Black Dogs 28

Sweetpeasue must have been a bit of a shock for your son seeing his dad needing the spray. Perhaps your Dh is doing too much too soon. Did they give advice about lifestyle after the procedure?
HVDY I am studiously avoiding all the Valentine offers and things that bombard my email and face me in the shops. DH always sent me a lovely card or a fun one and we usually had a nice meal at home just the two of us. How’s your abscess now ? Is it healing up? Spag bog was our grandsons favorite whenever he came over.
Oh Ellie Anne that’s sad. I seem to remember another lady from your group dying not long ago. Is that right? Hope you managed the funeral ok. It’s worrying about those migraines. you should get them checked out.
Scaredycat I think you’re right to do what you can in life while you can. I’m out with the walking group here tomorrow. I’m hoping it won’t rain,
Wyllow thank you for the tips. I can add more fruit and veg. Hope you’ve been somewhere today maybe the gym or coffee. I think it does us good to get out.
I’ve been to art today and afternoon tea at church. Lots of lovely cakes but no good for the diet

Hi all
Very tired tonight. Had a long walk this morning then we took our poorly friend to oncology for a procedure. The Chemo is making her feel so ill.
So wishing you all a peaceful night and see you tomorrowxx

SweetpeaSue Glad you felt btter today. Nice to chat with your son. It's good that he can do little jobs to help you sometimes. I expect he was shocked at seeing your husband like that. Hope your DH isn't doing too much.

Doodle Yes, I imagine these occasions must be difficult for you. My abscess has gone now (the cream called Trimovate works so well), but there's a lumpiness left, which I think must be scarring. It's apparently going to be very cold tomorrow, so wrap up warmly if you go on your walk. Afternoon tea today sounds nice.

Day centre was good today. We had salmon, potatoes and veg, then fruit and cream, and homemade shortbread. I gave DH my Kitkat and cupcake that we were all given. Hope everyone has a good rest tonight x

I just think LG adores being with her grandma, HVDY. an adult all to herself all day and a new bath to play in! Long day there. Hope you enjoy the salmon, I’m very fond of it as long as it’s cooked properly. My mum collected furry toys for her grandchildren and kept them long after. You could hardly find a place on the settee.

I’m so glad today was a wee bit better, Sweetpeasue. Something achieved and - well, at last your family “know” about it all and are being supportive and loving. I remember when you didn’t want to tell them - but they have come through xx

Bit if a struggle with those cake temptations, Doodle - especially I this cold wet weather, one wants the sugar lift so much. What did you do at art today?. Valentines day - yes….well I wish I had someone special making a fuss of me…now the same sort of feelings as you, of course, but I often long for someone to share the bits of life that matter as well as the small everyday nesses. OTOH - very aware that at our ages, the future is uncertain health wise, and one has to be wise.

Glad you popped in, Scaredycat, a long day there. And upsetting with your friend.. well done on the long walk tho.

I had one of the worst nights for a long time. Early phone calls to my sis, extra meds, and my psychologist actually picked up a first thing email SOS and responded by email. Nothing new, just trauma that wont go away and I have to accept it will take its time (plus of course the reminder of Stuff to do with Safeguarding. But the Restorative Justice person came for the last review visit, and it was very nice indeed chatting as we really get on, spiritually as well as practically. DS is going to write to my Safeguarding people to say no way can MrA come back until he’s owned up to altering the story and making life such a nightmare for me and others for months.

But at another level, when I’m not “losing it” in trauma that wont go straight away, things feel a bit more normal and tidying and sorting has gone on during the day as well as time in bed.

How are you, Ellie Anne? and Nadateturbe?

Just parked at my usual spot and this is in front of me

Hi all
HVDY- I can imagine LG peeping into the new rooms. Children love to go upstairs and explore in Nannas house don’t they.
So glad that horrible abscess has gone- what wonderful cream that is.
That was a nice lunch- very healthy too. I don’t like Salmon but hope you enjoyed it. Even DH got a treat.
My friend who has dementia is getting really stroppy now and leading everyone a merry dance. We’re off to see our other friend and her son tomorrow - she is just very quiet now with worse memory loss. Hope your SiL is feeling better.
SweetPeaSue- although it must have shocked your DS a bit to see his Dad in pain it will have helped him understand better how it is for you both. Perhaps he overdid it a bit. But maybe it’s that your DH feels more like doing stuff now so must pace himself carefully. Nice you get on well with your DiL.
Sorry the Fibro makes you feel so worn out. I expect all the worries of the past months don’t help it either.
Doodle- yes Valentines Day was very special for you both but what lovely memories you must have of all those days shared.
It’s dry here so hope you are not getting wet on your Group walk.Do you have lunch together afterwards?
How is the Art going- what are you doing at the moment.
EllieAnne- so sorry you have lost your friend. One of the sad things about getting older. We have to go to one next week. One of DH,s best friends died unexpectedly after a medical procedure. He misses him a lot.
Thank you for that beautiful photo. What a lovely place you live. Sitting by the Sea is so therapeutic.
Wyllow- you have piles of pants now!! Next time you come across those scones give in to temptation they sound wonderful.
So sorry about the bad night . It’s good there is someone in Quaker Justice section who you can comfortably talk about everything with.
Your DS is such a support for you and fights your corner . He’s quite right to insist that MrA can’t come back until he admits his untruths and the trouble they have caused so many with his arrogant denial of the real facts.
Hope you have a better night.
Nadateturbe- how are you today?
Love to all and hoping your weekends are kind to you.

Wyllow So sorry you had another
.
really bad night. Such a blessing you have a sis who's so helpful and there for you. Credit to psychologist too who answered your early email so promptly

Sorry, bare with me , theres a margin appeared on right side of phone.

I hope youll feel more settled about Mr A after your son writes to safeguarding about the big worry of Mr A returning to your meetings. Well done all the sorting.
I feel better today that Ive finished many left unfinished pieces of knitting.
Hope your day has gone OK.
EllieAnne Thats a beautiful photo - the sea is so blue . Thankyou. As soon as the rain stops here we must get to the beach ,though still a car to look for too.
Scaredycat Oh it must be hard to see your friend's nature turning 'stroppy' as you put it. I do know what you mean- such a horrible illness. Hope the visit to your other friend tomorrow finds her responsive and not too bad. Sorry your DHs best friend has died- Im afraid its as you say- something that happens to us all as we get older , though I still cant believe you're 84 - you sound more like 24!
Yes DH did a little much yesterday. The tap fixing took 2 hrs for son to do as it kept leaking and DH was going up n down stairs turning the water off. We had a table ( like hospital tables that go over bed) in loft so son went up for it though DH lifted it off him on the steps.
Its ideal for DILs mum right now.
HVDYDoodle Nadateturbe and others , hope youve been OK.

Ive had a good day today. Went to get cardboard boxes for Ukraine stuff and boxed it all up, finished craft projects, and even did 5kms on bike ( indoors not out ,Im not that fit). DH has painted 2 walls in living room and hasn't needed spray today -- so far. He seems brighter.

Love to all.xxx

I’m not feeling well today. My cold is much better but I feel so tired in the afternoons and can easily fall asleep. I feel a bit fluey . Going to bed early and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Scaredycat I have two friends whose husbands have dementia and I can see what troubles they have now although one is more advanced than the other. I know what is likely to come because I saw the same with my brother, it’s such an awful illness for all involved. I’m sorry you have to see your friends going through this.
Sorry about your DH’s best friend. It’s a sad time.
Art is progressing. Some good weeks some not. Pastels are not my thing but it was inks this week which I liked more.
HVdY glad your abscess is gone now. Good thing you knew what was needed to treat it. What did LG think about going upstairs.? I bet she was excited. Little n’es love exploring.
Sweetpeasue those hospital bed type tables are so useful. DH had one for when he was sitting in his armchair. I use it now for my computer work. I think your Dh did overdo things if he was up and down stairs and lifting things. Good he’s had a better day today.
Ellie Anne sorry you’re not feeling great. Hope a good nights sleep helps. That photo is amazing. Such a beautiful blue sea. You are lucky to live near such places.
Wyllow. Good that your son is supporting you and writing to the safeguarding team. Nice to have family in your side in this.
Sorry you’re having bad nights. Hope tonight is a better one.
I went with the walking group this morning. Get tired so easily but at least it didn’t rain and coffee after was good,

Wyllow3 I'm glad your son is going to help. Your sister is a good support, too. Hope you sleep better tonight.

EllieAnne What a beautiful view. It must be great to live somewhere near the sea. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

ScaredyCat My SIL went through that argumentative and aggressive stage, and it's so sad for the family and friends of a person with dementia.

SweetpeaSue It's so good to hear you sound a lot happier. I'm glad you and your husband have been much better today. Don't let him overdo things, though.

Doodle LG was so surprised that we've got rooms upstairs! She got into my bed and thought she was staying there . Nice that you went out with the walking group. It's rained all day here, again.

* Nadateturbe* How are you?

It's been another very rainy day, so I did some things indoors - online Vinted shopping for toys for LG, also sorted through some things for the charity shop. Hope everyone has a good rest x

What a lovely picture, Ellie Anne. I like being beside water, I should choose walks that do take me there. I hope you do get a good night. Do you have afternoon naps when you are tired?

I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to be very close to someone I’m close to with dementia where they are aggressive or gone into being totally lost, Scaredycat. It’s never yet happened to me . The people in their 90’s that I’ve known have or had sharp minds. I’ve lived with fairly severe MH as in Ex of course but thats a very different situation. Sweetpeasue is right, you sound 24.

It’s really good you finished off all the bits of knitting, Sweetpeasue. And what a “wow” day for you both. 🙂 so much done!
Its a “down” having half finished pieces sitting around making one feel guilty or inadequate for “not doing”. Painting those walls was a real achievement for DH.
I hope you get to the beach soon, tomorrow is supposed to be sunny.

I always liked inks, Doodle. So bold and clear. it's typical of the weather atm that we celebrate not rain.

I had a laugh with a Greek friend about it, I said I bet you tell your friends that if they need to start a conversation in the UK, you talk about the weather. She hooted and said that’s the first thing you learn - it’s even in the children’s “learn English” books.

I just love the idea of LG The Explorer, HVDY. Upstairs at grandmas is another world so of course, there being a bed, she was meant to sleep there! Have you had anything really great from Vinted that you have kept? Of course, now you are losing weight, you must have things you are shedding.

I had a good time with N my cleaner friend this morning as ususal, then went to the gym, natters and exercise, the supermarket, a costa, a sleep, and this evening I’ve been sorting more old art stuff, and diaries. Very weird but educational reading stuff when I was with Ex. I’m on the hunt for my small “best work” folder” where did I put it.

I’m heading for a good throw out session, I can tell, if I’m trying to focus on key themes and best work, a lot can go. I'm not a hoarder by nature.
Letting go of Stuff is very powerful for moving on, or it can be for me, anyway, I realise others love to keep Stuff around, like my mum, who sort of wandered amongst it especially as time went on.

DS wrote a very powerful letter indeed. I am concerned he focussed on my MH stuff so much. Too easy to get a label that excuses others. OTOH is all true, and if Quakers cant take it on board well who can (we have several I know who have had psychotic episodes - which I don’t get - and treated with love and respect -( hummpf !!!)
Well, we’ll see, out of my hands now thankfully for them to come up with solutions.

My last night was a bit better after talking to DS and I have mostly focused on other matters today.

Best nights possible, all.

Wyllow3 I bought a lovely raincoat - red with white dots - last year, and it was too tight. It fits me now. Yesterday, I bought an easel (blackboard on one side, whiteboard on the other, plus chalks) for LG. She loves the one we got her for last Christmas, which was obviously new. Also, a Bluey (Bluey and Bingo characters) hand-held karaoke thing. Glad you had a good day yesterday, with your nice cleaner lady, then the gym and Costa. Do you use all those exercise machines at the gym? I used to enjoy going now and again, but the full-length mirrored walls are off-putting to me. Perhaps I'll start going when I look a bit better.

The sun is shining! Not seen it for a long time, so must get out somewhere. Hope everyone has a decent day x

The sun is shining here too, a totally blue sky. Yay!!!

I'm going to drive out into the High Peak in a while and chuck the gym idea.

I know my fave "eva" spot will be heaving and no parking, but I have another spot further away.

Yes HVDY I do use the weights machines. They are in a long room, at the far end there is a mirror for people doing traditional weights lifting where you need to check your posture, but not near the weights machines.

They are truly excellent for tackling bits of the body that have flab - thighs, bum, underarm, tum, and so on and yes there are generously proportioned ladies with big T's on using them - you start at a very low weight and you will see the difference after 2 months. If you have O/A you can do very very gentle work as improving muscle strength supports knees and walking.

They are also the reason I have managed to mostly heal my knee where I damaged the meniscus and will strengthen your core (thats tum, bum, and above all, lower back*

I enjoy them, I didn't at first. its a matter of course of being shown properly, and gaining confidence. And of course its not like a one hour class - you can just do 20 mins.

Lecture over...

ps, great haul there especially the spotty coat.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- yes it’s difficult when the person was mild and gentle before the illness with such lovely manners. Our friend today hasn’t changed like that but her memory is so bad . At least she still knows us and that we had fun years ago. Just sad as they are 2 of my 3 best friends.The other being the the poorly one.
Sounds like you both had a really busy day. DH needs to pace himself though. No wonder he felt brighter- it must have felt so good to do stuff again.
So good to hear the happier tone in your words.
EllieAnne- hope you feel better after your early night.
Doodle- it was sad for you to watch your brother endure that awful illness- it’s so cruel. Your 2 friends have a hard road to travel.
Ink is nice to work with especially the water soluble ink.
Glad you didn’t get wet- how long do you walk for?
HVDY- I hope my friend will be like your SiL and mellow as time goes on.
I have a black raincoat with white spots that I bought in a Sale- I love it.
Those full length mirrors are not helpful are they. I,m quite slim but my body has seen much better days and I don’t like to look too closely! Still it still works 😀
Hope you’ve had a good day.
Wyllow- what a good day you had yesterday. So glad you have your lovely cleaner friend.
A good throw out is very therapeutic . I did that with all my Art work - had to make sure the life drawings were destroyed well before going in the recycling !!! Kept the stuff I liked or felt a bit pleased with. I put my best photos in photobooks online.
Hope you got into the High Peak - it’s so beautiful there. Do you go over the Snake Pass?It will clear your mind just being there. Hope too there was a parking spot with your name on it.
Nadateturbe- hope you’re OK

Love to all and to all those we miss

Thanks scaredy cat. I did feel fine in the morning but went downhill this afternoon. I’ve just watched tv and read this afternoon and did an easy meal.
I can’t get warm. The heating is on and I’m wearing jumper and an oodie .
Tv is awful tonight unless you like sport .

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202602/medium-750xlp-img-1937.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202602/medium-39zqkz-img-1950.jpeg

Yes, it's lots of winter sports, I do enjoy some bits. Do you get Netflix, Ellie Anne? there are feel feel good films and some series as there are on Prime. Given your situation, I'd consider shelling out for Netflix. Sounds like you are still shivery.

Your situation became really clear Scaredycat when you say 2 out of your three best friends. 🫶🫶. It's a sad reality. Thank goodness for your extended family. I have a feeling we'll still be here for years nattering to you but with the AF it can cast a shadow on that....so Carpe diem...I'm trying!

I like your thinking art wise, I do have to be more ruthless, as the truth is only a relatively small % are really really good or meaningful. Its harder to know what to do with the conceptual work tho, it's a work in progress. Why now, I'm thinking.
When I really know I'll say, but it definitely has a positive moving on element working for me in the present as long as I take it in a measured way..

I had a lovely lovely wake up along my favourite ridge, lots of cheerful walkers, took its slowly, and did what I'd set myself to do, which took a slow hour and a bit (stops for natters and finding a very discreet spot for a wee, not so easy on a mostly exposed ridge....)

Wyllow3 You know what you're doing at the gym, and know how to use the various bits of equipment. I used to go a few years ago, and ought to try going again. Glad you got out for a walk. What a fantastic view. Your hair looks lovely, by the way.

ScaredyCat There are different stages of Alzheimer's, although everyone is different and don't all follow the same pattern. It seems that once the sufferer has lost their awareness, they often settle down a bit. It's hard to see the change in a person. My SIL is more like she once was, personality-wise, but of course, she has no short-term memory now, so she can't remember how to read or write, for example.

EllieAnne Saturday nights are the worst for tv. We watch The 1% Club, but I often watch things on More4 or BBC iPlayer. Hope you get warm and feel better soon.

Had a lovely dinner - salmon with lemon & Thyme, dauphinoise potatoes, and oven-roasted veg. DH had Punjabi chicken, rice and samosas.

Evening all. Sorry I don’t feel like posting tonight. It’s been a tough day. Valentine’s Day was always special for me and DH.
Catch up tomorrow. Hope all are ok

EllieAnne Glad you haven't come down with something. TV is dire lately if you dont like sport - which I dont unless theres an England footie match-but I do like the ice- dance figure skating which can be found on iplayer.
Wyllow What beautiful views from that ridge. You look lovely and what thick wavy hair. Yes, that's the only problem with long walks - must be a bit dicey trying to find a discreet spot on your own- we can keep looking out for one another.
Scardycat My DFIL had dementia and he did very badly when he went into hospital , got CDiff , and the most extreme bed - sore. It was really awful. Hospitals are no place for people with dementia .So glad your friend's DH is in a nursing home. It must be so awful to watch your best friends in such a bad way ,yet you always sound so positive.
HVDY That dinner you had sounded delicious and v healthy . You are doing so well. Ive been trying not to buy biscuits and chocolate with my groceries and am being a little stricter with DH regarding his treats. ( Awww!) He isnt rebelling-he knows he has to be careful. Drs have been really pleased with his low bad cholesterol. Oh I hate those full length mirrors .
Doodle Yes, DH did overdo things that day. We bought that table when DH had his hip replacement - it was so useful when he needed to sit up in the higher chair the NHS provided. Hope your knee wasnt too bad after your walk yesterday. Nice to have a coffee afterwards - bit of a chance for a chat.

Took aunt out this morning then after returning home went out again for a walk by the sea. Just 20 mins - enough for DH . He needed spray again.😔 He enjoyed it though and it was sunny today at long last. The breaking waves were pure white.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful night.xxx

Am a bit sad tonight . The lady who upset me the other week has done it again. Not got the energy to write about it now but I think I need to distance myself.

It's a very difficult judgement to make, Ellie Anne. Some people cant resist sticking a little spike in how they relate to people, it's self damaging and can be damaging to the person they do it to. The need to hurt - is it always that way, or are they testing you out in some way...sometimes it works pointing it out to them and it stops: others are convinced they cannot be anything but benign despite what they do and its always someone else's fault. The question is, is it rewarding enough to continue the contact, or leave it behind, is it worth pointing out how they are with you first to see if matters improve, or pull out now.

Very understandable to feel that way today, Doodle: sometimes the world feels full of couples and happy ones, as yours was. The reality of unhappiness or even abuse isnt always visible. I hope church helps, tomorrow.

I think your efforts to both eat really healthily are wise, Sweetpeasue. Practically, on the cholesterol level, but on the basis that ones emotional health is improved by good eating, makes sense, trying to to stay a healthy weight..... I'm sorry DH had to use the spray, it seems to be necessary sometimes....yet the sight of the beach and the sea can only be good - the needing the spray may be a result of all that activity yesterday?

Not looking forward to quakers as I'm still in the middle of a process, yet do get a lot out of it when there, but I have my own spike in my side, D, who denied my reality and accused me of being malicious - I have to learn to live with this.

I hope quakers was ok today Wyllow.
We had a different type of service today as it was taken by a group who work with people who have addictions.
Very down to earth people from difficult backgrounds telling their stories. They have found a faith and are helping others.
Wyllow I thought I had Netflix through my package but when son tried to set it up it wanted money. So I didn’t bother. Dh wouldn’t watch it anyway so I d only get it if he was in a different room.
My friend hardly ever goes out. Yes she has health problems but she drives and has a blue badge so she could.
So when I go in she s looking for ‘news’ and if I’ve nothing much to say she tell me I’m boring
But yesterday her dd was there talking about her and her husband cuddling up to watch a film and have a takeaway for Valentine’s Day.
So friend who probably knows more about the state of my marriage than anyone said to me in a sickly voice ‘are you going to be cuddling up on the sofa too?’
I was quite taken aback and didn’t comment but spoke about something else.
But I felt it was thoughtless and unnecessary.

Agree EllieAnne not very nice at all. Uncalled for.
(Sorry everyone, just popped in to read backwards and felt I had to answer EllieAnne)

Good advice from Wyllow3.