Black Dogs 28

That was a lovely day yesterday, HVDY. Getting out at last, and with the family. Bad nightmares are horrible. Dull and dry here too but very cold. I’ve been to Clumber Park, cycled round, it’s lovely. No wonder Fox comes to see you! Treats!

Oh my, Ellie Anne, it’s Meadowhell for me. But for a 13 year old, shopping heaven. Well done re the shed. I’ve got stuff in my very old garage (leaking, asbestos roof, that is fortunately stable) that need to go to the tip. I’m glad it was a bit better for you.

The temptation for sweet stuff is immense, Sweetpeasue. I daren’t have choc in the house. I’m guessing you’ve done the cycling now…

Quakers believe different things, and have changed through time, as language has changed. When we say, “there is that of god in everyone” historically

we also talk about “holding others in the Light”.

Put simply, its saying there is a spiritual dimension to all lives, but people over the world conceive of it differently, some would say God, that can intervene in our lives: at the other end of the spectrum, that its a force for compassionate love that is there whether we can reach it or not:
Me, it varies: sometimes it’s a force not a person, but sometimes It feels like a person. Thats probably left it more vague than ever…

In a very deep depression, I have no sense of the Light, it’s gone: maybe like there is a river of belonging flowing past, but I cannot feel it, just watch it.

SweetpeasueI hope your aunt doesn’t forget you: it must be hard if you are with a person but they don’t acknowledge you as the person they knew. Its very good to hear about DH’s good patch and yes hoping for more as the days pass.

Your “light” out of this family pain has been to draw you closer to DiL?

It was really chilly today, Doodle. I hope tomorrow at church brings you connection and some warmth.

I am worried that I am falling into depression. Still the bad nights, and when I wake in the day after my sleep too. I am very, very tired however, but today I just had to do things like the supermarket shop, it is lonely doing everything for me and having no one to share the small things with. I’m hoping that the visit to my sister will help as everything is “laid on” and comfy and company, and be a break with the last months.

I’ve lost my easy belief that I belong in Quakers and not criticised: I had to expose myself so much in the last months in a way I would never, ever, have chosen: I’ve had to be so strong, when I wanted to slowly make contact and have coffee with some people there to get closer to them - its been smashed up: or feels so.

….there was not much room for the vulnerable Wyllow coming back cautiously to Quakers before it all kicked off.

Best nights to all here posting or reading.

SweetpeaSue I'm glad your aunt will be getting some help. I think wild animals and birds have such a hard life, so I like to help them. I bought a bird-feeding station thing last week, filled it with seeds, fat balls and nuts - not one bird had touched it. Strangely enough, we don't ever see birds in the garden these days. I can't blame Jaffa for that. I'm glad your husband has been feeling better lately, and I hope he'll continue to do well.

Wyllow3 Yes, it was a really lovely day. Hope today will be, too, although it's already raining here. It'll be good to see Son1 and his family as well. The 2 sons are very different and only really see each other when DH and I are also there. What a shame you feel that way about your Quaker group. It sounds as though it won't really ever be the same again after the MrA situation. Is there anything similar you could join?

Jaffa's a funny little thing - we have a morning routine - he won't touch his breakfast until he's first had his Lick-e-Lix. He'll then eat his food, and he finishes off with some Dreamies. I'm definitely a sad, mad, old cat woman . Hope everyone manages to have a decnt day x

Hvdy I always have food out for the birds but have found recently that they have gone off fastballs. Some days they finish the seeds etc and other times it s hardly touched. If I throw bread out the seagulls and crows have it right away. They are too heavy to eat from the feeders.
My sons don’t meet up either except for family stuff but they don’t live close and are very different personalities. 8 years between them so weren’t close growing up.
Feeling a bit better today though still full of green gunge yuk so will try church. Can come out if I need to.
Yesterday I told him some stuff that needs doing at home. Garage needs sorting and some outside doors need painting. So we’ll see if it happens!

HVDY- Jaffa sounds a dear. I think they are our children but in a different way. Lick e Lix and dreamies the way to a cat’s heart for sure - we lure ours up to bed with dreamies!!
3 swimsuits,will be lovely- nice to be able to put a dry one on after the pool. You,ll look great in them.
You leave fab food for your Fox- better than him having to scavenge dustbins and rubbish heaps. You’re so kind. We don’t get birds like we used to either. It isn’t the cats as we,ve had indoor cats for ages now.
Hope you,ve had a good day at Clumber Park- I googled it - looks beautiful.
Ellie Anne- you have such a difficult life. I do hope DH has taken on board that there is work for him to do. He doesn’t realise what a truly good wife he has.
Your DGD did well though I expect she was disappointed- ice skating is not easy.
All our GDs have loved shopping and make up etc from teens to 30,s!
I love going to the tip especially throwing the stuff over the edge.
Doodle- I think I remember you getting the exercise bike . Maybe you could do a little. Could you have it on the balcony so you could be in the fresh air.
Don’t like the sound of cold roast veg but I love it hot.
Yesterday we had DD and SiL come over as the transition to our new TV/ Broadband provider hasn,t been good. SiL saw what the problem was and DD managed to arrange an engineer tocome out Mon orTues.. It made me feel old as it’s the first time we,ve needed help like that.but we were so grateful
Hope your Lent Lunch was companiable and tasty too.
SweetPeaSue- your DS MiL will be nice and close for the family to visit. Poor lady she must have had a rough time.
Your Aunt will be glad to be back in her familiar surroundings although it will probably take a while for her to settle. Good that she has a care package in place- they are such lovely people who do that work.
Try not to look too far ahead about your DH. He seems to be progressing slowly but surely. Enjoy your treats - it’s not the time to punish yourself. Soon Summer will be here and all the lovely fruit to look forward to- your lovely plum tree.
Willow- I love that expression “Holding others in the Light” it’s beautiful.very interesting too to learn a little bit about Quakerism.
I think you have got very very tired and that the MrA event has taken a great deal out of you. The Light hasn’t gone it’s still there and hopefully the feeling of belonging will return to nurture you. Yes you wanted to ease yourself back in again and it feels spoilt. But there are good people there and you will find kindred spirits again.
The visit to your DS will soon be here and you,ll be enveloped in your family again. Thinking of you.
Nadateturbe- hope your weekend is as good as it can bexx

Love to all

Still reading. What a lovely post to everyone Scaredycat.
Sending loving thoughts to everyone xx

Wyllow I cant say it better than Scaredycat really. You have been through a lot and it has affected you physically. When you feel really extremely tired ,like its an effort to hold your head up and keep your eyes from closing , its bound to affect your mood too . I hope youll feel better when you see your sister ,that will ne something to look forward to.Thankyou for explaining about the Quakers and their special silences . It seems they cover all spirituality and many beliefs. I really hope you can find that ease in your Quaker meetings - it just might take a little while to come back.
HVDY Its strange about the birds - how they seem to become scarce then they all come back again. Ive started to notice blackbirds coming back and wonder if they are the same pair we had in garden last year. Also noticed a little wren.
I very sent for a 'coverless' duvet. Not sure how it will work out really ,washing ect, but I never seem to get duvet covers that fit properly and am always shaking the duvet to the top,iykwim.
Doodle Hope youve had a nice time at church today and met with your friends.
EllieAnne Ive got fat balls hanging and its taken a while for the birds to bother but now there are blue tits on them on a morning. Hope your husband takes the hint and gets the garage sorted.
Scaredycat Such lovely and encouraging words to us all. Your posts are so optimistic, thankyou. Yes, sons MIL is having to go through a lot. My aunt isnt due to come out till Wednesday so I will see her when shes home and yes, she will have carers 3 times a day ( even though she doesnt want them).

Met son and DIL and had a carvery lunch out. Poor son had a choking fit with his food. It was so scary- DIL immediately came to rescue with a few firm thumps on his back. She said she was used to this as a carer. Phew.

Hoping everyone is ok. Love to all and those not in .x

EllieAnne Hope your husband takes notice. Mine knows about all the jobs that need doing, but puts them off. I've been waiting years (honestly) for him to do some of them. I hope you managed to get to church okay.

ScaredyCat A lovely post to us all. Glad your daughter and her husband are going to get the tv/broadband switch sorted out for you. Our Son1 sorts out any technical stuff for us.

nadateturbe Hope you're not too bad today.

SweetpeaSue I've heard a few people say that those coverless duvets are good. Will it fit in the washing machine, though? Or need to be dry-cleaned? Oh, how frightening for you all when your son had the coughing fit. Does he get them often?

had a very nice time at Clumber Park - met all the family (even Son1's very well-behaved family dog). We took a packed lunch, had a long walk (long for DH and me, anyway), the discovery centre place, and then the girls all played with LG in the play park. Home at 4. Hope everyone else has been ok x

Thanks HVDY-and everyone for your thoughts. Just very low energy especially for screens.
I was going to say the same thing, my husband promises every year to clear the shed. I think most husbands are the same. It's help in the house I would be asking for.

HVDY You've had a lovely family day there. Its so good when everyone can get together- it doesnt happen v often with mine as live too far apart.
Son didnt have a coughing fit ,he was literally choking with food stuck, couldn't speak.
I think this duvet will fit in washer as its just a 7 tog now weather should be getting warmer. I might put a throw over the top if its cold. We'll see.
Nadateturbe Nice to see you in. Just look after yourself until you feel stronger.

HVDY I had a better lunch today. Homemade leek and potato soup with bread and cheese. Our lent lunch. It was so nice and good to have the company of others while eating.
I’m sure you’ll be able to fit those costumes. You’ve done so well with your diet.
Do you think the birds are a bit scared of Jaffa?
Clumber park sounds lovely. Glad you had a good day.
Thanks Sweetpeasue I’m not really low just sad. It’s hard to explain really. There is a lot I enjoy but the sadness continues. Ican laugh and be happy and enjoy things but I won’t ever stop being sad underneath. I don’t expect the sadness to go nor get easier with time. I think it’s just a state of being now.
Good aunt is coming home. Pleased to hear your Dh had a good day. Nice to have lunch out with your family.
Wyllow I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling. Our old Wyllow was well on the way back before all this trouble with Mr A. And your security within the Quakers has received a bad knock. Please don’t withdraw into yourself. You need companionship and friendship. I’m glad you’re going to visit your sister. I hope you get some pampering. Do the Quakers have any form of counselling or help for those who are struggling? Is there anyone you can reach out to? Sending hugs.
Ellie Anne I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. Hope church went ok. I do hope your Dh does something to help.
Scareycat we got rid of the exercise bike and treadmill when DH wasn’t able to walk and we needed the space. I know I won’t use exercise equipment no matter how good my intentions.
I too am having problems with my broadband as the Tv and printer won’t work. I need our techie son but he’s in Canada at the moment. Hope you get yours fixed.

nadateturbe I hope when the warmer weather comes you will feel a bit more able to get out and enjoy some sunshine. This bleak cold weather makes me more tired.

Jaffa has you wrapped round his paw, HVDY, but it’s a mutually rewarding relationship, clearly. Today sounded a super day for all, nice one…all the family, aw, lovely.

I’m really glad you ventured to ask DH something, Ellie Anne, something quite reasonable, and so hope he responds. But I hope the green yuk disappears as soon as possible - those ant b’s clearly needed, do get more if it does not clear up.

So glad it was sorted, Scardeycat. What I feel about help like that is that I’m good with it as long as I’ve broadly understood what was done, the process, as its not “out of your hands” but more a “leg up”. Its my sister the visit this Thursday to Devon, but this morning I’m the meeting felt determined I really want to see DS et all more often and must prioritise it as soon as confident at making arrangements in the future. Sis wouldnt mind me cancelling, but the DGC would.

Warmest waves back nadateturbe

I’d be interested in how well the coverless one washes, Sweetpeasue good idea there. yes 7 tog will get in, as long as all the polywhatsit stays in place. I hope Aunt takes to the carers, my ex MiL resisted at first then became quite attached to a couple of them and anyway it was that or a home.
Phew….. Good for back thumping DH on the case.
I sense that Son and DiL are appreciating your and DH’s love and concern. You cant do much, but you can and do care and enquire and comfort.

No, there isn’t anything like it to join, HVDY there is of course the Central Meeting with Quakers if as time goes on its a good idea, but not really until it all moves on and I know what is happening to and about MrA. There is no comparable faith group, with no creed or organised services.

(BTW Doodle of course historically and still for most Quakers its basically based in the Christian tradition as in the New Testament and its messages of compassionate love, but one can interpret the bible in many ways, and draw on other sources, or just our very own spirits within us.)

By chance it was a very small meeting today with “Difficult D” not there and a very good one.

Because at the end I was talking to one women and it rapidly got onto MH and before I knew it all 5 of us were talking openly about self or N and D and Mental Health just as in accepting it as normal, and not just depression, but bi polar too.

I also really tackled my boundaries after that, parked at the gym on the edge of town, and actually walked into and through part of town for a City wide Quaker and friends Womens Peace meeting and havent done that alone for as many years as I can recall.

No counting chickens, could be a one off or a deliberate self wrecking by over doing it (I was pretty vocal at the meeting, it was heading for a cosy chat about the old days, not how can we work for peace now.)

We’ll see what tomorrow brings, probably not a lot after today, except, Scaredycat the item on the list that says, “sort Sky out” …but it's financial not techie.

SweetpeaSue So sorry, meant to say how awful for your son to choke like that. It's very frightening when it happens. Good job your DIL knew what to do.

Doodle Your lunch of soup and bread sounded a lot nicer. How long does Lent last? A lady at the day centre doesn't have sweet stuff, and she's Catholic. Jaffa isn't the problem re the lack of birds - we don't even hear a dawn chorus here. It's very quiet and odd, not hearing even a sparrow.

Wyllow3 Yes, Jaffa is very spoilt. He deserves it, after the harsh life he had as a stray. I do hope you get to see your sister and her children on Thursday. Family is so important.

LG will be here later. DH and I will take to a softplay place. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day. x

Oh, I didn't mean to offend re Jaffa, it was just a reference to the often expressed idea about "who is boss". I don't think he's point, just cared for very very well, and you are both fortunate - furry support if you wake very early?

I'm going to see my sister and her husband but her boys in their late 20's and 30's have long gone:

They are spread around the country except for her last and littlest, who cant find his way yet but is staying with his brother in London as there is more chance of getting work there (and I think sis has had a hand in it, slight necessity to push out of nest) as its not great continuing to hang around at home, miles away in a farm house on the internet, and there are no jobs for a computer video game creator on Exmoor)

But its always been that way in my family - my siblings and cousins were all first generation to go to university, we are scattered over the country, and offspring have too:

except for my now dead sis whose children stayed in London with her.

We are all used to it, tho I obviously would love it to be otherwise now I'm getting older.

BD's might recall I did consider going up to live close to them, but they live out the back end of beyond, you have to have a car, there are no gyms just pools and nothing to interest me at all, and there is a limit now to my energy. Durham is a 40 min drive away, and starting again with everything familiar..no...

I do remember you talking about moving there Wyllow3. Didn't like to ask. Yes, it sounds like the only plus would have been to be close to family. Not enough for you, at the minute.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue - I,ve not heard of a coverless duvet- good luck with the washing.
Hope your Aunts move back home goes smoothly- it’s been a lot for her to deal with I,m sure.
Oh dear your poor Son- choking like that is such a terrible panicky feeling . Your DiL must be a very cool/ calm person and can obviously deliver a good old wack. As you say Phew.
HVDY- I ,ve got a long mental list for my DH once the weather stays kind. Watch this space - could be a long wait.
What a lovely day you had at Clumber Park- it’s NT isn’t it. I expect LG enjoyed herself with lots to see and do.
Have a lovely day with her today.
Nadateturbe- glad we haven’t got a shed. But the garage has everything except a car in it !! 😀
Doodle- that lunch sounds much nicer - lovely soup. I think Lent is 6 weeks isn’t it- I remember it was lovely to have sweets again at the end..
The sadness will always be there but the memories are worth it.
I,m glad you are enjoying things more and your lovely sense of humour will always stand you in good stead.
Good luck with the techie stuff - can’t wait for ours to be fixed.
Wyllow- glad you enjoyed a better meeting yesterday. It must have given you the courage to venture into the city again. Sounds like you had an interesting time. You are so brave.
No way was it self wrecking more like self affirming- you nailed it.
I remember when you had thoughts of moving. I think your life is where you are now . But you can visit all your lovely family wherever they are and have the best of both worlds. Would your Grandchildren be able to come and visit when they are older? So many families are scattered around now- including ours!!
Have a good day.
EllieAnne- Hope you are feeling better and you chan enjoy a walk or two.

This afternoon I,m seeing my poorly friend with the other friend too. So better get moving. Love to allx

Wyllow3 It would take more than that for me to be offended! I knew what you meant. I'm happy to be his human slave , as I was to all the previous cats we had. Yes, he's my little mate. I think you're the kind of person (as am I)who likes to have amenities nearby but not too near for the area to be too busy. Moving near to your sister probably wouldn't be a good idea for that reason, at least not at present.

ScaredyCat Yes, it is NT. Both sons are members. It's something DH and I will look into. You're so kind to visit your friend.

LG has been busy....news toys to play with, then softplay (DH goes in there with her whilst I have a cuppa), then fed the ducks, geese and swans at the park. After that, Aldi for a few things, and chalking on her new easel here.DH and I are knackered, and she hasn't had a nap x

Scaredycat thinking of you visiting your dear friend. It's so sad for you. But it's good you're not alone.
HVDY I'm always amazed at how you keep going, even when you've been ill. And remembering to care for your fox.
Sounds like a lovely time out with LG. Children do keep you cheerful.
We're members of N.T. We don't visit many properties, mostly Mountstewart (when I'm able!). But it's still good value.

nadateturbe I have to have a reason (usually LG) to get out and do things, or I would sit and do nothing all day. My ears are still not right, and I can hardly hear a thing. Very frustrating. I've never been to N. Ireland, so I Googled Mount Stewart. It looks stunning. Bookshop and plant shop there, too. I hope you will feel well enough to go again soon.

LG went at 4.45 - parents had been to a posh hotel for a spa day and afternoon tea (nice for some, eh). Going to get comfortable and see what's on tv. Back later x

Just short post tonight.
So very tired after a bad Fibro day - have done nothing but rest hasn't eased much. Could be better tomorrow.
Take care everyone and wish a peaceful night for all.x

Wyllow sounds like a good meeting today. Pleased you were able to discuss MH with others. Well done for walking through the town and going to your meeting. Hope you are getting stronger.
Sweetpeasue sorry you’ve had a painful day.,best to rest as you say. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
HVDY people have slightly different views on when giving up things for lent finishes. I stick to Easter Sunday.
Shame you don’t get more birds. I have lots here. Mainly ducks and geese, pigeons, swans, magpies some parakeets, gulls and many others I can’t identify. I can spend ages watching them fly around or sail past on the river.

Scaredycat lent is 18 Feb this year to 2 April I think.
Is your Dh good about doing jobs or does he have to keep being reminded. DH was V good at most things. Very logical and practical. I fixed the printer but the TV is still saying no signal despite being connected to the internet.
Nice of you to visit your friend. Can’t be easy.
nadateturbe hope your days will be easier soon. Nice to know you still pop in here to read even if you can’t post. 🙂

Doodle I think going out to meet people and do enjoyable things, in spite of your deep sadness is a big achievement. You will always miss your darling husband terribly. The price we pay for love. I pray that in time it will be easier for you to bear.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I agree, the weather doesn't help our mood. It's amazing how much physical and mental energy is connected.
Sorry about your tv. Well done on the printer. Been there. Technology is so frustrating sometimes. I hope you get the tv working soon. You must miss it.
I haven't given up anything for Lent. There's not that much in my life to choose from at the minute!

Hello Sweetpeasue, I'm glad your aunt is coming home tomorrow with a care package. It's better to be at home with everything familiar around you. But it's sad for you wondering if she'll remember you, especially as you're very close and have spent so much time with her.
It's good that your husband is having some better days now. I hope you have a good restful night, maybe take some painkillers. Although tbh, I dont think painkillers take the pain away completely, they just ease it. I often use pernaton. Hope tomorrow is better for you.x