Welcome. This thread is in support of those who wish to share their mental health problems as they affect their daily lives,share aspects of our lives supportively and give and take support. And is a continuation of Black Dog 29.
It’s been going for some time, so this is a jump in at the deep end.
All are welcome- don’t be put off by some of us being here long term - people come and go
Just a quick note. The signal isn't very good. Hope everyone is OK. It's been sunny, warm but not hot, and very windy. We've walked a lot (10,394 steps today. We've been eating and drinking quite a bit 
. The pub/restaurant is right on the promenade and we've got a lovely room with a sea view. Back tomorrow and I'll catch up with you all then x
I got home ok. The roads were quiet. I’ve been so tired today though. Fell asleep in front of the telly twice tonight. Our good weather is going now. Was nice while it lasted.
Dh seems fine but the high dose of steroids are affecting his sleep.
Been to visit a friend today. She had a fall on Tuesday and couldn’t get up and it’s left her very sore and shaky. She says she’s frightened to go out now.
I’ve not done much else today.
I feel a bit dead inside and resigned that this is my life now.
I hope everyone has had an ok day.
Be very careful key lurgy wise Sweetpeasue. Mind you, I did go out in the end to the park as had cabin fever being home alone, and walked there, and had a fun conversation with a boy who approached me said had I seen his sister, she actually wasn't missing at all but we had an interesting conversation conjecturing (I think he wanted to play with her and she had gone off to escape with a friend 😊) once I had ascertained his parents knew where he was! ( I must have been doing my grandmother look) - always interesting people watching there.
and then went to Costa, and returned home with keys intact. I hope the family worries are not too burdensome and resolve themselves.
I did wonder about the idea of you staying over, EllieAnne. Of course, there is the problem of space/spare room, as I have too.
Remembering your dear DH with you, Doodle. I’m glad you went off to the hospice xx
Good steps there, HVDY. Ooo, a nice sea view - I hope it’s nice and sunny for you tomorrow before you come home for a beach stroll.
I hope Scaredycat is OK, and the very best for all our other BD’s.
Hi all
Doodle- I would love to see that big GS sitting on your lap!!
CorfebCastle is lovely isn’t it. When you drive round the corner and there it is- what sights it must have seen!
Do you know when your new Vicar will be in place. Your Church sounds the most special place.
I,m glad you were able to visit the hospice on that special day- what a healing place it is. There is a priory near here and it has a peace garden where you can sit and be quiet and restful.
EllieAnne- Your time with yourGS sounded a happy one. Wht a good boy he was- special times with him on his own.
Glad the drive wasn’t too bad .
Your friend must have been pleased to see you. It,ll take a while for her confidence to return. Maybe she,d go with you a few times and it would help her build it up. We all dread falling over as we get older.
HVDY. Sheringham is working its magic on you- lovely that it’s not oo hot . Lovely pebbles on the beach and when the tide goes out beautiful sand.
How gorgeous to have a sea view and at the end of the prom the cliffs look beautiful don’t they. Enjoy every moment.
SweetPeaSue- Nothing like worrying to tire you out- especially those worries that you can’t do anything about.
Hope today is a better one for you. It’s certainly cooler which is lovely.
Nanny- you,ll be able to see you lovely GS more when you move this time. I,m happy for you to have that to look forward to . Do they live far from where you are?
Wyllow - lovely colours on your new skirt especially teamed with the orange top.what a sociable place your park is . Another random chat that was different again. I love how easy you obviously are to chat to- you must have a really friendly face.Bonus the keys went home with you😀
I,m OK thanks just been busy since we got back. My friend had some good news and some not so good. But at least she is able to do more and get out . There is no shortage of volunteers to take her as she is so nice. I,ll see her tomorrow.
Love to all - think we,re going for a drink down one of our pubs later . Good job it’s only a couple of minutes walk!! While DH was out at Golf I did a lot of little jobs so bit weary.
Enjoy this respite from the heat - take care all.
Doodle Hope you got to chat with lots of friends doing your 'tea/coffee role at church. Never seen Corfeb castle but Ive never been in your neck of the woods . Your area sounds lovely.
HVDY What a great location for you to be facing the sea. You have done a lot of walking and so glad its not too hot there for you.
Scardycat Dont tire yourself out doing those home jobs - its nice to know theyre done though. Today has been much better thanks. We've just come back from a little walk by the sea - it was chilly- but we found a concrete slab backing onto one of the groynes( spelling might be wrong) and we sat watching the waves. Really nice.
EllieAnneSorry about your friend falling, it really shakes one ip as you get older. She will probably be a bit scared for a little while. Youve done well to do that drive back ,not surprising you're tired. Its been quite cold here too -15° today . The North sea is always cooling but I couldn't stand the really hot temps of the south. My DHs sleep was affected too when he first took steroids but it got better for him so hope thats the case for your DH too.
Wyllow Your trip to the park must have been rewarding with the little unexpected encounter with the boy and the chat. Its always a bonus when you find people interesting and you come over as so friendly - Im sure people are drawn to you too. How do you do your 'Grandmother's look?'
My worries about family often turn out OK so I dont know why I do it and even when they dont Im usually powerless to prevent anyway.
Had nice walk as mentioned. Sun out last few hrs but really overcast thus morning. Been trying to eat fewer calories as - absolute horror! - put on another 4lbs.
Love to all ( whenever I type love it appears as live) x
Enjoy your evening out, Sacredycat. Just the weather for a cool evening drink sitting out as long as the biting things keep away.
Well, a mixture of news for your friend…clearly she will need a lot of support, but it’s lovely to know there are several, she is well loved.
I’m glad you managed the wave watching today, Sweetpeasue. Endlessly ever different, each wave, and the seagulls swirling overhead, and the right temperature, even tho it was coolish. I hope you can have more times like that. Aw….so hard for you to lose weight as you aren’t able to exercise much.
Basically I can mostly eat very little just to maintain my weight and I guess I have made treats from things like dips and dressings of a salad or stir fry veg and fish dinner. Any more weight on, as I found out in my hospital time in January, and moving gets more sluggish. Seeing the GP tomorrow about fatigue and the small number of infections or conditions that have arisen from stress. But any treatments have to go OK with my meds list, so I will go with prepared A4 page - but they have statements already from psychiatrist about the effects of the trauma.
Which btw has not gone away because firstly unresolved matters with D and her current ??? difficulties and behaviour
But also simply that a few weeks after MrA banned but there were months and months of trauma you can’t just snap out of it. Realised it wont be speedy and its a rebuilding job to not so much back before last October but to health in order to live my best - for example, I have 2 hospital appointments I keep putting off as no energy, I prioritise a walk or the gym.
How to get the grandmother look?
White curly hair, look reasonably nicely dressed but not high fashion nor frump, an open smile?
Ah............
Probably being on my own too ie more approachable than if I was walking and talking to someone else?
Sweetpeasue we all worry about our children no matter how old they are and grandchildren too.
Yes it’s lovely at the hospice. Thanks for your kind thoughts.
HVdY sounds great. Have a lovely time.
Glad you got home ok Ellie Anne. Do the steroids make your Dh sleep more or make him restless.?
Having had three falls myself u can understand how scared your friend is about going out. It takes a while to regain your confidence. Nice of you to visit her.
I know that feeling. For different reasons than you but I can understand it.
wyllow hope you get on ok at the doctors. Yes trauma and upset play havoc with our bodies. Hope your fatigue improves.
Scaredycat new vicar should be with us in two to three months I think. We’re not allowed to know too much till next weekend. The peace garden sounds lovely. There is so much rush noise and busyness in life it’s good to find a quiet place when you can just sit and be.
I was back at the hospice today for lunch with a friend after church. Met three more friends while I was there too.
I hope you get news you are all happy with next weekend, Doodle.
Today sounds..... just the right thing to do, after church.
My own garden is such a peaceful place, as that, as is the situation of my house, sheer good luck partly neighbour wise
but... I have to look after it! Do you have any spaces like that near home, Doodle?
There are such places of peace in corners of the sometimes busy Botanical Gardens however.
Doodle he’s not at all restless but it is affecting his sleep. He’s taking night nurse for a cold so that’s helping.
I’ve been to church and had a coffee with a friend after. But still feeling lonely. I hoped dd would phone to find out about Dh and maybe say she’d made alternative arrangements for the cats but not even a text.
Where did I go wrong?
You haven't, EllieAnne. Her difficulties - which are not your fault - are getting in the way of her doing it. It sounds like you will have to decide. xxxx
(FWIW, my relationships with DS haven't always been so good. I was an absent mum during a lot of his 20's into his early 30's as that was when I was in hospital and stuff not to mention breaking up with Ex1 his Dad.
He's had to mature rapidly because of very disabled DGD L. We are close when we met, it's not very often, but emotionally is much much more understanding now. He has to totally focus on his little family and I cant help at all really with DGD except be good company when I'm there.
I would love to babysit and be useful but nurses are required to stand in for parents if they want to go out.
Wyllow3 That boyust have found you approachable to have chatted with you like that. Lovely skirt there. You get some good bargains.
EllieAnne Your GS was a good boy for you. That's nice. Has your husband been taking the steroids at night? One of the side effects is insomnia so it should be taken in the morning. You haven't gone wrong- your daughter is waiting for you to decide whether or not you're going to go there. It's getting close to the time now. Your friend is naturally nervous about falling. Does she use a stick at all?
ScaredyCat It was cool (16 degrees) and very windy yesterday. We went to Cromer. What did you drink at your local pub? I like a vodka and lemonade. We found a lovely Indian restaurant last time we went to Sheringham so went on Saturday evening.
SweetpeaSue We never stop worrying about our children, no matter how grown-up they are. You've put on 4lbs, but you'll soon get that off. Just eating one big meal can show a gain of 3lbs by the nightt
Pressed the wrong key!
SweetpeaSue a big meal can cause a gain of 2lbs. I dread to think about my wight gain but I'm back on the diet today.
Doodle The Peace Garden sounds perfect. We all need a quiet place at times. Glad you've been seeing friends.
Super photos, HVDY. I've been to Cromer a few times as my Sis used to live and work in the big Norwich hospital for years and lived to the North West of it - just 40 mins to Cromer. Lovely beach and nice place. (lack of hordes, generally, as it's out of the way) Enjoy!!!
I had a very bad turn in the night. Thoughts I couldnt take anymore et al. It is clearing now thanks
(ironically, as it was the not being believed by little group of confused - and some hostility by my own Quakers that set this situation up)
By a quiet a loving Quakers zoom where I didn't go on at length but was believed and a very quiet soul chipped in on the chat section she had gone through it too, not being believed.
Still I am on the lookout, it was a scary thought, but do consider I have to do less - exhaustion and trying to gym et all most days - something has to give, but of course loneliness on not seeing people - the usual conflicts.
EllieAnne - this is very tentative indeed, what I'll say, as I might be completely off mark: DD may - just may - be having trouble taking on board her Dad is failing in some ways? Very, very tough for you of course as she is not able to communicate too well xx
Wyllow I think you are right about dd and Dh. I spoke to her today and have agreed to go down.
Hvdy he takes the steroids in the morning but still affecting his sleep.
I think I went to Cromer once when we had a holiday in that area. I think it is famous for crabs?
Wyllow “living in a flat I don’t have my own garden, there is a park further down the road which DH and I used to walk to a lot. The hospice is my peaceful place it’s only about 10 minutes away. Church too. Lovely skirt. Quite a bargain.
Ellie Anne you didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. People including our children are individuals. Sometimes they get so caught up in their own lives that they don’t think about other things. Sadly, you can feel lonely in a room full of people.
I’m glad you had coffee with a friend though.
HVDY what a lovely view. I love the sea. Have a good time.
Scaredycat and Sweetpeasue hope you’re both ok.
I’m a bit down tonight. Just sad thoughts and loneliness.
Sit fit and coffee with friend tomorrow
EllieAnne How long has your husband got to take the steroids for? Yes, I believe it is known for fresh crabs (not that we tried any).
I came home yesterday teatime. Only went for the weekend.
I am glad you are going down, Ellieanne. I think it’s interesting that DD didn’t make alternative arrangements knowing the situation: she may say nothing, but you coming down has a significance of its own. It’s hard to navigate however, when she isn’t given to talking about it.
You can only be open to listening should she come out with something.
I think you would be very good at that.
I think it’s interesting generally what Adult Children will or won’t say to their parents. Expectations rarely meet reality….families are so, so different.
As an adult I did not share any painful or difficult feelings with my mother. She never knew just how ill I was in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, and one strong reason why is that I didn’t want to land her with negative vibes so “kept Mum” and pretended.
(The other reason was that her answer to depression is “chin up”, but that’s her story, and I know/accept why, now)
Yet other families “say all” and its not necessarily a good thing!
Warm thoughts to you tonight, Doodle. It’s coming home, after being with others, mixed blessing and something hard to cope with.
Oh, it was a short trip, HVDY, but what a nice little break. Is LG with you tomorrow?
Today got better as it went on. what a Zoom Quaker wrote was so nice: and as a group they believed me
Took long list to GP.... chances of the anti-b for my nose helping blepharitis slim.....he is looking into minoxidil to see if tablets clash with my other meds and having a think. ... he did accept it was stress related but that the stress tho less is not over yet and wants to help a lot. ringing me in a week to see how anti'b's have done and answer on hair.
To my surprise I went to the gym incredibly tired but the magic thing about yoga in a cool space is that it actually raises energy a bit - and a cooler evening.
I never know what the night will bring. I am thinking hard what I read or do late at night that could affect it etc etc - or what I have avoided thinking about during the day that might hit me.
This delayed reaction has its origins in my teenage years of blocking all feelings was they were "dangerous" and lurking
Took a lot of my life to finally come out with a breakdown -
..but then, that's not unusual.
I hope to see other BD's come in when its right and that your days have not been too bad xx
Hvdy I don’t know how long he will be on them. I suppose they will be cut down gradually.
Long day ahead with LG. She'll be here at 7.45 and collected at about 5.30. Not sure what we'll do, but we might have a change and get a bus somewhere. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day.
SweetpeaSue I've gained 5lbs!
Another very bad night, but my cheerful gardener is coming soon and that will help.
Some little ones love bus journeys, HVDY, it's a great idea. Especially if they are a double decker and you can get at the front.
Wyllow Sorry youve been having bad nights lately. I hope you get some relief from the blepharitis symptoms from antibiotics and you're able to try .Minoxidil. So nice to have some support from that zoom Quaker - it means so much to be believed when others show doubts and that stress will be doing you no good at all. It always seems to result in bad nights.
HVDY Lovely photos thankyou. The weather is better here today - hope its been OK for you to be out n about with LG too. Has LG been on a bus before?
Id put the 4lbs on between weighing myself a month ago and staying off them a month. Oh 5lbs ! Why is it that its so much easier put it on than lose- cant understand it.
EllieAnne Its so awkward being torn about what to do when it seems you're between a rock and a hard place. You cant be everything to everyone though. Hope your DH improves with the steroids . Id have thought he will notice a difference fairly quickly.
Doodle Aw I hope those feelings of loneliness and the sad thoughts have retreated. Hopefully being with your friends today will give you a bit of a lift.
Do you have music while you're doing the sit fit? That alone can make exercise more enjoyable I think.
Scardycat Hoping youve been OK.
We had Fluff today - took her to the forest walkway about 5mls from here and she enjoyed the walk and sniffing at things. Little cafe there too.
Ah, a nice shady walk on this sun is a cooling treat, especially with Fluffball having sniffing fun. What was the cafe like?
And how have you both been?
I'm pretty sure the triggers for the 'life not worth it cant stand it"
is some very nasty unresolved business with D the one who was the "deny my reality person over a long time " (and a lot more I now know).
I will try to get a strategy in hand since my reactions are both over done for the situation, and ones familiar but not got good strategies for.
Garden looks fab, tho, and we had fun and natters.
I hope other BD's have not melted in the heat.
Wyllow Its been 18 degrees here so just nice.
Cafe is a lovely place with simple foods ,healthy and 'unhealthy' with great prices.
DH not too bad today though hip pain quite nasty yesterday.
I was up more or less the whole night so after walk felt dizzy with headache and went to bed-- still feels naughty napping in daytime but I sometimes, like you, need to.
You seem to recognise some reactions may be extreme so thats self aware and good.
Your gardener sounds so nice - glad you can have a fun time with him.
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