BLACK DOG 25

Nanny2507 I'm so sorry you're feeling so lonely. I'm not in the same position ,though dread to be. It must be extra hard ,it being not long since your son and family moved out. Please hang in there and in timeI think your life may seem better. I hope you have a date to look forward to when you can visit your family and DGC then there's something good ahead. I'm sure your dogs love and appreciate you so much. As others on here are in the same boat as yourself you are not alone here. Wish I could help more but do come in whenever you feel bad. Sending a hug and love.
Wyllow Glad you had a better day yesterday and hope you managed your weekly shop today and got some nice things. Hope you can get your tum sorted out quickly- it affects how you feel so much.
Doodle Yes, we came back Saturday after a mostly lovely week. It must have felt like a double edged sword to see your DHs name in the church book. Glad his name is remembered but wishing the reality was different. When my mum died I couldn't come to terms with the way people seemed to have put her in the ' past' and she was so real in my heart and it was a while before I could accept she wasn't coming back. I know that's different to your very own DH though. I'm so sorry Doodle.
HVDY What a wonderful family get together you had - it must be great to do that. So often all famy can't actually make it together at the same time. My DH has never been behind a BBQ before ( or cooked anything other way either) but he tried cooking on one on holiday- it was so funny.
Scaredycat Hope you've been OK today. My sister's 9yr old DGD has just been told she's a 5cm cyst inside and they've said they're leaving it for 6 weeks to see if it shrinks by itself. I thought of your own poor neice and hope she gets seen to soon - it's quite wrong her having to wait while it grows.

Went to see son 2 today as he goes back to work for a few weeks later. DH not well at all this afternoon - says he's wiped out and shoulder/arm/ hand so painful. He has dizzy spells, I'm so worried but not sure what to do first. Anyway he's Brain MRI tomorrow then an hr later a chest xray at different hospital. Hoping results come up with answers.

Wishing everyone some bright times in your day however insignificant they might seem. Sometimes they can give hope for future days. Peaceful night all.

Hi all
Doodle- Ah bittersweet to see DH name in the remembrance Book- he will never be forgotten.
My DD cats are from Qatar so had the trauma of the journey too. They are very much loved now though .Cats are like people all different characters .
We are going abroad next month - I,m nervous but it’s only across the channel so no planes. I certainly do remember lockdown and how kind you were. I was so full of anxiety - it still lurks beneath the surface but ADs and being able to share here has helped so much.
Glad you had some time with your Son and DiL in your peaceful place.
HVDY- so glad you had that lovely day yesterday- kind gifts too.
DD cats are lap cats with her now after 2 years- they compete for her affections! Your Jaffa seems like a real cuddle bug with you- what a comforting thing it is to have a cat asleep on your lap.
Wyllow- DH is really good with cats and babies too. They seem to relax with him. DD cats are a challenge.
Yes you’re probably right that the lack of movement the last few days have contributed to your sluggish tum. It was better last week when you walked more wasn’t it.
Hope you had a good shopping day today and managed to get
hold of the Garden man- not literally!!!!
Nanny2507- it must have made you cross with yourself to forget your battery charging. I,m really sorry you feel so lonely it must be hard when you are not so mobile. What Doodle says is so true though. You have your family and they love you. It’s still a life to live and treasure but a different one. I wish I could help you more but we are all here for you.
SweetPeaSue- hope the more relaxed feeling has stayed with you a bit now you’re home .

Peaceful nights for all BDs present or who post when they can.

Wyllow3 Hope your tum has settled down. I don't ever have that problem, but used to know a lot of people who did, when I was a Carer. I used to advise them to walk about in the house, eat liquorice and drink lots.

Nanny2507 The days must be long when you're alone. Have you got anyone you can chat with on the 'phone, at least? Perhaps you'll go out tomorrow when your battery is fully charged?

SweetpeaSue Nice that you saw your son. Hope your husband's MRI goes ok tomorrow. I've had 5 brain ones and they aren't very pleasant but I hope your DH will get some results (obviously, he won't get any results for a while).

ScaredyCat You're right, cats have individual personalities, just as people do. Every one of the cats we've ever had has been different. Jaffa is lovely - but he wakes me so early! How's your day been?

A lazy day here - online shopping for more new bedding and a sandpit for Little Girl. It's been so cold, I had the heating on for a while. Hope ALL BDers have a good rest x

nanny2507 Warmest hugs. I know some of us feel like that at times. Probably more people in general than would say so x
Like Doodle said, we do have to keep going….so we do.

I’m glad to hear that you met your son and DiL at the hospice. Not an outside day, I expect you stayed indoors.

I’m very glad, after what you’ve said about DH, Sweetpeasue that he has his brain MRI tomorrow and a chest X ray. Poor both of you not knowing “what it is” - so yes, I do hope you get more answers.

Scaredycat it is a big adventure, I can understand you being nervous. I do hope it’s a good holiday for you. Take us with you in your handbag and mobile…
(And the Cat plan when you come home?

It was busy for you yesterday HVDY so a lazy day is called for. I had the heating on too! Your new bed and bedding - what a treat, and fun for LittleGirl too.

I did do the supermarket shop and tum has eased a bit after dose last night. I’m getting weaker due to not moving enough. Back stuff. 3 years ago I was cycling 16km till all the awfulness break up ex stuff started. Managed to contact the gardener for Friday but not looking forward to much.

Night night all, best nights possible.

Hello all xx thank you for your kind words and hugs. I adore my husband and since he died I have become a totally different person. It's like I just cant be bothered anymore xx

Evening all sorry will be readin not posting for a bit. I havec broken my right wrist in a fall. Not long in from hospital
Love to all

Hi all
Doodle- oh what an awful thing to happen and a shock too.
I,m so sorry - you don’t deserve to have that happen.
Hope it’s not too bad a break but it will be difficult for you. Also hope it’s not the hand you use all the time. A massive hug coming your way - please rest and see after yourself xxxxxx
HVDY- good advice for Wyllow re tum especially the drinking bit. Rhubarb is good too!!
The early waking isn’t easy with our furry friends is it- our last but one cat used to wake us up at unearthly hours by washing our hair!!?
Yes it’s been cold hasn’t it- been to coffee with old Art,friends this morning then an afternoon walk with DH. Cuddling a hot water bottle this evening!!
Wyllow- thank you . Yes there,ll be room for you all in my bag . Can’t quite believe we’re having another adventure - never say never eh!
Glad your tum was more comfortable . Did you get anything nice shopping?
The cat plan is for the Autumn when all hols are over. You’re right in thinking your physical fitness is less as you are more inactive. It’s the use it or lose it syndrome isn’t it. But if you can try and manage a bit more walking and gradually increase it your fitness will improve. You have obviously been very fit not so long ago.
Glad the garden man is coming again- you,ll be pleased when it’s done I,m sure.
Nanny2507- so sorry you feel as you do it must be so hard. I hope you can visit your family in the Summer.
You are the same person - just that you are so very sad and there seems no motivation for you.
Hope you got out with your dogs today.
SweetPeaSue- hope the MRI and X ray were not too uncomfortable for DH and it won’t be long before you get the results.xx

Love to all mentioned and those not able to post so often.xx

aww doodle I am sorry to read this. I hope you are not in too much pain xx

Doodle What an awful thing to happen. I hope it's not the hand you use the most. You won't be able to drive for a while, but I hope you'll still manage to get out. Take care.

ScaredyCat Any stewed fruit is good. Son2 was always constipated, right from birth (bottle fed) and I got him on stewed apples, pears and rhubarb, from 4 weeks of age.

Met my friend for lunch at a garden centre, then later picked up DSG from school as DIL had mislaid her keys. Dinner and babysitting at their house this evening, just got home and put the heating on! I'll go to bed when I've warmed up (heating is never on at Son2's house). Hope everyone has a restful night. If Jaffa wakes me at 4am again (as he did this morning), he'll be banished to the living room, alone x

Oh Doodle, you poor thing! So sorry to hear of your fall. Is it your writing hand?Take care, I hope you can still get out

It odes take so much out of you doesn’t it nanny2507 when you cant be bothered.

I do drink more than I used to Scardeycat and put up with nasty bran cereal yuk. Nice to hear that you had coffee with an Art friend and an afternoon walk. I had the heating on this evening and am rarely detached from a Hot Water bottle.
Yes I have to use it as am losing it…

I expect you are looking forward to the cats, we expect pictures if possible.

Good to hear of the garden centre lunch, HVDY and it’s a good job you were available and able to pick up DSG from school. I see quite a lot of grans on childcare at the park all year round, they must be covering childcare.

4am is far too early even for a loved cat to get woken up.

I did go for a walk in the park today but had to spend 2.5 hours chasing meds needed quickly -crossed wires as people so busy that they give wrong info in letters to GP for meds change, then an hour waiting to get through to the GP’s to try and correct the letter…still not sure its sorted.
All are so busy but especially the MH people. Sigh! Meds to reduce bad thoughts then get hard to sort out is totally counter productive and I feel guilty I hassled them…instead of time to chat/counselling it becomes this….

Thinking of BD's not intoday, I'm aware of all the tests that Mr Sweetpeasue had and regulars who haven't posted xx

Night night all.

Morning all

Not been in in a while but have had a short catch up. I’ve been busy (as usual). Been away at my caravan for around 10 days (signal not so good there so frustrating), then went to visit DS. I’ve increased my visits to the gym too as I’ve met a lovely lady there and we’re now “gym buddies”. I’d like to lose a little weight (very difficult)but I am enjoying it as it helps so much with MH. Just knowing I’m doing something positive even though I’m not seeing much in the way of results yet.

Doodle I’m so sorry for your fall you could definitely have done without that. I hope in the next few days it will become less painful for you and I hope you weren’t in A&E for hours on end.
Sweetpeasue I hope everything went well with your DH’s appointments and you get some answers and appropriate treatment very soon.
Scaredycat a nice holiday to look forward to. I realise these things can be daunting but in reality things go smoothly and you end up enjoying yourself. Something to look forward to in the Autumn too. How many cats are you having? A relative of mine has got 5! (Plus a dog). That would be too much for me.
Wyllow well done on doing your food shop but what a performance you had in getting your meds. Just not good enough. I hope you had a restful night.
Nanny so sorry you are feeling lonely but hopefully you manage a trip out. That hopelessness feeling is awful but please try and push yourself through it. It’s easier said than done though I know. Sending you a big hug.
HVDY you too lead a busy life. Hope LittleGirl is doing well and is no doubt keeping you busy. Sounds like Jaffa is being a naughty boy. Hope he let you get some rest last night.

Hope everyone has the best day possible and thinking of those not mentioned too. I think I’m going to stay home today (in between School drop off/collection). I need to catch up on things at home. Take care all xx

Wyllow3 SGD would have had to get a bus to the city then another out, taking 90mins, so not good. We pick her up on Wed, as it's the only time the parents haven't got covered. Glad you got out to the park. What a palaver for you to get your meds . Hope you have a decent day today.

Candy6 Was the weather good when you were away? I hope you enjoyed the break - you're always busy. It's nice that you've got a friend to go to the gym with. You'll be keeping fit, even if you're not noticing a big difference yet.

The GP just rang - my chest CT showed several nodules in my lungs - not cancer, but probably scar tissue (perhaps from having been intubated with Covid almost 4 years ago) and "stiffness" of my lungs. She's referring me to a Pulmonologist. DH said "that'll be a day out" . Hope ALL BDers are ok today. Thinking of you especially, Doodle x

Hi all
Doodle- hope you were able to sleep and your wrist didn’t give you too much pain. I hope you get plenty of help and are able to get to Church and get to all the places you love.
Wyllow- glad you got out for your walk . All that faffing and stress to get your meds right- please don’t feel guilty just wanting to sort it out. But of course you’re right time spent doing those things mean less time for what you really need.
Yes I am looking forward to having cats again - that is unless we are turned down for being too old. ! But DH is younger so he could swing it!
Candy- great to have you back again. A nice long time in the caravan and then a visit to your Son. You also must have enjoyed the lovely weather recently.
It,ll be good to have your Gym buddy- it’s more of an incentive when you can have company and chat as well as exercise. Losing the weight isn’t as important as fitness although it will probably happen as a result of moving more.
You’re right about going away - I,ve always been anxious about it although have done a lot of travelling.
I,m hoping we can have a bonded pair of moggies - the most we have had at once is 3.
HVDY- oh dear your furry alarm clock is a bit early!! Hope you had a later wake up call today.
I,m glad you,ve had your chest X-ray results - it was quite quick. Good news that it’s a benign problem but a problem nevertheless. Scar tissue makes sense. Your DH has a sense of humour - that’s the sort of thing mine would say. It’s funny but you still feel like giving them a slap!!

I,m out tonight it’s WI AGM - deep joy!! But we are having a VE Day commemoration that involves cake so it’s not all bad.
Hope all BDs have a restful evening and night and that Doodle especially has a pain free night.xx

Doodle Oh no, that's all you need - and it's your right hand to boot! I know well ,from watching my DH coping with 4 hand ops how difficult it must be to manage daily jobs and even dressing must be so frustrating. DH had me to help and you have to do everything yourself. I am sorry and, like Wyllow, hope you will still be able to get out, I know how much that means to you. Hope you're not in too much pain and sending love and hugs.
HVDY I'm glad you've now got something to go on as it's worrying not knowing what things are. Hope it won't be long before you get the Pulmonologist appt. When DH had CT scan about a year ago 2 lung nodules were found and they said they'd probably disappear or get smaller when inflammation went down. Don't really understand as the Steroids are meant to bring inflammation down but his breathlessness has got worse. You went through a hell of a lot when you were in hospital with covid and had the stroke- yes it makes sense that could have been the cause of the nodule growth. Your DHs reaction must have made you smile.
Candy It's good you can fit in breaks at your caravan with such a busy life. You need that R&R. I'm sure the gym will show results and as HVDY says you will become fitter. I couldn't believe how much weight I'd put on when I saw myself in the full length mirror on holiday in the bedroom.. I really didn't recognise that 'me' at all. I'm really trying to lose weight now but I know I'm not moving about as much as I was because of the Fibromyalgia. Trying to rectify that.
Scaredycat I missed your post yesterday. I'm sure you'll enjoy your abroad holiday once you're away. I think the thought of things can be much worse than the reality. I remember how you felt last time too. You'll be OK . Hot water bottles are a great invention aren't they.
Wyllow Oh what a carry on sorting your meds! You must have felt so frustrated -why can't the simplest things go smoothly. I know you're right about Drs/nurses/ receptionists just so busy , and you're kind enough to acknowledge it , but that doesn't help when you are so unwell and have to battle it out. Please don't feel guilty about hassling them -but I really hope it's sorted now.
Thanks for remembering my DH and tests.
Nanny2507 Just sending love and hope your day has been a little better.

Been to garden centre and bought some Violas and trailing Lobelia for a few tubs. Planted a couple up.
Fluffball days again ,tomorrow and Friday.
Hoping everyone is ok and thinking also of those not in and not personally mentioned. X

Oh doodle so sorry.💐💐💐

Thanks all. Iam reading all the posts but not writing much. It is my dominant right hand that I have broken. My left is not much good as I broke that wrist exactly two years ago.. friends and family Bern great. Thanks for caring x

Oh Doodle Good that you have support of family. Just hope you can get out with friends. Accept any help you are offered. Much love.x

Nice to see you in Candy

Just a brief visit in tonight, left it very late but as ever I like to read how everyone is doing.
Things are very difficult and hard to share but its good to keep with everyone and hear familiar voices.

Catch up more tomorrow

Best nights, all.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- that was a lovely long post - so kind and caring.
Yes it’s time to plant out tubs and pots again. Lobelia is so pretty especially the dark one with white middles. You have spurred me on to get started soon.
Hope you are having a happy doggy day with Fluffball. She looks so adorable that everyone you meet must want to pet her.
Doodle- so glad you are getting the help you need. What an added problem it being your dominant hand. Is it plastered or do you have to have any surgical work done?
Please take care of yourself and accept whatever help comes your way. I,m sure everyone feels as I do and wishes they could pop in and help you.
Wyllow- so sorry you are having a difficult time and of course some problems are not ones you feel comfortable in sharing. It’s nice you feel our voices are familiar - as yours is to us. We need each other.

Tomorrow we are going to visit my Sister for a few days.its nearly a year since we saw her so can’t wait. Face Time is great but you can’t have a hug.
Hope to see as many of her family as we can- there are lots.
There are cats to cuddle too.
Will try and post as well as read.
Take care all xxxxxx

ScaredyCat Did you enjoy the W.I. AGM? Have some nice cakes there? You've not seen your sister in all that time - you'll both be quite emotional, I should think. Have a lovely time with her and her family.

SweetpeaSue Did your husband's nodules go, or are they still there? I'm not concerned about mine, but I read my notes on the NHS app, and it says my lungs are "stiff". I Googled that, and it suggests Pulmonary Fibrosis. Whatever it is, there's no point in my worrying. I hope your husband won't have to wait too long for his results. How are you today?

Doodle I'm glad you've got family and friends who can help. Will you be in plaster for 4 weeks?

Wyllow3 How have you been today?
ElieAnne Have you been out today?

Day centre was very nice - most of us wore red/white/blue clothes, the place was decorated with Union Jack bunting and flags. Lunch was salmon with potatoes and veg, then a scone, jam and cream, also little cakes and a piece of birthday cake. There were various games set out - marbles, Connect 4, darts, mini golf and draughts.

Hope everyone has a restful night. Little Girl will be here tomorrow, and the wardrobes are finally being fitted. x

Hi all sorry can’t write much.not very good with left hand and it tires easily. Not sure about surgery having check next week. Been back today cast too tight and hand and thumb swollen. Cast cut and repaired fells betr now.
Love to all xx

Scaredycat Doesn't seem long since we were planting out last year. The planting we had to do after the new fence went up is all well established now and it's amazing how much they've grown- from a bare border to thriving life. Oh its lovely to hear you are seeing your sister again after so long. It will be emotional ,as HVDY says.
Wyllow Of course there will be so much that you can't share here- appreciate that. So nice to hear it means a lot to you just to be able to read and say what you feel comfortable with. We all care. Hope today has been better for you.
Doodle Your hand must have been so sore. I remember that area of DHs had was sore - those casts are very sharp . I believe my DH had a fibre- glass one. I do hope it feels more comfortable now and the coming weeks. Sorry you have to go through all this frustration on top of everything else.x
HVDY I don't know if the lung nodules are still there or have even increased in size. Hoping that the Respiratory Dr he sees at the end of the month will do something. Not happy with GP at all and been trying to get DH to go to another but he says it'll be no good when he's already got an appt. His chest xray results came through and it was normal. Yet I still feel it could be heart failure. I've just this gut feeling as he's so terribly tired ( and he had the purple blotches on both ankles) plus the breathlessness. I' m so worried and I just get DH cross if I try and tell him what we should do. I don't want to worry him either.
Sorry, I shouldn't have got into DHs predicament - I could write for ages- it's really got me down about the Vascular Surgeon not doing anything about the Subclavian artery partly blocked and causing the Vascular Insufficiency and arm pain.
I'll have to look up Pulmonary Fibrosis. Do you think your Asthma has caused it or the Covid? All this must make you so cross about the mistakes made at the time you were in hospital- it would me.
Thanks for asking - I had my bladder pain back this morning - full meds, and stayed in bed most the morning so DH fetched Fluffball. We both took her out later.
EllieAnne Hope you're OK. Sending love.

After bad start to day , nice afternoon. Cuddles from wee dog and she got plenty of fuss made about her when out.
Started to crotchet a baby blanket but not sure which charity to give too. Some I looked up only want knitted. Just thought I should use up some of this mountain of wool given to me by sister's MIL.

Hoping everyone is ok and has a peaceful night. Love to those mentioned and those not in.x

HVDY Just to clarify- DH was told that the lung nodules were just incidental finding and they weren't suspicious. Told they'd prob reduce when inflammation went down. Just didn't want to cause any concern.x

Scardeycat - it’s really wonderful to hear your news that you are going to visit your sister - very very special! I hope you see more family too (and cats)

What a well organised and special day, HVDY. The organisers are really good. Enjoy Littlegirl, and hoping the wardrobe fitting goes well.

It’s just good to see you in, Doodle. I’m glad the plaster is more comfy now.

I’m sorry to hear about the return of bladder pain, Sweetpeasue Best to rest in bed as you did. It must be difficult getting the balance right between supporting DH and not pushing so he gets cross! I just feel so sad it’s so difficult to get a diagnosis as it seems so very complex, you do so well to keep on top of it. I’m glad you had an outing with Fluffball. and a nicer afternoon.

The hairdresser came today and it’s looking nice. But I’m finding it difficult to see any hope for change..still to sort out the meds, making myself get dressed and eat all an effort...hours alone but no oooompf.