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Black Dogs 28

(1001 Posts)
Wyllow3 Thu 01-Jan-26 15:19:00

This is a continuation of Black Dogs 27, which you can view the end of on
www.gransnet.com/forums/health/1352125-Black-Dogs-27?msgid=31453500#31453500

to continue and to get a flavour of this long term space.

*Welcome to Black Dogs 28*:

Its supporting those of us who wish to talk about our mental health problems quite deeply at times: and share aspects of our lives supportively, give and take support.

All are welcome: don't be put off by some of us being there long term, people do come and go.

Scaredycat Thu 29-Jan-26 19:26:35

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- good that you went to Book club especially as it turned out to be an enjoyable afternoon.
Ah it’s not really surprising about your Auntie but at least now she can get the medical help she needs. It is sad even though you sort of suspected it.
Have lots of Fluffball cuddles- nothing like furry friends for comfort..
Doodle- Hopefully now that you have specific exercises for your problems it will help ease your,pain. Bursitis is very painful isn’t it. All you can do is try them and see what happens.
Ha ha the ‘girls’ are boys but they certainly appreciated the lack of face hair in their dinner!!
Nadateturbe- Thank you . It’s always hard when DS leaves but he comes every year so FT is wonderful.
Those Choc Buttons are so good and so big- I,ll think of you when I open my next ones😀
How lovely to have your pier- I love walking on them.
Hooray - good riddance to that awful infection and CHEERS!
EllieAnne- Look after yourself.
Wyllow- what a lovely day at the Botanical gardens. Your description of it was joyful.
Yesterdays walk was on the Woodland Trust which is part of our village .
Must have been interesting to look through your old portfolio- good idea to take photos.
HVDY- yes Face Time has been a Godsend it,s so lovely to be able to see him regularly.
The boys do look smart- Yuki the smaller one is so good at being handled Kai gets fed up after a while.
Hope you enjoyed the Day Centre and it was a good lunch..

Love to all - wishing you a peaceful night.

Doodle Thu 29-Jan-26 19:41:53

Sweetpeasue I used to be fit. DH and I used to walk miles every day. When he was ill we didn’t walk at all and now I’m finding it not so easy but I must try and do the exercises.
You’ve had so many disappointments regarding your DH’s care I’m not surprised you’re wondering what Monday will being. Hope all goes well.
nadateturbe it’s lovely for you to pop in whenever you feel you can. I realise there will be days when it’s far too difficult.
wyllow glad you got a nice walk in. You are sounding more upbeat. Do hope Mr A signs the agreement soon and you can move on. I will try and do my exercises at home. Physio said in bed is ok.
HVDY to be honest, my week is so busy I couldn’t fit aqua aerobics in even if there was one near by. The only place I know is a private gym in the middle of town and difficult to get to. To be honest I’m not keen on water. Can’t swim and too much hassle for me. I do admire you going though as I’m sure it’s an excellent exercise.
Sweetpeasue I had no idea your book club has been going that long. I struggle to read more than a chapter or two a day so a whole book would take me ages.
Scaredycat I’m sorry I do apologise to the fluffy ones I thought they were girls. Perhaps because they are so pretty.
I did think I had bursitis so wasn’t surprised when the physio mentioned it. It hurts but I’m not in bad enough pain to take painkillers regularly. I’m hoping the exercises help.
Ellie Anne sorry you feel like you’re getting a cold. I hope it doesn’t become a bad one and keep you in.

HowVeryDareYou2 Thu 29-Jan-26 20:28:45

nadateturbe All I did yesterday was change my bed (5 days were upgrin), and some washing. I like to have at least 2 days a week without faffing about putting on make-up. Day centre was good - roast pork dinner (I don't like pork, so had a vegetarian thing), then chocolate gateau. I had that but hadn't had breakfast. Glad the boil seems to have cleared up. Enjoy a couple of glasses of wine smile.

SweetpeaSue Did you find the book interesting? How did your husband's assessment go? It's been 2 degrees here - too cold to be out for long. Fluffball play and cuddles were a much nicer thing to do.

HowVeryDareYou2 Thu 29-Jan-26 20:37:32

ScaredyCat FaceTime, mobile 'phones and computers are all great for keeping in touch, aren't they? It's nice that you can see your son that way. Your cats are so settled, aren't they? How lovely that they're so at ease. Jaffa took months and months to get used to my husband - he used to run and hide whenever DH entered the room.

Doodle It's good that you keep so occupied with your friends, hobbies and the church. I enjoy aqua aerobics but hate what I call "the walk of shame" - walking from the changing rooms to the pool. That might be less embarrassing when I lose more weight grin. Doing your exercises in bed sounds sensible.

LG will be here for most of the day tomorrow - her parents are having a spa day and afternoon tea somewhere. Hope ALL BDers have a peaceful night x

Wyllow3 Thu 29-Jan-26 21:46:20

HVDY, I’m glad you enjoyed the day centre. I imagine you have a number of regular friends there now. Have a lovely time with LG tomorrow - how lovely you can give her parents time out.

That’s an interesting choccie treat, nadareturbe. Is it childhood desalted? Is there a choc button story? I wish I had a cycling thingy, I did, but there’s not really room here. I know I’d do bits now and then. As in, “I’ll put this song on U tube and cycle it and one more after”. How far is it to the coast for you (slight envy, here….) Ooo, cross fingers that the infection has actually gone.

Ellie Anne I hope the cold doesnt settle in now. The weather isnt appealing for a walk, is it?

Sweetpeasue I have favourite plants in the Bot Gardens and the snowdrops were a treat.
Can you drive the car, and DH get an idea of it, or will he insist on driving? It’s worth asking them if they are prepared to hand onto it? Sadly, Aunit will need more and more care, it sounds like it’s an SSD assessment coming uo which is good. I’ve actually never read Don Quixote, only bits and bobs. For discussions I think I’d enjoy some classics (never actually been in a book group).
I really hate waiting for those phone calls when you dont have a time scale, but I’m glad it happened at last..

Doodle bed is actually a good place to do those exercises, as it’s well padded and stops putting weight on bits of body. Go Doodle, go, when I do exericse it makes my mood better. xx

It sounds like a lovely walk in the woods, Scaredycat, in yesterdays sun, I’m glad you “made the most” of it.

Well, I thought I had the MrA things all under my emotional control, but last night was awake and fretting badly. Its because his draft as I said was so inadequate

but he should have approved the revision by now

- so I dread uncertainly -as in it doesn’t give a clear path in many ways (him coming back, but above all, clarity just how much him pushing “his version” did the damage, and appropriate action by Safeguarding means I need the \’confession/admission.

I sent an email to the mediator, and she said if necessary they will carry on with phone calls and emails “working on him” after next Tuesday. As everyone says, I just want it done and behindme - but not under any circumstances no peace of mind that way.

But family on Saturday to look forward to, not going out tomorrow so’s have energy on Saturday and my lovely cleaner to natter with as well, tomorrow.

nadateturbe Thu 29-Jan-26 22:05:14

Good evening everyone. Have read all your posts. Will chat tomorrow. But HVDY you had me laughing with your "walk of shame". So funny.
Hope it has been a pleasant evening and wishing you all a peaceful night.x

Scaredycat Fri 30-Jan-26 15:10:20

Hi all
Doodle- I remember how you used to walk together. You will be able to walk better soon. Don’t worry just concentrate on the exercises and the walking should gradually improve. Good idea to be able to do them in different locations.
The boys didn’t take offence it’s because they look like they are wearing eyeliner!!
HVDY- I think poor Jaffa must have had lots of trauma in his early life- no wonder he was wary. He sounds like a cuddle bug now. Does he sit with DH now?
Lunch at the centre was a good one especially the Gateau.
Hope you’re having a nice day with LG - she must love her days with you. Does she ever go in the pool?
Wyllow- those Gigantic Chocolate buttons by Cadburys are a lovely guilty pleasure. They sell them in Mand S.
Uncertainty is such a difficult thing to deal with.Waiting for call backs, or someone who is late etc is still mega difficult for me. But I have never had anything like MrA to contend with- you are dealing with it so well.
Tomorrow I will think of you with your family- I hope you have the best of days. What a lovely friend your cleaning lady is turning out to be- enjo6 your chat.

Tea time we are going to GD3 to celebrate GGS 11th Birthday which is tomorrow. But he is having a special day with his friends then. Where has the time gone it only seems a little while since he was born.

Love to all- hope the weekend is kind to you all.

Scaredycat Fri 30-Jan-26 15:15:40

Hi again
SweetPeaSue- sorry I missed you out.
Nothing like cuddling the warm bodies of our dearly loved furry family members.I can imagine Fluffball whizzing about and exploring all those lovely smells.
I expect the temperature had dropped by the time you got out.
Why don’t people keep to times any more? So stressful waiting isn’t it.

Wyllow3 Fri 30-Jan-26 18:27:48

Ah, I've seen those big choc buttons in M and S. I bet there is a huge nostalgia market!
When they get to 11 they already have their own social circles, don't they? How time flies, I recall DGD 11 born. But you can have a lovely family tea celebration anyway, enjoy!

N cleaner - well, it's a bit of a mother daughter thing, the mothers and the daughters we didn't have. What I hadn't known until today was that she actually has NVQ Caring qualifications, but she prefers to do what she does, be independent and spend all day nattering (and secret keeping) and caring as well as cleaning.

So to be asked to be her friend - I think, because I took a real and warm interest in her life back - well, quite an honour - she shares a lot of very personal stuff back.
Yes, we had a great tidy and sort, the house looks and feels great.

I didnt do much, and wont do much till they come, as I felt shivery poorly in the night and dont want anything to spoil tomorrow.

How have other's days been? Been another Standard British Gloom Day weather wise, here.

Sweetpeasue Fri 30-Jan-26 18:36:39

Scaredycat My DGS is 10 - cant believe you have great grandchildren- you dont 'sound' old enough. You come over so young in your posts. There always seems to be someone's birthday or other celebration in your family .Time seems to go by much quicker as we get older doesnt it. Took Fluffball back home today - she was very good during the night.
Wyllow Sorry you had such a bad night . Next Tuesday wont come quick enough for you then hopefully you will feel better. At DHs pre'assesment the nurse said if they do widen artery/arteries it will be a week before he should drive so we may have to let the car go. We've no idea , anyway. if it would be suitable for us both as we've never sat in one - we just liked the look of them. We're using my old Fusion at the moment. The Monsignor Quixote is provoking discussion as its basically a car journey with the occupants being a communist and a Monsignor priest and they discuss each other's beliefs in an amusing way. The book felt quite boring but reading it in the group is more interesting. You must be looking forward to tomorrow seeing your family. Hope you have a lovely time.
DOODLE We used to go on walks and would do 6mile ones but its a long time ago now. We could walk a couple of miles OK until DHs problems. Ive not been swimming since school days. Im so self conscious about showing my body 😩. Its just the way I am. I do hope the exercises help you - I think not pushing too much out of comfort zone but keeping it regular is best way to tackle it.
Hope youve had a good day.

Wyllow3 Fri 30-Jan-26 18:48:31

Inside, outside.

Sweetpeasue Fri 30-Jan-26 18:49:14

HVDY Yuk ,I hate pork too. Though I dont include a bacon sandwich in that.
You're doing so well with your weight loss. I think Im partly in a state of fooling myself - I avoid my reflection at all costs but if I catch sight of myself I can't believe its me! Ive not been this weight since I was pregnant. Its been overly having Fluffball though she wont let you out of sight and follows you everywhere . She just loves cuddles and will try and go up to people outside to get their attention. Hope youve had a good time with LG today.
Nadateturbe Hoping youve had a good day and you can finish with the horrible antibiotics now.
Wyllow Crossed posts. Oh I hope you're not getting a cold or anything.
So glad you have such a lovely friendship with your cleaner. Sounds like you're both very close now. Another day of darkness and gloom here too - typical January ,roll on February.

Wyllow3 Fri 30-Jan-26 18:52:51

Ah, bacon sandwiches - the curse of the would be vegetarian..... I'm glad you had a cuddly time with Fluffball Sweetpeasue, and how she can ease little "hello's" with other people. (If you are OK with that).

Wyllow3 Fri 30-Jan-26 18:54:38

No it's not a cold, it's the post viral stuff, overdo it = consequences, just nothing as bad as some of youse other BD's.

Doodle Fri 30-Jan-26 18:57:01

HVDY that nice for LG parents to have some time together. I wouldn’t mind a spa day myself. Never had one have you?
Wyllow how lovely to see your family tomorrow. Both our sons are coming over to take me to lunch. Be lovely to spend time with them. Yes bed is more comfortable for the exercises.
Hope things resolve themselves ok with Mr A.
Scaredycat I love those giant chocolate buttons. How lovely to be able to watch your GGC grow up. 11 years old fancy that. What is he doing for his birthday treat do you know?
Sweetpeasue like you I think of Scaredycat as a young person. I’m mid way between you. Our grandchildren are all in their 20 s as of two weeks time when the youngest turns 20. Doesn’t seem that long ago they were toddlers.
I admire your ability to read that book. Not my cup of tea at all. I like crime and mystery. Not romance or things set in other countries for some reason.
Had friends over this afternoon and went for a walk this morning. Despite the early morning rain it turned out lovely.

HowVeryDareYou2 Fri 30-Jan-26 21:25:41

Wyllow3 I know everyone at the day centre place. Some have been going since it started 6 years ago (I've been going a bit over 4 years). We all sit at round tables of about 8 people (when everyone is there, we get 30-odd people). Love the photo. Hope you have a lovely time with your family tomorrow. How long will they stay?

nadateturbe Hope you've had a good day today.
ScaredyCat Jaffa occasionally sits on DH, but not for long, and only when I'm not there (he knows who is the boss heregrin). LG has been swimming with her mum a few times, but not with us. Perhaps we'll take her in the summer. Hope you've had a nice time at your GD's, with your GGS. I suppose he'll go to senior school next September?

SweetpeaSue My last car was a Ford Fusion. I loved that car, although I'd managed to scrape every corner of it! I don't like ham, bacon, gammon, or lamb, either. You ought to go swimming again - there are all shapes and sizes there. I'm much bigger than you, but there are women there who are bigger than me. Fluffball sounds adorable. I've never wanted a dog, but I do stroke and talk to friendly ones.

Doodle I once went for a spa day with a friend, but didn't particularly like it. I had a shoulder massage once, and felt very self-conscious. I prefer the afternoon tea! It'll be nice for you to be taken out for lunch with both of your sons. Will you go to a nice pub?

Nice day with LG - softplay place, which she enjoyed. DH climbed about in there with her. Then we went to see GD2 as she was off school. LG loved playing ball with the dog. Hope everyone has a good night's sleep x
*

Wyllow3 Fri 30-Jan-26 21:30:29

I'm glad the weather brightened up for you today, Doodle. a bit of sun makes all the difference. Lots of encouraging vibes to do those exercises. Have a good time with your sons!

HVDY it's so nice going back to catch up with the same faces as the years pass at the day centre. I think maybe they will be here for 5 hours ish - swim at the pool (family time), take out pizzas, and my crafts room with lots of interesting things I have collected, all going well. if it were a nice day then it would be the park of course - well that's for the summer.

HowVeryDareYou2 Sat 31-Jan-26 12:15:48

Wyllow3 Enjoy the time with your family. Swimming and pizzas sound ideal. It's bright and sunny here,10 degrees.

Hope everyone has a decent day. Off to meet up with Son1, GD1 and Stepson, at Newstead Abbey park. Lunch, then a walk, then DH and I will do a bit of shopping x

Scaredycat Sat 31-Jan-26 14:33:32

Hi all
Wyllow- I hope you are having a wonderful day with your family- the itinerary sounds perfect. So happy for you to be having this day. Something nice to chat with your cleaner friend about when she comes next.
I love that photo - hadn’t thought of doing that sort of shot.
SweetPeaSue- yes there are lots of Birthdays etc and including my Sisters family too not any months go by without cards to send.
I don’t feel old except physically . Everything takes longer and I have to rest but the urge to be the busy person never leaves me and it can be frustrating. However I still have such a love of life
despite being kicked in the teeth many times- I am grateful.
Fluffball sounds the perfect dog- she looks so cuddly too. I,m glad you have the days with her- she must cheer you up with her sweet little face.
Doodle- when Mum died I went by myself to a Health Spa for a few days. It was lovely and relaxing with very nice food. It saved my sanity. It was my first and last time but really helped.
I hope you are enjoying your time with your Sons - what a treat to have them both together.
GGS is going Bowling with his Dad and his friends and their Dads. Afterwards they are all going for a Curry! I,d never seen a Curry when I was 11.
I like the same sort of books as you - also some Historical ones too.
HVDY- it,ll be nice in the Summer to go swimming with LG. She,ll be a bit older then and should be confident in the water.
Yes GGS will start Senior school in September. He passed his 11+ so is hoping for Grammar school like his older Sister.
You have a nice day lined up today. Hope you enjoy it.
This morning on Tele we saw a lovely park in Nottingham that had carpets of Snowdrops but I can’t remember its name.

Nadateturbe,EllieAnne,and those we haven’t seen lately hope you are having an enjoyable weekend.

Doodle Sat 31-Jan-26 20:04:08

HVDY you must be comfortable at the day centre knowing so many people. Hope you enjoyed your afternoon with your family. Yes thank you I had a lovely lunch with our sons and our grandson came too. We went to a restaurant across the other side of the river. Not far. It was very nice. The. They came back here and did some jobs for me.
Scaredycat you do have a love for life and you send out such warm and caring vibes to people. Considering what you’ve been through that’s amazing. Yes I had a bonus treat too. Our grandson came as well. All 3 with beards. Lovely afternoon.
Wyllow hope you had a lovely time with your family too. Sounds like a fun time planned.
Sweetpeasue I weigh more now than I ever have. Lack of exercise I think plus eating things I shouldn’t. Probably a really large glass of wine a night and a couple of pieces of chocolate don’t help. You’ve had so much to deal with don’t worry about weight now. You’ve just got to keep yourself going and hopefully things will improve for you and your Dh.
Church tomorrow which is nice.

Wyllow3 Sat 31-Jan-26 20:48:12

Very chaotic, son was so disorganised. something happened at home this morning to slow them getting off - (something with DiL who got grumpy with me for some reason ...and I didn't let her boss me)

before they left, late: it meant very rushed but they did thankfully arrive at the pool in time for a great session.

...we had a fab time despite son messing up getting his car charged up - (went out all the way, came back having forgotten something, had to go all the way back, and more... (the very stereotype of an absent minded maths professor)

and the craft things went down really well.

DGD aged 9 is so lovely, mature and thoughtful but fun too.

DGS rather naughty at time but engaging to be with and very intelligent on science and nature.

Poor L is struggling - she is overweight and it makes it all so much more difficult (only her Dad can move her quite often) I wish they'd help her lose weight so she could move to her very own maximum, watching her drag herself around is so sad. but one cant say anything.

(I think the problem with DiL could have been she refused to help him organise the day, it was his thing to sort, his mum, usually she sorts everything in moments, she is one of life's start organisers and movers and shakers, tho DS is absolutely fab with L, never forgets her needs).

L loves being in water - she is weightless, she can move, swim, have fun, and is so confident despite seeing hardly anything unless they are 8 inches away.

Sweetpeasue Sat 31-Jan-26 20:58:36

HVDY Such a coincidence your last car was Ford Fusion - same as mine now. The Ford Fusion before my present one was ruined by a huge truck backing into me while I was motionless , without checking his mirror. What a lovely afternoon you have planned.
Scaredycat You have a big heart and have come through so much without is destroying your best for life- you're extraordinary. Yes, Fluffball is special and now she'll comfort DILs mum every day.
Doodle I know Ive put weight on as Ive been less active with the Fibromyalgia but also not watching what Im eating as worried about DH more. Sounds an excuse but understandable I suppose. ( more things to care about than how I look?) Yet I DO care when I see myself in the mirror. Your day has been so nice today with family by the river. Fancy them all having beards. I think beards are trendy these days.
Wyllow You've planned in advance for today - hope youve had a great time. It will be sad to see them go .
NadateturbeEllieAnne Hope you're both OK.

After a bit of shopping ( DH wanted paint -- hes been trying to paint 1 wall at a time of our box- room bless him) we came home and I was completely depleted and aches with pain in bladder so had to go to bed. Honestly I feel bad about it but just couldn't stay awake.
DH has been a bit distant - think hes worried . Hes been going over worst scenario about Monday. Wish he wouldnt. Son will be picking him up , with me, as I hate driving in the dark .

Take care everyone . Love to all and those not in and read.

nadateturbe Sat 31-Jan-26 21:14:01

Not feeling great today. I empathise Sweetpeasue, sending hugs. Sometimes you just get so fed up. I'm watching last week's Songs of Praise in the hope it cheers me up - a tall order.
I'm sure your dear husband feels apprehensive about Monday. Its understandable. Please let him know I am including him jn my prayers.
Sorry everyone will chat when I feel up to it. Sending love.xx

Sweetpeasue Sat 31-Jan-26 22:55:21

* Nadateturbe* I really appreciate your prayers for my DH. Im so touched by your concern and surely God will hear our prayers.
Thankyou for your hugs. I hope the Songs of Praise did help your depressed mood. I wish I could help you also. I reciprocate prayers for yourself too. You have so much more than myself to cope with . Hope you sleep well and have a better day tomorrow. X

HowVeryDareYou2 Sat 31-Jan-26 22:58:05

ScaredyCat Despite all you've been through, you always sound cheerful, and you make the most of your life. My GC (even Little Girl) love curries. Your GGS will do well at grammar school, I'll bet. Nice that his sister is already there. We've got lots of lovely parks in Nottinghamshire. The one that is renowned for having lots of snowdrops is Hodsock Priory, so perhaps that was it.

Doodle Glad you enjoyed time with your sons. They are good to do jobs for you. Our Son1 has got a beard - ginger, with a bit of grey now, although his hair is black. (he helps with anything technological). A glass of wine and a bit of chocolate is fine. Enjoy it.

Wyllow3 Glad your family were able to go swimming, despite the delay. I bet your GD (L) thoroughly enjoyed swimming about. Are your other 2 GC helpful towards her? Did you have pizzas?

SweetpeaSue Being bashed into by a lorry must have been frightening for you. Glad it didn't put you off driving. A horse once reared up to my car when I was in it (parked), knocking my wing mirror off. The rider just carried on down the road! I'm not surprised your husband is apprehensive. Anyone would be. It's a procedure the doctors do all the time, and he should be a lot better afterwards. Sorry you've got the bladder pain. Hope it settles down quickly.

nadateturbe flowers. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Met Son1 and his eldest girl, as well as his stepson. Lunch in a country pub, then a walk in Newstead Abbey park - until it poured with rain. A nice day, anyway x

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