Last night was truly a dark night of the soul: severe night depression, unable to sleep even with my heavy night meds.
Its the Q stuff come home to roost, and I lost a sense of A being there for me with its weight: the lack of support from those who are trying to put things right, or a silence: after so very long. A's condition sometimes works against feeling supported - forgetting to ring me at a critical time as agreed. tho we have just had a long conversation
It's partly a case of Mars and Venus (men and women sometimes being very different) in terms of discussing emotional matters, and I know I am not alone in this at all. On this point: the abuse I had in my last marriage lingers very long, the blame, the lies, and so on. of course that affects the present, and its probably the case that it made my assault and all the aftermath much more difficult. and I can't expect people in the present to factor that in.
(I just had a flash Sweetpeasue of a similarity in being caught up in a Kafkaesque situation - there being serious problems, chasing round to remedy them, hopes raised, then dashed, and a lack of being able to control enough to reassure, so although the situations are so very different, its the intractability of what we face that leads to depression. Whats the way out, etc.)
In your case, its seems to me (I may be wrong here) that DH seems to fall between different medical disciplines, there is no one obvious central department managing all, and resources are scarce. What you need is the feeling of a one or two people who you can turn to.
Now I can turn to MH for depression and other symptoms: except it has now become at matter of scarce resources too after years of relatively good support. (And some very bad instances too, which happens in all areas of care)
It then becomes a matter (for me) of what character wise I have to draw on: acceptance, reminding myself of the love of others, if we are fortunate to have those, ^focusing on what there is, rather than what there is not^:
recalling that my story is a part of many others who have gone through it and hope has come out, people have the ability to survive the most adverse of circumstances, and goodness knows in the world there are many of those who have so much less, or greater problems.
Practically speaking I cannot count on the person organising our little meeting to do what is needful for me to be part of it, which is to restrict what QuakerD is doing, although she is mentally ill, as I too have a right to a part of that group: currently she is unwilling to tell QuakerD how toxic she is.
On that in some ways we are both waiting for Safeguarding to tackle what seems intractable unless D collapses and has to be taken into care,
but she is not at the level of being dangerous to self and other for that to occur.
I did make things better as I went to a Quaker Zoom which is loving and actually brought it up: risky, but paid off to some extent as others said "it happened to me" or "it happened in my meeting".
And I went to the gym for over an hour, and met someone who is into discussing political stuff, for that is the way I understand myself in the world beyond the very personal and family. this afternoon I went to visit F who is MH very ill and physically, but is getting better, I just need to limit the length of time I am there as its very emotionally demanding.
and I am so so tired.
so Sweetpeasue as best I can I am walking with you, as I try to walk with Bd's, for what else is there but speaking out, being heard, and offering what one can?
I hope other BD days went as well as they might and always a listening ear as well as rabbiting on at length....
. You're having a dressing gown day. That's alright, and sometimes needed. 
