Black Dog 22

Hi all.
Nadateturbe- I love your painting especially the trees. Glad you will be coming here again soon- it’s so lovely. Pleased you are enjoying the caravan ,sounds a really friendly place. Hope the good weather keeps up.
Zakouma- what a shame the past memories spoil being able to go back to Cumbria. Maybe it would do you good to revisit there and let the beauty heal your hurt.
Doodle- glad you enjoyed Church - your friends will have been so pleased to see you. We are enjoying being here again- thank you.
Any news of your rescheduled Op- it must be playing on your mind . Hope you,re doing OK today.
SweetPeaSue- your poor DH he is such a strong character to suffer such pain and yet still have the enthusiasm to care for his garden . Glad you were able to get out for coffee together.
Wyllow- we actually got sunshine today ! Waves back to you.👋
Glad you were able to get yourself sorted yesterday - any hairdresser news?
I so wish there was something we could do to help you get your enthusiasm back . Like HVDY I,d be there like a shot if I was near.
HVDY- It would be great to be near each other wouldn’t it.
That pain of yours sounds awful,so debilitating. Does it help to get in the pool for AA?
As for your DH - more waiting poor man.
JaffaCake2 - how are you today?

Candy,Whiff,Allsorts,EllieAnne,Nanny and all- hope you have a peaceful night.

We have ☀️today!
I’ve been very low all week end but the sun has helped.
Wasn’t in the right frame of mind to phone dd and she didn’t phone me.
Haven’t heard from sons either.
Going down the rubbish mother route again.
Church was good yesterday. Had a visiting preacher and I couldn’t follow his sermon but it wasn’t too long.
But I spoke to people which was good for me.
Oh Wyllow I wish we could help.

Hi not a great day today. Awake every 2 hours through the night with nerve pains then when awake thinking over why my eldest daughter has estranged from me and how this means I won't see my grandchildren either. It's very hard. I tried going out on the bus today with a stick but felt very unstable.

HVDY I'm totally with you about having no faith in the 'system'. Your pain sounds awful. I think nerve pain can come and go without any reason- so unpredictable - but so bad when it starts.
Scaredycat Hope you're having a lovely holiday. So good of you to keep coming in with thoughtful posts to everyone. DH hasn't really energy for anything but other side of us fence renewed too so had to take down shed next to fence as falling down. He's done well to do what he has though.
Nadateturbe Hope you too are enjoying your break. Re Painting- you mentioned it was view from your cottage-- do you mean your own home? How wonderful.
Doodle Glad you got to church. Hope you saw some friends there. How have you been today? Sending you love as always. I think of you every day. X
Wyllow So sorry you're feeling such despair and can see no end to it. I can see how looking out on your garden must be so dispiriting. I can't see any solution apart from getting in gardeners but I know you couldn't face that. Warm hug coming g over the miles between us.
EllieAnne About time you got some sun at last. We've had a sunny day here too. I've been having same thoughts today - I always seem to be one to make contact with my AC. Glad you liked the new preacher and managed to speak to others that's great EllieAnne.
Jaffacake2 I'm so sorry for your awful predicament and how life is for you right now. You were brave to go on the bus with your stick so huge respect to you and you're trying so hard. I hope it's not long before you can discuss the pros and cons of the operation then at least you'll know where you are. I do the same as yourself when I can't sleep. Worry about why AC hasn't made contact ie is it so.ething I've done or said. In your case it must be tremendously difficult feeling so vulnerable. Sorry if it's intrusive but wonder if you are alone
or have someone to talk to.

Candy*Whiff ?Allsorts* Zakouma66 * Hope you are all coping with your day and hope for one better tomorrow if been difficult.

Didn't feel like posting today .Just have a panicky feeling in my chest about DH. He got a text from hospital today and I started with palpitations before he read it. So disappointed- it was date for bone scan - which is good- but hoping for Temporal biopsy -it's urgent and Doppler Utrasound on arteries to see blood flow. He still gets pain breakthrough but it's the neck pain and tingling in hand that's worrying . Plus keep wondering if Aorta damage.
He's trying to get appt with GP that sent him to hospital tomorrow. Hope for F2F or I can't have input. Just have to wait and see. We can't book F2F appts in our surgery apart from the first GP who we lost trust in.

Hope all have a peaceful night.x

Zakouma sorry something bad happened to put you off visiting where you grew up. I hope if you do visit you find time has mellowed the feelings a bit and it doesn’t upset you.
Thanks Sweetpeasue for your kind thoughts. I do feel for you and your DH. All these symptoms must be worrying you and until you get some answers or the proper treatment you won’t be able to relax. Must be painful for your DH too. Good you managed to go out for coffee.
nadatetube hope the weather improves for you and your having a relaxing time.
Wyllow op hopefully in about 3 weeks time. I’m dreading it and hope they don’t put me in a room on my own.
I can understand your thoughts about nothing to look forward to day after day. That’s how I feel. I know I shouldn’t because I have so much going for me with my family and my very kind friend and church too but when I think about spending the time without my beloved I find it hard to feel motivated.
Well done for getting dressed today. Could you get someone to come in and help with the garden?
Scaredycat hope you’re having a lovely time at the lakes and the weather is being kind to you.
HVdY sorry you are suffering with that pain again. Must be hard to move without it hurting. Your DH must have strong will power if he can lose weight easily. I struggled for a long time. So they think his weight is having an effect on the cough?
It might be worth contacting the doctors about your pain again. Maybe they will increase the dose or suggest something extra like morphine at night.

Scaredycat glad the weather is being better for you. The lakes are so lovely and peaceful. Are you doing any of the lake boat trips?
Ellie Anne glad you had a better time in church and at last you’ve got some sunshine. I find church a comforting place to be. I’ve not heard from one of my sons for a while either. They all have such busy lives these days.
Jaffacake you must be really sad at the thought of not seeing your grandchildren. I do hope things get better for you. I’m not surprised you feel a bit shaky going out. Please take care
Sweetpeasue you’re so kind to think of me when you have so many worries about your DH. I know well that panicky feeling.
It’s so frustrating and frightening when you feel something is wrong and getting thr NHS to do something takes forever.
I hope your DH gets his F2F. I always went to DHs appointments with him two heads being better than one.
I am sending you a big hug tonight. You’ve been so good to me but I do understand what you’re going through and you need that hug tonight,
Sleep well all

DearDoodle You brought tears. You are such an amazing person to care for others as you do and are suffering such heatbreak yourself. Yes, I do feel something very wrong and my DH is not being treated as in British Rheumatology guidelines for GCA. Not enough Rheumatologists in dept at hospital. I really feel for you Doodle. Can only imagine how you are feeling now. When my mum died I'd wake up screaming and sobbing and found the pain in my chest was a physical pain . I just can't imagine how dreadful it is to lose your own beloved. When things get bad you become even closer to your own DH.
So sorry if I'm wittering.on . You need that hug far more than I and I so appreciate your kindness and love. Sending that love back to you with hug too.x

Sorry, got caught up with chatting to neighbours. I've actually had a really good day. A rare thing for me. Will talk tomorrow. Have read the posts and sending love and hugs to everyone. Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

ScaredyCat I'm going to try aqua aerobics tomorrow - it's easier when I'm in the water, but the pain is absolutely terrible with certain movements - bending, stepping up, so getting my knickers, trousers on/off, filling/emptying the washer, picking something up from the floor, getting up and down from settee, toilet. All examples (some of which I can't avoid)

EllieAnne Glad you've had nice weather. You aren't a bad mum at all. Do you and your daughter & sons text each other? My Son2 is poor at replying to texts and he called in briefly at teatime - he thought a parcel had arrived here for him (because he hadn't read the text I sent him this morning about that).

Jaffacake Are you on anything for your nerve pain? It must be very bad for you to be awake such a lot. Could you contact your daughter and ask how things are with her?

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband will be able to see the GP. I know how worried you are.

Doodle DH had the cough all the time for well over a year, until he was given an inhaler and it stopped it. He'd been waiting for this appointment for about a year. I think he probably has got sleep apnoea, which of course isn't helped by being fat around the neck. I wouldn't ever consider taking Morphie, but being in bed is ok, apart from when I turn over. Living alone must be so difficult, and I can't pretend to know how it feels. I hope you have a better day tomorrow, and that you have some company for a while, at least.

I'm quite fed-up today, but tomorrow is a new day and all that. Love to ALL BDers x

I’ve read today and left it too late and tired to come in properly! Same old same old except did a shop.
Love to you all in HVDY, nadateturbe, Scaredycat, EllieAnne, jaffacake, Sweetpeasue, Doodle and all other BD's not in today.

So nice to read kind wishes from all and hoping appointments come through quickly (noted your date, Doodle), and yes re living nearer HVDY

Best for better days and less pain and worry.

Night night.

Morning. Hope all are well and coping with all the different strains in our lives. I had a better night by blocking any thoughts and memories of my daughter and grandchildren. I cannot cope with the emotional turmoil whilst trying to deal with ill health. My other daughter phone has broke and is getting a replacement today so hope to catch up with her later.
When she was knocked off her bike a few weeks ago she sustained ligament damage to her foot and the handle bars pierced her abdomen. On scanning her for any internal bleeding they found an ovarian tumour. She had an enormous one as a 17 year old. Thankfully benign so hoping this will be same. It will need removing as it is 15 cms big and has potential for rupture. She has an appointment with the gynae surgeon end of this month. Ironic that whilst I was having brain scans she was also in hospital being scanned. Because of our situations we have been unable to see each other. She is a very caring daughter with lots of love between us.
Yes I live alone but have lovely neighbours and some friends nearby. I have a very close friend who lives in Ireland who is coming to stay with me for a month in August and will come with me to.London to see Neuro surgeon. We are going to Dorset for a week on a caravan holiday. It was originally booked with my daughter and grandchildren but don't think they are coming. Think I need time to relax and as she isn't talking to me seems they won't be there.

Hvdy none of us are really into texting and phoning unless it’s to arrange something. They are not really close to each other either but get on fine when they do meet up.
After yesterday s ☀️today we have torrential rain. ☔️
What is going on with the weather?

Just lost a large post ,soo sorry but can't write much to all.
HVDY It's no wonder you feel so low with so much pain. The simple everyday activities are so hard for you. Do hope it all goes away as quickly as it came.So sorry your DH is having such a long wait.
Doodle I understand a little about the frightened feeling inside you must have had with your DH for so long . You are so kind to be reassuring and empathetic. I wish there were words I could say to help.
Jaffacake2 So glad you have some good neighbours and a lovely friend from Ireland. It really helps to not be completely alone though I know you are going through so much and often people don't understand unless they've been in same situation. Some lovely people on Estrangement thread and I know you will find support there too. I think you must try to get through this illness without extra stress and you need to put yourself first. What a terrible accident your daughter was in on her bike. Good they've found the tumour and hope it can be removed soon.
I hope you can enjoy your holiday -you need some rest time and some brightness in your life right now.

Sorry can't write to all.
DH has dates. Next Monday Doppler ultrasound on neck. Biopsy 19th July. Just waiting for date of chest scan (think angiography)
Wishing all a peaceful night. X

nadateturbe how lovely to read you’ve had a good day. Nice to know you can have one as it will help when you get bad ones.
Sweetpeasue DH had his neck operated on years ago because it he artery was all clogged up inside. He was fine after.
You are saying words to help. All of you are. I know you care and it is a comfort thank you.
Glad your DH has some dates hopefully that’s progress.
HVDY I’m so sorry the pain is so intense. It must make you scared to move. I hope The aqua aerobics may help to ease things a bit.
Thank you yes I have been out for lunch with a friend today. Church tomorrow and I will light a candle for DH.
Jaffacake what a lot you have to cope with. I do hope your daughter is ok and the tumour benign as before. I’m so glad you have goods friends and neighbours that helps a lot. Also a good friend coming to stay with you will help. Maybe by then things will have resolved themselves with your other daughter, I do hope so,
Ellie Anne we don’t text much as a family either. It’s good they all get on when they do meet up. That shows things are ok between them and they’re just not into texting. Yes it’s been pouring with rain here too today.
Wyllow good you did a shop. Was that online or did you manage to go out. So pleased you are managing to write a little more these days, I know it must be an effort sometimes.
Scaredycat hope you’re enjoying better weather than here. Have a good time.
Sleep well all

Sorry everyone I'm a bit useless at keeping in touch Had really lovely day yesterday but slept most of today and felt very unwell, brain fog. Had to leave my car at the caravan and come home in DHs car, didn't feel safe driving. Weather is dreadful. Hopefully chat tomorrow. xx

Doodle Thankyou . It helps to know there are answers .
Nadateturbe Feel so much for you. Hoping you sleep well tonight and such a shame you can't stay at caravan.
Another hymn/song I much loved remembered today was 'Will your Anchor Hold in the Storms of Life'
It helped me much today to remember the words.

Thank you Sweetpeasue a comforting hymn. I'm glad Doodle was able to reassure you a bit. x

Late hello all. Jaffacake I do a lot of “blocking”, sometimes it’s the only way to get through. I’m sorry your daughter has had the health worries.

Full on rain today here too, Ellie Anne. I find I can WhatsApp if I cant talk.

Sweetpeasue sorry you lost your long post. I’m glad to hear that DH has some dates ahead and hope the chest one is soon.

Doodle I drive to the local Sainsbury’s on Mondays. I buy and eat the same food each day so’s not to have to think.

Thinking of you lighting the candle for DH when you go tomorrow xx

I’m really glad that you had a lovely day yesterday nadateturbe - so sorry there’s such a cost to pay.

I’m hoping you managed to get out today HVDY

Thinking of all other BD’s tonight xx
Night night all.

Jaffacake2 Your daughter has got some health problems - I hope she'll get surgery for the tumour soon. She's probably in some discomfort. It's nice that you've got a friend coming to stay soon. I hope your other daughter will get in touch with you.

EllieAnne It poured with rain for most of the day yesterday, but today is a bit brighter. Hope you're ok.

SweetpeaSue I'm pleased your husband has got some appointments coming up quite soon. Hopefully, they will get things sorted out for him. How are you?

Doodle Glad you managed to see a friend yesterday. Was it for a pub lunch? I went to aqua - big mistake. I didn't do any exercises but did a slow, simple jog. I was in the worst pain I've ever had, for the rest of the day. Hope you're able to see someone for a chat today.

nadateturbe Such a shame about the poor weather. I'm glad you had a nice day, but sorry you suffered for it afterwards. Hope today will be better for you.

Wyllow3 At least you're going out to the shop, so it's a start. Would you consider getting a takeaway now and then, as a change?

I had the worst pain I've ever known, yesterday - the only thing I did that I don't normally do is that I drove to the leisure centre and back (1/2 mile each way). I hadn't driven for 3 weeks. The pain was unbelievable, and it was a struggle to even walk from the water to the changing room. I was in agony until this morning. I can't carry on like this, but the 1st Physiotherapist insists I've got Osteoarthritis (x-rays say "borderline), so what can I do? I believe it's a trapped nerve (as does the 2nd Physio).

Hope ALL BDers are alright today x

Good afternoon everyone. Back home! The weather is dreadful, and not due to improve so we felt it would be more comfortable at home, if I was having bad days. if that makes sense. So DH packed his car, I stuck some clothes on, not even showered and we headed home. What a strange miserable illness is this. (whether its called M.E. or M.S.!) If we get to England we would have to plan for doing nothing on alternate days, I think.
I'm catching up a bit, but the effort tires me quickly. So I'll have to have breaks.
Scaredycat I hope you're still enjoying your trip whether its sunny or not. I think in UK we just put a rainjacket on, take a brolly, and get on out and make the most of it, we're used to bad weather, although I think it's a particularly bad July. How is your AF?
Thanks to everyone for compliments about my painting.
Sweetpeasue I smiled at your question. I wish it was the view from our house. Sadly not, just our holiday let near Watermillock.
HVDY I hope you have made it to aqua aerobics. I wonder will it help the pain. I remember reading somewhere that after a while codeine stops working. I would have thought gabapentin would help. You'd think there would be something they could give you. I understand not wanting to take morphine, although I know sometimes it's the only solution.
Your garden sounds very pretty for sitting in. And it's great your husband can lose weight easily. I would love to have that self control. My friends think it's great I can eat two chocolates and put the box away. I don't buy chocolates but people keep buying them for birthdays etc. I only eat 2 squares but I couldn't actually go a whole day without some chocolate, or a chocolate biscuit.
Wyllow3 its great that you go to Sainsbury every Monday. how long have you managed to do that? Do you eat the same food every day? Like Scaredycat I too wish we could give you back the enthusiasm you used to have.
EllieAnne Glad you enjoyed church. I smiled at the "not too long service". I too don't like an overly long sermon. Wasn't it lovely to get some much needed sun? If only we could get more. Just because our children aren't in touch much doesn't mean they don't care. I think especially if they don't live close, it can be a different type of relationship. I text but I usually let my children ring or ask is this a good time to ring for a chat. Sometimes texts arent answered for a while. I think children are busy and sometimes have their own stuff to deal with. Sometimes I feel sad but generally I just get on with it and accept it is what it is. I think too we have more time to think about things, and that's not a good idea. From what you've posted at other times, you sound like a good thoughtful mother.

Hello Jaffacake I'm glad your DDs tumour was discovered. Hopefully it too will be benign. I hope she's recovering from the other injuries and it's not too long until you see her. Its good you have such a close friend to support you and keep you company. I think I would just concentrate on taking care of yourself and not worry about the other daughter right now. As Sweetpeasue said you will get support on the estrangement thread.

HVDY just spotted your last post. How awful for you. I wonder do you need to completely rest your hip. It seems ridiculous that no one has really helped.

Just googled, some suggest rest, some exercise. We're you given exercises to do, I can't remember?

Sweetpeasue I'm so glad your DH has some dates and they're not too far away fingers crossed the third one-angiography? is soon too. I think theres a GCA thread started recently, might be of interest. I hope your day is going OK and your pain is manageable. I suppose your DH is soldiering on.
The hymn you mentioned, I don't know where I would be without my anchor.
There's one on YouTube called Be Still by The Fray with beautiful words which bring tears to my eyes. . ( not the well known Be Still) youtu.be/5nUuBjz4Vhc?si=o28Cty0wVyBQ37Uk it's very short.x

Doodle I hope you got to church and lit the candle for your DH. It's nice you had lunch with your friend. It must be so lonely and strange for you now at home. Sending love and hugs. And prayers of course. x

My children too are very sporadic about contact. And things are not quite normal with the one who left his partner recently.
Sometimes I post memories or little chats on a family WhatsApp which I started, but they mostly ignore it. One can only try.