Arriving in late as it was the last evening of my Zoom Feminist Theology course and I spent a chunk of the day preparing for it as well as having to do some practical stuff as regards damp on the wall (where I’d paid a lot of have the chimney above to stop it - and future booking some repair work that involves scaffolding on the house but only on the back in March/April.
Oh! So frustrating to lose a post, HVDY. I expect you are looking forward to seeing LG. It takes one into a different world, seen through toddler eyes, especially if they are secure and happy ones. I’m so glad that the abcess is shrinking. You are doing well weightwise! Good things o aim for there.And a good job on house things today.
I think you were brave to be honest to a friend like that, EllieAnne, but also that it’s necessary to set boundaries so’s not to be used when the person is needy and struggling.
I found Lord of the Flies difficult to read and brave to watch! I’m glad you are in Sweetpeasue as I’ve been wondering how life has been. I so hope that DH can get better enough to do some art again. My solution as to the “what to do with” the past work is to take good photographs of them all, and only keep the ones that have special resonance. That way, you never “lose” the image. He could print them out and put in A4 folders.
But it has to be the right time to go through stuff
The trouble is, it probably one of the hardest things in life to accept and know that life will never be what is was like before, that one will never do x and y.
Some people seem to be able to live with that easier than others, but I am like DH, fighting the acceptance, it’s taken so long. Fighting it can lead to what I’ve also done - rejecting life itself instead of just doing anything meaningful and useful in the now
The more clarity he can get on the future will help, I hope you both can keep talking to the nurse, she seems spot on.
Certainly you need that new car. The weather is horrible and a real downer all round.
But how are you?
What you describe, Doodle, is what I had imagined, except, not had to feel so appallingly sharply and in such depth. Yes, that moment when you put the key in the door: and know what awaits you emotionally the other side” yes the times when you just want to be re-united. I imagine you are cutting down on anti’d’s and yes cutting down may help with some things, the side effects but think carefully about cutting down too far, you are vulnerable x
Ginormas lesson today, and learnt….. sort of on my own.
Last night was probably the worst in terms of waking depressive thoughts I can recall for a long time. Yes, I do get afraid of going to bed as it happens so much.
So of course, am asking myself - why - just when things are improving and a major event happened with Safeguarding - is it apparently getting worse? I was waiting for 9am when MH lines open up, and wondering (I was terribly exhausted) whether I should go to the little art group and not going was pulling out of yet more stuff….)
So I actually googled, “how can sleepless depressive nights get worse when long term stress has actually mostly ended
And this was the answer, and it made so much sense, and I realised it makes sense not just for Mental Health or Assault stuff, *but for any of us who have undergone a period of constant and prolonged distress but cannot find a let up in anxiety and other symptoms.
“It is very common for sleep to remain severely disrupted even after a major, long-term stressor has been removed. This is often described as the "let-down effect," where your body, having been in a high-alert "fight or flight" mode for months or years, cannot instantly switch to relaxation when the danger passes”
Here is why you are likely still waking up, based on the physiology of chronic stress
*Residual Hyperarousal (The "Let-Down" Effect): When you are under long-term strain, your body produces high levels of cortisol and adrenaline. When the stressor is removed, it takes time for your system to recalibrate. Going from 100 mph to 0 immediately is a shock to your system, leaving you in a state of hypervigilance even while trying to sleep.
*Conditioned "Fear of Sleeping": Over time, your brain has learned to associate your bed and nighttime with stress, fear, and waking up. Your body now wakes up automatically, out of habit, expecting to be stressed.”
That makes so much sense, it’s a physical response. And when I had a sleep this afternoon, same thing on waking.
I did write to my psychologist as I want her to monitor me closely. (She gave me a brief similar explanation, but the google one is more helpful, more insightful)
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