Black Dog 31

Sweetpeasue how I sympathise. You are doing your best fighting against an unhelpful system. You are doing the right thing with getting a GP appointment but certainly follow the 111 or A and E approach if you’re worried or don’t get anywhere.
HVDY glad your new diuretic seems to be working that’s good news. Thanks you for your kind words. Had nice time with church friends today.
Wyllow what good advice you received ne clearly put too. Sometimes walking away is hard but is the right thing to do. I hope you felt comfortable staying with A and it’s good he can bounce ideas off you.
Ellie Anne things are very difficult for you at the moment. Are your sons visiting your Dh regularly and giving you support. Your Dh does sound quite poorly. Good thing you are visiting to see how he’s getting on. I’m so sorry for all you’re going through.
Scaredycat tomorrow will be a hard day for you both. So sad to lose a friend to Alzheimer’s. When a little time has passed it would be good to remember them as they once were. That’s what I did when my brother died, tried to move away from the images of him in the home to how he was in earlier years.
Sorry all I’m going to stop now. I’m not feeling very well. Just a headache I’ve been doing too much tonight, take care all

*SweetpeaSue8 Losartan was one of the 6 or 7 I'd tried. I felt dizzy and had headaches with it. Yes, mention it tomorrow. Best of luck getting to see the GP.

Doodle Hope the headache goes soon.

My back has been very painful since yesterday - pulling out the settees today in order to clean behind them wasn't wise. I found 6 of Jaffa's toys behind the sofas, though. He doesn't play with any, so he won't care .

Going to bed early tonight. Love to ALL xx

Scaredycat my very, very deepest condolences. You are right about the key lesson of it all.

Sweetpeasue it makes me very angry on your behalf of the lack of joined up support. Ii will keep fingers and toes crossed and holding you in the light tomorrow.

It sounds like a complicated business managing these meds HVDY as one helps this, then prompts the other…..

Doodle I hope your headache goes overnight and that you get a decent rest.

It sounds like a complicated business managing these meds HVDY as one helps this, then prompts the other…..ouch with that back, no more heaving settees around!

Not forgotten, Ellie Anne x

It’s often not that easy with A. The Parkinsons cuts out areas of normal communications and I have to guess/am learning.

But his advice was basically the same, one way or another, I have to move on.

I did go to a Q Zoom this morning full of love. I’m just not going to drop F tho who I saw Monday then landed it on me, I love her, she is so recently so terribly ill.

Somehow drop the bitterness being bullied after a year where I had to stand up for myself and now like being punished for it by a crazy person stirring things up against me. I’m staying over tonight too, I felt ill and shivery in the afternoon no doubt whatever as a result of inner conflicts.

I’m walking and “gymming” less because of all this for some time.

Hmmm, seems b obvious, doesn’t it? Keep banging head. Against brick wall but doing a runner after fighting for what is being undermined, my integrity is so hard. Some swine lecturing me, “oh make it up with your assailant, let him back, blah blah.

Yesterday dh had a seizure in the morning so when I arrived he was going for a cat scan. After that he was more alert. I didn’t get a chance to talk to a doctor so don’t know any more.
Son 1 came in for a while.
A youngish man 59 in my church died recently and it is his funeral today. I thought about going but really need to go to the hospital. I know it will be a very big event and. It’s in a different church because ours is not big enough.
The insurance company want me to choose paint and flooring for th kitchen. None of the suppliers are terribly local but I will try to find two this morning. Really I can’t be bothered.
Got another message last night from friend P again saying sorry and sending best friend sticker. I’ll need to try to get to see her but I’m really busy for the next few days and still trying to get my car fixed.
I’ve a hair appointment tomorrow . Thought about cancelling but the colour desperately needs done and I can fit it in with the hospital.
Better get on with everything now.
Sweet pea sue I hope you get some answers soon. Thinking of
All of you .❤️

Both up early for the ring in at 8am.
DH got through at 10past and told ALL appts had gone and shes on annual leave next week. No other GPs apart from 2 unknown temp registrars who DH didnt want. DH persisted and told of the situation but got nowhere.
Will have to call next week for a different GP .
We've already taken F through our back cul-de-sac, not far but see what we feel like later.
EllieAnne You have such a lot going on right now- I do feel for you.Im glad your friend got in touch, proves she cares. I hope you get to know more about this seizure later , you must feel 'all over the place' . Thinking of you.

Take care everyone. Try and get back later.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I’ve reported my post as on my mobile and too much got in but will repost, in the meantime I did of course send hugs to both of you EllieAnne and Sweetpeasue x

here we go and thanks to the mods...

EllieAnne life is coming at you from all sides… keep us posted…. As regards the lady who texted you in a nice way, well if you can manage a quick reply… it is a potential contact going into the future, may not be a Bessie friend but a decent contact in hard times? Maybe thanks and brief hello news, and also WhatsApp family?
I understand you can't manage all the insurance stuff unless it's a useful distraction! Xx

I am really massively fed up for you Sweetpeasue so big hugs. Will you ring 111 or something? At least you get to talk to someone and they send full details of their assessment to your GP at the very least?

Overnight was a strain ending up with a good result.
I was upset as I have expressed on recent matters in my worship space, and I was shivery and poorly as a result so stayed over:

I got a brusque and borderline controlling comment at one point and no hugs yesterday evening, even on request....told do not make noise etc....
I acted instinctively (danger alert inside)

and left in the night 5am. Left brief note - drive in the dark...Took extra meds to cope... deciding, OK, altogether too much... to ring MH.

Then something kicked in. I got a brief nice email from my psychologist…

Grrr!!! I was NOT going to be either passive in face of any bullying or controlling…..

A rung up - what resulted was a discussion about the past, what had made him as he is at times, openness from a bloke of 80 one would rarely expect. Enough trust to open up and possibly me having done endless counselling to get well. And it was the past not current condition tho that makes it harder as in tiredness.

It's like at this point it's worth the risk, as how much life is left we don't know? Starting something with dangers of being controlled?

In fact there are some things very similar, for both our childhoods had certain issues that made us hide our emotions in study and book learning and take a long time to try and be emotional.

Basic good enough parenting..high standards set for doing well at school and so on...

...but lack of ordinary hugs and cuddles. (I know many lack these on GN or worse and have said so).

Then that gave me confidence hopefully not overconfidence for a risky but thoughtful email on the Quaker matter

… if the bullying doesn't stop, I will have to withdraw, its emotional survival, I know I am valued at Zooms, I have been a Q for nearly 40 years longer than those "having a go"..

Had a late meal in a local cafe as a treat...and then foolishly entered the charity shop next to the little Sainsbugs.

EllieAnne You've got a lot of things happening. Sorry to hear about your husband. Had he had seizures before (Is he Epileptic)? He needs you at the moment. I'm sure the poor man's family would understand why you couldn't go to the funeral. Deciding and choosing the paint, etc., will take a bit of time. Perhaps do it in the evening? Look online at examples? Have your hair done; it will do you good to sit and relax (take a magazine) and make you feel better about yourself.

SweetpeaSue What a worry for you, not being able to get an appointment with the GP you and your DH like. A different GP, albeit one you might not have seen before, may have a better idea about what to do for your DH. Could you ring tomorrow?

Wyllow3 A lot of men don't know how to cope with emotions - either their own or their partner's. The same for being tactile/demonstrative. Is A like that? I bet he was shocked to discover you'd gone home at 5am. I hope you're on better terms now. What bargain did you get from the charity shop?

Lasagne and salad, then chocolate sponge and custard, at the day centre. Afterwards, I called in to see the bloke I usually give a lift to - he got home yesterday, after being in hospital for almost 4 weeks. He was lying in bed (not been up since he was washed by a carer this morning). He's really milking it - I told his wife he needs some tough love. She admits he's very lazy. (She waits on him hand and foot) and I got him up and walking from one room to another!

I like these dark evenings. x

Been thinking of you EllieAnne and hoping you found news about your husband is better ,when visited this afternoon.
Oh dearWyllow I am sorry theres been an upset with A. Hopefully things between you have been aired and cleared and it sounds as if you're both fully aware of reasons why its happened. Just as well you had that e-mail with psychologist- came at just the right time.
Thanks for the hugs ,most needed. Calling 111 is a worthwhile option ( if DH would agree) sigh.
HVDY Kind of you to visit that your friend who's home now. Seems as if you called just at the right time to 'sort him out' and get him onto his feet.
Like you I think any GP right now would be better than none - DH wants to wait till Monday as he thinks another GP that knows his history is on. Ill ring tomorrow to find out.

Son 2 and wife home and called for F with DGS. Hes coming tomorrow to sort out water tank/ballcock thing in loft.
DH is totally fed up and has lost faith totally in in med establishment. Tired of trying to convince him of what to do - though Ill keep trying. Hes in pain and .... well ... v difficult.

Hoping everyone is ok. Sorry not posting to all , have headache and running out of steam.
Love to all.

Sweetpeasue if your son is coming tomorrow try and get him to support you in calling 111 if you feel your Dh needs to be seen. I do think you need more support from your family. Maybe your Dh will listen to your son. I do feel for you.
Wyllow sorry there was a problem with A which ended up with a drive home in the dark early hours. Perhaps taking things more slowly would be better while you’re still very vulnerable may be a good thing. Hope the Quakers are more supportive to you too. Can’t believe this is all still going on.
*Ellie Anne*i too am sure the family will understand you not going to the funeral. You need to visit your Dh. Hope you find out what’s going on soon. Yea do have your hair done. You need a break from hospital visits.
HVDY good of you to visit that chap. With your caring experience it would do them well to listen to your advice.
Scaredycat sad day for you. Hope it went as well as it could under the circumstances.
I’m not feeling good tonight either. Bad stomach ache I think I’ve eaten something that’s upset me. Not been right all day. Going to bed and hope it’s better in the morning.

Just popped in to say hi and thank you.
When I was on here a few months back you were all supportive and understanding. You all have given me strength and made me realise that I’m not alone. I still have mental health issues but so far I’ve managed to stay off medication.
I try and keep busy with my crafts.
Things are up and down with DH. Tell more at a later date. If that’s ok.

Hvdy he’s not epileptic but the scan showed a stroke.The treatment is blood thinners and he already takes them. He is much more with it now. Yesterday we just sat in silence a lot of the time I escaped to Costa for a five minute break.
I still have not managed to speak to a vascular doctor but on his notes it says they are considering more surgery but not till he is stronger.
Dd has apparently gone away for a few days but is contactable.
When I asked where I got ignored.
So she can drive 8 hours for a quick visit to dad but won’t answer my what’s app message.
And the cats have a cat sitter which wasn’t possible in the summer.
I’m hurt .
So it’s hairdresser this morning then hospital.
I don’t want to eat but the hot chocolate from Costa have plenty calories.
Purple pixie I’m glad to see you in.
I often think of you as we are both in unhappy marriages.
It’s dark and rainy here.
Please take care of yourselves everyone.
I appreciate you all.

Yes, please do come in and keep us posted, Purplepixie. it is good to hear that you have kept up the crafts, that matters a lot x

Well EllieAnne that is hurtful...actually, especially, in a way, the cat bit? Well..you know from now on that you are not the only option for her cats.
I'm glad its the hairdresser, its important at times like this to keep it up:

Now you know you need to eat more, don't you xxx try stuff like protein bars and shakes and bananas easy to get down stuff and things like popping in a supermarket own route for their reasonable meal deals to eat at the hospital.

Not a lot of time this morning as A has arrived vv early for an outing -

Off to a local NT property this morning: it's not the quite small house to see, its walks around the estate which is maybe 1000ft high with lovely views and trees to walk under with their autumn colours.

I hope your tum has settled, Doodle.

If you are really worried Sweetpeasue please do "111" and DH needs to accept? but its so hard for you .

Well That Bloke - HVDY (tries to find polite words and fails).

Thinking of you especially on this sad day, Scaredycat

SweetpeaSue No wonder your husband is so fed-up. Gone are the days when patients got to see "their" GP who knew them. I'd think any GP would be better than waiting. Nice that you saw your son and his family. Will your grandson be doing anything in the school holidays? Schools here break up today for 2 weeks. Hope your son sorts out the ballcock thingy.

Doodle Hope you feel better today. A few viruses are going around - typical for this time of year - so I hope it's that, which should go quickly.

PurplePixie Glad you're getting on alright. Don't be afraid to take antidepressants, though - they've helped most of us on here.

EllieAnne Your husband is really having a rough time of things (you too). As for your daughter - that's really hurtful, especially as you drove all that way to care for her cats. So there are cat-sitters around her. You'll know what to say if she ever asks you again. Please try to look after yourself - a sandwich and a yoghurt, or something like that, would be good if you can.

Wyllow3 You were up early and off out. Hope you have a lovely day, and perhaps a pub lunch?

Got up late (for me), 7.45. Boring housework, then aqua aerobics. LG here at 5, for a couple of hours. Love to ALL BDers x

Well, thats fairly balanced HVDY it just needs a nice curry with DH to reward for the housework, hoping it was a good time with LG.

Oh my - the lovely day. erm..no.

Enjoy it - oh my, not really. disaster intervened.

I do have all sorts of tum stuff following operations etc but the only relevance of mentioning that is to say that now it's managed really really well through a diet and some meds.

BUT....stupid me was short of fruit last night so I opened a tin of pineapple which I knew was not great for me, but had lots last night and more this morning. (full of fructose and the wrong kind of fibre

So...pretty well a great deal of pain mostly walking, tho at moments when it eased - on off sunny lovely views. got lost once, and bumped into a couple of older gents who helped us out.

I was shocked by how funit I am, tum aside, its been the stress of you know what and whom here....but we did walk 3 miles.

I couldn't have a thing at the cafe A had two scones and cream.... but I have a large slice of Victoria sponge for later ☺️).

I needed a tramadol, drove home very carefully and then a curl up at home, and then A and I in a discussion failed to predict except broadly what AI might do to peoples lives .

Sorry about that, BD's (A is retired Economist).

I know how to live..🤣.

How is everyone? Its been tough day for most in here xx

Purplepixie how lovely to hear from you. Yes, please do pop in whenever you feel like it. Glad you’re coping.
wyllow I’ve had a really bad tum two days. Not nice is it.
Hope you feel better now. A must have a healthy appetite to be able to eat two scones. Hope you enjoy your cake later,
HVDY I’m almost 90% certain what upset my stomach was the chicken I bought from Sainsbugs. Too spicy.

Nice to have Lg with you. Will you see family over the weekend. I’m having Sunday lunch with DS1 and family to celebrate their 25th anniversary. Hoping I feel better by then.
Ellie Anne not surprised your hurt. maybe your Dds visit was as much to see how you were as to visit her days too. I often have unanswered texts from DS2. I don’t min I know sometimes he thinks he’s answered other times he’s busy. Please try not to read too much into it, You have so much to cope with at the moment. Try and eat though I know it’s difficult.
Sweetpeasue hope today has been ok. If in doubt please do phone 111
Scaredycat hope you’ve been ok today. Did you get out. I went for a walk and managed to miss the rain.
Been very sad today. Not any particular reason just couldn’t keep the loneliness at bay. Meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow, that should help.

You are spot on there Doodle, how is your tum now? Was it a curry or other dish (I go to Sainsbugs and their Korma is nice but the others?)
Aw, hugs and sympathy on your sadness day xx

Wyllow3 Oh dear. Is your tum ok now? 3 miles is a decent walk. I hope you enjoyed the slice of cake at home later.

Doodle That's not nice to have. Hope you feel ok now. I won't see the family at the weekend, although DH is meeting Son1 tomorrow for an authentic curry (I wasn't invited but wouldn't fancy it anyway). GD1 & GD2 are off to Tenerife with their mother, for a week. Hope you have a nice weekend, particularly to celebrate your son'ssilver wedding anniversary.

LG here at 5pm. Parents had the evening out. DH and I took LG to a lovely pub for dinner. She sits and behaves nicely, eats her food up, says "Please" and "Thank you" a lot. She had a bath at our house, then we took her home and put her to bed at 8.45. Parents got in at 11.15. x

I ate the sponge for breakfast, HVDY, after a satisfactory early resolution to tum blocking. TMI to say more 🤣.

Now how lovely that LG has been brought up nicely to understand how to behave well.

I didn't do as well as that - I recall one holiday camping in France and we shelled out for a special seafood restaurant- end of holiday treat when my son would not sit still for long and had to get up and look at the poor old Lobsters swimming around waiting to be chosen for their sad fate. The French children behaved perfectly.

I hope you feel a wee bit more up for the family celebrations this weekend, Doodle. Hard when these anniversaries pass - of course you will be wholly there, it's after.

Well I had a bit of a pleasant surprise later last night as I opened an email from Area Safeguarding who are going to deal with D aka the bully but ill. But I have gone further and said these are essential to me.

*"The bullying has to stop.

* It has to be made clear that it is not a "Matter between two Quakers"

*It has to be made clear to all that it is not my choice to ban the perp of my assault nor within my power to restore his position. If someone is saying this on a wide scale then others need to know.

*It has to be made clear that no one Quaker -without talking it over with other Quakers of standing - that no one should ever tell another Quaker what "Love Demands of them", for we are talking about God, the Light, itself, when we say, "what Love Demands"

Lastly, there is the question of Mental Health and vulnerability.

As someone who is being supported, I have to say: I expect people I trust to set boundaries. I know my emotions are vulnerable, I feel glad when people who matter lay down a boundary. It does not help me, nor anyone else with MH problems, (or indeed any Quaker) to be allowed to continue to hurt others in this way.

We'll see what happens, this is no easy ask, but BD's know the background enough to see its necessities.

Meanwhile its a sunny morning, crisp, chilly, full sun

Now how are matters, other than BD's? I'm so aware of tough or very sad times for many here.

I mean "other BD's, not "Other than" duh.

Wyllow3 Glad you got your tum sorted out ok. I think cake is always a good idea . LG is so polite - her parents have taught her well. I asked her if she'd like a bath, and she said "Yes, please". I adore her so much. I remember taking my boys to a restaurant in town one lunchtime - whilst I was paying and getting Son2 in his pushchair (he was about 2, Son1 4ish), Son1 had put his arm in the large fish tank. Water all over, soaking wet clothes. I was so embarrassed. He was a very wilful child .

It's a bright and sunny day. I watched a programme about hoarders and it inspired me to sort out a few things - lots of unused hair products, brushes, curling tongs, etc. They can go to a charity shop.

How are you and your husband, EllieAnne? And SweetpeaSue?

Hi all
Apologies for my absence the last 3 days it has been an exhausting time. The funeral wa a lovely tribute to a lovely man. He was my friend over 50 years and with both my late DH and my present DH. His wife my oldest friend was able to go but had no idea what was going on. She has Alzheimer’s + Dementia . I think the family wanted her to be able to say goodbye with them So sad. We were very tired after being at the wake for several hours and then an hours drive home.
I have caught up with all your news and as ever proud of you all how you KOKO despite many hurdles.
HVDY- good for you giving your friend a bit of a kick up the B!! His lovely brave wife must have appreciated your help.
I love to picture LG in the pub tucking into her Dinner- what a pleasure she is for you to take out.
Bet your face was a picture when your Son invaded the fish tank.! My late Son jumped in a holiday swimming pool - on our first day- fully clothed when he was only about 2 - he,d never seen one before😀 his Dad fished him out .
Enjoy your clear out - be ruthless .
Doodle- I had forgotten about your brother it must have been so sad for you. Our friend was a prominent sportsman so many wonderful memories of better times.
Hope your tummy has settled down now. I expect you couldn’t do too much - it’s nerve wracking isn’t it. Not to mention uncomfortable.
Getting out in the air must have helped yesterday. When you’re sad a walk always helps somehow. Enjoy your lunch todayx
EllieAnne- you have had a tough time- as has your DH.
It’s hard for you to have to think about flooring etc when your head must be full of all sorts of things.Hope you got your hair done- it was a change of scene and made you feel more like you hopefully.
I,m glad you heard from your friend- she will be concerned for you I,m sure. Hope there is better news of your DH soon.
SweetPeaSue- Hope your DS managed to fix the plumbing problem - he sounds a bit of a handyman like your DH.
I do think you need to follow your instincts with your DH and ring 111 if you think that’s the right thing to do. Monday is a long way away and better to do what feels right for you.
It’s hard because you don’t want to upset DH but on the other hand better to be safe.
Thinking of you and hope you,ve had some help.
PurplePixie- good to have a visit from you. You tread a difficult path but sound stronger than before. Please keep in touch we are always here.
Wyllow- that was a good walk for you both . A. Earned his 2 scones . What a great breakfast - makes muesli and yoghurt feel a bit boring.
Any new relationship is full of risks isn’t it but you learn more about each other every day and gradually learn to trust and relax and accept each other despite the differences.
Life is so short And goes by in a minute . A chance for happiness is precious and time is not on our side any more so do what gives you joy.

Love to all.
This morning we had a walk in our Castle grounds. Seeing lots of families of many nationalities out with their children enjoying the sun and the birds etc reinforced my belief that nothing matters as much as love and family and of course peace.

HVDY LG is the bestest age, I told my sis about LG and A's little DGD aged 3. Yes I would love her to bits. Good to live close at the age, they change so quickly.

Well done on the discarding of things front. Someone will need them and be glad they can afford it, as will the charity. (Can do better myself tho not too bad). Son One sounds like my current DGS aged 8. The summer term he hit the headteacher! He's calmed down this term thank goodness.

*Sweetpeasue You've been through a major life experience. So hard to say goodbye and exhaustion over feelings shared.

Your words as wise as ever for all. Time for time out. Yes me and A have reached more understandings including him opening up about the past more, we are, what time and circumstances have made us.

I totally feel the same as you in your last paragraph in my local park and at the gym family time. All the colours of the rainbow families children laughing living for the day in peace. Gives me joy in a troubled world. A smile is a smile: sorrow, universal.

I have neither washed nor dressed today yet. And it feels fine . The grandmother police are having a break today.