I hate being 60

Get a grip there’s too many people who never make it and yhe alternative is not being here at all!
Be grateful and happy you have health and money too
Life is for living not moping
It’s very sad about your mum but just think of all the lovely memories
Your husband is unfortunately like many men
I do hope you can find value to your life soon
Volunteering is good so many ways too
Hope all goes well in your quest and after all 60 is only a number

I'm 76 and can honestly say I don't feel that there is much I can't do now that I couldn't do at 30 (apart from looking gorgeous ). I can still run for the bus, walk for miles. I know there are many that can't so I am pleased that I can. So many in my family didn't make it to 60.

I thought 60 was horrible but then 70 was frightening, suddenly realised that time was running out,body failing , not able to make future plans ,how to finally sort my finances out for my next of kin,worried about my dog's future ,dealing with solicitors and ruddy paperwork galore.Coming up to 80 now and I'm shocked and amazed as to how my thoughts are now switched off and switched on to my declining years.Life is full of problems and stress but id still rather be here than the unknown.Its great being free of the ratrace

I also wish that I was still 60 ! Am a redundant Mum and Nan, so follow my heart and am travelling down my bucket lists with the Singles companies. Met a lady who also has a husband who dosent want to do anything and he said no more holidays. She told him she still wants to travel and he said “I forbid you” 🤣 So she went straight on line and booked the Galápagos Islands and said he has a choice to go or stay ! Partners are allowed to make their own choices, but never let anyone stop you from making yours, make a list of things you want to do and get out there and do them ☀️🍹💃🏃‍♀️while you still can !

Age is just a number, why would you even worried about how old you are? Be grateful to still be young, healthy and fit to do what you want. Get out here, do some volunteering, travel, join clubs, whatever takes your fancy but do get out there, make a good life for yourself, be busy and forget about your age forever. Good luck.

Dear tsm, you ask why you are unhappy, and to me the answer is fairly plain.

Your mother has just been diagnosed with dementia, so obviously you are worried about her. How long can she cope by herself? Will she need to go into a care home, and if so, will you be able to persuade her to do so? And possibly a lot of other questions as well.

Having a parent who is diagnosed with dementia or a life threatening cancer, obviously makes the query, "Will that be me one day, too?" rear its ugly head in the back of our minds.

And then to cap it all, you and your husband have different ideas about what to use the free time retirement brings for.

You want to do things, go places, while you still can, he is apparently happy to be a couch potato.

As I do not know either you or him, I cannot suggest how you can resolve this. It sounds a bit like the unstoppable force meeting the unmovable object - but I do so hope the pair of you can find a compromise you both can live with.

In your place, I would start by talking to mother. Find out exactly what her prognosis is, and what she wants to happen. Suggest that she has a provisional power of attorney drawn up and re-reads her will NOW. She needs to know that if the day comes when she cannot manage her affairs someone she trusts will do so according to her wishes. But to be able to do so, the person holding the POA needs to know what she wants.

And while you are about these rather dreary tasks, attend to a POA for yourself and your will.

I know, I know, none of us like the feeling that we have lived the longest part of our lives, but both my husband and I were thankful when he was diagnosed with an agressive cancer that he died of three months later that we were able to talk things through, and that the legal matters were sorted, and I knew what sort of funeral he wanted. This may sound morbid, but having it clear can make the end of this life easier than it othewise would have been, both for the person leaving and those remaining.

Remind yourself that none of us know (thank God!) when we will die, so enjoy the rest of your life. Retirement can be difficult to get used to, and it cannot make it easier that your mother is faced with a serious heath issue.

I don't think any of us really ever think of ourselves as OLD, although having just mown a large lawn for the last time this year I KNOW I am not young. Lawns were easier to mow when I was 33 rather than the 73 my date of birth insists on, but life is still worth living as I hope you will feel once you are out of the "have I really reached retirement age doldrums".

Once you turn 80, it gives you food for thought.

At age 60, I was just beginning to live a little after my husband’s death.

Now at 80, I know that time is running out.

I'm not looking forward to becoming 70 next year. I certainly don't feel like the image in my head of a 70 year old but definitely recognise the OP's feeling of time running out.

But I had a thought at Zumba this morning. If someone was to say to me, you know, you'll still be going at 85 - well, I'd still have a lot of years to live wouldn't I? I checked and 1.7 million people in the UK are currently over 85, and that figure is set to rise.

Somehow that positivity counteracted, for a while at least, the paralysing dread that sometimes assails me, wondering what will finish me off and when, and I felt more relaxed. Still resolving to tackle the attic before Christmas though!

I was 80 this year. I am just completing the first in a trilogy of adult historical novels, have had one new book and three re-issues this year. I've stopped thinking and wondering about how long I have left. I think it's counter-productive and depressing. I'm living each day as if it were my first.

Wait till you turn 70! I am 70 next week. I am hating it but.. like you I feel I'm now on limited time....😥however I'm still heremany are not.. so I'll take it...Growing old is a privelage.. but in my head I'm still a teenager in 70's

As Ince I was 60 I have travelled to many new places around the world, welcomed another grandchild, learnt the piano and 2 classic languages to A level, undertaken an undergraduate course, gained 3 certificates in DNA genealogy and attended several courses at our local retirement centre. We are financially secure and have made lots of new friends through my activities.
I can honestly say this decade has been the best of my life. I am lucky to have my DH to share life with too.
Nearly 70 and not looking forward to being 80, but while my health is good I shall keep learning and active, and volunteering on my various committees. I think the secret is to grab every opportunity as it arises, don't say no to anything.

As an eldest child, I was expected to be responsible for my own behaviour and also my sisters. All my life I have been putting others first whether family or friends or work. I did my best. Sometimes easier than others. So.now I feel happy to go my own sweet way, and don't care what anyone else thinks.
I pay my bills and save what I can to put towards things Iwant to do. I don't care about fashion have my hair well cut, but don't have anything else done and then look for cheap ways to go to where want to go
. I can't walk as well as I used to but that doesn't stop me. Have been to the artic. Driven round Scotla.nd. Teamed up with a neighbour to share a twin room in Barcelona, so it was cheaper. We did our own thing and just teamed up on the actual journey. I have various health issues, but my back causes me the most frustration..So I determined to make a good trip for my 80th birthday and sorted out my own journey. I went across to Toronto, took the Via train across to Jasper,went on the Athabasca glacier, across to various places and the actual birthday was going on the Rockie mountaineer. Did all sorts of things and never regretted a thing. Of course I was absolutely shattered and it was quite tough, I am not sorry for any of the places and people I met, only things I didn't do.

My advice is to begin by simply writing a list of what you would like to do. Add to it every time something comes to mind. Think back to things you liked but for one reason or another were not able to do at the time. Then begin by either saying something like ,I have decided to have a couple of days in York. Would you like to come too? If he says Yes you can then go onto arrange your trip for no later than the following week. If he declines ,you simply say OK and make your own arrangements, and carry on.
DONT make any special arrangements for him while you are away. Say cheerio in a calm way and go and enjoy being free to do what you want for once
. Once you have the knack you will find other people who would like to go to that craft fayre or garden. As you feel less depressed about your future, because YOU are choosing and deciding you take control of what you do, and are not waiting for someone else to sort your life for you. Try some courses. Go swimming or walking in a group. You will find people who are pleasant but not on.your wavelength, but hopefully will find others who you can enjoy meeting. At the least, you have tried some things and been yourself, which is all we can really hope to be
Good luck and enjoy the finding out!

Most people are fixated on how old other people are. They want to pigeon hole everyone by age. Just look at any newspaper report.
"Mrs Jones, 73, said she saw the cat stuck up the tree."
"Mr Smith, 28, said he was stuck at the traffic lights for forty five minutes."
Immediately we form an idea of what the person looks like. Mrs Jones has permed, white hair, wears a blue anorak and walks with a stick.
Mr Smith is just an average man.
However, if Mrs Popbottle, aged 73, saw the cat, she would be expected to look rather like Mrs Jones, but Mrs Popbottle is fit and slim and is a practising 5th dan black belt in Shotokan karate and Mr Jones is just an average man, if there is such a thing.

So we make judgements about people when we know their age. Our expectations are different for different age groups. That doesn't matter too much if you're judging someone else, although it perpetuates the assumptions, but we do it to ourselves! We tell ourselves, "People of my age don't do certain things..." So they don't do them even if they would like to!
My mother-in-law used to ask me (virtually every time I saw her),
"Are you still doing karate, Liz?"
The implication being, " Surely, at your age you should have stopped doing that or at least be incapable of it! "

Froeget sorry for you but hope, in time, you'll be able to find happiness again.

I have a young friend staying who is going through the menopause remember that? She's lacking energy and eating vitamins by the handful.

Every age has its ups and downs but I wouldn't want to repeat the hard times. There's bound to be something to look forward to again.

My mother had dementia too, and it does affect your life, I'm so sorry for you dealing with that. But I did think, all the more reason to make the most of every minute, as my lovely mum had done before that awful illness. My DH is very home loving but I do the things I enjoy without him.

I'm sure I saw an article the other day about a woman in NI graduating from University at the age of 90- now that's something to aspire to!

Embrace it! So much to do and experience !

I’d kindly suggest that you’re unhappy because you haven’t accepted that some things are out of your control (read the serenity prayer.)
Age isn’t just a number either (stupid stupid phrase.) I’ve just turned 68 and didn’t like it much but there’s nothing I can do about it. So I’m grateful for
the things I have (my health, plenty of connections, financial security, creativity etc.)
Death is inevitable and yes, time does run out. So live one day at a time and never, ever complain.

Please just get on and do the things you want to do. Find a friend to join you or go on an arranged trip if you don’t fancy travelling on your own If your husband wants to stay at home do so be it. This I your life and we only get one.
My Mum died suddenly at 68 and had so many more things to do. Don’t miss the opportunities .

60! You are in your prime and by the sounds of it very fortunate! I wonder if your dissatisfaction is more of a relationship issue. Finding yourself 24/7 with the same person can be a challenge. You may be realising you have little in common which may create disharmony. I would suggest you explore shared but also independent hobbies.
Make hay whilst the sun is still shining.
Many of is will be working well into our 60s - enjoy your freedom!

Kandinsky

I know exactly how you feel.
I’ve just turned 62 & feel so old.
The best of everything is behind me, all I’ve got to look forward to is Ill heath & death.
I miss my kids being little. I miss striving for a better life, working hard to provide for them.
I miss the ‘hungry years’. ( as the song goes)
I actually think I’m depressed about it all tbh.

I’m feeling very much like this too…I could have written exactly the same thing - just try to keep telling myself that I’m so lucky to be healthy and relatively fit 🤞

CariadAgain

Difficult one - given you can't think "Oh great - at least 60 means I've retired now. Big plus" or my long in mind project was "Get a degree to prove I can - Open University then" (no point now loads of other people have got "degrees" too).

So - maybe there's some new interest that could be quite a major thing for you that you could take up? It does depend, to some extent, imo what part of the country you are in.
I've come from a nice academic little city in Devon - so there's lots of academic type stuff going on somewhere like that and I miss knowing that outlook is frequent/stuff is going on if I want it. I'm now in West Wales and it's very very different - but I've been able to get into gardening/trying to grow foods etc and there are quite a few people here that go in for that/at least understand that and a bit of food-swopping goes on with the nicer neighbours I have. Creative interests major here - not something I'm interested in personally - but a lot of people here are and so they find like minds and quite a high standard of stuff too. Even most of the "amateurs" here are turning out some pretty professional level stuff.

In my academic city - I was well used to "cite the proof...where are the facts?" way of thinking and do understand that way of thinking well/agree with it to a large extent and it was possible to get voluntary work (and I did loads of that). I can't keep any voluntary work here - that's become clear and that is a downside!!!!. But a plus side of this area I'm in now is I can say about more esoteric/New Age type issues and will see a noticeable number of people agreeing with me or coming up with tales. I would never in a million years be able to say to a nearby neighbour back in an academic city of "Oh - I've had someone in to clear a negative energy line from my house" and he just shrugged and went "Oh yeah....there is" and was sorta shrugging in agreement.

So - does the area of the country you are in specialise in/be more au fait with certain interests etc than others and, if so, is that something you could resonate with?

Though I must admit = the main advantage to being over my own retirement age (60) and having done so is how I can think "Thank goodness.....whew...I've been able to drop that horrible horrible job I had to do for years latterly". If you've had a really god-awful job = it is an enormous relief to no longer have to do it (especially if you had to fight hard to hang onto it - despite loathing it - as other options would have been even worse).

Enjoy your freedom...

I think the OP would have to be 67 to "retire" in terms of being a pensioner. So she has 7 more years to go. If you retire early, yes you can do more things, but you always have the 'I've retired early, I'm actually capable of doing a full-time job & contributing to the economy , but have decided not to'.

Although I've been disabled on current criteria since I was 35, since retiring at 63 I have felt this nagging at me (& I still contribute through doing the admin for my DH business which employs 6 f/t, unpaid).

Raising the state pension age didn't just financially challenge those of us who always expected our pensions at 60. It also introduced the feeling that you're "skiving" if you decide that you don't need to be earning anymore & retire in your early 60's.
i personally think that, although on the face of it equal retirement is fair, especially as life-expectancy for men is still lower, it doesn't take into account that women carry children, nurture children & keep the home going from the moment we live with someone to the moment we're no longer physically able to. (I know there are some house husbands, but no more in this generation than in mine from what I can see).

Lucky you! I am nearly 80!

I didn’t mind 60. I absolutely hate 70. Hate it! 😢

valdavi

CariadAgain

Difficult one - given you can't think "Oh great - at least 60 means I've retired now. Big plus" or my long in mind project was "Get a degree to prove I can - Open University then" (no point now loads of other people have got "degrees" too).

So - maybe there's some new interest that could be quite a major thing for you that you could take up? It does depend, to some extent, imo what part of the country you are in.
I've come from a nice academic little city in Devon - so there's lots of academic type stuff going on somewhere like that and I miss knowing that outlook is frequent/stuff is going on if I want it. I'm now in West Wales and it's very very different - but I've been able to get into gardening/trying to grow foods etc and there are quite a few people here that go in for that/at least understand that and a bit of food-swopping goes on with the nicer neighbours I have. Creative interests major here - not something I'm interested in personally - but a lot of people here are and so they find like minds and quite a high standard of stuff too. Even most of the "amateurs" here are turning out some pretty professional level stuff.

In my academic city - I was well used to "cite the proof...where are the facts?" way of thinking and do understand that way of thinking well/agree with it to a large extent and it was possible to get voluntary work (and I did loads of that). I can't keep any voluntary work here - that's become clear and that is a downside!!!!. But a plus side of this area I'm in now is I can say about more esoteric/New Age type issues and will see a noticeable number of people agreeing with me or coming up with tales. I would never in a million years be able to say to a nearby neighbour back in an academic city of "Oh - I've had someone in to clear a negative energy line from my house" and he just shrugged and went "Oh yeah....there is" and was sorta shrugging in agreement.

So - does the area of the country you are in specialise in/be more au fait with certain interests etc than others and, if so, is that something you could resonate with?

Though I must admit = the main advantage to being over my own retirement age (60) and having done so is how I can think "Thank goodness.....whew...I've been able to drop that horrible horrible job I had to do for years latterly". If you've had a really god-awful job = it is an enormous relief to no longer have to do it (especially if you had to fight hard to hang onto it - despite loathing it - as other options would have been even worse).

Enjoy your freedom...

I think the OP would have to be 67 to "retire" in terms of being a pensioner. So she has 7 more years to go. If you retire early, yes you can do more things, but you always have the 'I've retired early, I'm actually capable of doing a full-time job & contributing to the economy , but have decided not to'.

Although I've been disabled on current criteria since I was 35, since retiring at 63 I have felt this nagging at me (& I still contribute through doing the admin for my DH business which employs 6 f/t, unpaid).

Raising the state pension age didn't just financially challenge those of us who always expected our pensions at 60. It also introduced the feeling that you're "skiving" if you decide that you don't need to be earning anymore & retire in your early 60's.
i personally think that, although on the face of it equal retirement is fair, especially as life-expectancy for men is still lower, it doesn't take into account that women carry children, nurture children & keep the home going from the moment we live with someone to the moment we're no longer physically able to. (I know there are some house husbands, but no more in this generation than in mine from what I can see).

With having always known my retirement age would be 60 - unless I got fortunate to have a job or career I actually wanted and enjoyed - then I'd always been geared to that being the date and wasn't going to change it anyway just because of a government telling me when I'd got as far as in my 40's that they'd shifted the goalposts.

I think it will depend a lot on whether one has a job or career one actually enjoys and/or feels is genuinely useful. I didn't. Over the years (decades!) I did a lot of voluntary or activist work (all unpaid) and that was where I got what job satisfaction I could and felt I was at "my" level (ie because I was often an officer of this group, that group, etc). Basically a lot of my voluntary work was around two levels up from what I ever managed to get paid work doing. So it was a very divided situation of working (for free) at "my" level and then having to go back into a job to work about 2 levels lower than that. That did my head in a bit at intervals - but I decided I had to make the best of having some higher level/more interesting/more useful work - even if that was the work I had to do for free.

As I was/always have been single then I also had to spend literally years doing paid sideline work too - this part-time job, that part-time job, years taking in lodgers, overtime, etc. I just didnt earn enough to be single - but that's what I was and so I had to find ways to earn extra...because of the low-paid work I did.

Looking back and I think "How did I manage it? A full-time job and sideline work I had to do to supplement it and voluntary/activist work of my choice and living "a life" as much as I could manage on top of all that". For sure I had more energy than I have currently to fit all that in...

So the thought literally didnt/doesnt cross my mind to ever think of retiring at retirement age (ie 60) as skiving - as it most certainly wasnt. I'd done the 40 years I'd bargained on and feel is fair for a worklife, plus 18 months more (as I started at 18.5 years old) - so I'd certainly "done my bit" and paid my way by the time I left at 60. Always full-time - though I'm a woman. None of being part-time or not doing a job at all. So 41.5 years all full-time was defo "doing my bit/paying my whack". Add in all the voluntary and activist work too - which included starting up a scheme in my home city that went on running for years after my time (just as I'd meant it to). Also very possibly the inventor of a scheme that I meant for my city and thought hadnt crossed my mind of it getting bigger than that - but it did....it went worldwide - to my astonishment and pleasure. Every last day of my retirement from 60th birthday onwards is hard worked-for and well-deserved and most definitely mine by rights. Not that I was able to "put my feet up" after retirement - as I still hadnt been able to afford a "forever home" level of house and was still in the starter house that wasnt detached and didnt have a garden. So retirement meant sussing out a cheaper area of the country - where I could manage to swop my house for a "forever home" one - but houses here are often of a lower standard - so I had to get it completely gutted to get it "my normal" and that took literally years.

So - very very definitely done "my bit" and deserve every last bit of my retirement for sure....thought hadnt crossed my mind anyone could possibly think otherwise (as that's a way of thinking I've never heard of).

There's also the fact I've been charged more tax/more on bills etc because of being single and childfree - so more tax etc has been taken off me than off many people at the same income level (who got some back again for married persons tax allowance whilst it was there, for child benefit, for the £4,000 per child per annum I gather State schooling costs). I couldnt find a way to get anything back myself - other than the 15 months in total where I was unemployed and so having to claim dole money.

So - yep...that retirement has sure been earned/fully "bought and paid for".