Black Dog 22

In telling the GP you were considering going private, they're probably hoping that's what you'll do.
Probably true HVDY.
Zakouma I often do that, and feel a bit better once I'm out.

Of course we were going to go private but DH thought it worth hanging on for this appt as it didn't seem too far away -to hom, not to me- even 4 weeks felt too far away. The cancelled appt was to be 4th July. I've been battling with DH for ages over this ,to see another GP, but he thought we'd already pushed enough and didn't want to make a fuss.
I've no problem with going private , we've had to do it 4 times over past few yrs because of the procedure going wrong and Drs covering it up. Also for consultant getting DH's hip diagnosis wrong-- he did need hip replacement.
Nadateturbe Yes read some of letter in DH's phone. I think the GP has thought all along the headaches were because of DH worrying about me -the mental fallout (and physical pain) because of the cover up . They all know about that. I think you're right about DH feeling too bad to be bothered with things like A&E ,we've plenty of experience about that, but I've tried so many times to get him to try and go to out of hrs. That's why I'm so damn mad and scared.

Anyway thankyou so much HVDY, Nadateturbe, Zakouma66.
We're going to try another GP on Monday and ask for referral to private consultant or book one ourselves, but rather it look as if a GP thinks it appropriate too.

Take care all and thankyou for the replies x

Thanks HVDY I've been telling him to ring111 for ages. I was quite forceful in our last appt as GP wasn't believing the seriousness of it which is why I told him we were thinking of going private. I thought he would change his mind. Could have been a mistake but I was trying so hard to make him see. Ah well.

Really tricky on...the " don't make a fuss". Things have changed so much, making a fuss is the only way. Difficult if you and your partner are not on the same page.

I am always polite, always. Medics have trampled all over me in the past.

Doodle - so glad the sun shone for you yesterday. You were constantly in my thoughts. Today is the first day of your new life- just treat yourself kindly and remember how many people loved your DH and what a wonderful partnership you had.
Some days you will feel and think “ I am a widow now” but you had what many people have not had a kind and loving husband. Never be afraid to do the things you like to do and enjoy- it’s part of healing. Sending a loving hug.

I am going to have an echocardiogram this afternoon but hopefully will be back here later today. Love to all

Back from Hospital .Had the echo - just wait for the results now. The Hospital was really quiet today so went in right on time!!
Nadateturbe- Sorry you have worries about your AC. Their problems are our problems aren’t they. I hope your DD is soon back to full health - stress makes it so much worse for her I expect. Your Son and partner will work through their troubles and he knows whatever happens you will always be there for him.
What a kind friend- a Jigsaw Angel. Have a good rest tomorrow - look after yourself.
SweetPeaSue- you didn’t need that letter it must have set your head spinning.
That rearranged appt date for DH is ridiculous. I think that the time has come to go privately - if you can. Is there a private hospital nearby where you could just book a private consultation? Your poor DH having to deal with a head that not only aches and makes him feel ill but must also be full of conflicting thoughts. Hope you get an appointment on Monday and get some practical help and understanding.
Take care.
Zakouma66- hope the trews went on and you got out and managed to have a better day.

nadateturbe I’m sorry about your son and daughter. We always worry so much about family dont we.
What a lovely surprise to get 5 new jigsaws.
Thank you for your kind thoughts, yes the sunshine always makes a difference. It was nice to see people enjoying sitting outside and chatting about good times together.
Sweetpeasue of course you’re upset and angry. Your DH needs that appointment asap. If you do go privately then you will get an appointment reasonably soon and will be able to put all your points across. You will have the time for a Frank discussion. It’s not right you have to pay but maybe it’s the only way to be seen soon.
Yes get your referral done and I hope you won’t have long to wait.
HVDY I did sleep last night, thank you. I was so exhausted mentally and physically. Are you seeing the family this weekend? I’m having lunch with one of my sons tomorrow.
Scaredycat thank you. Yes I realise I was so lucky to have my DH and the close bond we had. Hope the results of the echo are fine. It seems strange to be in a hospital at the weekend doesn’t it but I think that’s how they fit in some of these tests now.
zakouma it’s hard to force yourself to make the effort sometimes isn’t it. I hope your walk did you good.
Wyllow and Whiff thank you. It was a better day than I thought it would be.

ScaredyCat Hope the results come back all ok and that you don't have to wait long. I've had hospital appointments at weekends before - I suppose it's to catch up with backlogs (some caused by strikes, no doubt).

Doodle No plans for tomorrow, but we'll catch up with the family soon - we're having Chubby Chops all day on Tuesday anyway. I hope you have a lovely lunch with your son tomorrow. Are you dining in a pub?

DH did a lot of weeding, I painted quite a few fence panels (there are 20 altogether, and 5 left to paint). DH is cooking a curry at the moment. A relaxing evening to ALL BDers x

Doodle So glad you had a sunny day for the funeral-makes such a difference when people can think and talk about special times together and are not having to brave wind or rain. Good you are seeing your son for lunch tomorrow.
I hope you can sleep tonight Doodle , your mind must be so full and trying to process everything - you will be exhausted . Take care of yourself and sending a warm hug. x
Nadateturbe It's awful when an AC has problems and you feel so helpless. Son 2 has had some painful break ups before he married and it really tugs the heartstrings. Hope your DD is OK too . You just want them to be well and happy. It will all be sapping your strength too. Thankyou for your kind words. We only had news yesterday of cancellation and we were truly stunned as been hanging on for that appt for ages.
Scaredycat Good you've had the echocardiogram and even better that hospital was quieter today. I remember the mix up last time and the car parking is always a worry . Hope you get results soon and everything is OK. Yes there's a Nuffield not too far away and another private one a little further away. I've calmed down a bit now, but my stomach keeps churning so I have to keep diverting myself from it.
HVDY We've been doing same things this afternoon but I've not done nearly as many panels as yourself. Hope your arm doesn't ache tomorrow but also your poor hip won't be worse. I've been planting in parts of the border .Pink climbing Rose in with purple Salvia at the front and Verbena with red Geum next to purple. Back, knees and arm are all stiff so had a good warm bath and some Ibuprofen. Thanks for understanding.
Zakouma66 I usually find I feel brighter if I can make myself have a walk, even if it'stemporary. We haven't had a beach walk for a while so we owe ourselves one. Hope you've had a good day, it's been sunny here.
EllieAnne Hope you've been OK today and you are coping with things at home. Also that you've heard from your DD .

WhiffCandy**Nanny**Allsorts Hope you've all had a decent day.

Took aunt out this morning and then been in garden this afternoon. Windy but dry. Xx

*.

Can all of you do gardening and fence painting? I can't do those things. Scrubbing the shower is a big achievement for me. Perhaps I need to try harder.

You are enough.

Nadateturbe You have a cruel illness that leaves you so utterly exhausted and it must be so very hard. In the good times you are able to do more. Don't forget those better times ,you will have them again. You can paint more than fences-Ive seen your pictures-they are beautiful. Sounds like you're going through a really bad time. How are your eyes now? Worrying about loved ones will deplete your reserves too. It will pass - and you will come out the other side. Gentle hug for you and be still. I will say a special prayer for you tonight.
Hope you can sleep tonight and wake more refreshed. x

Evening all. I’ve finally managed to come in and catch up. I really thought when I finished work that I’d have more time to do these things but I don’t really. I’m just as busy but in other ways and I seem to be doing even more childcare duties. I do my “regular” 2 full days a week but I’m being called on more now. It’s difficult really because there’s no one else to step in and my daughter is the main wage earner and needs to work. Luckily, DH is quieter with his work so able to help out too. There are times when I do have more time to myself which I spend going to the gym or resting! I feel I need that.
Doodle I have been thinking a lot about you and it sounds like you gave your much loved DH a lovely funeral. I know you must be hurting a lot and like others,I wish we could take away your pain. I haven’t had the same experience as you, but I have lost parents. I’m sure ther will be good days and bad days but slowly, you will find there will be more good days than bad. Your life will be different for sure but you can still live a fulfilled one with some joy I’m sure. It’s about getting through and we all know a little about that. I’m sure your sons will be of great help too. Eventually your memories will bring you happiness not sadness and you will pull through. When my beloved Dad died, I used to look at photos and read the tributes made to him on the sympathy cards I received. They used to make me cry, but I realise I probably needed that and then I stopped and didn’t do that anymore. I realise now it was all part of the bereavement process and you will have your own process too I’m sure. You wIll get there ❤️.
Nadaterturbe I’m sorry you have worries about your children. What’s the saying - “you are only ever as happy as your most unhappy child?” When I used to worry about my children when they were small, I remember my SiL saying to me “it doesn’t get any easier when they’re older, you just worry about different things”. Again, very true. I do hope you are managing ok and you are managing to rest.
HVDY you’re going to be busy with chubby chops! I’ve always done 2 days per week and it is hard going but at there’s the 2 of you so that will help take the pressure of a bit. You enjoy it though, as I do, so you’ll manage. Even though my GS is older now (8) it’s still hard work, getting him to school, his football etc. enjoy it all as it all goes way too fast!
Sweetpeasue I can fully understand your frustration around DH’s appointment, I would feel the same, sadly, these days, going down the private route seems the only way to go. I hope you get it all sorted soon and your worries can be alleviated. Nice you could take your aunt out. You are very good to her considering your own problems. I hope you have a restful night.
Scaredycat Glad you’ve had the echocardiogram. I hope you get the results soon and all is ok. Hope you have a restful night too.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you seem so down. I hope you are getting through the weekend ok and are able to go to Church. You seem so unhappy and I know this has been said before, but please consider AD’s. I believe they could help you get the confidence to do things for yourself and make your life better. Do some research on the pro’s and cons so you can make an informed decision. Thinking of you❤️
Wyllow glad you’re KOKO. You do so well. I hope you are improving even though it doesn’t seem like you are getting all the help you need and deserve. Are you in touch with your sister and your Church friends? I hope your ex is leaving you alone.
Whiff good advice for Doodle as always. I hope you are ok. You manage so well it seems.
Zakouma66 Hello and welcome. Nice you’ve joined us.

We are at our caravan for some r&r. Weather nice today but not given it so good for tomorrow. Seems pretty much the pattern everywhere. Night all. Sleep well xx

Sweetpeasue I really hope that DH can get the help he needs. I really hope you can find nice doc on Monday and the confusion gets sorted out. Some blokes are very resistant to push for help. Well done for aunt.

Well done on the trews, Zakouma

I didn’t manage yesterday or today, one of the great unwashed and whats the pointish. Not able to move on yet. Just get through somehow. Its going to take some time to get extra help.

*ScaredyCat I hope the results turn out to be OK.

Nadateturbe dont try too hard, just do the things that give you pleasure if possible.

Well done on the fence front and weeding both of you HVDY

Bests in getting the childcare/your own life balance right, Candy

Hello EllieAnne, Whiff and all other BD’s.

And Doodle......love on koko xxx

nadateturbe You have an illness that leaves you exhausted. That must be difficult. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. I find I can do a lot (for me) on some days but nothing on other days. I do what I can, when I can. If things don't get done, so be it.

Candy6 You obviously love having your GS, but be careful not to give up too much of your own time. You need a certain amount of leisure time. Enjoy your caravan break away. Hope the weather stays decent.

Doodle You're so kind to think of us all on here and to care about others when you're going through such a sad time yourself. I hope you have a nice time with your son today.

Wyllow3 You're doing well, please koko. I hope today will be a decent day for you.

SweetpeaSue Your aunt must love being taken out by you. You had a busy day, by the sound of it. Not the weather for gardening today (raining here, what a surprise ) I hope you aren't aching from yesterday's work.

EllieAnne Hope you're ok and able to get out today.

Zakouma66 Have you got any nice local parks to walk around? Even a walk around the block is beneficial. DH and I used to do that and ought to start again.

I slept well! 11 until 6, then fell asleep again until 9! It'll be a lazy day today (washing and ironing, nothing else), as I'm planning on going to aqua aerobics tomorrow. ScaredyCat, Whiff and ALL BDers - hope you all have a decent day. x

The rain soon cleared up, so I finished painting the fencing, as I didn't have much pain. Then I made a lasagne for later. I might have done too much, as I'm in agony now. Time for a glass of wine. Hope everyone's been ok x

Doodle- I hope you enjoyed your lunch with your son today. It,ll do you both good to have a one to one chat - your sons sound kind and thoughtful.
HVDY- washing and ironing doesn’t sound lazy to me!!! Especially after yesterdays fence painting.
Good idea to conserve energy for Aqua Aerobics. That was a really good sleep- you needed it .
How is your hip today- yes it would be nice if you and DH could get out for a walks again. When you have Chubby Chops for those 2 days perhaps you can push her round the
park for exercise.
SweetPeaSue-Fancy you remembering the last echo faffing about!! We got there really early yesterday but there were loads of parking spaces. I suppose the results will turn up sometime! The sonographer did say that the fluid round my heart hadn’t got worse so that was good news.
Your planting sounds so pretty - I love all those colours.
Your Aunt must have been happy to see you as you couldn’t see her last time.
Good luck with the surgery tomorrow.
Nadateturbe- You have enough to deal with without painting fences! I understand your frustration though. I can’t do even half what I could a couple of years ago but your illness is so debilitating- I think you do brilliantly.
Candy6- make sure you have time for yourself although of course you want to help your DD too. Your DGS will always remember his times with you and yes it goes very fast. We did one day a week for one of our GGC - but really felt our age then. Really nice words for Doodle- we all deal with loss differently don’t we.
Enjoy your time at the caravan hope it’s warmer than it is here!!
Wyllow- Hope today is a bit easier for you. You are making a huge effort and it will get better for you . The sooner the extra help materialises the better. You so deserve some happiness xx
Zakouma66- hope your weekend has had some bright moments .
EllieAnne- how are you today?

Today I went for coffee and cake with my DD,DGD and DGGD - 4 generations together .I felt very lucky.

Love to allx

Candy yes I’m looking at videos of DH and photos. Sometimes the longing to touch his face again is just too much to bear. Other times I smile at the thought of all the love and happiness we shared. It’s 3 weeks now and I miss him more each day.
I’m not surprised you’re busy. I thought when you retired things would crop up that filled your time. Have a lovely time at your caravan.
Wyllow I feel for you. I’m finding it hard to find a point too but we both have to koko..x
HVDY oh dear I’m so sorry you’ve overdone things and are now in pain. Does the aqua aerobics help?
DH used to love lasagne. His second favourite after steak.
Scaredycat had a lovely roast lunch and am very full now.
Our sons have been so good. I need so much help at the moment. Good you’ve had your echo done. Also good news about the fluid round your heart, hope the results come back ok.
Four generations together sounds amazing. Not many achieve that. How lovely to see them all at the same time.
nadateturbe no you don’t need to try harder. When you are exhausted and lacking in energy you can’t do things. Your illness is making you this way. Don’t be so hard on yourself, yours is a difficult illness to cope with.
Hope things with your family improve soon.
Sweetpeasue sounds as though you’ve had a busy day with your aunt and then working in the garden. I bet it will lovely when all your planting is in bloom. You’ve been working hard. Hope you have a relaxing evening.

Ellie Anne and zakouma Hope you’ve managed to get through the weekend ok.

Doodle It really doesn't seem like 3 weeks at all. Such a good thing to have videos of your DH to look at and bring memories of happy times. I have a cassette tape of my Dad singing and laughing. He sings 'Keep Right on to the End of the Road' and of course the last words were I'll be there at the end of the road. He didn't think when he chose that song that I'd be listening to it after he'd died. Oh I just feel so sad for you and your loss and heart break. I'm glad your son's are there to comfort you and share all the things you all did together--all the 'Rember when ...' I hope your pacemaker issues are settled now too. Look after yourself Doodle. x
Scaredycat Lovely to have tea n cake with your family and a good chat. Glad the fluid around your heart isn't any worse and hope results come back soon. Yes I love pink and purple together. Nearer the house I've got blue Solanum (not planted yet) and a pale blue Clematis next to it with various shades of pink Dianthus below. Thanks for best wishes about surgery- just hope the GP DH wants is there and can see us F2F .
Candy Hope you are having a nice time at your caravan. I can't believe how cold it's been yesterday and today ,doesn't feel like June. You'll be OK on the move with your dog walks though. You sound very fit with the Gym sessions and childminding on top. GC are such a joy though it can be hard to keep up at times.😂
HVDY I did a little more fence painting today then ironing which had built up more than usual. Other wise quiet day. Oh your poor hip, is it the bending to paint? You might need to rest it a while now. Does the aqua-aerobics help ? Don't do too much.
Nadateturbe How are you today? Sorry , don't answer if your eyes are bad or if you are v tired. I'm sorry you are so down but please don't expect too much of yourself. HVDY is right - you have a debilitating illness and you need to be kind to yourself. It's easy for us to say , I know , you must get so frustrated unable to do basic things, or when you do them having to rest up a day or two. Can you still manage to paint on quiet days? x
* EllieAnne* How are you ? Hope its not been a bad weekend for you and you've managed to see some friends at church.
Wyllow It takes a lot to post when you are so ill but even some attempt to communicate with us is good as you're reaching out to others. Sorry you've been so low and can't bring yourself to do the basics. Perhaps you might manage tomorrow. I wish you could get more help .Have they said how long it will take?
Zakouma66 Hope you are not feeling too bad today. Think we'd all feel better when our summer decides to start.
WhiffAllsorts**Nanny Hope you've all had a decent day.

Had some sickening bladder pain all morning then I've been fine. DH not as bad with headache today though says it feels thick and foggy. Feels so cold here. Garden coming g along slowly but could do with some warm sun , like us all.

A tale of 2 halves for me. Yesterday was rubbish. Forced myself for a swim this morning. Theres something about being in the pool that fires up neurotransmitters or something.

Hope everybody else is reasonably OK.

ScaredyCat How lovely to see your daughter, granddaughter and great-granddaughter all together at once. It's good that the fluid around your heart hasn't got worse.

Doodle Looking at photos and videos of your husband must be bittersweet, but you had some great holidays together and a lot of love between you. Aqua aerobics is what started my pain - we do a lot of "tuck jumps" where we jump up whilst bringing the legs up, if that makes sense. I've had Codeine and a glass of wine and sat down for a while, so I'll be ok, thanks.

SweetpeaSue Bending makes it worse - to the washer, dishwasher, etc. Also, stepping up - going upstairs, getting into the shower, etc. It's a damned nuisance. Your garden will be very pretty when it's all in bloom. I've ordered some coloured plant holders (which hang from the fence), so the fence will look less bare soon. It's really cold here, too - I've just put the heating on for a while!

zakouma66 Glad you managed to have a swim. Do many people go on a Sunday?

I've been doing online shopping - a dress for me, a bra and some toiletries for GD1. My computer is set up next to a radiator Hope ALL BDers have a cosy evening x

A weekend of highs and lows. Concert last night went well and was very uplifting. Today not so good.
I first went on ad s when son 1 was teenager and was treating me badly. His dad was away a lot and when he was home he didn’t help.
Then again when dh took redundancy. I knew I would not cope and went to dr in tears, I was on various pills for a while but came off because I felt flat. Couldn’t enjoy anything even my gds.
So I don’t want to go back on them.
It is so cold here today. Just a short walk.
Goodnight everyone,

Nice family coffee and cake there, Scaredycat

Well done on the fence, HVDY.

Another fence painter, Sweetpeasue …well done

A very well done on the swim, zakouma. I used to a lot.

Glad to hear about the concert, Ellie Anne. Glad you managed to get out in the cold.

Doodle, so we do, so we do. KOKO.
Your post was so moving and very understandable.

I had a shower and did a wash.

Night night to all BD’s present or reading.