Help, calm me. House buying and selling stress

I am just at the beginning of this selling and buying palarva. Must say I try not to read this thread as it only makes me more stressed and worried, but cannot stop myself doing it. For the third time in four years I am trying to sell my house in London, so that I can move into a flat in Somerset.
First time all seemed to be going well, buy purchasers had not told full truth about their employment condition, and it dragged on and on and on. I was so stressed I became quite ill, so when I lost the flat I was hoping to purchase I pulled the plug completely.
Had a short attempt last summer, during the very hot spell, house on market, not many viewers, no offers, gave up.
House back on market a few weeks back, lots of viewers, accepted an offer ten grand lower than the price I had put 'In Excess of''.......but they were first time buyers and the thought of a no chain really appealed to me.
They came twice, very excited, then last weekend they were coming locally to do their mortgage application with the EA's and asked if they could drop by again. So they came, told me it was even better than they remembered. Back to the office with EA, did mortgage application. \then on Monday they phoned the EA's to say they were changing their minds as they wanted to have an extension built, and they would not have enough money to do that. (When my hubbie and purchased our first house we did not have enough money to do anything, even decorate for the first couple of years, but were happy just to be on the housing ladder).
Anyway, fortunately, another lady who had made the same offer I had refused in favour of first time buyers, she was still interested - came Monday evening. Very happy (She says) a second chance and is now my prospective purchaser.
This weekend I will be viewing flats and probably putting in an offer.
Find it hard to believe it will actually happen. I did tell the EA's to make it absolutely clear to this lady that there were no circumstances whatsoever, at any point in the sale that I would make any further reduction in the price. They promise me that have told her this and she accepts it.
Yesterday the people in the house opposite to me exchanged and moved - I was really tearful all day - so silly, but I so much want this to happen. The house is too much for me to manage - but I find it difficult to believe that this whole process really will take place

Franbern don`t lose heart, what helped me a lot was knowing that if it was meant to be then it would happen. I would have read this thread, just to know that we are not alone, that sellers in particular are played like fish on a line. Best of all is to know that this stress starts to reduce and eventually stops but there is that dreadful hump part way through, all those enquiries

If I could have read all this in 2006 before makng any downsizing moves, then I would have looked ahead more and we would have bought a property much more within the `what if` scenario, we all get older, many of us are left alone to cope, it happens and sometimes this reality check is a good thing if it happens in advance and we appreciate that things change

If my buyer asks me to reduce my price last minute, then I would not do it either. I reduced the first time because of political uncertainty, by 5%. Then the purchaser offered less and I settled at another 6% less ie 11% overall. She is now playing me again but I think she is smitten and my EA is going to do what she is paid to do later on this morning

Franbern, I would say to start downsizing and to start packing seriously. I put stacked boxes behind doors, in the utility, in wardrobes at first, then later all along walls. Kitepackaging had good materials and the I found the clingfilm with roller particularly useful to protect things. There is an end to this, stay on the thread and tell your story as it happens, offload like I did. The support is fantastic

Good luck Franbern, I'm envious of your offer!

I had to do a viewing yesterday and the couple were lovely but they seemed rather overwhelmed by the size of the house and conditions imposed by the listing. I don't expect any interest.

Good tip to start packing properly craftyone, in order to go onto the market I packed very quickly and need to sort each box out now. I can hardly bear to go down to the shed, it's packed to the rafters!

mosaicwarts - sounds like you had the sort of viewers we had. We were selling a listed barn conversion and several people seemed to have no idea what that entailed yet the details of the place were on the web and in the extensive brochure, it puzzled us that with so much information available people made such daft mistakes even about its distance from a town (we looked at every potential house we were interested on via web and google maps - we then did basic drive bys just to get a flavour of them, but actually only viewed two).
Our EA explained that he felt his job had changed over the years now that so much of the info is out there. He said up until only 10 years ago most potential buyers would come into a branch, give their requirements and listen to advise about what would be suitable. He was now finding that he would sometimes offer the opinion that the house they had seen on the web might not suit but frequently be ignored or even actually have a complaint made against him for being unhelpful. Where houses are something other than a standard estate home there are so many variations and it seems daft that people do not at least listen to an expert's advise.
We were selling our barn because we are getting older and would prefer to be nearer our children now, we wanted something with few maintenance issues in the years to come and with a smaller garden. It seemed daft to us that the first 4 or 5 sets of viewers were couples who were older than us and several actually seemed frailer. They all waxed lyrical about the place and its position but when asked by the agents if they were pursuing it they would all come back with variations on it being bigger than they thought or would need too much looking after. Bizarre! The daft thing was our agent had even done one of those clever laser camera virtual tours so why they were surprised by high windows and lots of beams I have no idea!

I'm glad I don't have to do the viewings normally HildaW, I do appreciate not having to do it. This couple looked like rabbits caught in the headlights, it was just too much for them.

I agree about the older couples as I am almost disappointed when I see them as it's obviously not suitable - a few viewers have arrived early as we were leaving. The last older couple to arrive early refused my offer to come in and said they were happy to walk around until the agent came so I left - apparently when she arrived the poor man had become ill, and they'd had to go straight to A&E. My friend thought this was an excuse to get out of the viewing.

I'm feeling very fed up today. I was cleaning and there is a four inch watermark all around one of the double plugs near the skirting board. The wall is three foot thick. No idea where the water has come from. Wish I could learn to blank these things off but I worry all the time, hopefully the builder will phone through with the electrician's number tomorrow.

Just want to say to all after reading about these harrowing ordeals, you are not alone! Just think of that glass of wine, coffee or tea you get to have on your first day in the new place. For us it’s once the builders start as I will feel that we are finally committed to staying here, hopefully by late summer we will have planning approval and begin the journey. At least we know where we will be, if not sure of the state of the place once it’s all done though. Goodluck

As sad as I am to read someone else's horror stories about selling and buying a new home , I am not feeling so alone. If you have read my posts you will know my house has been on the market since March 2018. I accepted an offer in June. Found my bungalow in July. Should have exchanged 7th September and moved 14th. Found out my buyer had pulled out on the 12th. A week later I found out she had moved into rented accommodation on the 7th when she completed on her house. Accepted an offer October. My bungalow was still for sale vendors agreed to sell to me again. Should have exchanged on 1st March and completed 8th. My buyer pulled out on the 25th February. Accepted an offer on 5th March. The bungalow was still for sale and the vendors have again agreed to sell to me.
At the moment everything is going ok. But I know my buyers could pull out at anytime . It's like living in limbo. It's a horrible feeling. I have no control over what is happening. I am one of those people if something needs doing I get it done. I even contacted my PM about the house selling and buying process. She got in touch with the housing department. I had a reply from them saying in 2016 they trialled a voluntary deposit system. But it didn't work. Why can't we have Scottish law? It seems a fairer way of doing things. I now people who have brought overseas and can't believe how everything moved so quickly and they had safe guards about people pulling out at the last minute.
I started my packing in July and got rid of all my excess furniture and rubbish by the end of August. I knew I needed to get it done as I am on my own . I was widowed fifteen years ago. My husband died at the age of forty seven I was forty five at the time. Due to still having parents and my mother in law still here I stayed in the Midlands. My dad died three years after my husband and my mother in law three years later. My mom died in 2017. The last eighteen months of my mom's life she lived with me and I was her full time sole career. After she died I had no one dependant on me anymore. So I thought finally it was my time. And I can't wait to move closer to my children and three grandsons. All because of other people's selfishness I am still here. When I should have been by them in September. I am not usually a vindictive person but I hope the two buyers who pulled out on me have horrible things happen to them. If anyone has read though this rant thank you. It feels so could to have a good moan.

Whiff, totally agree with you about the horror of being subject to everyone else.....its a ghastly feeling a bit like being tossed alone in a boat totally out at sea. There is nothing to hang on to and every day is full of complete uncertainty. Not sure me capturing your pain will help, but I do fully understand. We have exchanged but until that money is in the bank next week I'm still unsettled and very quick to panic and worry.
House buying does seem to bring out the worse in people and why perfectly decent people feel they can say one thing but mean something else I have no idea. All the professionals involved in house buying and selling seem to get some pretty horrid comments but I'm pretty sure its much more to do with them covering for their clients.
When we visited our, hopefully final home - I'm only leaving it now in a box or gaga, for the second time and confirmed that we were all set to buy it, the look on the EA's face was a picture. She was sick to death of people phoning up, waxing lyrical (its a very small new development of 10 houses) demanding multiple visits at the drop of a hat which are quite complicated on a new site, and then just disappearing into the ether. If you treat the professionals with respect and are open and honest about what you want and how you can proceed its amazing how good they are. I think most of the complaints are much more about people being devious, not being fully truthful and then just being totally disorganised. We were all set to complete a fortnight ago but someone right at the beginning of the chain suddenly decided to go on holiday and hold everyone up even though dates had been agreed! Bizarre.
Hang in there Whiff, have a good moan from time to time and try and find something else to focus on from day to day - being alone and worrying is not good and although I am a fine one to talk ....the power of negative thought is damaging and you can find yourself feeling very low, so try to find something to take your mind of it. Good luck, we have all been through it and know how painful it is.

whiff, yes I agree, you need to be able to take your mind off this but easier said than done eh. No-one in the house when a thought flips into your head and there it stays all through the night. I lived through by packing but so that the house remained tidy. I went on a steam train. Went to the allotment but still it was not enough and the days felt very long. Live by the fact that it will happen, it just takes that one person

So I had another hiccough late on thursday ie a very obscure question about the roofing, I mean how would I know. I think my buyer is playing delaying tactics and I am getting that vengeful feeling again. I actually did something about it just now. When dh died I carried on with the new kitchen with the best quality appliances that we were buying, those last ones in a lifetime. I bought extras and they cost me a mint, lets say £800. Not part of any appliance but nice loose extras and I have just taken them out and wrapped them together. It is called vengence and I have no regrets, it started with her asking for me to pay the indemnity for a 100% good job in the house and there was more, much more

I thought I was getting bosch appliances in my new house but I think they are cheap cda with awful reviews. Sigh, I did not notice quick enough. However the builder has done several very good and quite expensive job for me so maybe it will all come out in the wash.

mosaicwarts have you managed to get that socket area sorted?

Hello craftyone - I only got the electrician's number late Thursday night, I am going to ring him on Tuesday. I've photographed it now so I can see if it's spreading! Argh the joys of house ownership! I watched Donnie Darko last night, I so wish I could travel back through time and persuade Steve to buy the nice new triple glazed house we saw!

Did six viewings in the heat last Saturday. First flat is the one I have offered for. Waiting with the phone at my side for EA's to contact me to let me know if my offer is acceptable.
Had to phone Solicitors today, I received all their bumph on the sale of my existing house, and did contact them to explain that I am just half owner and am Tenant in Common with my ex-husband. This is a purely financial arrangement. He has never lived here, and I have the deeds, etc. They then sent out all the paperwork to him - he was perplexed, I am quite annoyed. Why would they think that he should have these forms, even though I am the one actually living in the property being sold, etc.etc. I had already arranged with him to go there tomorrow for him to sign all the forms alongside my signature. Very gender biased it seems.
As I will downsizing quite considerably, I will not be taking a lot of furniture with. I will have Removing company that does all the packing. I am unwilling to get rid of other furniture, etc. at this stage, will wait until such time as contracts are (at least) signed, then it will mainly be getting something like British Heart Foundation to come to collect extra beds, bookcases, etc.etc.
I have been de-cluttering now for some four years, so pretty well on the way.
I will do my usual Spring clean of my kitchen cupboards slowly. This will mean that, hopefully, if all goes well, when I move they will just need a wipe out, but also means I will be seeing exactly what I have in them and do a good clear out.

That is progress franbern, all fingers crossed for you

I had the walk around this morning, completely love the new house and will complete tomorrow morning and move in tomorrow night. Am very grateful for finding the JL temporary window blinds. Car is fully packed for that first trip. I will manage another trip tomorrow. I felt very hyper and excited coming home, spoke to endless friendly people, how lucky I feel to be going there to live and to be part of the community

Stress when I got home, buyer had yet another question but after me speaking to the EAs legal secretary, buyer is killing time and trying to put the onus of stress on me. L Sec had some straight taking with my buyer and it looks as though I will exchange on this house later this week. Buyer has apologised profusely to the L sec. Fibs galorefrom the buyer btw but it seems as though she is now going to see sense. My EA is utterly fantastic, been hand holding all the way through, will have been worth every penny

I've just been informed by my solicitor--who is abrupt, curt and unpleasant-- that she exchanged contracts today and it should be completion on the 30th April. The whole house buying/selling process has been a great deal more stressful because of my solicitor's attitude and manner. Pleasant.. she is not.

Oh well done chewbacca, one week to go and I expect a lot to do and arrange. Fixed in a tablet of stone for completion at last. You will probably feel like me after exchange, still a bit anxious

My solicitor told me an hour ago that she has to legally speak to me personally about exchange, to ask my permission before it happens. I guess these conversations are recorded

Congrats Chewbacca! Solicitors do tend to keep communications to the briefest form possible, its just their way...economic with words. Do not read too much into it unless she has actually said something unpleasant. Luckily DH has dealt with most of the correspondence...he reads it and then we discuss it....our solicitor's e-mails are always short and succinct - to my mind they look very abrupt but they just say what they need to say.

So my buyer is still playing shennigan games, I am lucky in my EA and solicitor, they have put in a nice protective wall around me but I am still stressed only because of my buyer, her fibs and hoops and she is still fibbing. Exchange might (maybe might) be imminent so I am hanging around my original house, sitting in the reciner when I can, with a very aching back

I have done 5 very loaded car journeys, van sized and started energetic and upright. Most had to go upstairs and my footsteps turned to slow shuffles while my back became more and more sore. 2nd night in the aerobed last night and this time with woolly socks and a wool blanket over my duvet, change of weather stuff. Paracetamol and ibrufen in shorter gaps now, hopefully will end at 3 x daily and then I will stop as soon as.

This stuff that I have been moving, is all the bitty stuff and all my precious crafting equipment, lamps etc and much is heavy but really I am on the last lap, one carefully selected load today, after several hours in the recliner. I only have bits left, a max of 2 easier loads after today

The big upside is that I am putting things in the right rooms and the kitchen and bath rooms have some order. The removers will still have 6 solid trips but mainly big stuff ie workshop, garden as well as furniture and many large or heavy boxes as in books

No where to put most, except in the garage and living room but I will manage. I spent 2 days putting a foam floor down over the dusty concrete garage floor, looks very good but what started to kill my back was assembling all the chrome bigdug shelving units, they are actually much taller than me and some have 7 chrome shelves now locked into place

More another day, I have to get used to the very tiny en suite and small area of kitchen worktop. Tip run now and thank goodness that my car seat is supportive oh and am buying chocolate on the way back

Ruddy 'ell we completed today but were kept waiting till mid afternoon!! Suffice to say when I got a call from our very agitated solicitor in the afternoon saying they were still chasing funds I nearly lost plot. pretty much had a full blown panic attack as DH was out of the house and hes always a lot calmer than me - but even he had started to make plans for 'rattling cages'. Any way the money finally came in just in time to complete the sale. Am a wreck and have hit the wine!
I shall never ever be doing this again. I wish everyone else going through this a much smoother passage - it really is not for the feint hearted. I coped so much better in my 30s and 40s.....now I am just not equipped to cope. Good Luck all and bon chance!

oh Hilda, wow, that stress!!!

3 nights and 7th trip, almost done. Scred some hooks on doors and door stoppers and put lampshades up. I am very happy to be doing this in small doses, enables me to get things into correct areas and kitchen is looking ok. Very short on work surfaces but fine re larder etc. No ch last night, couldn`t get the boiler to pump, was plenty of hot water. Cold in bed even with socks on

Congratulations Hilda, wishing you much happiness in your new home and I have marked your words in my heart, wherever I move to will be my final home!

Craftyone I'm sorry you are so cold, can you put a blanket under your sheet? I slept in an old cotton dress last night over my pjs, it was freezing, perhaps we had a frost? Not sure where all my old nighties have gone.

I'll be sorry when this thread ends, it's been so interesting 'moving' with you.

Stress has slowly began to ebb away although slept very oddly last night, sort of shallow and dream laden.
We did this move in two parts because we had chosen a new build and were very fortunate in that we could go ahead and buy it before selling the old one - with some scary and complicated reorganising of funds! It sounds easier but somehow was not. Getting the previous place sold was never going to be straightforward as although it was a lovely home it was not to everyone's taste (modern barn conversion but with a few grade 2 limitations).
We pretty much bent over backwards to ensure a sale to the point that we let the buyer begin to move in early in the morning before the contracts had been exchanged!!! Its not recommended but as we had been out of the building for 2 months it seemed churlish not to accommodate so you can imagine just how wound up I was when we had still not got funds and completion by well after the usual late morning time.
We went out this morning to celebrate by ordering a cute potting shed for new garden now that we are solvent!
Thanks for the good wishes for new home, we have been in it a couple of months and we are very happy with it but now that all is finally settled it seems even more welcoming and somehow 'just right' - funny how stress blinds you to the good stuff. I can now begin to enjoy planning the garden and getting acquainted with our new neighbours now that I truly feel we are here. I shall keep my fingers crossed for all those still in limbo - breathe deeply and keep plenty of bars of chocolate to hand....I swear it helps! X

We have found the house we want but there has not been much interest in our lovely house. The EAs all say it is a great house in good condition which will fly but nothing happening yet. We have seen a house which we love and I will be so sad if it goes before we can make an offer.

Nannytopsy I'll keep my fingers crossed for you but the general concensus seems to be that the market is very slow. I am trying to sell my difficult house and won't be looking until I sell.

My husband's saying was everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end. Hold tight!

Hilda, what a story! I am so happy for you, seems that mosaic`s husband was right and I am hanging onto his words for dear life. Hilda congratulations

There may have been a frost I was certainly cold at night, those cotton sheets after lovely cosy winter sheets. I was cool the next 2 nights too and last night realised why the radiators upstairs had not come on, I am sure it is a motorised central heating valve. I will gently guide the plumber but keep my mouth zipped, can`t have a woman maybe having an answer.

Also a couple of other teething probs, a tiny constant ooze of water at the bottom of an electric rad in the very small en suite, managed to get a small bowl under. Put the switch on only for the sockets upstairs all to trip. Found the trip switch, minus torch and flicked it, the ch motorised valve moved and the rads came on for 10 minutes. Electrical and plumbing probs but probably minor. Underfloor heating downstairs ie 2 circuits and 1 boiler

I unpacked the toaster last night and have hardly room left for anything, got to get to grips with tiny workspace, will prob have to get a long butchers block on castors and an extension lead, I cannot be doing with lifting heavy kitchen stuff, like my old ice cream maker

Me too btw, re enjoying this thread. It has been so good to be able to `dump` some anxieties and to realise that others are also going through house stress and most of us are eating lots of chocolate and biscuits

craftyone, I have had to get used to a smaller kitchen and have treated myself to a smart butchers block. It will stay in place most of the time but has two lockable wheels (4 in all) for moving it about. Am very pleased with it - has added some very useful storage and improved flexibility of preparation area.