Black Dogs 28

Ellie Anne I want to give you a big hug. I was going to write and say it’s possible she didn’t mean to upset you but having read your second post I think what she said was tactless and mean. You say she hardly ever goes out. I’m wondering if she’s jealous of your ability to get out and about. I would ask her when you next meet if she meant to upset you and tell her you don’t like it?
I think Wyllows understanding is good.
Wyllow I’m wondering how Quakers went and how you’re getting on. Church was lovely thank you. Nice to have coffe and chat after
Sweetpeasue nice you and DH got a sea walk in while the weather was better, hopefully with better days to come you will be able to do it more often. I know I’ve asked before but I’ve forgotten. When does your Dh have his follow-up with the surgeon?
Scaredycat I only keep my paintings if they vaguely resemble what they were supposed to look like. I have only framed 2 which I was pleased with. The ok ones go in a folder, those not so good go straight for recycling. 🤣
Church for me this morning then DS1 came over this afternoon and sorted my internet out for me. We had a nice chat and he did a few more jobs.

Hi all
Wyllow-Yay!!! You got there - so happy you had your lovely walk. What a beautiful day too.The Peaks are so beautiful and we love our times there visiting my Sister.
Hope Quakers was enjoyable today and you were able to put Mr A out of your mind. Ignore D she is probably a disagreeable opinionated person - in the minority of Quakers I should imagine. Just enjoy your meetings and the benefits you get from them
EllieAnne- yes your friend was thoughtless and probably not got much of interest in her life. Just a stupid unnecessary remark - don’t dwell on it. Glad you seem to have shaken off your chills.
HVDY- your knowledge of Alzheimer’s helps me understand a bit better re my friends plights- thank you.
What a lovely Valentine’s Day dinner- we had curry!!
SweetPeaSue-Ah another person who understands dementia,so many of you have experienced it in loved ones. We must be grateful mustn’t we for everyday we have with our families and friends .
Your Aunt must have been pleased to see you both.
Lovely to be by the sea again and enjoy the beautiful waves. I expect there will be the odd times when DH will need his spray and this week he has done much more than lately.
Doodle- so sorry you had a difficult day yesterday- understandable though when so many thoughts must have been crowding into your head. Hope Church helped you today and brought you some peace in your head.

Well today it has bucketed down and been indoors all day😩
Nice bit though DD and SiL came round this morning for a chat and coffee. They had had 2 days away and it poured pretty well non stop but they enjoyed it anyway.
We changed our TV / Broadband provider this afternoon by phone - it took about one and a half hours!!!! But have got a much better deal both money wise and what we will receive. But oh the rigmarole you have to go through .

Hoping those we haven’t heard from for quite a while are all doing as well as possible. Love to all

Just saying hello. I have been on two different antibiotics. Starting to get a little energy. Hopefully join in a bit soon. Love to everyone xx

EllieAnne I cant think of any excuse for your friend to say such a cruel thing ,re valentine's day. I think Id be tempted to tell her you couldn't understand why she said that , but there again Id leave it in case she's getting some sort of smug satisfaction in putting you down. You are not boring and you are not there to fill other's days with interest. You are a kind and loving person- we need more like you. My hug joins Doodle's. X
*Doodle When I posted I missed your last one about the sadness valentine's say brought. Im sorry it only accentuated your loss. We didnt buy cards this year and afterwards we wondered why but perhaps we were just thinking of other things. Son's can be great for helping with techy things - I often ask mine about stuff on my mobile.
DH hasn't got a set date for follow up from Cardiologist but was told a cardio nurse would telephone to ask how he is in about 6/8 weeks. He also has follow up appt with Vascular consultant in April about the Subclavian Artery procedure he had in December.
Hope youve had a good day.
Scaredycat We've been putting off changing broadband provider for the very reason of it being a big hassle. Wonder why these things cant be simple.
Oh the weather has been so wet and dark - roll on the Spring! Bought some Dahlia bulbs today . Not the big bloom flowers - theyre lots of different coloured daisy- like petals ,I love them.
Yes, DH did do a bit much the other day. Hes been OK today.
Wyllow Hope if you went to Quakers it was ok and youve not been upset with M.
HVDY Hope youve had a decent day.
Nadateturbe Sending love. Sounds like youve had a bad time with getting the right antibiotics- hope you're OK now.

Went to a garden centre this morning and picked up some bulbs and poppy seeds. Then on to a Costa and instead of our seeded toast chose the porridge(😇)
It was delicious. Not the ones where they add hot water to oats but the pots in the fridge. He gave us a little jug of hot milk to dilute it a little( its very thick and creamy) with wandered to sweeten.
Back home DH painted another wall and now need to take out books from my wall to ceiling book shelves. Sorted out all the ones I dont want ( the 'worthy' ones that I thought Id read) and all taken to out church charity shop. It feels good to throw out stuff not needed/wanted.
Was thinking -- Id rather watch the sky and clouds then burden myself with 'thinking too much' which only makes me too introverted which I already am - if that makes sense!

Love to all and hope everyone has been OK.

CANDEREL not wandered!

EllieAnne Your "friend" is rather thoughtless and hasn't got any tact. You aren't boring at all, and you perhaps ought to give her a wide berth for a while.

Doodle Isn't it good to have someone who knows how to sort out computer issues - our Son1 does ours, remotely (from his house), which is something DH and I have got no idea about! I'm glad church was good. Did you go anywhere today?

Wyllow3 Hope Quakers was alright. As ScareyCat says, best to try to ignore D and enjoy being with the others there.

nadateturbe Hope you feel brighter soon.

ScaredyCat Nice for you to see your daughter and her husband. The weather has been horrible, hasn't it! It's rained every day of this year, so far. I suppose that's why the UK is so green and lush, but the farmers are having a tough time of it.

SweetpeaSue Glad you got out for a while today. I love having a clear out of "stuff". What colour are the newly-painted walls? I know what you mean about watching the sky and clouds. I'm introverted, too (it took me years to realise it - I was so used to "putting on a front" at work, and it's a relief to not have to do that)

LG was here at 8. After breakfast, we picked up GD1, went to a role-play centre (it was absolutely manic with all the kids being off school), then had a pub lunch. It's rained all day, so we played at home ("new" toys from Vinted), and both girls went at 4.30. Hope everyone's ok x

HVDY I share your sheer frustration at this wet weather. Its the darkness too and that can really contribute to our own low moods. Oh can imagine the scene in the play areas- dont think Ive been to a role play centre though ,or is that what you mean by the play centres with the balls and climbing nets ect?
The cour is Antique Cream which is a Johnsons paint and it was that we used last yr when we painted the stairs/ hallway. It .ust have taken a lot of effort to go to work and have to put 'the face' on. I used to think there was something 'wrong' with me as no one else seemed to be like that - my sisters aren't.

Scaredycat pleased you had a nice visit with your DD and SIl.
I changed broadband suppliers a few weeks ago. It took me far longer than a couple of hours and has needed two visits from DS1 to get working properly. However it’s good now and considerably cheaper than BT.
nadateturbe glad the antibiotics are helping.
Sweetpeasue it’s funny I often sit and look out of my balcony doors at the trees and sky opposite. In the early morning light, the trees stand out black against the sky and there are lots of bird flypasts. The gulls, the geese. And very occasionally some swans, I had a cormorant for company for several days while I ate my breakfast, glad your Dh has had a better day.
HVdY it’s lovely LG gets to play with her big cousin. Nice for both the girls. Didn’t know Vinted sold toys too I thought it was just clothes. Must take a look.
Wyllow hope you’ve managed to get out today. Have you been to the gym or for a walk. Very cold here but at least not raining
Ellie Anne hope you’re feeling a little bit better now

I've not been in as thinking a great deal what to do what with MrA pestering me about "coming back" to the meeting despite having agreed not to previously and it all being up to me

I was to meet him and Safeguarding in a few days to yet again trying to get across how appalling he has been, hoping he'd take some responsibility for spreading lies and causing a great deal of distress and chaos all round, seriously treating my health, creating a situation where people I had been close to didn't know who to believe and so on.

Imagine my situation -trying to worship knowing that only 5 people know about the assault, some believed him and accused me....

He's not "owning" any of it, having no sense of responsibility for his actions.

In the end I decided:

There is no point whatsoever trying to "reach" him. He considers that apart from the Sexual Assault, he has done everything needed despite the distress wrought. He is unable to see it: his ego wont allow it: he clearly believes now he has admitted Assault, job done.

I decided to hand it over completely to Safeguarding and arranged a Zoom tonight. Taking the risk of course that they might say, "he can come back". As ever, I wrote bullit points, some of which Safeguarding didnt know.

The chief person (who is the one I spoke to, completely agrees with me as regards MrA in every aspect, as they have enow tried to "reach them".

I asked they start taking care of me and took my criticism of them failing to support me after some discussion.

They see too, now: MrA is a misogynist: he is likely to repeat behaviour they are more aware of the full story (ie MrA knew my vulnerability before Assaulting me):

Its likely he has done it before: they appreciate how it would be for me if he turns up and the people who don't know what he has done welcome him warmly and more people need to know what has happened: they will have to challenge him of course

but it wont be me doing it

She praised me for clarity of thinking and the issues and truth speaking, and how much energy I put into my concerns about the affect It was having on my fellow Quakers even as some failed to believe me. she also "heard" that I was fed up of being called "Brave" courageous" for taking the path I did (aka. doing their job?) and know everything about the people in charge of the meeting (currently, not really up to the job, illness, age).

She said how do you feel now? I said, I'd know when it sinks in: I want to start living, not living the situation, and leave the work to others.

I doubt very much MrA will be just allowed to go back until he has to do some more self reflection and taking responsibility, and if he cant take it on wont get a free pass: but not up to me.

Ellie Anne - they were very spiky things indeed. Whether she is aware of this is another matter or it's so inbuilt she is always like this! You certainly should not put up to it for the sake of a friendship, but it has to be up to you - "do I challenge her, and see what happens" or "Not worth it - draw a line under it". x

Sweetpeasue it's good to read the little signs, small but precious, of things done, plants bought that mean looking forward, walls painted (sounds a very calming off white).

I realise how tentative they feel, that part of you must feel it could all be swept away, and if you are able to look out at the blue patches of sun its definitely, definitely better than thinking that is not productive.

Oh my, HVDY, I'd forgotten it's half term for some areas. I noticed kids around, but not many (I live on a boundary), not wonder the place was heaving. I do hope GD1 is doing OK? Nice to have a treat lunch out and new to you toys. I haven't put on a face literally, but in. terms of pretending a self that I wasnt....

Today as well as pondering I did go to the gym and found a bargain in TK Max/Homebase - its a terrible place for temptation...

nadateturbe I'm always just glad to "see" you in.

Doodle wise art moves - frame the best, keep some, ditch the rest!

Waves to all I didn't greet yesterday. I didn't go to Quakers, the lovely walk dun mi in.

SweetpeaSue This play today has got all the usual slides, ball pits, etc., but also dressing-up clothes and sets to look like a cafe, car repair place and greengrocers, so the tools and accessories to go with them. I've got Antique Cream on 2 walls of my bedroom (1 in Sage, the other taken up by fitted wardrobes). It's nice and restful. Strangely enough, I somehow always managed to give the impression of being outgoing - I've always been able to chat, though.

Doodle There are lots of different things for sale on Vinted - even electrical. I only buy toys and books for LG, and clothes for me. How wonderful to be able to sit and watch the various birds flying by. We've got a visiting fox again - it was on our path last Wednesday evening, so I've been leaving food out (mainly whole eggs, in shells), and it's been taken.

Wyllow3 Men like MrA don't/can't change, and they don't/won't think they've done anything wrong. I wish you well in all of it, though. GD1 is a lovely girl - very kind and helpful, but so easily swayed by the girls she hangs about with at school (a few are the ones who used to bully her terribly). She often fails to go to lessons, choosing to mooch around the school grounds with these girls. Very silly and a waste of time - we've all spoken to her, and her dad (Son1) has tried stopping her money, taking her mobile, giving her chores, etc., and is now instead trying rewards for good behaviour - she went to a different friend's party, stayed overnight (adults were there), had her nails "done". We'll see.

Been watching an excellent programme called "Hijack" - Idris Elba. Off to bed soon. Jaffa's having his "mad half hour" of running about. Night, all x

The mad half hour must be fun to watch.
I agree with the approach to GD1, rewards, and so hope it works.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- your DH is on a bit of a roll now - it’s wonderful he feels like doing stuff again. He has you as overseer so he does do too much. What a team!
It’s quite hard to get rid of books but I agree about the ‘worthy’ ones - I,d set them free too.
Watching the beauty of the sky is so much more beneficial than letting those horrible intrusive thoughts in to spoil your day.
HVDY- we use my Stepson for our computer Buff. Thank goodness he lives quite close.
Today the sun is shining in a cloud free sky so went out for a lovely walk and binned the housework. Walked a little way with a lady who had a dear little dog rescued from Cyprus. Those chance meetings are so cheery.
That non stop rain has been awful hasn’t it we have just had our hose pipe ban lifted- you couldn’t make it up. We have a lot of Vinetards now where we live but I don’t know if the rain is good or bad for them.
Your Monday sounded fun. I always think of you as someone who would be great company- love when cats get the Zoomies. Our boys whizz about like mad things sometimes.
Doodle- glad your Broadband is sorted now. I,ll be glad when it’s all done . We did save a nice amount of money per month switching though.
It must be lovely having that view from your balcony - so much going on. My DD has great views from her house ND although we live so close we have none😩 I do like to sit at my desk and watch the people go past and often horses while I type though.
Wyllow- sensible move to hand everything over re Mr A.
You have made your position so clear and it is not your responsibility to set it all right. It’s those whose role is to Safeguard their fellow Quakers. Mr A is obviously oblivious or devious or both. Don’t let him stop you from living how you want- let others deal with him you have done all you can.
I hope you have this lovely day where you live - the hills would be calling to you I,m sure.
TK Max is certainly full of temptation. My friend who has dementia and lives with her Son was taken to buy some new sweaters as she wears ones that have come out of the Ark- despite not being poor. Her son said they came home with her and they’ve vanished!! What has she done with them. Watch this space.
Nadateturbe- like Wyllow it’s always so nice just to see you with us.

Tomorrow we have the funeral of DH lovely friend. Because of the circumstances of his passing it’s been about 2 months wait. Very stressful for his family.
Love to all .

SweetPeaSue- I meant doesn’t do too much 😩

I'm so sorry to hear about the funeral tomorrow, a hard time for those who loved him, especially with the delays. May it be a true celebration of a life well lived.

I'm glad you got out this morning. A real tonic to walk in the sun Did the hills call me, as it's lovely here?

No, I'm utterly, totally exhausted by yesterday - but when I awoke and came downstairs:

it has been like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I can start to live again.

The measures being taken will make it clear to all what has passed: a good man has done some very bad things and will be more accountable than he had wished - and worked - for.

So this morning I have been pottering, catching up, but in a totally different place mind wise. I need to get fitter and ready for the visit with my brother (he's driving, he lives north of me) down to see DocSis in Devon, which is not too far from the coast on Exmoor, with her 8 Alpacas, dog who rips apart her toy pheasants with unconcealed glee and a growl (as well as liking cuddles - her name is Bella and she sounds like your occasional visitor, Sweetpeasuealthough younger and active).

It's like being freed. I'm noticing things like birdsong, huge amounts of moss on the grass, things beginning to come out. (next stage, the bluebells and daffs, not out here yet).

(Visit is early mid March).

ScaredyCat Those chats with people are so good, aren't they? I'll talk to anyone who looks approachable. Aww, the little rescue dog . I hate to think of anyone ill-treating any animal - thank goodness for those rescue places. It's been a nice, dry, bright day, but very cold. I don't know about vineyards, but I assume they'd need a certain amount of sunshine. Sad about your husband's friend. I hope the funeral goes as well as these things can.

Wyllow3 Thanks. I hope this approach works with GD1. You sound much happier today, which is great. Seeing your brother and sister next month will give you something good to focus on. The dog sounds delightful. Alpacas? Does she do organised walks with them?

How's everyone else been? DH and I picked up his sister and she treated us to lunch at a very nice pub (she insisted on paying - 1st time in 48 years, so we let her ), then she came back here for a couple of hours. I've just made and eaten 2 pancakes. Nice. x

Oh yes, it's pancake night, I forgot, but I'm eggless.

Nice pub lunch there is 2 ways

No, she keeps alpacas cos she loves tending animals and she is a a superb weaver who uses their wool in her work. She has a whole huge weaving and sewing room. It's a gorgeous farmhouse and her DH installed a huge ground heating system that involved digging a field up, they pay almost nothing at all in energy, and are into environment stuff. Obviously they are incredibly fortunate in some ways...but looking after it all!!!! Phew. They have family visiting but cant ever get away: horses for courses.

Scaredycat it’s amazing the range of different people you can chat to whilst out on a walk. DH and I made numerous acquaintances that we would see on a regular basis and have a little chat to and just passing strangers who would want to stop and chat, glad you had a nic walk.
I’ll be a sad day tomorrow for you Dh. Hopefully there will be many good shared memories.
HavDY I must have a look at Vinted. I did t realise they sold so many different things. How nice of your SIL to pay for lunch, hope it was a nice one.
Wyllow I think that’s a sensible choice to had it all over. You have done an amazing job. All the research you’ve done all the reporting and meetings. I do hope the end result is acceptable to you.
Sweetpeasue hope you and your Dh are taking it easy and maybe enjoying a drier day today. Still cold out though so be careful.
Been playing on the computer this afternoon and came across a video my DH made for me when I was 64 (yes using the Beatles song as one of the soundtracks). It was pictures of me from birth to 64 all set to music. The songs he’d chosen were lovely. Of course I’ve seen it before many times but not for a long while. I sat and watched with tears pouring down. A lovely sentimental journey. I do miss him so much.

Sorry all , very tired.
What a lovely and special thing for your DH to do Doodle. He must love you so very much.
Sending love to all.
Went to look at cars in a garage. Ot was half a degree today and lots of sleep. DH had angina episode - air too cold.
Wishing all a peaceful night.x

Predictive texting! Sleet not sleep.

What a wonderful, wonderful gift, Doodle. Magic. I think it's more unsual for men to document family and personal life like that? I was always the one to make albums, videos, photographs. He clearly had lots of talent as well as loving you so much.

Warmest waves to you Sweetpeasue, I think a day after an energetic one maybe is understandable? I do hope you find a car, soon.

Wyllow3 Your sister's life sounds idyllic, in some ways, but very hard work with the animals, etc.

Doodle What a very special thing for your husband to have done. He loved you very much. I'm glad you've got such lovely memories - most men wouldn't think of doing things like that.

SweetpeaSue Have you got a particular make of car in mind? I used to like Ford ones, for their heated windscreens - other makes don't do them. Angina can be triggered by certain things, and I think cold weather and exercise are common causes. It was really cold here yesterday, but dry, at least.

Not much is happening today, so it'll be a cosy day in, apart from a bit of shopping. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Doodle I can imagine the scene you described ,looking out at the trees and birds. Ive often thought the black branches of the tree just look like black lace. How wonderful to see the Geese fly past. Have you seen any white Egrits on your river ,theyre beautiful. Hope your day today has been OK.
Wyllow Its good you hear you feel a burden has lifted and I hope the Safeguarding team take on your concerns. How interesting for your sis to weave from the alpacas wool. It must be a huge responsibility looking after them though. I'm still v tired but went to book group.
.
Scardycat Hope the funeral of your DHs friend has gone as well as it can.
HVDY Yes it was bitterly cold yesterday , we'll have to be careful.
So cold today too ,cant wait for Spring weather. We were looking at Dacia Dusters and Sanderos- I needed to sit in them to see if my short legs could reach pedals comfortably- they never have in DHs Zafira. My first car was a Ford Escort .- loved it and passed test in it.
My test took place in Whitby and I had to drive through all the people spilling on to the road next to the amusement arcades- was so scared but passed.

Been to book group this afternoon . Started new book by Julian Barnes.
Just extremely tired but managed it.
Hope everyone has been OK.

Sweetpeasue I can’t tell you what it meant to me to see you write “he must love you so much” instead of loved you in the past tense. To me my darling man is still my husband and that love between us continues. 💕
Funny you should mention the Egret. I saw one on Saturday at the hospice. I didn’t know what it was but someone told me. It was very close to us perched on a tree branch. Very beautiful.
Well done on going to book club. Hope you find the right car for you. Being able to reach the pedals is quite important 🤣
HVDY DH was indeed a very special person. I loved the video he made for me. All my childhood pictures and many others I’d forgotten about. Bit of a trip down memory lane yesterday, Hope you enjoyed your cosy day. It was bitterly cold outside.
Thanks Wyllow DH was a very considerate man and very loving. I am really lucky and I know that.
Hope today has been more peaceful for you.
Scaredycat thinking of you and your Dh. Did the funeral go well (as well as these things can)? Must be hard for you DH saying goodbye to his friend.
Ash Wednesday today so went to church as usual and got ashed (if that’s a term). Had friend round for coffee this afternoon. So cold outside. Art tomorrow

SweetpeaSue Mine is a Dacia Sandero Stepway. I'm 5ft 1 and reach the pedals OK. When I did some Special Needs care work, I drove the work's Zafira and found it OK. I failed 5 tests! I used to get so anxious during the tests. A few months after my stroke, I had to take a test in Derby (never driven there before),with an examiner and an OT. That was after 90 minutes of cognitive function tests. Glad you managed to go to book club. Hope you find the book interesting.

Doodle What happens at church on Ash Wednesday? Nice that a friend visited you.

How's everyone else been today? I did some grocery shopping and then watched another episode of "Hijack", starring the handsome Idris Elba.