When sexism and ageism combine...

Baggs

Alegrias1

But this isn't what was complained about in the OP.

erm... yes it was

I do not see any reference in the OP to what she called the golf instructor. I very much doubt anyone called him sir.

Verbatim quote from the OP. Final paragraph. Forget the golf instructor.

In a supermarket queue last week the man in a suit in front of me was addressed as sir but I was called "lovey" three times during the transaction process.

faringdon59 Perhaps you could have laughed at the first "young lady", as though he had been very witty, then said "But I am an old lady! - and I have a name. It is XXXX.

I don't think it's always about power, elegran, otherwise everyone wouldn't call everyone Love in the part of Lancashire where I grew up, Pet in the northeast, Pal in the part of the west of Scotland where I now live, etc. I think these terms are just short exchange padders with a positive intent.

Something to oil the wheels of awkward exchanges.

One can tell if someone is being rude or supercilious.

It doesnt really oil the wheels of ackward exchanges if it makes people uncomfortable.

I agree with Baggs. Of course, as always, it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it. It's quite possible to be extremely insolent in saying 'sir'. Similarly, 'love' or 'dear' can be said very kindly.
Personally I don't call anybody sir, dear, madam or whatever.

Aveline

Amazed you're so worked up about this. I'm not so insecure of my identity and worth that it bothers me.

Aveline
That’s exactly what I wanted to say.
Most of my working life was in a predominantly male environment ( printing) I’ve had it all said to me ?
I would just laugh at them. Nothing better to deflate the male ego ( and anything else ?)

Yes. It is when you move from one area to another that you become aware of the local universal term.

I still think there is an element of it in the way that men are often addressed as though they are superior beings, women often as though they are not, in the same conversation about the same sale or financial transaction. The powerful man buying, the dependent woman being bought something, by her protector?

The propensity to call older women by diminutive pet names is so engrained that people don't think they are being rude or supercilious. They think they are being "nice". Its not the "way" that you say it.

They are being patronising, even if they don't know it.

If everyone's "dearie", I don't even notice, If I'm "dearie" and the guy in front of me is "sir"; not good.

I don't mind being called all the pet names that exist, but don't ever treat me as if I'm a decrepit, useless old woman----just because I am old It unnerves me.

Yes, it is the different mode of address that annoys. if we all get the informal version, then we are all pals and on an equal footing. If some people get the formal and derefential greeting and some don't, that is an -ism. If thin people were "sir" and "madam" and fat people, male or female, weren't, it would be discrimination.

I don't actually think that I would have noticed.

So don't put the blame on the people who don't want to be patronised.

It’s the wolf whistle/cat calls thread all over again

I’d feel irritated if Im Honest

To be honest I don't care what people call me as long as it's not a horrible word. Must admit I am guilty of calling people darling or sweetheart especially if I have talking to them a long while. A workman called me lovey he was from Leeds and it's something they call people.

Don't think people use familiar language to be horrible just think it's the way they talk. Depends what part of the country you where brought up. And a lot to do with how our parents spoke to people. I'm 63 . My mom didn't like it if anyone said she was old . She would say older never old. She was 90 when she died.

Language is changing all the time and am amazed at what some young people say to mean things are good. They use words like sick. To me sick means ill or to vomit. But not to the young.

Remember mom was on her 70's one of my brother's friends gave her a lift home. She told my brother he's a lovely boy and his friend was with him. They are always together and smartly dressed. My brother said he is Gay , mom said I know he's always a happy boy.

Will end with that.

I volunteer at a vaccination hub and I have been called love, sweetheart, darling, pet, hen , miss and just about any other term of endearment you can think of both by men and women . I really don’t mind at all as it’s not meant unkindly. I grew up in Yorkshire where just about everybody is called love and I can’t get worked up about it .

Oh for goodness sake!!

Exactly Kitty
We’ve had 14 months of crap upon crap, how many people have died and the op complaints of being called young lady
?

MerylStreep

Exactly Kitty
We’ve had 14 months of crap upon crap, how many people have died and the op complaints of being called young lady
?

What a ridiculous post. Why don't you pop over to the gardening threads and tell people there not to complain about weeds CoZ PeOpLe ArE dYiNg ?

Yes no one can talk of anything because covid. My mil died on Christmas day last year, we managed to talk about what was on TV that very day

I am with you 100% chestnut..

If it bothers you that much just say so.

The older I get the better I am
At knowing when to give
And when to just not give a damn.

He probably just couldn’t remember your name - you know, multitasking...men.. etc
Better than being referred to as “Grandma”
TBH I really think you are allowing yourself to be over sensitive- as Eleanor Roosevelt said, I believe,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Smile, answer “Yes, pet/love/sonny “ or whatever!

MawBe

He probably just couldn’t remember your name - you know, multitasking...men.. etc
Better than being referred to as “Grandma”
TBH I really think you are allowing yourself to be over sensitive- as Eleanor Roosevelt said, I believe,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Smile, answer “Yes, pet/love/sonny “ or whatever!

People who patronise me don't make me feel inferior.

They make me think they are a bit dopey, actually.

If an instructor thought it was ok to not remember my name after a month of lessons I'm not sure what I'd think of him. Useless, maybe?