BLACK DOG 25

I've also tired myself out so much - yesterday was a fab day but I didn't really stop, tho everything was good and My tactic of drawing a line under "new projects" and seeing them through not starting yet more is working.

So today yet again I aim to take some time out, probably not just go to the gym, but have a long shower and pamper and coffee afterwards.

Currently I'm exhausted so taking a break whilst waiting to relax and catch up on myself.

When the cleaner came we did so many little things to make the house better in lots of different ways, cleaning, tidying, nattering... 2 hours and the house is transformed and we've sorted each others problems out a wee bit.

I still intend to go to the gym, much needed. But tum is playing up awfully, I'll have to wear my very biggest top to accommodate.

HVDY Glad you got better sleep last night. It feels a real treat to have a coffee and something to eat , outside the home, I think. I know we could never afford to do that when the boys were at home and it still feels a bit like a luxury now. Hope you enjoy your afternoon tea.
Wyllow Don't worry - I'd never take offence at your words as I know your heart is in trying to help.
Thing is ,the last visit from trainee psychologist ( who is so very young but kind)and MH worker was a sort of 'discharge' and winding down though I was told if things got tough I could give them a call. When you mentioned it the weak and vulnerable part of me thought ,yes I could, but I need to stand on my own ,I think, and not fold up as once I start to depend on a 'safety net' I'll believe I'm not capable. Don't know if that makes any sense to you.
I'm OK right now but I do think DHs Subclavian partly blocked artery and the daily pain and numbness in his hand/arm could indeed be life threatening and probably has something to do with the breathlessness and crushing tightness in chest.
Must be nice chatting with your carer and seeing your home tidy afterwards. I think some MH workers and carers are very special .
Hope you enjoy your gym visit and tum feels better afterwards.

Thankyou all for caring - it means a lot.
Fluff today and very tiny walk along stream with ducks , started raining and didn't have a coat.
Had terrible night and took painkillers just to knock me out , which was silly as made me have nightmares. I'll be OK.

That is such a relief, Sweetpeasue, I'm glad `I popped on just before the gym.

Yes, what you said made complete sense to me - if I'm reading it right, you want to try to cope, but remain open to the option of recontacting them if really necessary. Me, I've been fortunate on the whole to get a great deal out of a friendly MH ear, but we are all different.

Wyllow Yes that's just it really. I too was fortunate in having a brilliant fully qualified psychologist who I could totally open up to and he was the most perceptive person I've ever met. He helped me a lot to understand myself and past issues not only the fallout of the medical gaslighting when Dr's lied about the botched op.
Hope gym went well.
Doodle Hope you've not been terribly sad today and have been able to get out a little with company.

Just done a bit of knitting this afternoon and been entertained by Fluff. She's taken a liking to a yellow gardening glove and runs off with it - shell not give it back under any circumstances until she finds you're not interested in playing the game of running after her. She'll pick up socks or scrunchies and run off with them .She brings a smile to our faces anyhow.
Hope everyone is ok and thinking of those not in .

HVDY hope you and your Dh have a lovely afternoon tea.

Wyllow3 Getting your home a bit tidier must feel good. I find it's easier to keep a place clean when things are put away/in their proper place. Hope your tum has settled a bit now.

SweetpeaSue A dog walk and seeing some ducks sounds very nice. It hasn't rained here, but it's very windy indeed. Jaffa's been indoors almost all day (cats hate to get their fur blown about, although his is really short). Like you, we never ate out or had a cup of tea anywhere when the boys were growing up. The first time we left them - for one night - was when Son1 was 19, Son2 16. It seems mad now, when mothers these days seem to have a lot of breaks without their children. Fluffball sounds so cute and funny.

How's everyone else been? x

wyllow it’s a nice feeling getting your house clean and today isn’t it. You are doing so well.
Sweetpeasue Fluffball sounds a real tonic. Watching her antics must make you smile. You sound stronger today. Keep going and keep fighting for your man.

Scaredycat how are you getting on with the cats. Hope all is going well. No holiday plans at the moment. Got to get my wrist properly healed the. Might go somewhere for a night. I’m still not sure how I’d cope being away from home so just not really thinking about it much.
I’m glad it’s cooler too. I can’t cope with the heat.
Ellie Anne sending hugs.
Sleep well all

HVDY you and Jaffa seem to have a lovely bond. He’s a lucky cat to have found such a good home. Hope he tea was good

Oh, it’s lovely having it tidy, HVDYI cant concentrate when everything is chaotic, it makes my mind more chaotic. When a helping hand that started mainly for cleaning, turns into tidying and targeted “making all calm”. You are indeed fortunate with Jaffa. He just turned up and is now your furry friend

Thank you Doodle, I’m very fortunate in having this particular cleaner as we get on so well and its sort of mutual support re her family stuff.

When I get help I always want to give back, just not to overdo it.

I remember one nurse on the MH ward I was on for 6 months way back, now, saying “you’re here for you”. But I always have been interested in “what makes people tick”. It was a multi cultural ward, so living alongside people of such different backgrounds has helped me understand many things I didn’t before.

You said such a great thing Doodle to Sweetpeasue, standing by your man (and I’m sure, he, of you).

Coping away from home, those familiar memories carried in the very fabric of the place, will be hard for you, Do you have any ideas what you might possibly do when your wrist is healed? Do people in your church ever go away, or one of your friends? What sort of vague picture of “one day I’ll maybe….?.”

Waves to Scardeycat and walking with you Ellie Anne Nadateturbe*, and other BD’s.

My day carried on being good. By the time I got to the gym, I was so exhausted it was hard to walk onto the building, and I kept forgetting things…they are helpful, but I dod a very enjoyable yoga session, I can feel myself just beginning to get stronger.

I was too tired for a shower!

One the way home I checked my bank balance (fine, phew as I’ve been getting treats and clothes and getting work done on the house)

And went to Sainsbugs. I had to boast about it to my sister, so I took a photo of the £49 shop, cant resist showing it…

So a part of the pie now eaten.

Today the light was greater than the dark, and I feel fortunate so love to all xx

Just to say I so liked 'standing by my man' phrase too. So affectionate and personal. Thanks Doodle.

Wyllow So good to see your light today was greater than the dark. X

If it's possible for me, it may come to you too, Sweetpeasue. I had nearly given up all hope: everyday, every hour, I felt "whats the point, and certainly thought of taking my own life often, daily:

I was sustained by gransnet generally, but BD's and politics (where I could discuss matters "bigger than my personal issues" - and of course the chats, the estrangement threads, advice threads, the games, and so on.

I did grab the help I could, which is my strong point, after years in the MH system

I remembered somewhere inside I'd been better. At first I felt cross that my lovely carer was 'because MH cant give me enough anymore", but as posters know, that turned out very well.

If I managed to get there, it was because I did, and have in the past, after all admit I needed and did, and accept help.

Sometimes it seemed not good enough, except my exceptional psychologist, who of course had been with me during when it all kicked off with Ex.

We cant realistically life a live, without the dark and the light, how else do we get to learn the lessons of the dark parts? Everyone has their own path, of course, there is no "one approach fits all"

Night night BD's.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=go1-BoDD7CI&list=RDgo1-BoDD7CI&start_radio=1

tonights U tube...

Nada te turbe

Doodle The afternoon tea was lovely, thanks. The views were great - all fields and rolling hills. Yes, the weather is better, isn't it.

Wyllow3 The outfit you bought is just right for summer. Very nice. Glad you got some tasty food items as well.

Nadateturbe, EllieAnne, others who don't post very often - hope you're all ok.

I slept 11pm to 7am! Can't remember the last time I slept all night. Seeing Son1 and the girls later. Might get my nails "done" this morning. Hope everyone has a decent day x

All looks very nice Wyllow.
If you lived here you’d be looking out your winter coat.
☔️☔️☔️

Well, on the one hand, I would, Ellie Anne, on the other, I’d be glad for the rain for plant saving….. all it does here is present a threatening sky, a nd then sort of spit. So please send rain…….

Ooo, you’re going to look spiffing for the family: enjoy, HVDY.

I’m in the park. I escaped the Lists at home, came here via Sainsbugs and Specsavers (they are so helpful), this is the park with so many things in it.

And not going home for as long as I can unless it does actually rain.

Hi all
HVDY- glad you had a better sleep and what sounds like a lovely afternoon tea together. It must have been such a nice relaxing day to have that big sleep afterwards.
A visit from the girls and your Son always sounds like fun- at least it’s not so hot now is it.
What colour nails today?
SweetPeaSue- you’re right it is such a treat still to have coffee and cake out - we never take it for granted. Those little pleasures are times to be grateful for aren’t they.We got 25% off Costas this morning and an added bonus of surprise meeting with GD1 and GGD in there.
You seem to be working out a way to deal with your worries - sensible to have a back up plan of seeking help if you really need it.
The times with Fluff bring fun into your lives - she sounds so adorable. Hope today is good one for you both.
Doodle- We,ve finished Cat duties now and DD and Co are home safely. Always worried when they have to fly anywhere- as I,m sure we all are. They popped in yesterday morning and we had a coffee and heard all about their hols. The cats were so happy to see them home and slept all night on their bed.
Maybe when you’re up to it a night away would be a good start. Could you do it with one of your GC in the holidays?
Hope you are able to enjoy the weekend and not be too troubled by your wrist pain. I,m loving the cooler weather too- it’s raining a bit at the moment.
Wyllow- good tactic to tackle one thing at a time and try and finish it. I do know the wanting to do 10 things at once feeling- but having things a bit under control is easier.
Your cleaner sounds like a Star. What a great combo- experienced cleaner ,fun and good company and she’s obviously fond of you too.
Shopping looked interesting - love that TShirt colour. Each day you sound better and physically stronger too. You are truly coming into the light - may it long continue. I think you have found your path- just take it carefully.

Well the reason for my absence yesterday. I was doing a bit of gardening while DH was cleaning the cars and sitting down doing it too. When Whoops ! I turned and somehow fell backwards and whacked my head really hard. With AF and taking the Blood Thinners I have to go straight to A & E if I hit my head in case I get a brain bleed . Had a CT scan within 15 minutes of arrival - so good. After tests and an ECG we were on our way home under 3 hours. But was very tired and Hospitals especially this time of year have too many memories. So DH did tea when we got back. I think he despairs of me not acting my age - I must be more careful.😩

EllieAnne,Candy Nadateturbe and all our old friends take care of yourselves and love to all.

Just a quick hello. Popped on to see how everyone is and noticed a thread on M.E. and had to post. Energy all used up doing that. Will try tomorrow, as I really would like to. I don't think I can do anything else at all today. Thinking of you all always. Its nice you are all still in touch and supporting each other. Sending love.xx

Oh Scaredycat!! So good you got swift treatment and ECG and glad you've not done terrible damage to yourself. You must have had a real headache after that. Hospitals always seem to have memories that flood back - I think it's our age too. I think your balance isn't as good as we get older too. What is 'acting our age' though? Lol. Next time you bring something for your DH you need to walk like Julie Walters in that sketch where she's a waitress spilling the soup! 😂. I must have missed my 25% Costa bonus.
HVDY You must have needed that sleep. Hope you enjoy your time later with son and girls.
EllieAnne We had a thunderstorm the other day and the rain really bounced down. It's been warm though. Nice to see you in.
Wyllow Yes that post from Doodle was so touching about 'standing by your man' Looks like a lovely park there with a river too. So good to see you enjoying things again. I like people watching too ( though very discreet so not to make anyone uncomfortable) I always feel ultra aware of surroundings think I'm very self- conscious.
I loved what you said about living with the dark and the light and it being part of life. I listened this morning to Na-da- te- turbe and it was one of those times where my hairs stood on end and such strong emotion. It really is lovely. * Nadateturbe* If you're 'listening' thankyou. Hope you're OK.

Took aunt out this morning. She was worried about not remembering birthdays so I had to give here a few written down dates. Was glad I'd decided to take her this morning. While we were going round aisles of supermarket I could tell DH wasn't great. We had a coffee then going back to car DH looked so pale and he told me chest really tight.
We've just pottered this afternoon and not done much. He's taken spray. It's just not right.
After our Lakes holiday in Spring we booked another straight away for same house - that hol coming up in a couple of weeks. DH has looked forward to it though so concerned he's not right.
I never thought he wouldn't be sorted by now. Just taking one day at a time is all we can do. If it's not Angina ....

I feel like I'm saying too much and hope I'm not over- sharing. This is a place where I feel I belong and is special to me.

Hope everyone is ok. Love to all.

Nadateturbe Just seen your post. Lovely to see you in. Don't worry ,we know you're there with us even if you can't post. Nice of you to use your energy posting to others with ME - I'm sure that will help others know they're not alone . Love back to you.

EllieAnne Is it cold where you are? We're all saying how muggy it is here (and really windy).

Wyllow3 What a beautiful park. Is that the one you go to with the carer sometimes? It's great that you're enjoying life now.

ScaredyCat What a fright you had. I'm glad you were seen very quickly and that everything was ok. Be careful. My nails are a pale pink, with French tips. I love them.

SweetpeaSue Does the spray help your husband when his chest feels tight? I hope you will manage to go on holiday and enjoy it (take things easy).

Nadateturbe Did you find the M.E. thread useful? Take care.

Went to see Son1. His eldest girl was there, but nobody else. Made a fuss of the dog and the very old cat, then took them for lunch and a look around a couple of shops. I fell asleep at home, for about 2 hours! It's so muggy. Love to all x