I hate being 60

tsm106, sorry about your mum - that’s sad.

Re your situation, how about making a list of all the things you’d like to do and places you’d like to see? Then focus on a couple of them so that you start living your retirement the way you want to.

My other half is not bothered about travelling etc, so I do understand your frustration. I do now go away on my own sometimes. The important thing is to keep talking to your husband about your plans…
All the best x

Why are you so unhappy….perhaps it’s that nothing really resonates with you. Perhaps you’re just going through the motions….I also hated turning 60 and this year I’ve hated turning 70 even more. I’m not good with the idea of aging!. I’ve concluded that you can tick as many things off that bucket list as you like (I don’t have one) and still feel discontent. They do have to be things that you really gain happiness and fulfilment from I would say. Not just things that you think you should do…perhaps because everyone does. For some people, being constantly busy doesn’t necessarily make them more happy…or less unhappy. So for what it’s worth, I’d do a bit of soul searching and see if you can truly spend your days utterly fulfilled and content. It might be the smallest and most subtle things that give you happiness. Pursue them relentlessly.

I’m sorry you feel this way about reaching 60 tsm106, but you need to try to embrace where you are at, and grab hold of all the opportunities that still await you. We are all getting older, that’s a fact of life. Some of us reach a greater age than others, but that’s something we, individually, can never know if we will, but we have to try to enjoy the life we have. There’s no point worrying about something that every single one of us will face one day.
Some people don’t reach the age you are. Speaking personally, my sister only reached the age of 3 and my brother the age of 21. They never got the opportunity to worry about being 60 and running out of time. Yet, on the other hand my Uncle reached early 90’s - over 30 years ahead of where you are at now. Please, enjoy the life you have now, and don’t worry about the end. It will come one day, but in the mean time, live your life.

I don’t think it’s 60 that terrifies you - it’s age, full,stop.
You say you dreaded 50 - but in hindsight, it wasn’t too bad was it?
In 10 years time you may look back fondly at what life was like at 60!
Look, age is only a number . I know women in their 80’s who are active, adventurous (does driving through Central London to the Albert Hall not count as adventurous?) have a lively intelligence and an enviable social life.
I know people who “shut down” at 60 , decide they are old and only want to talk about their aches and pains.
Unless you are unlucky enough to succumb to chronic or life changing illness, this decade is what you make it.
Stop moaning, you can’t stop the clock and with a bitter and ageist mindset the only person who will suffer is you, yourself.
PS they say ageing ain’t for sissies, but it’s better than the alternative.

I agree with Ziplock. Enjoy the now. I’m 74 and struggle with stairs but that’s about it. I’m in a first floor apartment and have a new rug being delivered tomorrow and can’t wait to get downstairs to receive it tomorrow. I try to use the stairs every day. I do understand your thinking but at least we’re still here. Many are not.

I wish I was only 60! (Only kidding, I’m still me no matter how old I become).

I am 60 - soon to be 61- and am semi-retired after a career as an instrumental teacher (piano, violin 🎻 and viola) and as an accompanist. I feel l have done my stint after 40 years. My husband is 67 and retired. I am enjoying this stage of our lives very much. We are very involved in church activities, including being house group leaders, and enjoy the freedom to go on holiday or travel without being tied to school holidays. It is also nice to go out for a spontaneous coffee or, occasionally, lunch. I gained my music degree in 1986 and, as l have said, worked in music as a career. Now I have time to play music for my own pleasure once again. With this in mind, I am working towards the LTCL (Licentiate of Trinity College, London) diploma on the piano, which is my first instrument, the ATCL (Associate) diploma on the viola, which is my second instrument and, if time permits, grade 8 on the violin. You are correct about time speeding up and running out. I only have a finite amount of time, realistically, to take these extra qualifications as the ear problems and accompanying deafness that have plagued me all my life have been much worse this year and my hearing has deteriorated dramatically to the point where I have two fairly powerful hearing aids. The left aid has about reached its maximum capacity before it will squeak when I play music and, obviously, it would be very difficult to take high level exams with that distraction. I think the key to this phase of life is to keep occupied and interested in different things but also to enjoy a (sometimes) slower pace of life.

Telling sombody who is struggling to stop moaning doesn't seem very kind.

Perhaps seeing your Mum is such reduced circumstances has provoked some anxiety in you tsm60, and your distant family and quiet partner. Perhaps you are thinking " What now?"

@StripeyGran, I don't think we were telling tsm106 to stop moaning. I think all of us have reservations about some aspects of ageing - it's only natural. I think what we were trying to say was that, yes, realistically we are in the final third or quarter of our lives but we can still find pleasure in this phase. If we replace fear with acceptance, we can move on, hopefully, to contentment. Life is precious; too precious to waste.

Musicgirl

@StripeyGran, I don't think we were telling tsm106 to stop moaning. I think all of us have reservations about some aspects of ageing - it's only natural. I think what we were trying to say was that, yes, realistically we are in the final third or quarter of our lives but we can still find pleasure in this phase. If we replace fear with acceptance, we can move on, hopefully, to contentment. Life is precious; too precious to waste.

Yes, absoutely.

Music girl I love your comment and agree. The only thing is….in practical terms, how do we replace fear with acceptance?

Sorry folks, but I think 60 is way too soon for acceptance.
60, retired, financially ok, good health. If you’ve got those the 60s are all about opportunity.

I honestly cant think of one thing I couldn’t do in my sixties that I could do in my thirties. And there were masses of things that I could do in my 60s that I hadn’t been able to do before because of life’s constraints

Those constraints were my choices, but oh the wonder of being free of them.

The next ten years will be what the OP makes them. Personally I’m glad I can look back and say didn’t I have a ball! 😃

My 60th birthday didn't feel like anything special because although I'd been retired for five years I still had to struggle on with just my civil service pension until I turned 66 and qualified for my state Old Age Pension and a council bus pass.

Turning 70 was depressing because I was also diagnosed with moderate heart failure earlier this hear and I've slowed down a lot lately, needing to have a nap most afternoons.

But looking on the bright side, I became a grandma for the first time earlier this year, so life isn't all that bad !

Or....in from left field.....and personally I'm a believer in reincarnation - and so I've absolutely zilch idea how old I am personally (other than at least thousands of years old).

That gives a very different take imo on someone who thinks "three score years and ten and then that's that".

So personally I regard my retirement years largely as a "learning position" - all I can learn about what life on Earth is like/what other people do - because I'm certainly not coming back here ever again for sure! I'm no masochist...

So I'm rather treating these latter years as "On a self-made university course - studying this odd warlike planet from an insider position - before I'm off/outa here". So I regard my life now as "final stage of self-chosen degree course" and study what's going on around me.

Well there wasn't really time when I was younger - what with a full-time job constantly, sideline work because I was single (ie poor), being a political activist and somehow fitting in "having a life" (dates/social life). So "Have computer....will study what it's like here" now that I've not got to do any work any longer/am not dating any longer.

I'm very very conscious I won't be "coming this way again" - so might as well finish all the analysing/draw all the conclusions etc whilst still here in situ - at the "University of Life".

My best friend who is only 63 has Parkinson's and has now developed dementia (undiagnosed) She has become really paranoid and accused her husband of abusing her. I know this is not true but she keeps asking me to help her. The husband is aware and doesn't know what to do. I don't know how to help her. Any advice as to ways forward. Her GP is not supportive and she can present well during consultation.

Sorry just realised this is in the wrong place! New to GN

Pop over to health xxx

76 year old here who'd love to be 60 again.

AllyW

76 year old here who'd love to be 60 again.

Wise words AllyW, I don't mind getting older or even looking older but my DH's attitude has changed towards me!
Now, I don't seem to exist any longer, he looks straight through me & I'm sure he no longer finds me attractive or desirable.
It's very upsetting & soul -destroying really. Hmm, some Men!!!
Ps, I do try to look nice but I can't compete with the young women he so fancies. 😶

Your question, why am I so unhappy, is a difficult one for us to answer. It sounds as though you have a fear of ageing, as you said you hated fifty, which is the new thirty 🌞

I hope you don’t feel offended but, is the root of your unhappiness/dissatisfaction with the relationship with your husband. Busy work can keep things ticking over but retirement can mean lots of time together. It seems your husbands willingness to do nothing irritates but what do yiu want to do? Do you enjoy doing things, what things.
Do you have friends whose company makes you happy?

Ilovedogs22

AllyW

76 year old here who'd love to be 60 again.

Wise words AllyW, I don't mind getting older or even looking older but my DH's attitude has changed towards me!
Now, I don't seem to exist any longer, he looks straight through me & I'm sure he no longer finds me attractive or desirable.
It's very upsetting & soul -destroying really. Hmm, some Men!!!
Ps, I do try to look nice but I can't compete with the young women he so fancies. 😶

I’m so sorry to read that, Ilovedogs22, but try to keep in mind that it’s not you who is the problem - it’s your OH.
You are still you. If at all possible, get out and about and join things that interest you. Leave him to his fantasies. You are a valuable member of the human race. I don’t know if you have children, but if you do, I’ll bet 10 to a penny that they value you and love you, as will your friends and wider family. Don’t let him and his silly notions get you down. 💐

Just to add, many women aren't lucky enough to reach 60 years old. Be grateful. The alternative is to be six feet under...

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, stuff him really!
He can be an arrogant git & I'm a sensitive twit & never the twain shall meet! I shall keep-on ignoring the puffed-up pillock.

Another thread with a poster never to return?

tsm106 has posted previously about problems she is encountering, notably about her mother's tempestuous relationship with her (mother's) controlling 'boy'friend.

Why are they called boyfriends when they reach their 80s?