Black Dogs 27

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- That was a lovely idea to share some photos with your Aunt. Making an effort like that is so good for her . So many people write off people who are struggling with memory. I know it’s not that simple but you and DH are so sweet to her.
Hope you’re both having a good day.
Wyllow- don’t berate yourself for having words with that man. Being old is no excuse for bad behaviour and you were right to reprimand him. He was probably a pain when he was younger!!
Don’t let it spoil your special place - you,ve done nothing wrong and probably only said what other people were thinking.
Hope your BiL is not too long in Hospital- getting his meds right is so important isn’t it.
You must be busy packing right now - hope you have a good trip. Pleased too that November is still on.
Doodle- Hope you are OK today.
I agree with you about ADs for EllieAnn. Had a nice day yesterday while DH was at Golf. Walked up to DD and had coffee and a lovely long chat. She’s been away for a week babysitting her DD3 little kitten. Said kitten has discovered she can whizz up the curtains!!
HVDY- I was 39 the same age as my DGD1 is now.
I would love to see LG in her Halloween outfit. She would make a very fetching little witch.
Interesting to hear about your Son and his talking. We have a GGS aged 3 and 2 other little ones in our family who don’t really talk yet. I,m sure they will when they have something to say!!!
Allsorts- So nice to hear from you.
I remember reading somewhere that Bungalow Legs is a recognised condition. You are wise to persevere with the stairs. When my Sister was extremely poorly she had another stair rail fitted. It is so much easier going up with a rail each side.
Glad you are emerging from a difficult time. It’s not so easy when we get older is it. Hope you are having some better days now.

I,m like Wyllow and wonder a lot how some of our posters are faring now. Take care allxx

Allsorts "Bungalow legs" is quite common with people who don't have stairs. Those dark thoughts are more common with these miserable grey days, I think. I don't like hot weather/summer, but the dark evenings aren't nice.

ScaredyCat It seems strange to think of you having such very grown-up grandchildren, as I think of you as being fairly young - you're so active and are always doing things. LG refused to wear the Halloween outfit (a spider), but had a dress on that had Bluey and Bingo wearing bat wings. She enjoyed the party.

Little Girl has just gone, so it's time for a rest and a cup of tea. We're having her for a couple of hours tomorrow evening (parents going to open evening), then again all day on Wednesday.

Allsorts I believe its a case of ' use it or lose it' as we get older isn't it. Sorry you have had a dark time . Its difficult to believe we can feel better in those times and the what's the point creeps in. I hope you can take pleasure in small things for the time being.
HVDY My DGS had a thing about not responding to the lollipop lady. He just wouldn't say hello back and always put his head down. Aw I dont blame LG for refusing the spider costume - Im with her on that one😂.
Do you start with worries when you wake early? I hate the early hours too and its difficult once you're awake to get back to sleep.
Scaredycat Oh I do wish I'd had a daughter . I never get long chats with sons and I know how much my sister sees her daughters far more. I love my sons to bits, dont get me wrong, but they're not going to volunteer to come along on shopping expeditions , or such, anytime soon. One of the photos I had shown my aunt were of her sister( my mum) who she always looked up to. Sadly she couldn't remember if her brother ( who died about 10mths ago) was alive or had died. In one way she's scared some grief as she lives in the moment.

I had to go back to bed this morning as I was so very tired.
DH got in touch with Vascular secretary to tell her of the scan and how his symptoms are getting worse . She called back to say the Vascular consultant was on holiday for 3 weeks ! She said he had a lot of people to get through when he got back. Honestly I despair . He'd told us in August the scan would be around 4 weeks and it actually took 9 weeks. Now he's away.
Got in touch with Cardiologist secretary and she said consultant wanted the stress test ( testing heart on treadmill) in a month so he'd have results of Vascular scan. DH is very low.
After that news I suggested a small walk along sea- front.x

Sorry , had to end abruptly there , call coming in, Spam.

Hoping everyone has had a decent day.

Sorry ,should have been spared some grief not scared.

You have the ability to somehow rise about your tough early morning awakenings HVDY especially for LG. Well done you.

I saw your post other thread, Allsorts You describe something so familiar to some of us here. Do pop in more, you are always welcome. I think.....we understand the situation where various groups are going on but one just isn't able to join in.

Oh, and it's OK not to comment back - some can do it, some cant, some can sometimes. Well, your GP is sort of correct in theory, but I'd offer the option of a stairlift that is for use when thats all you can manage and use the stairs when you can?

Sadly my feelings have remained, badly. I thought I might have to ring the Crisis Line, and in a way wish I had, to unlock it all, but had my lovely gardener coming which took my mind off for a couple of hours: lovely time with my younger, cheerful and "Can Do" woman gardener did help, but it was followed by hassles with computer screen insurance and the agency that employed my carer.

I had an extra meds snooze as I'm not packed just bits and bobs.

Now - the man concerned unfortunately due to aging is not using kind nor "Best judgement" - and its increasingly affecting the many not just me

Of course we are all sympathetic! (hence my guilt big time).

*However - to strangers to this thread who may choose to remark - on this thread we have to keep confidences about some of the people we talk about and therefor you wont be getting "full information"

^ but..we trust each other^

I've talked it over with my dear DocSis, and a trusted and very level headed Quaker who has seen more happen.
But the shock of being grabbed when alone with him remains. (with hindsight I might have stopped it but only created more difficulties, ("why wont you...blah blah).

Very glad, if nervous, to be going away: knowing me, once I set off then this will go. I've been there 8 times before.

Scaredycat whatever is a pumpkin latte? New things coming up all the time. I just want plain coffee.
I definitely have bungalow legs. Trouble is I didn’t realise till it was too late. Now I can hardly get up or down stairs.
Glad you had a nice chat with your DD. Made me laugh about the kitten and the curtains.
HVDY I am very lucky that I have met some lovely people and become friends. Last night was most enjoyable. We watched a film and had lots of lovely nibbles and drinks. Only round the corner so not far to walk home.
I wonder what LG Halloween outfit will look like. I can remember our granddaughters with big pointy hats and cloaks and our grandson dressed as a skeleton .
Wyllow there is no reason why you should not tell this man his behaviour was inappropriate. Even if he is older he should be made aware he can’t just act as he chooses. Try to put it out of your mind. I’m sorry his behaviour spoilt things a bit for the rest of you. Glad your gardener relieved the pressure.
Sweetpeasue I just can’t believe it. I feel so frustrated on your behalf. Do these people have no idea what you’re going through.
Presumably as your Dh has had the scan maybe the cardiologist oued access the results of the scan even if the vascular consultant is away. Is that the one you saw privately? Only thing I can think of is if your DH is really bad go to A&E and hope they can access the scan.
It’s a constant battle and you must both be exhausted by it but keep fighting. It’s the only way. I hope you got your walk on the sea front. Sending a hug.
Allsorts lovely to hear from you. Pop in whenever you like. You’re always full of such kind words and thoughts,

Doodle So sorry , I think Im sounding so muddled.
The Cardiologist seemed to make it clear that the Vascular side of it wasn't his business but he thought the Vascular surgeon would want to know how his heart is before he chose what sort of op /procedure DH would need on the Carotid/Subclavian arteries.
I 'm fairly certain that Cardiology can't obtain the scan he had done in York last week as its a totally different Trust and area. I'd wondered that myself though DH seemed to believe the scan would first have to go to the Dr who'd requested it ( Vascular one on holiday).

Yes Im keeping A&E as a def option though if they see DH has been given a spray they may think he should just use that?
I just can't believe our luck , from the very beginning. I wouldn't have thought it possible for so many things against us.
My views of the NHS system has plummeted further.

Im with you - an Americano suits me just fine -- the coffee!
So glad you had such a lively evening yesterday. Thankyou for the hug- so kind.

Wyllow3 Old men, just as some men of any age, should be told off/stopped when they've been inappropriate. I once went to a party at DH's parents, and when I came out from the loo, this old man (their friend) grabbed hold of me and forced his mouth onto mine - I was about 20, he was probably 60 then - and I didn't tell any of them for fear of upsetting the man's wife or my in-laws. I hope your trip to see your family goes well. I'm sure your nerves about going will go once you're driving. Have a nice time.

SweetpeaSue When I couldn't get back to sleep yesterday morning, it was due to a particularly upsetting episode of "24 hours in police custody". As for your husband's Vascular Consultant being on holiday for 2 weeks - why aren't these people covered by others when they're away?? I beggars belief. No wonder your faith in the NHS is so low. What a shambles, really. Apart from the possibility of someone iin A&E being able to do something, I'm not sure what you could do.

Aqua aerobics later this morning, but no brunch today. LG here 4 until about 7. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Doodle it wa more impactful than that. It took a very long discussion - and hour with a Quaker Friend last night who is also a Samaritan to get my head back on. (Although when I posted before I did think I'd alleviated it, but it didnt)

This was the situation. I went to the meeting room to get my bag. I was alone in the room. I had been avoiding R after what happened way back (he was the one wanting me to come to his house). R came in directly.

Now you have the situation where you are a bloke and in a room alone with a woman who has been abused, and after brief words, you not only do what you have been told not to - which is to ever hug women - but you grab them hard so the hug hurt

The result was to bring me to a point where I wanted to call the crisis team as it evoked such strong memories:

Later, tired out, I needed extra meds to cope and give my distress a break.

This is regarded as really serious in any organisation or should be - and Quakers are no different: its a safeguarding issue.

Now...this man is well respected and liked and also of course his age issues understood kindly, but this was completely out of order. (there are other issues, but we'll deal with them one by one)

Anyway after talking to D last night its lifted the impact and I actually realised as I hadn't yet packed and so on, a holiday with just 2 days to not be travelling was simply not long enough - the hotel didnt have the room free for longer, I looked around a bit, then booked online for any old single room in the same hotel, giving me 4 days to go to the seaside.

Given that this is the first time away except one visit to family since February 2023 its a big deal but oh my

the sea, the sea!

Alas, Sweetpeasue you have had the worst of bad fortune with the NHS, as there are many who have had good experiences. do keep joining the dots together as you do, because you will get the last results too, wont you?

DH has one of those difficult "hard to pin down" conditions and it may take a few goes to get the meds just right when you all have as full information as possible.

(they are struggling to do this with BiL - he's another "hard to pin down what to do" - he's had another spell in hospital - its a case of trying such and such out, but what he was initially given had had a n effect on something else, so another approach will be tried, and so on).

DH is clearly an interdisciplinary case. Tell me, who is the person, out of all those you've met, is the most sympathetic? It seems to me you need a sort of "kingpin" to pull things together...once the results are out, unless they give a good route ahead (which they may) -I'd try and get a kingpin figure involved by means of entreating with all my might.

You are very, very good about having got new friends or picked up well with old ones, Doodle. it speaks of your clearly sympathetic and being a good friend back very loudly.

Off to pack but not rush now I know I have longer I can take my time.

Will of course be in BD's - my computer comes with me!

Hi all
HVDY- yes sometimes I can’t believe how old they are. They range from 39 down to 15 and the 4 GGC from 12 to 3.
I,m with LG- no spiders please . Although she would have made a cute one.
Yuk that must have been an awful experience for you at that party. So difficult not feeling able to say anything either. That’s how these disgusting old men get away with it.
Hope Aqua.A is fun this morning. I,ve just had a walk while DH is at the Gym. You too have busy days- there’s always something to do but it’s just having the energy to do it😩
SweetPeaSue- I do love having my daughter especially as she lives so close now. You could share her if you were nearer.
She herself has 3 daughters which is lovely for her .
You have your lovely sons and the time spent with them is so special. I know what you mean about shopping and chatting etc!!
Each day you post something else that is unbelievably upsetting for you and DH with regards the NHS. The treatment you have received is abominable. You both soldier on bravely- you’re really extraordinary.
Doodle- a pumpkin latte is made with all the Autumnal flavours such as cinnamon,cloves ginger etc and I suppose Pumpkin flavour. Don’t fancy it myself.
What a nice evening you had. Which film did you watch? So good it was nice and near too.
As Wyllow said you are as good a friend to others as they are to you. So pleased you have such nice people in your life. We all love you being our friend too.
Wyllow- you’re right once you get going you,ll be fine. The longest journey starts with a single step.
Your Sis always has such sound advice for you . Also your Quaker friend helped you on a kindly way. That man can’t be allowed to get away with such disrespectful behaviour. Perhaps he,ll realise it’s not on.
The Sea, The Sea!!! I know that feeling so well. It,ll feel so good to walk barefoot on the sand and feel the water after so long
Enjoy every moment- wish we were coming with you.
Glad you,ll have longer as well. Bon Voyage x

Love to all - those mentioned above and all who are absent or just reading.

HVDY Yuck ,what an awful thing to happen to you - you must have felt sickened at that man's actions. He was lucky you didn't call him out to the others , though I can fully understand your kindness to his wife.
Hope you had a nice few hrs with LG. this afternoon.
That Vascular consultant is actually away 3 weeks- expect they're short of consultants though Im sure some emergency patients will be seen.
Scaredycat My sister also has 3 daughters. Im sure your DD won't want to be loaned out though ,thankyou.
Im not so sure that DH and I are alone in having poor treatment and care , there must be others though I hope to goodness the majority have been treated well. Hope your eye has settled now.
Wyllow That man should never have taken advantage like that. Im so sorry , Im sure it must have brought horrid memories back and you to feel very afraid. Good you could talk it over a bit with the Quaker Samaritan. I think you absolutely did the right thing.
Hope your journey has gone well today. Its certainly started to feel chilly so hope youve packed warm stuff.
A ' Kingpin' in DHs care- that's difficult. It was our first GP I suppose but he got everything wrong and persisted with Spirometry tests ( that never happened) despite us saying he didn't have COPD. It also took us going to a different GP ,who immediately sent him to same day emergency clinic when DH had Giant Cell Arteritis as first GP insisted it was migraine. Only seen Vascular consultant once and Cardiologist twice up to now.
Know what you mean about joining the dots though.

Did some shopping this morning then DH dyed my hair.
DH had letter from Cardiologist who has written to GP about adding an ace 2 inhibitor ( think that's BP med aswell as anti- angina med)) and upping Statin dose. He will have the stress( treadmill) test in a few weeks. According to those results, and if medication not helped DH may need an op , so that's 2 in the offing. So scared about it all and DH has been quiet.

Hoping everyone has had a reasonable day.xx

Sweetpeasue it was probably me who was confused. I understand now. With regards to the scan I imagine the results are on the hospital computer somewhere but as you say different trust so maybe not available to the cardiology team.
Does the spray actually help your Dh and relieve the pain in his arm and other symptoms?
Going back to the consultant being away for 3 weeks. Do you know when he’s back? Might be worth finding out,
HvDY what an upsetting incident for you to have with that man. I can understand you keeping quiet and why and he was probably banking on the fact your wouldn’t tell.
Hope you enjoyed aqua aerobics and a visit form LG.
Wyllow of course it’s a safeguarding issue and one that needs to be dealt with promptly I think. I’m glad you’ve booked a few more days, I wish I could join you I would love to go to the sea.
I have been very lucky with the people I’ve met in the last year or so. Everyone has been so kind.
Scaredycat What a lovely family you have and so many different ages. It’s lovely to hear how you get on and meet up.
So nice to have a daughter and granddaughters close by.
Don’t have any daughters but would t swap our sons for anything. Mind you they’re no good at shopping. 🤣
The film was 6 inches of soil. It was an eco film. Very interesting. Not quite Pretty Woman but it made a change.
What a nice thing to say. I love my friends here too.
Ellie Anne thinking of you too

Wyllow3 Hope your travelling went well. Good that you're going to have 4 days there now. Enjoy it as much as possible.

ScaredyCat I was rather shy and unsure of myself when I was younger. I've changed a bit since then. Mind you, I'd had similar experiences when doing care work, in my 40s. Some men are like that, even when they're old. Are there some nice green spaces to walk to, where you live? Does your husband use the various exercise machines at the gym? You both sound really fit. LG was only here for just over an hour, but we did some colouring and watched Peppa Pig.

SweetpeaSue Glad you had a letter, at least, from the Cardiologist. I take an ace 2 prohibitor, Ramipril, for hypertension. Does the angina spray have any effect when your DH uses it?

Doodle Aqua was good, thanks. On Tuesdays, a large group of about 20 people with special needs use part of the pool, too. They're all non-verbal, so make a lot of whooping and screeching noises (unsettling the 1st time I ever heard them), when they're enjoying themselves. They all arrive with carers - some go in the water with them, a few sit and watch. Like you, I've got sons (had no sisters either), but it's lovely having granddaughters for all the pretty and pink things.

Started watching a drama called "Patience", which seems quite interesting. Long day with LG tomorrrow, as the other granny is away. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Doodle Well, I've not heard of that film at all. Shall look it up tomorrow.
Yes the spray does help the tightening and crushing chest feeling. The arm pain is def caused by the Subclavian Steal which is causing Vascular Insufficiency in the arm and hand. Vascular surgeon remarked that even with op to clear Subclavian and Carotid arteries , there might be nerve damage in the arm/hand. Disgusting really as he should have had this SS addressed earlier when, at the time of first scan, only Subclavian artery was involved.
* HVDY* My DGD is 14 but I dont see her very much due to them living away. I tried a lot when she was first born and saw much more of her but not confident travelling on motorway now.
Oh thanks for the tip about new drama Patience. Hope you have a nice time with LG tomorrow.
We have Fluffball tomorrow and Friday, though I'll be going to book group on the afternoon.

It took me until 1.30 before I got packed and it was a busy motorway and A roads after until the last bit. The speed people do tricky manoeuvres on the A roads especially and the Motorway can be chaotic unless you know exactly which lane to take and so on - people making decisions at 70mph and driving far, far too close. But - I can do it OK. I doubt I'd be able to cope with motorways round Brum and London but am fine on most.

I was so exhausted I slept for over 8 hours and woke so tired I can hardly move and my brain is functioning at about 30%. However I am in a room which if you include the en suite is bigger than my downstairs altogether, fit for a Queen.

Queen Wyllow for a couple more days then downsized a wee bit as 2 separate bookings. I've pulled a muscle/some nerve involvement upper left back/neck so just staying in bed (after a proper breakfast more like lunch.

I really, really needed to come. - I'll get up later and get to a beach.

Hanging over the edge of the bed eased the shoulder so I went out and it decided to drizzle as I got to Robin Hoods Bay.

I thought I was too tired but gathered energy, and since the beach was empty I was singing loudly, "if you walk through the dark hold your head up high, and dont be afraid of the dark...You'll never walk alone".

I got a bit wet but the sun came out just as I got back to the village and a coffee. Now it's lovely out, totally unexpected - there were some amazing views through half lifted mist with the sun breaking through and so on. the young lady on the desk atm is very local and told me enthusiastically of a secret local beach where no one ever goes.

Tricky moments at times as of course this was a me and Ex place, but I found it first, at 18, working here 'as a waitress for the summer. It was very "upstairs downstairs" then in those days. So its MINE.

It occurred, HVDY, that I hope no 20 year old now would fear to report that incident.

Or slap him heavily on the face.

But it's partly because its from someone when you are not on your guard, isnt it...someone you would naturally trust?

Took Fluffball to some woods this morning. Didnt go far but she suddenly darted off under a fence after a squirrel and was gone for such a long minute with us shouting her.
Went to book group this aft - 2 new people there ( there's only been 5 of us this term). Coming back along the coast road the moody clouds started parting and I sa a little light on the waves. That was about 3-45 and was thinking oh thank goodness ,Wyllow will see something other than grey misty drizzly north- east coast.
I could just picture you singing that song* Wyllow* it was so dark this morning. Tomorrow is better. 😊

How did the group go? Did you feel OK comfy with the newbies?

It got sunny on and off, a bit earlier than you, and the light was incredible. Funny old world, as neither the rain or sun was on the cards: but just look at the tricks of the light.

How is every one?

HVDY yes it’s nice having granddaughters isn’t it. I have a grandson too which is nice but not for the pink stuff. 🤣
Aqua sounds interesting but how lovely the special need people get a chance to enjoy the pool too.
Are you tired after your day with LG? Bet you enjoyed it though.
Sweetpeasue the film is an eco film about what you can grow in six inches of soil. Certainly not box office material.
Hope the vascular chap can help clear the arteries. What your Dh is suffering sounds pretty much what mine suffered but in his legs not arm and hand. Nerve pain is awful. I hope they manage to do something to relieve your DH’s pain. Have a nice time with Fluffball Hope book club went ok.
Wyllow glad you got there ok. Beach and sea will restore your spirit and give you some peace. Hope the aches and pains ease and you enjoy your stay Your Majesty 😊
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a good day. I’ve been to church then John Lewis shopping. Bought a top but not sure I like it. Just couldn’t find anything better,
Just sat here and shed a few tears. Sometimes it just comes over me in waves, not like the early days of anguish but just quiet sadness. People keep telling me I’m doing well and I know i am but the hurt never goes away. Sorry just being a bit melancholy.
Art tomorrow. Must channel my inner Picasso

Doodle one, Picasso, nil. Go Doodle go.

But of course the hurt will not go away. He was part of you and you him. Thank god that early anguish has sometimes lifted, and thank goodness he lives on through your children and grandchildren.

I'm happy to be Your Maj as long as I don't have to wear a hat and greet unpleasant people. the ache and pain wont go away reality, its one of those injuries take time - I've taken a Tramadol tonight, I will bike tomorrow if its OK, but if its not will just continue walking.

Away like this I realised I was putting myslef down and slipping into depression at some points. What was going on I asked myslef. Mainly I think the fear

it wont last, you can be happy and get away with it, so you might as well pre-empt it and do something self destructive*

Ah, That One.

Our sometimes visitors - not forgotten.

Doodle Big hugs tonight for your gnawing grief and tears. What a high price we pay for love - doesn't seem fair.
Enjoy your art and of course the company.
Oh your DH must have been in much pain and yourself too - feeling helpless.
Yes I think my DH may perhaps need op from Cardio too if the new meds are nit enough and the stress test doesn't go well( which Im reticent about him having)
( Wyllow HRH beautiful photo there - landscape gorgeous and the skies have been amazing. Oh I hope that pain goes away. Yes, walking is better if you can't cycle.
Understand the feeling you describe of self- destructing and why. I think there may be others here do too.
You're doing great Wyllow.

Love to all not in and those we've not heard from for a while. Peaceful night to all.

Wyllow3 I didn't know that dirty old man - he and his wife were friends of my in-laws, and apparently he was known for being a randy old git. Glad your shoulder pain eased off and that you were able to go out. What a great photograph. Such a fabulous sky. Your hotel room (suite?) sounds rather grand - your Majesty . Hope you have another good day tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue Fluffball sounds adorable. We get 2 or 3 squirrels in our garden. I leave nuts out for them every morning. Did you get to chat much with the new people at book club?

Doodle understandable that you have those sad moments. You've lost your best friend, your partner of so many years. He lives on through your sons and their children. Yes, I'm tired. LG was here from 7.15 until 5. She loved the play centre, ate all of her lunch, then flagged a lot in the afternoon and was coughing and hot. Gave her Calpol and DIL will see if she's ok for nursery tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a restful night x

I hope LG picks up.

Grrr that m Dirty old man and people didn’t challenge them like they hopefully would now.

No, not a suite. There is no lift to this top attic floor so a bit cheaper and the rooms happen to be big is all.