy.
Been out for a walk this morning early- it was so warm already.
Tired now but I,m so scared of losing what fitness remains😩
Wishing you a day with some bright moments
HVDY- At last you took to the air - as the song says’ the only
way is up’. It must have been wonderful - the Peaks are so beautiful. I think you’re really brave to go in it - it would scare the daylights out of me .
Oh your injury sounds awful- but it does explain why you have had such severe pain. At least it’s an excuse to lay and watch tele in comfort. Hope all the family are well.
EllieAnne- that is so sad- I,m so,sorry the visit didn’t work out. It must have broken your heart. I wish something nice would happen for you. Sending a hug.
Candy- glad you had good weather - yes I think this week is going to be hot . Thank you for your sensible and positive words re family who are far away. Sometimes my old negative thoughts take me over- DH is just the opposite.
SweetPeaSue- Ah your first baby SweetPea- don’t they just smell lovely.
Hope your DH got throug( today and will be able to see someone, and hope also the bone scan is all ok.
Many Congratulations on your Wedding Anniversary- how many years is it? It was my Sisters Anniversary too yesterday.
Your quote was one that touches many hearts and as Candy says - so true.
Wyllow- you have done so well these last few days - with no help. I think that gradually you are winning that battle in your head - you are so much braver than you realise.
A little outing each day gives you a reason to get up and dressed. The sunshine will do you good. I think it’s marvellous you do the Supermarket shop- that is such an achievement.
Maybe get a few treats for yourself - you deserve them.
What Candy said about a few minutes each day in the garden - then one day you will look and think I did that- it’s MY garden xx
Whiff, Nanny,Allsorts, Jaffacake ,Athenia, and all those who post and those who just read wishing you the best day possiblex

EllieAnne Hope you manage to get out and perhaps talk to people today.
Doodle The Sport in Mind group sounds interesting. It's good that you're thinking of joining. This heat is making me tired, too.
SweetpeaSue Happy anniversary. How many years? Might you have a celebratory drink?
Wyllow3 Small steps to getting back to how you used to be. You can do it.

The balloon ride was great, 16 of us in the basket (4x4 compartments). Up to 3000ft high. The views were spectacular. It was very warm up there (the burner thing) Only problem was getting out of it - but the others helped me. We got home at 10pm. Saw the Physio this morning (the nice one). He thinks it's a labral tear of the hip cartilage, said it'll take many months to get right. He told me to avoid certain movements, and to lie down when watching tv/reading, not to sit!

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hello I have read today and listened to good advice and sending sympathies and love where needed and congratulations Sweetpeasue

Thank you so much for caring all of you. It's a battle in my head on those small steps which are all good ideas - and "whats the point" - and the latter wins. It helps to read how others cope!
Did supermarket shop.

Evening all
Wyllow you are doing well, very well considering you’ve had no support this past week. Re your jobs that need doing - perhaps you could set yourself little goals - say do 10 minutes weeding one day, clean a window the other, I’m sure you’d be surprised how much you could get done and once things start looking a little better, then it may inspire you to do a little more. Small steps at a time but they may lead to a big achievement. Something for you to ponder. I hope today has been a good one.
HVDY your balloon ride at last! I recall you mentioning it a few times now. Hope you finally got there. I’ve been to Tissington - cycled something called the “Tissington Trail”. Beautiful part of the world, I’ll bet the views were stunning.
Ellie Anne I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you. You tried and put in a lot of effort, try and take some comfort in that at least. Sending ❤️.
Doodle I’m glad you’ve found the Sport in Mind group. I’ve not heard of them but sounds like a positive step for you. I hope it helps. I hope you have had a good day today too.
Sweetpeasue Happy Anniversary. I hope it wasn’t marred by worries over your DH and he has been well today. Good luck with getting an appointment tomorrow.A poignant quote - and very true.
Love to Scareycat Nadaterturbe WhiffAthenia and everyone else. Night all .

Came across this quotation today by someone called Madeline L' Engle . (Not googled her yet)

'When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown up we would no longer be vulnerable.
But to grow up is to accept vulnerability...To be alive is to be vulnerable'

Candy Thankyou. Hope you can get back to caravan soon. Can't believe we're nearly into August.
HVDY Seems as if it's been settled weather most places so great for a balloon ride. Just realised - the up, up and away is a song-Would you like to fly in my beautiful balloon!
EllieAnne Aw I'm so sorry for your difficult visit. Such a long way too. Hugs.
Sacardycat Hope you've been OK today. My first Sweetpea has flowered - they're quite late this year.
Nadateturbe You did well to have such a good walk. Hope you've not been too bad today. Its good when you realise that some days can be better and helps to remember them on the not so good days.
Doodle Thankyou- I really appreciate your suggestions as you've had much experience of navigating the NHS.
Whispers....( DH driving me mad and is too quiet about pushing for attention-- It's difficult- thinks we should wait for appt yet he's worried sick about himself, I can see that ).
I wish I knew what to say to you to help. I expect there are so many everyday things that must hurt and emphasise your DH's absence. I hope there will be times that you feel reassured by his presence too. Hope that sounds right and apologies if it's not right thing to say. Sending you a large hug.
Wyllow I can imagine it can be sad to watch others in pairs at times. I'm so pleased you have been making the effort to walk out the 2 or 3 times you have been to the park. It's brave of you to just say hello to someone else when you feel so bad . I think I understand about the garden and it's reminder of what you achieved as a couple. I hope one day it can be restored to how you yourself would want it. Hope you've had a better day today. Small steps are good.

DH couldn't get up this morning for 8am phone queue- too tired - so def calling tomorrow. He had bone scan at hospital this afternoon so back there again. Our wedding anniversary today. We both just want him to get better. Nice card from sister.
Hope everyone is coping in the heat. As long as there's a shady part to sit in its nice.

HVDY my granddaughter worked for a time in a Cat cafe, she loved it.
Ooh wow the king awaited balloon ride. Do hope it takes place and you have a lovely time.
Oh Ellie Anne I’m so sorry after you made all that effort too.
How upset you must feel to have come home. It’s not your fault. You made the effort.
Candy I’m glad you had such a good time. Be lovely to see your grandson though.
Wyllow I think it has helped me getting out and being with people. At first I found that I wasn’t really there in my mind. My body was but my mind was elsewhere. Being alone with your thoughts all day is not a good thing. Could you look up Sport in Mind on the internet to see if there is anything near you. They do activities for people suffering from any form of mental illness including loneliness or loss. I plan to try some walks with them soon.
Sweetpeasue I wonder how you got on with the GP. Hope it’s been a better day.
Scaredycat it’s warm here have you been out at all or are you too tired from your holiday?
nadateturbe do you get affected by the heat? It always meks me exhausted.

Meant hope YOU have a good day

Up, up and away! HVDY

At last Hvdy !!!!!
Hope I have a good day.

Tissington is lovely, hope it works out.

Off to Tissington (Derbyshire) later, for the long-awaited hot air balloon ride. . I'll try to get some photos.

Doodle Glad you had a bit of company and some fresh air.

We're meant to be on the hot air balloon ride this evening (it was bought 2 years and 4 months ago!). Got to ring a number soon to see if it's actually happening. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

EllieAnne Sorry you felt you had to go home. Things must have been uncomfortable for you to have wanted to leave.

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband has a better day today. Does he drink much (not alcohol but water, tea, etc)? Apoogy from a GP? Don't hold your breath......

Candy6 Glad you had a break away. he weather's set to be good all week.

Wyllow3 You did your washing and had a shower yesterday, so that's a better day than some days. You can get there, just do what you can, each day, but perhaps get a bit of fresh air too, if possible. Being out of the house and having a bit of fresh air makes all the difference, I think.

I’m so very, very sorry EllieAnne for your situation. I dont have. Any ideas but sending you

Up since 5! HVDY, but you are giving GD such a great time. Great Pix.

Welcome home Scaredycat and hearing about your bitter sweet family time.

nadateturbe 4 hours on the coast, thats good going, hope you got the sun as well.

Doodle thats amazing what you achieved today. Will think of you when I go for a stroll becuase yes, in the park it seems all families and couples (tho of course, its not) but my, yes, its hard.

Your worry about DH Sweetpeasue really comes across I wish there was something to relieve it and DH’s difficulties. I always think I might be tempted to go to A and E with those worries but I guess you’ve got past that point, but you must go it it gets worse ..I wish you had a GP you could really trust.

I tell myself just a few weeds etc but overwhelmed as my stupid mind just sees all that I’ve neglected - windows not cleaned, lights need replacing, hair, tummy, other things and it gets too much. Best way to explain is if I do a bit it floods me with memories that threaten to overwhelm.
Stuck!

In the park I did talk briefly to a couple of people and sometimes get acknowledged. Today has been shower and wash clothes day.

Night night BD’s and those not in today xx

Evening all
HVDY sounds like you had a lovely day with GD1 and you did some nice things with her. It’s hard to know what to do sometimes but sounds like you got it just right. Kitty cafe sounds great. I’ve heard of them but there’s nothing like that by us. You’ll be ready for an early night tonight after being up so early.
Nadaterturbe hope you are fully rested now. Your walk sounded lovely and will have done you both good I’m sure. I sleep a lot too - I can easily sleep for 2/3 hours in the afternoon but then there are other days I can manage without. It’s not nice feeling exhausted all the time and having it constantly like you do must be so difficult.
Wyllow I’m glad you got out for a walk again and you felt the benefit from it. I hope you get more days like that.
Scaredycat sounds like a lovely family meet up. Of course you’ll see them again. It’s sad when families live so far away but everyone has to do what’s best for them and make a good life for themselves. I hope your day has gone well today.
Sweetpeasue you too have had a busy day. I hope this managed to take your mind off worries over DH for a while. I hope you get some answers from the GP.
Doodle it sounds like you’ve had a better day today and I’m so pleased about that. I hope there will be more days like this for you.
Ellie Anne I hope your trip has worked out for you and you’ve managed to spend some quality time with your daughter.

Thoughts too about anyone else not personally mentioned.

We are back home now. The weather was lovely today. Had to come back for childcare duties tomorrow but I think the weather is pretty settled in most places this week. Hope you’re all seeing some sunshine wherever you are and have a good night.