Moving closer to grandkids

We live over an hours drive away from our two daughters and their families and thought about moving closer to them. The best thing we did was to rent near to them before we committed to buying. We soon realised it wasn't the right move to us as we were 'on call' during the week but not needed at weekends (rightly so) and away from our friends and interests. We decided to stay put and accept that we wouldn't see just as much of the family but be able to continue with our own lives. I can't recommend renting and trying it for a few months enough. It really did help us make the right decision for us and our family.

We are on our first grandson and only have one son. We decided to move nearer for a couple of years only, renting a small house nearby and letting our own house. That way we can see how we all feel about it before making a permanent change. A deciding factor was that although we only lived 20 minutes away in principle there were many times thst the journey took over an hour and if people are depending on you, that makes for a stressful arrival. Furthermore having moved nearby, we can pop round spontaneously whereas previously we had to plan to spend the day together.

Moving areas is tricky you have to be very certain this is absolutely what you want to do and the area suits even if your family are not there.
If you are happy in your present situation with good friends there I would not consider moving.
You are only 45 minutes away which is no distance and you can care for the little one at their home.
You never know health wise what is round the corner.
Your family may move for work having no alternative and where would this leave you.
I would stay where you are.

If you feel that you may be put upon and you can say this would not be a problem then go for it.
You know the alternative, when in doubt don't.

No don’t move stay where you are.

Live where you want to live. Consider your age, health the shops, your hobbies and if there will be a time when you can't drive.
Do you want more garden, less garden. A patio on the sunny side or a second floor apartment..whatever it is it has to be about you, not your children, grandchildren or friends, they will come and go and let's face it your children could up and move for their work. Your friends might die before you and you as stuck somewhere that is not right for you later on in life.

If this is going to be the last move you make and you intend to see out your days in this next property, it has to be about your needs.

Good luck and happy moving.

8 years ago my D moved to a different town 15 miles away. Previously they had lived within 5 minutes of me and I was on constant call for childminding, visits etc.
I made a conscious decision to not move closer to them, and regained a greater control and freedom in my life, one where I was not on call 24/7.
Now we are closer than ever, I see all 4 grandchildren at least once a week and often babysit with sleepovers when asked.
As I don't drive I use public transport and it works well in giving us both a fixed time limit that we factor into any visits.
I also continue to have a good relationship and friendship with my neighbours and friends which is the best of both worlds.

I moved to be nearer DD after I was widowed, I actually moved without buying anywhere so was "homeless" (DGS1 thought this was highly amusing). I rented a Holiday flat (out of season) until I found my new home. Lovely small Town with plenty of shops, lots of clubs & activities. I'm 10 miles from DD instead of 70 miles away but I don't do any childcare as DD developed her own network of friends to help out as we were at 1 1/2 hours away.

I do see DD & DGSs but we arrange for me to go there (especially if I've been in her Town meeting friends & sometimes she comes over to me. It's nice to be close, I'm on hand if she needs me but one of the reasons I moved is so that as I get older it will be easier for DD to meet my needs. She has been brilliant when I've had 2 spells in Hospital since moving here 3 years ago, something she couldn't have done easily before.

As others have said consider this very carefully, it's quite daunting moving, all the stress of buying & selling, the actual move & then having to find your way around a new area. Also are you both good at making new friends? I love where I live & love my life but I knew the decision was right for me not just DD & GC

We moved to be nearer the DGC which meant I left behind a very good friend. Now I am used for childcare but then dumped and left on my own for hours.
The other grandma gets invited round for meals and fun occasions and because they see me during the week, I am left out.
I have tried making friends but they are often busy at weekends with their families. My DH is always at work.
Don't give up your own life for the sake of your children.

I solved not being near my only grandchild by moving 300 miles away from friends and beloved London 5 months ago and it’s the best thing I’ve EVER done!! I feel like the part of me that was missing has now been replaced! I recommend it whole heartedly and I live alone so nobody to help me move or bother with! Do it!!!

Tokyo3
What is right for you is not right for someone else. I am pleased that you made a good move. But put the caveat on your enthusiasm to move and help others think through that it might not be right for them.

Difficulty is what happens if your family moves ? This happened to a friend of mine ....sold her house and moved to a small flat in Chelmsford .............soon after, SiL accepted a better well paid job in Norwich .....friend could not afford to move again, and found herself very lonely and wishing she had not downsized so much that she couldn't follow them again could not drive any more, and found travelling difficult ....so sad ! Of course no one can predict what happens in the future, but a lot of people we know have moved,, even returning to the UK from abroad when they have Grandchildren ...works out well in most cases but research carefully !

We did exactly this..... 15 years ago ... Retired... Sold up and moved 150 miles west to be nearer grandchildren and be part of their lives....
We are now 25 mins drive to their house..... Best thing we could have done ....
Made new friends..... Got involved with local Village Hall..... Ideal property.... And we're deeply involved in the kids lives...which was wonderful.... Don't regret a minute of it.... Except maybe the weather is better where we lived before.

But all things change.... And kids now live close to where they went to uni.... Ironically one of them close to our old home .... But we visit and it's great... They have grown older and so have we ...
If you don't expect life to remain static you'll probably enjoy most of the change.... But if you think you'll miss your old life more than enjoy your new life... Stay put.

We won't move again but feel we did what was good for us all.... Shared the grandchildrens childhood... Wonderful.... Wouldn't have missed it for the world..... Sort of a second chance ....

Thank you all very much indeed.
A lot of very wise words! It’s given me a lot to think about.
Thanks again, I really appreciate all the comments.
Best wishes to all ?

I moved last year to be nearer to my daughter and her family. We were around 4 hours drive away and now we are approximately 20 minutes. We have no regrets whatsoever. We are doing more with our life now, we have made lots of new friends and begun activities we wouldn’t have dreamt of before. We see my daughter and her family each week, we care for the children when asked and we think we are extremely fortunate to have made the move. If you are willing to make an effort to meet new people, it can be extremely positive.

Now I am used for childcare but then dumped and left on my own for hours.
The other grandma gets invited round for meals and fun occasions and because they see me during the week, I am left out.

Yup.
I can see both sides
You end up doing all the "bad cop" grandparenting and none of the "goodcop" grandparenting.
And they may feel they need to make the effort to include the other grandparent since you are already, to their mind "included". but if its an arranged visit there will naturally be more fuss and fun than a babysitting situation..

If you move you will also be nearer your family so they can look after you when needed, something else to take into consideration.

I have 7 grandchildren. One lives with us and the rest live in the same town. I am the only driver! Every morning, I drive the GD who lives with us to school and also give the lad next door a lift. I then pick up two GS's and take them to school just around the corner from me. I take them back in the afternoon. Evenings, I take them all to their various activities. Lucky if I ever get a day to myself, if it's not one thing, it's another! But then, we do keep in touch!

I moved nearly 12,000 miles to be near my daughter and her family – and also to live in a very lovely country. I don't regret it for a moment but, at 68, I do find some childcare, especially two days a week of full care for the three-year-old, who is unutterably adorable but who never stops moving, playing talking and wanting my attention throughout the day, a wee bit tiring. The two teenagers are – well – teenagers; they are affectionate when they see me but don't really miss me when they don't, which is most of the time. The nearly-ten and 11-year-old are at that magic age which lasts so briefly between being demanding children and aggressive adolescents, so right now I am enjoying those two hugely. The six-year-old alternates between being delightful and being unspeakable, sometimes within minutes. I am loved, valued and supported by my daughter and son-in-law.

Really where I am going with this is that only you know your needs, your family's needs and your desires and hopes. No amount of some idiot woman, such as me, rambling on about how great life is actually has any relevance to your situation. Go with your heart and be brave.

My answer is simple, no don’t move. Children grow up and have their own lives. Find other ways to see and help your children. Maybe stay over night but don’t move and leave friends and your life.

I had the choice when I downsized. I decided to stay close to my GD who still lived near me and don't regret that for a minute. Although she is now grown up, with a degree, a job, a partner and a dog(!) and now lives closer to the rest of the family, she is still very close to me, though not geographically. I didn't see as much as I'd have liked of my younger GC, three of whom are now teenagers, very busy at weekends with their own concerns and pastimes. If I did live near them, I doubt if I'd see much of them. All in all, I am sure I made the right decision, even though, as I get older, it would be good to be near to my DSs.

Looking at the responses here, it seems the important factors in the decision are what sort of person you are and whether you feel you will like living in the new location regardless of family being there.

It has to be a decision you make, for your own life, not depending on others.

We’ve moved back to the uk, from France, to be closer to friends and family. When we finally move into our new home, our son and family will be 2 hrs drive away, which is considerably better than the 12 - 14 hrs it used to take. All working out very well.
Being closer to existing, long standing friendships has also been a good thing.

I agree with absent. Be brave and go with your heart

Apologies - misquoted

Go with your heart and be brave

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... and even if everyone moves away from where we’ve now decided to live, I wouldn’t regret the move.

Such big plusses and minuses, if you are nearby you will be able to help out but that doesn't mean you will see more of your AC but potentially lots more of your DGC. I find as the nearby gran for some of our DGC that the other grans who live away are far more entertained and visited for themselves. We do the babysitting and care which we don't mind but it is a thought. Also after the time the DGC go to school you will probably see less of everybody as AC at peak of their careers and DGC fully occupied. If you are happy where you are maybe make the most of that.