BLACK DOG 25

Wyllow I may go to Bath sometime for a couple of days. At some point maybe a short cruise but at the moment i can’t contemplate that,
HVDY glad you had a nice time. The views sound lovely.
Ellie Anne is it really that cold. I’m sitting here with a fan on I’m so hot. Thinking of you and sending hugs,
Oh Scaredycat what a shock. So glad you were ok but accidents happen so easily. Please be careful. You’re the third person I’ve heard of recently who’s had a fall while gardening.
Sweetpeasue I think we’re all with you on this journey with your Dh. All concerned about his treatment or lack of. So keep sharing. I hope you have your holiday and all is well.
nadateturbe nice to hear from you.
I’ve been to listen to a talk today by a local artist. Very interesting and something completely different for me.

Doodle I can understand you not wanting the cruise hol when you had so many lovely ones with your man.
It means a lot that you care about my own worries though I know you are suffering so much with your grief and what must be such a terrible change in your life. It must be an absolutely horrendous change for you. X

Sorry * Doodle* Of course I've no real idea of the huge impact of the passing of your nearest and dearest. Only meant to
sympathise in the best possible way but can't actually empathise unless I've suffered the same. I do appreciate your words.

Forecast for tomorrow is 14 with wind and rain.

Well I hope it is here, Ellie Anne.

I’ll be back in tomorrow and I’ve read but lack the energy to reply right now. But today has been a truly loving and wise one and lots of BDs in 🙂

After the park I went to sleep so am up late. I’ve actually been relaxing:, currently watching an old but top Agatha Christie’ ‘murder in the library. See you all tomorrow xx and good night to all BD’s.

Tonight’s u tube: go to

The Crossing Stellenbosch University Choir

Doodle Bath is very nice. There are some great cities for a day out or weekend.

EllieAnne It's pouring with rain here (been raining since about 2am), and it is currently 16 degrees. Hope you manage to go for a walk or perhaps to church today.

Son2 will have Little Girl on his own today (DIL and her girl in London until tomorrow night), so he suggested us all going to a park. We'll see how that works out.... back later x

Hi all
Nadateturbe- so lovely to see you - we miss you. It was interesting for you to view the ME thread. Maybe see you later today but if not hope you can enjoy whatever you are able.
SweetPeaSue- Never let us act our age!! Inside my head is a teenager I think but my body knows otherwise. But I,m fighting the Mrs Overall look!! I did really wack my head though and it’s still a bit sore but OK.
Your DH sounds a bit like he may be suffering some anxiety as well . He is so kind to take your Aunt out when he feels so unwell- you are such nice people.
Please keep sharing as you do - we all care for you both very much and hope the holiday peace and beauty will soothe you.
HVDY- yes it was a fright and was just glad DH was there to take me otherwise I,d have had to drive myself.😩
The nails sound so pretty- pale pink is one of my favourite colours.
Nice day with Son 1 and daughter - you needed a nap . Your days are so lovely and full. Enjoy the park today.
Hope your legs are more comfortable now it is a bit cooler.
Doodle- you,ll have a break when you’re ready but you are really doing well by trying some new experiences like the talk.
Yes I must take more care outside but when I feel OK I,m a bit reckless I guess.
Hope you are at Church today - it’s much cooler and more comfortable isn’t it.
DD is coming round in a minute and we,ll have a little walk and coffee .
EllieAnne- that’s nippy😩
Wyllow- a loving and wise day sounds so comforting. The park looks gorgeous and a lovely place to spend time.Glad you have it nearby.
See you later.

Love to all and take carexxxx

Essay alert, as I've caught up and a lot of news myself (editor - same old )

At last, it rained last night, at last, and it’s still cool , bits of sun, scents from the rain still coming in. I still wish I had the sort of rain where you live, Ellie Anne I dont want them to declare a hose ban and the resovoir (sp) levels are so very low, are they near you?

I’ve been held up from posting today yet, new techie stuff, transferring an Apple “pages” document to MS word, for my psychologist.

Its my daily diary for her to read and come back to me on if she spots a "I must say this or that to Wyllow", and it forms the basis of her report for the Psychiatrist's appointment later in the month - includes stuff like reducing my diazepam etc.

I'm very tired, as night I did overdo it a bit, but was enjoying my first "sit down and relax with TV on for ages".

I’ve also got some clothes dyeing on the go, it takes hours stage by stage but great fun wondering how the three garments will turn out.

Doodle I was glad you were able to write more, hopefully it's a sign your wrist is getting better. I thought your holiday ideas were very well judged - I’ve only been once to Bath (it reminds me of Buxton, up here in the High Peak)

A cruise is for the back burner, when you are ready. Maybe me, one day? Always always dreamed of it.

I may be wrong, but going to hear an artist - something “outside yourself” is a good sign of moving forward, (tho it often doesnt feel like that at the time) I look back and see the “signs of recovery”. Easy as she goes, I know one cant predict feelings.

DocSis is being wonderfully helpful on the ear front as in notes for the consultant tomorrow. I have sent her 2 photos of my draft.
She is going to write the whole darn thing for me, as it has to be one page A4 in the end: as my printer isn't working atm: I'll hand write it out.

I was shocked by that awful day, Scaredycat. Thank goodness the result was relatively benign, and they did act quickly, but it must have shaken you up a lot and be worn out now.

DH is right of course, but its good to remain young at heart, curious and open to the world.
You are right: “You are truly coming into the light - may it long continue. I think you have found your path- just take it carefully.” I expect it was great to talk to DD and process that tough day/

I was glad that you have found an ME thread, nadateturbe - may it be helpful. Of course we think of you always.

Poor Aunt, Sweetpeasue. You are really a great help, however, you can be proud.
You’re worried about over sharing?

Look at my posts..yet I do really hope someone PM’s me if am, because this thread is public.
I am aware it could be read by anyone and I suppose I hope that it brings the realities of MH alive to people, that is isn’t all awful, that there are gifts within suffering.

I’m glad you have booked another holiday - you had real doubts before going, but when you were there, it worked out well, so’s maybe the next time will be great too.

You have written some very perceptive words to others, including myself, thank you.

That was a good day yesterday, HVDY: cuddles and fun with the pets, treating them to lunch, and a bit of a shopping look around. You had a daytime snooze like I did!

I'll be back in to say goodnight - so tried as only got 5 hours - nothing bad, tho I was dropping 1mg diazepam - but excited to get going today, and I have mostly paced myself well. Just - mustn't forget to have a shower ...

Early song of the day (yes, for me)

Leonard Cohen

"Ring the bells that still can ring:

Forget your perfect offering:

There is a crack in everything

Thats how the light gets in"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8-BT6y_wYg&list=RDc8-BT6y_wYg&start_radio=1

ScaredyCat Did you see your daughter and go for a coffee? My legs are painful - it feels like bad sunburn but on the inside, if that makes sense. Damned nuisance. I hope your head is ok.

Wyllow3 I'm glad you're pacing yourself a bit. Don't overdo things. What are you dyeing? Is it tie-dyeing?

SweetpeaSue I can't remember what numbers you said your husband's heartrate has been, but mine has been 53-59 today. I have to say, I feel dizzy today - no idea why.

It's rained almost every minute of the day here. Picked up Son2 and Little Girl, went to a huge indoor softplay place - it was absolutely packed but she made a little friend. Back to their for a drink and chat (LG had a nap). Home now, and DH is making a curry . x

Sweetpeasue no need to apologise I know what you mean and I know you care. I’ve been round to DS2 for a BBQ. Nice to see them and the food was lovely DS2 is a good cook.
Back home now and relaxing. Out tomorrow with art class.
Ellie Anne sounds really chilly where you are. Are you having lots of rain?
HvDY I’ve been to Bath twice before but it’s not. Place I know well. Hopefully if I go it won’t upset me. Your heart rate is a little low but not too bad. When I had my pacemaker fitted I was on 25 which was why they did it as an emergency.
Scaredycathow are you feeling today. You must have given your head a nasty blow. Hope it’s feeling better. I’ve been to church today which was nice then Round to DS2.
Tomorrow I’m going on a day out with the art group.
Wyllow glad your sister is helping you with writing up things and printing. I am writing more but my wrist is still very painful. By the time I’m finished it hurts a lot. I think it’s the fine finger movements of typing that do it.
Hope you sleep better tonight, I’m very tired these days,

Just short post tonight, v tired.
Scaredycat I couldn't think of the character's name but yes Mrs Overall, she was funny wasn't she. Thankyou for your kind words they mean a lot.Do hope the your head isn't aching from that awful bang.
HVDY DHs heart bpm was 51 at ECG and has been early 50 to mid 50s . Your heart rate is really low too. My husband has been experiencing dizziness after resting . Oh your legs are sounding really painful ,sunburn from inside . Have they been itching aswell? Lovely time with zlittlegirl there. She sounds the right age to make friends.
EllieAnne Hope you saw friends at church today. We had rain yesterday but fairly dry today.
Wyllow Yes, this thread has potential to bring MH matters to the fore. Difficult not to post authentically without us being 'real' people and friends to each other.
I always thought dyeing clothes might be quite difficult . You are doing so many different things lately. It must be great having doc sis on board to help and those notes for consultant should be really helpful. Dropping the Diazapam dose sounds tricky but as long as it's a gradual process . You are doing so well!
Doodle It must be so hard to distract yourself when you're at home and not being able to do your crafts. Keep heart and hoping your hands will be back to full strength soon. Hoping you were able to see friends today and attend church.

Thinking of those not in .Afraid to mention names in case I leave anyone out.😧

Went to garden centre again today and bought a purple Verbena plant - will look nice under the climbing pink rose.
Had a Costa too. When we came out DH went dizzy ,needed spray. Yesterday n today seemed to be worse.
Watched Norrie's tennis match.

Peaceful night to all in body and mind. Love to all.x

Doodle Depends where you live, but Chester and York are good, too. I'm not at all concerned about my heart rate but I think Sweetpeasue said her husband's was 50-something (perhaps I'm wrong about that?). Oh, yours was extremely low! Glad you had a nice time at your son's. Warm enough for a BBQ! It's been much cooler here and very wet all day.

Love to all x

HVDY, I am dyeing two nighties and a dress, with very faded colours atm.

Lucky you with that rain - sigh -the usual odd drop here.
I’m not surprised the soft play was packed (probably Mc Donalds was too, thats a wet day destination for the DGC)

But I’ve not been relaxing, I’m wound up and often freaking out, but its the Ear Consultant tomorrow morning, I want him to say “go straight to the grommet operation.... we dont need yet more tests the GP has done many and loads of evidence…we’ll see.

My sis has just sent the draft through by email, so I must do it now, (hand copy out), so back later, and read some more BD posts.

Sweet pea sue I bought a purple verbena recently. It looks good against my new fence.

Oh my, just looked up purple verbena Ellie Anne and Sweetpeasue - the shape as well as the colour, they must really stand out.
I'm tempted too, there is a space where a couple of verbenas would look good combined with deep rust coloured leaves of the adjoining plants.

Doodle it's very nice to get cooked for - was the weather nice for the BBQ? A day out is a step forward too, thank goodness your wrists are healing enough to post for longer and do more things. Does not hurt for long after? Because I'm guessing the nurses and doctors want you to use your fingers as well.

Sweetpeasue, these days dyeing is so easy. Dylon have pods. You just peel the top off and place it in the machine with the clothes.
I'm so sad about DH's constant difficulties. Someone may've told you this already but....I get dizzy with ear stuff atm, and the only way through this is by breathing correctly. When you have to get up from sitting or bending over

always get up with a strong in breath. In other words, breathe deeply for a bit - breathe out strongly, and then when rising up breathe in deeply ..worth a try.

Well sis and me sorted out the one page of A4 in about 30 mins (after her work on it). But the miracle is that `I got my printer to work.

I googled the details and they said (in summary) before trying anything fancy, switch both lap top and printer off, then on together - it worked thankfully I now have several copies, one to drop by the GP too.

I cant believe how much worry I would have saved if I'd done this first...all day on edge.

Time for a small glass of something.

I did get a decent nights sleep as so tired after yesterday:

I must relax not do admin stuff, but have a phone call with DocSis soonish, that will help, as well as being well prepared.

Cross fingers and toes for me BD's, I so want a result "go straight to operation", but I must prepare for disappointment!

Hi all
Doodle- a BBQ is a lovely treat isn’t it. Great you have a Son who can cook well- my Son is good at some things but cooking isn’t one of them!!
Are you drawing outside today or just going coffee and caking with your Art friends?
Goodness your HR was low - you sure needed that pacemaker.
Yes I really did give my head a bang but I had a straw sun hat on so that helped a lot.
What a nuisance your injury has been - not only painful but so restricting . The heat and the mental and physical strain of dealing with your wrist must have contributed to your fatigue. I hope you sleep well most nights.
SweetPeaSue- it’s better that your DH heart rate is low rather than high. Sometimes also your BP can drop when you stand up from sitting and make you dizzy can’t it. Good idea to take the spray with him always - hopefully it gives him a bit of confidence.
Garden centres are a bit addictive aren’t they - your garden must look lovely.
Wyllow- we went to Buxton with my Sister when we visited you’re right it’s like a mini Bath. The reservoirs were very low as you say and that was before this heatwave.
Had a lovely chat with DD thank you.
Hope the consultation this morning has gone well.Whatever happens today you are well on your way to getting your ear sorted. Try and relax a bit more- your Sis has got you sorted and then you sorted yourself!! Lots of sorteds there.
On the way home you could treat yourself to a verbena or 2 and do some therapeutic planting.
HVDY- DD and I had a walk through the Woodland Trust and then a coffee with a marathon chat!!
Your legs sound so uncomfortable. You are so uncomplaining having to cope with what must be a horrible feeling.
It rained buckets here yesterday - got rid of some of the pigeon poo on the conservatory roof😀
Isn’t it sweet when little girls make friends and you watch them chatting away.
EllieAnne- pleased your fence is all done now so you could replant.Purple is a lovely colour in the garden.
How are you today?

Love to all . Those present and all our friends who are absent at the moment.

EllieAnne I had Verbena before the fence was changed and had to get rid of a lot of plants. It always did well and bees love it. Hope yours does well too.
Hoping your miserable wet weather is on the change soon.
Wyllow Hope you have had a good appt with your consultant and are happy with outcome. Your advice about DH taking deep breaths before standing is very helpful. Unfortunately I didn't tell him until after a bad episode today when he'd walked 30yds to supermarket from car and gripped my hand so tightly with a dizzy spell and had to stop just inside doorway, I thought he was going to keel over. Told him to take deep breaths and it helped but it's happening too often now. Gave him your advice to take the breaths before standing.
HVDY Hoping your legs are a lot more comfortable today- it sounds so horrible. Your dizziness could be related to your low heart rate - IF your low heart rate isn't normal for you. Hope the curry was good last night.
Scaredycat Pigeons are such a nuisance round here too. Previous neighbour used to rattle a box of seed and feed them! 😫
I see what you're saying about DHs heart rate and usually it wouldn't be of concern but with his other symptoms of tight chest and dizziness I think there's something wrong. Thankyou for your reassurance though. Hope your AF isn't worse when it's hot.
Doodle Hoping you got to art class today and your hands weren't too painful with it.

I woke early and couldn't sleep for worry. I've not been able to talk much today as I'm trying not to burst into tears. DH has noticed. He doesn't want to worry me and I don't want to worry him . We both know we're worried over same thing though. My guts have been bad all day ,probs IBS playing up because I'm scared. I wish I had someone to talk to. Sons haven't asked how DHs appt at hospital went. Son 2 away at work still but forwarded a text from his ex- partner who wants us to look after DGS Friday ( school training day). Of course , we will but hope DH is well enough and doesn't have a 'turn'.

Felt so upset early morning I tried to cuddle DH but he can't bear weight of my arm over his chest , he can't even bear weight of anything on his chest.
Sorry for my post being so miserable. I just know this is not right.
Just needed a friend.

Just popping in with my news and as I'm having a rest will be in later.

Yay : Good news coming up…

Today I went with my deaf ear that I was so concerned about as regards the summer and holidays and forever having to ask people to speak into right ear and not enjoying music so much…..

V long story short - superb service where they do it all ne stop in a morning 3/4 different people /tests etc.

Left ear deafness was vvv bad build up of wax complicated by inflamations, so micro suction, and regular appointments to for same to come up.

An appointment sometime re hearing aid, but I don’t need it for volume, that is just fine, fine tuning, but the tinnitus and the slight echo I hear from sounds might be helped. The appointment for that will take some time so I have time to ponder.

Came out of the hospital on cloud 9,

Now I can look forward to family holiday with no ear complications.

Wyllow That's brilliant news. You really do sound as you're on cloud 9.
Great they can do all the tests at once so you dont need to keep going back. The vast amount of wax and inflammation in left ear must have been really bad - no wonder you've been struggling with hearing. Huge relief for you.

ScaredyCat Pigeons are a nuisance. I like to leave out food for the blackbirds, sparrows and other birds, but the greedy pigeons keep scoffing it. Hope you've had a good day today.

SweetpeaSue I know you and your husband are both worried about his symptoms. When is he due to see someone again? His chest is painful to the touch? That doesn't sound like a problem with his heart, but perhaps a muscle or ligament thing. How long has he had that pain?

Wyllow3 Good news indeed. Glad things are all working out so well for you lately. You're really on the up now.

How's everyone else been today? We had Little Girl from 8am. Playgroup after breakfast, then duck park after lunch. She slept for an hour then played on the park. She went at 5.30. Tired now x

HVDY What a full day you've had. Toddlers are so lively- you wonder how they can keep going sometimes. Joyous and lovely - Littlegirl will be keeping on your toes. .My DGS didn't like swings at park either though he loved the slide ,then of course , by watching others, they eventually try the climbing up it instead of sliding down.
DH goes for a CT on his chest next Monday ( as advised by Respiratory Dr just as a precaution to check the 2 lung nodules that aren't meant to be sinister).
Sorry, no, his chest isn't painful to the touch, he just says it's so tight that he can't bear even the lightweight 4-5 tog duvet on him. It's probably because he feels he's not getting air because of the breathlessness and tightness.
I'm sorry ,I know I sound a bit flaky.
Hope your legs are OK after today- you might n̈need to put elevate them.

Evening all. Been on a lovely art trip today with friends. Good food and company. Glad to be home now though I get tired so quickly.
Wyllow yes I should move my wrist and fingers but apparently typing too much is not good and can cause tendon and nerve damage so advised to restrict it until properly healed. Yes it hurts a lot if I do too much.
BBQ was lovely thank you and it was dry and sunny too.
So pleased your ears got sorted out so quickly.
Sweetpeasue you don’t sound flaky you sound like a concerned wife trying to take care of her husband. You’ve had a long battle to get some answers and still fighting to get him the right help. What you describe doesn’t sound right to anyone. Good he’s having the CT scan next week. Just a thought, does your Dh sleep on his back? If he has trouble breathing he should be propped up . Your lungs are at the back and if you’re laying flat down your putting extra pressure on them. That why in covid they put people on their stomach
HVDY little girl has such fun with you but I’m not surprised you’re tired. Little ones seem to have boundless energy.
Scaredycat yes art was really nice. Despite being overcast for while it didn’t rain and in the end we had sun. Didn’t do much art just chatted and had a lovely lunch. Very enjoyable but in the end I left with the first group to go. There’s only so long I can cope with gatherings and without getting tearful.
Glad you had such a nice time with your DD. Woodland walk sounds nice.
Ellie Anne your plants sound nice. Your garden must look pretty