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Help, calm me. House buying and selling stress

(1001 Posts)
craftyone Thu 21-Mar-19 07:52:20

I have a bad stress headache today, never normally get headaches. I am buying a new house before selling my own, at least that was the plan. There has been a buying hold up, caused by waiting for sight of an important document. All in all 3 months has turned to 8 months. Just waiting for one document, which was `in the post` to nhbc

My buyer, february viewings, is starting to lay on the pressure. I had 25 extra and difficult questions to answer yesterday, some relating to building planning dating back to 6 years before we moved in, a new build.

The whole idea was that I would complete on my new home and move in stress-free, a bit at a time. I will definitely not move to rented. I had a string of people wanting to buy my property and will delay my buyer if needed

The stress is awful, widowed, doing it all myself and even with a good solicitor, I am churning up inside after yesterday`s questions

mosaicwarts Fri 13-Sept-19 08:10:53

Big, big hugs Whiff, I think you are marvellous and your posts help me look forward to my new future. I had a good cry at the cemetery yesterday, I'm scared of what is to come and not sure I'll cope. Another storage company coming today at 11 am.

I hope you enjoy choosing your new kitchen with all its modern fandangles. xx

Whiff Fri 13-Sept-19 09:40:46

Craftyone, Mosaicwarts and Gagagran thank you very much for your messages. It means an awful lot to me all the support I get from this thread. I'm ok again . I text my daughter after I posted to let her know about the plastered etc. She phoned me straight back. Had a good talk and cry. She said mom you don't have to do it on your own anymore we are here for you. And you cope brilliantly. Don't know how you do it sometimes. Funny enough my son said the say thing to me Wednesday when I was crying as he held me in his arms over the flies episode. You all know the feeling sometimes it's just one thing after another.

Enough of this . It's a lovely sunny day here. I've pegged my washing out. Had a cuppa and going to have a go in the garden.

All of you wonderful people thank you again. Take care of yourselves and hope you have good day.

Franbern Fri 13-Sept-19 10:07:46

Regarding surveys I had one done when I moved into this house 16 years ago. Cannot remember how much I paid for it, but TBH, it was not worth it at all. Told me nothing- much of it was 'back covering'. Lots of 'unable to test or check due to floor coverings, etc.'.
My would be purchasers paid (know idea how much) for a private survey here. This man was here for four (for me, nerve racking) hours. Used binoculars to look at roof (fortunately only previous week had a lot of work done to some loose and broken ridge tiles), flushed all three loos, opened and shut every window and door, etc.etc. This is a 1930's built house, so obviously there must be some faults, although nothing that I have actually found. A couple of weeks later their building society surveyor came, and spent about 15 minutes here. I was told that these days many building societies do what is known as 'desk top survey'. All they do is to check other similar properties in the area as to what they have recently sold for.
Anyway, there has been no comments from my buyers regarding that lengthy, very extensive (and, I imagine, very expensive) survey.
No further news at present, - this is such a waiting game. No idea where I will be living at end of year.

Ellianne Fri 13-Sept-19 17:24:21

Sorry Whiff you were feeling sad, but understandably so. I think I've said before I cannot imagine not having my husband to deal with all the issues.
Sorry to hear Pickfords are still not co-operating. Our removal company wants a receipt for the designer lamp they smashed but as we bought it in France 10 years ago I have no paperwork to prove the price. I think we might have to claim on our household insurance. Also an Edinburgh crystal bowl of my mother's, again no receipt.

mosaicwarts Fri 13-Sept-19 17:31:03

I've just had a call from the EA saying that my buyer is going to present himself to a local EA where he lives to 'prove' his funds. So something is happening!

Feel most peculiar after nodding off on the sofa, need to wake up properly and walk the dog as I'm going to the cinema tonight to see Red Joan.

No car for two days next week, my lovely garage man has said he'll take it in Monday/Tuesday and drive it for me to flush the system. I'm worried I've done a lot of damage driving it for so long with a blocked exhaust sad

Have a good evening everyone.

sazz1 Fri 13-Sept-19 21:01:37

Mosaic so glad to hear your buyer sounds like they are going ahead
Fingers crossed for you xxx
Whiff sorry to hear you are feeling sad and hope you feel better soon. I'm quite dependant on my OH these days but when we first married he worked away for years so I just had to get on with it all. It's so hard on your own but I did have good friends and family nearby. Had to pack up the house and move 200 miles to Kent when he was on a 2yr contract there. The kids helped pack they were teenagers then. Can't imagine doing it now. Really admire all of you that are moving on your own. xxxx
Franbern we've ordered the middle survey as it's an older property we're buying. Hope they don't spend 4 hours though that's very stressful for the owners. We just want to make sure there's no damp, roof is good, etc so no nasty surprises when we move. The house looks great but the garden is a real mess, 8 different levels in a small garden and paved over. OH will sort it with help as he was a builder.
Really just want to move now as this house looks so empty with so much packed. Not home anymore.
All the best everyone xx

mosaicwarts Fri 13-Sept-19 22:34:24

Just back from the cinema and I'd forgotten to put the lamp post on - luckily it's a huge new moon.

Last time I go there, I'll buy the DVD in future, Red Joan is on sale in the shops. Great film, I recommend it. My daughter had an interview at Cambridge, it was lovely to see it again. But it was spoilt for me by the eaters behind me - I was sitting in front of a woman, her daughter, and a man. Just as the film started all three of them opened sweets and crackled throughout the film, I can't stand it, so distracting. When the lights went up I saw they had all had bags of maltesers - which as we know don't melt, they could have held them in their hand! Argh!

Sazzl, good luck with your survey, they are always scary aren't they as surveyors have to uncover absolutely everything. How old is the property? Mine is too old to have a damp proof course and I have got rising damp in the annexe due to a change in the floor levels, surveyor recommended a 'newlath membrane'. He also recommended a new roof, but we'd always put it off because of our bats. I'm not sure they are still in our loft, but they are definitely flying past the front steps at night. Might have moved to my neighbours.

I've just had my first quote for storing my goods. £1000 to move it to their store, £400 for packing help, then £60 per week payable 4 weekly. I am hardly taking anything really, might just have a big bonfire, I'm shocked it is such a lot of money!

Just started my winter stocks tonight, 48 cans of dog food (can only get it from Pets at Home) and 3 lots of UHT milk. The milk I froze last year didn't defrost properly as it separated, but tasted OK, just a pain waiting for it to melt. Fingers crossed I'll be packing it and taking it somewhere. Somewhere warm!

craftyone Sat 14-Sept-19 07:15:43

mosaics, I do think that things will suddenly start to happen quickly for you. Please get boxes packed and things sorted, be ruthless, its not worth spending good money on storing stuff that you won`t need. We all started with nothing when we were young and managed perfectly fine but now we have many years of accumulated things. It is the sharp end now, so much harder to get rid

How big a storage space would you get for that £60 weekly? You may well find that the actual cost is far more, I know two people who were having to pay upwards of £400 a month and it was crippling them.

Last place I lived, the houses were new build, it was a lovely estate built around a manor house. Almost everyone had to downsize drastically. One couple moved from a large vicarage, they said that they got rid of everything and started again like a newly married couple. Same for two sisters, from a farmhouse, they kept the essentials, 2 beds and 2 comfy armchairs plus 2 for visitors. They bought a round glass table and 4 dining chairs. I remember that they kept a storage display unit and sewing things. They moved to a 2 bed apartment. The glass table and the armchairs were in the same room, the kitchen was a galley kitchen and they slept in the same bedroom. They are still there and happy

I am worried that suddenly you will have no time mosaics. I cannot think of anything worse than packers cramming everything into boxes when in reality you will be moving somewhere much smaller. Sorting in a packed room after moving will be hell on earth. So you are in reality looking at maybe 3 bedrooms and maybe (if lucky) a garage. These days there is not much room in bedrooms or anywhere else. A woman called to see me yesterday, hoping to buy here, she said `how will I fit my things into the master bedroom 12 x 10 feet and that is reality, the biggest bedroom without a wardrobe. She was saying about her dark furniture from her present cottage. There is only one way to fit in happily ie adapt and it is a lifestyle change

Whiff Sat 14-Sept-19 08:38:01

Mosaicwarts Craftyone is right. Try and sort and pack what you can yourself. That way you you know exactly what going into each box. Don't forget to write on the box what's in it , your name and number it. I used the kids bedrooms to store the boxes. What I did was carry the boxes upstairs whilst flat and assembled them in the room. If I could still pick up the box that is how I judged how much to put in . Hence some of the boxes hadn't got much in because of the weight. I ended up with 76 boxes. Plus stuff I just wrapped in plastic e.g. clothes airers etc. The price you were quoted does that include all the insurances ? It cost me a lot more than that for Pickfords. But you need to check if there are any hidden costs. How much notice they need once you want you things out of storage and how much it will cost to deliver to your new home. Sorry your enjoyment of the film was spoilt. Never understood why people eat whilst watching a film.

My surveyor produced a very thorough report. It highlighted the garage roof needed replacing in the future. But I've had that done the other week. The side garage door and frame were rotting. Picked out new front door, garage one and window for garage. It is an old wooded one . At there moment. He was pointed out the chimney needs pointing and a cowl. Roofer coming soon to do that. There were no red 3s few 2s and 'mostly 1s which just means general maintenance.

Had a very enjoyable 2.5 hrs in the garden cut down a lot of plants and weeded. Met another of my neighbours and his dog. Said you aren't very old . Pointed out I' m 61 . His reply was your nown't but a babe. Had a chuckle about that after he left.

Franbern how are you health wise? Hope you are looking after yourself.

Lovely sunny day here again. Of to my bbc daughter's this afternoon and then we are going to Ikea for my kitchen planning appointment. Having dinner at a Harvester afterwards haven't been to one in years.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Whiff Sat 14-Sept-19 08:41:06

Bbc shouldn't be before daughter.

SueH49 Sat 14-Sept-19 08:44:06

So, after almost 3 years in the planning it looks as though we may be on the move. Almost 3 years ago we embarked on a project to gain Local Council approval to subdivide and develop our almost 2 acre block of land in Australia. Our current house will be demolished to allow the new dwellings to be built.
After a lot of hold ups and appeals and more hold ups we eventually put the property on the market 5 weeks ago. Last week we accepted an offer and should sign contracts early next week. 2 weeks after that we will know if the sale will go ahead and if so 120 days after the signing we will be moving.
Maybe now I will be more committed to clearing our 39 years of "stuff". I started (again) today with the books. I've been very ruthless and packed most of them to the charity shop.

mosaicwarts Sat 14-Sept-19 08:50:38

Thanks for writing everyone - so you do think I should pack as though it is going to happen?

I am worried that he will withdraw after the survey and I'll have to go back onto the market.

I'm a shaky jelly today.

mosaicwarts Sat 14-Sept-19 09:05:32

SueH I'm delighted for you, wishing you good luck. Thanks for the inspiration about the books, I'm going upstairs to start on mine, I'll take them to Oxfam. It's easy to deliver to them as you can park at their back door. Onwards and upwards!

mosaicwarts Sat 14-Sept-19 09:22:25

Whiff, your Harvester comment bought back a happy memory for me - I've not been for about twenty five years but when we used to go, Steve was very naughty. He used to go to the salad bar and would always hide an extra tomato for me in his other hand - I do love them smile

GrandmaMoira Sat 14-Sept-19 10:52:09

Mosaic - I didn't pack early but did spend months sorting and clearing. I got rid of loads prior to going on the market in order to make the house look good so thought there wasn't much to do but I was wrong. Every day for 3 to 4 months I was sorting through things, tidying and getting rid. Start with garage/shed/loft/cellar where there will be things rarely used or left by husband or family. Even if the sale fell through, you will have everything you need organised.

midgey Sat 14-Sept-19 11:03:05

Totally agree with GM, it is actually therapeutic but don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed. Today I will sort one shelf sort of thing. Once you get going it will become easier.

Whiff Sat 14-Sept-19 11:12:09

Mosaicwarts glad to have brought a happy memory back for you. I should have said I started packing July 2018 3 days after they accepted my offer on my bungalow. With all the ups and downs it was August 2019 when I moved. It didn't bother me having boxes around all that time . I was all set packed and more importantly mentally ready to move in September 2018. After that it didn't feel like my home. I was just looking after it for the next owners. I did shed a few tears when I left but I have never regretted moving. So much to look forward. Just think of all the things that you will be able to do when you move. Also your next home will be cheaper to run. Is there anything you would like to do that hasn't been possible where you live now.

SueH49 I am very pleased for you. Have fun clearing out it is surprising what you find . Things full of memories also things that you wonder why on earth you kept it or even brought it in the first place.

mosaicwarts Sat 14-Sept-19 11:48:07

I've been on the beach and had a brainwave - I'm going to find my Quality Assurance book, which lists the items that should be found within self catering rental properties to gain its stars. Will help me focus in on the essentials I'll need for our new 'home'. We had four stars in our rental because we didn't have a bath, I'm going to pack for five star! Thanks for all your help, I do believe I'd lose it without your support xx

craftyone Sat 14-Sept-19 13:00:24

Yes that is indeed a brainwave mosaics

I think maximum 42 days for you mosaics, work that out per room or area and make a definite list ie which rooms on what day. Allow a few days off for RnR. Packing in boxes was ideal and I stacked them in a spare bedroom, in the snug, in the hall and behind every door. I started well before I had any offer nbecause I knew I was jolly well going to move. People can see that you will not be letting them down as buyers and it is a plus point for them

sazz1 Sat 14-Sept-19 13:01:01

All your storage rates seem very high. We're paying £100 a month for a storage container in Devon. It's secure key fob entry and new containers. Big wide yard for lorries to turn and unload. We have to insure ourselves though. Only 1 months notice rolling contract. Might work out cheaper if you find your own storage and get removal company to deliver there.

craftyone Sat 14-Sept-19 13:06:03

Sue, it is a very big milestone for you and I am glad that you are, at last, getting stability back into your life. I think this stage of our lives, after many years in a home and/or widowed and moving, is one of the biggest challanges in life. I am finding it remarkable that so many people are managing to get through this in one piece

SueH49 Sat 14-Sept-19 13:45:30

Thank you for your good wishes mosiacwarts, Whiff and craftyone. Will be holding my breath for a couple of weeks until the contract becomes binding but the clean out will continue.

Fortunately I'm not doing this by myself because in 4 weeks I am having a total hip replacement done. That will be a challenge no doubt.

The worst thing I find about clearing out is finding something to put things into to be taken to the charity shops.

Whiff you are right about the emotions of clearing out. I've spent ages looking at things I had forgotten existed and so many of them have evoked memories. Clearly at times I have shoved "stuff" into draws and cupboards never to see the light of day again------until now. Wonder how much I have spent on things that were not needed in the first place.
Also obviously many items kept as "they might come in handy one day".

A lovely Spring day here today, cheers one up no end after a bleak and grey winter.

craftyone Sat 14-Sept-19 14:45:02

I gave away many crafted items, done by myself and wood carvings done by my husband. I realised that the joy in the work was in the making, I started off with my cross stitches. I kept some of the most treasured carvings for myself but everything else has gone and I include good hand sewn garments and knitted jumpers made for my husband. I get peace of mind knowing that someone else will use them. Photos were the hardest to clear, it took me 4 years and during the last few years of my husbands life, we made photo books for the family, his ancestry and mine. I now have a clear conscience, all the information is recorded. The remaining photos I copied and made into collages in frames. I managed to work down from 5 big boxes of photos and albums to just one

Franbern Sat 14-Sept-19 14:50:23

I have been clearing out and taking stuff down to charity shops, etc. for months now. However, I really cannot actually get rid of some furniture items until I know for absolutely sure that the sale is going ahead. Example, in my spare bedroom have a good quality double divan. This will not fit into the flat, so if I move it will need to go, but if I do not, then it needs to stay. Also, have two single beds in loft room - one of these will come with me, the second to go - BUT only if move goes ahead.
it is difficult, as I know that if things do go ahead I will have only a few days to get this all sorted out.
I am not putting anything into boxes. Am more than happy to pay the extra to have the removal company come in and pack for me the day before I move. I am sorting out cupboards and drawers to try to ensure that the items in them are ones I wish to take - and washing them out as I go. So, should the move go ahead all I will need to do is to wipe down those cupboards after everything has been packed.
There is a minor problem with the flat I am purchasing regarding land registry and garage. I have just written to my solicitor commenting that this should be the job of the sellers solicitors to sort out AND pay for - not mine.
I am at back home following my operation, feeling much more tired and weaker than I expected. I have been told off, (so far) by three of my daughters as I tried to go out, just round to the post office on my mobility scooter and it totally exhausted me. The daughter who lives nearby has been wonderful - staying with me when i went in right up to the doors of the theatre and returned once I was actually on a ward.
Could not sleep at all at hospital. Managed to get home early, slightly fudging about someone there to look after me. This weekend daughter from Weston super Mare IS with me, but she will need to return home tomorrow. Have got the afternoon to myself so i can rest.

loopyloo Sat 14-Sept-19 18:07:00

Dear Franbern, so glad you are back home and do take it easy. It is so difficult to sleep in hospital.
There were only 2 people at the George this month. I couldnt make it as was moving! We moved into my daughter's 2 bed flat and they are moving into our small 3 bedroom house. Once we had decided to go with this plan I had 2 weeks notice but we are here and it's lovely.
But packing boxes!!! Have a master list and put the number on each side of the box.
We packed about 110 boxes. So many books on theology, second world war,
gardening and cooking. The good news is the charity shop is closer!

Hope you make a speedy recovery.

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