When sexism and ageism combine...

Faringdon 59 Kids are being killed in Palestine, starving in Yemen, kidnapped in Nigeria, Covid in India and you get arsey about being treated in an affectionate way?

Names don’t worry me too much, although the phrase ‘Take care’ drives me round the bend. I’m not in the habit of being careless.
The thing that gets me mad is ‘heightism’!
Tall people asking me if I need help reaching items on top shelves in supermarkets/supermarkets and other stores stacking items at ridiculous heights/general references to my height (5’0”). If it were a disability it wouldn’t be allowed. I don’t really think about my height until someone mentions it! (Actually that’s not quite correct - I went shopping yesterday for a wedding outfit to a large outlet store and was told that there was now only one supplier who catered for petite fittings?). I know children are growing taller nowadays, but there are still lots of women under 5’3”!
I have found Dannii Minogue’s range on QVC which looks promising.…

Well I'm here and Farringdon59 doesn;t seem to be so I'll respond.

Don't be so ridiculous. What on earth does this mean? We can't talk about anything that annoys us because the world is a terrible place?

Grow up.

For Coco51, obviously.

Notright absolutely spot on? !

Actually, many comments on here have rather upset me. I have loved being called love, pet, hen, etc, and ticked pink to be called ma’am by American service personnel, thinking people were being really nice, now find that they were disrespecting or patronising me.
When I was working, we had a lot of Sri Lankan trainees who always addressed me as Madam, with the emphasis on ‘dam’. My male colleagues were Sir. For certain, this was a mark of respect, but I tried to discourage it as not being our cultural norm here. Gave up trying in the end

My husband’s pet hate is being called mate or pal in that condescending manner in fact he will just say look I’m not your mate . He’s quite confrontational like that ! It is about being condescended to though as OP suggests .

Men can called 'mate' all the time and m'duck is a local term used for men and women. I was called a lovely lady yesterday when out for lunch so I'm happy ?

Funnily enough I hate being called 'love' or 'dear' although I would hope to have to wait for several more years to hear the later as I'm only 53, but I don't mind some other terms of endearment I regularly hear.

Earlier this week I went out to lunch with my 24yr old son and our server called him 'sir' which he told me he found to be quite strange.

'How else is she supposed to address you?' I asked. 'I don't know, but it feels odd' came his reply.

If a man is addressed as 'Sir', logically a woman would be addressed as 'Ma'm' but too many touchy women are offended at the term. Being polite requires customers to be addressed as something. Lovey far better than 'Hey you'.

No-one has mentioned being called 'guys' which is disrespectful in some instances. I do not want a young shop assistant to say 'you guys might prefer this model' when talking to an older man and his wife, or to a couple of women! The term 'guys' seems to be used for anyone now and I don't like it.

Addressing anyone, man woman or child, with disrespecct is not acceptable ever, no matter what the circumstances and regardless of whether you are big-headed, supremely confident or a timourous mouse.

Alegrias your remarks sound, to put it mildly, like the arrogance of those who think they can disregard other people's feelings and walk over them roughshod.

The golf guy couldn't be bothered to learn and remember faringdon59's name...

M0nica

Addressing anyone, man woman or child, with disrespecct is not acceptable ever, no matter what the circumstances and regardless of whether you are big-headed, supremely confident or a timourous mouse.

Alegrias your remarks sound, to put it mildly, like the arrogance of those who think they can disregard other people's feelings and walk over them roughshod.

Do they? I think you might be a bit confused.

What about the people telling others they are touchy, that there are bigger things to worry about, or that they don't have sufficient self confidence to deal with a bit of banter?

How would you describe those people?

I WENT INTO AN ASDA STORE ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO I SWEAR THEY WERE HAVING A COMPETITION ON HOW MANY ENDEARMENTS THEY COULD USE TO THEIR CUSTOMERS.IF THEY WERE MINE WON LOL

Alegrias I am confused. The people who do what you say are doing exactly what we are discussing - treating people with disrespect - and compounding the error by trying to bully them.

You treat them the way you treat anyone like that - with a courteous put down.

I’m so glad I don’t go through life looking for perceived slights, rudeness, disrespect, put-downs, sidelinings etc etc to be angry about. It’s so much more pleasant, and there’s so much more happiness to be found, that way. Doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat or accept genuine rudeness or disrespect, just be someone people are happy to pass the time of day with in their usual way without worrying if you’re going to take their intended pleasantries as insults. It’s a version of feminism that doesn’t advance the cause one iota and, sorry if it upsets you, but I find it rude and arrogant.

Its interesting the way this thread has developed. OP was discussing how people disrespect her by not using her name and using belittling language towards her. Becuase they have already formed an opinion of her without any knowledge of her and her character whatsoever. That kind of thing has always got right on my nerves.

And a whole lot of people have told her that she's overreacting, that she has no self confidence, that there are bigger things to worry about, that its all a bit of fun. Oh, the irony.

Anyway, I don't do "put downs" M0nica. I tell people what I think. Disagreeing strongly isn't bullying. Telling someone they need to be quiet and stop complaining, well that's more of a grey area.

I heard something this morning that would give some posters here something to get (even more) worked up about.
In the hotel dining room at breakfast time an elderly couple walked in to be greeting effusively by the mature d' with, "Hello young lovers'!!
Judging by their faces they absolutely loved it.

I’m so glad I don’t go through life looking for perceived slights, rudeness, disrespect, put-downs, sidelinings etc etc to be angry about.

Has anyone on this thread said they do do this or that they are angry about it?

Faringdon59 I deal with all the ‘dears’, ‘lovelies’ etc with the same response, be it to a male or female. I simply look them in the eye and say ‘thank you sweetie’. And enjoy their confusion! To be fair I think most people use these words absentmindedly and don’t mean any offence however if I’ve had a bad day ‘sweetie’ takes her revenge! ?

I used to ‘go out’ with someone who called me ‘my darling’ - my response was ‘I may be a darling but I am not “yours” ‘! The relationship didn’t last long!

I would've been annoyed by that too Faringdon A supermarket check out boy who was about 18 said to me once "Do you want a bag love?" and I said "No thanks, but do you know it's not politically correct to call anyone Love?" He blushed to the roots of his hair and I felt so awful and wished I'd never said anything

I agree with everything Allegra1 has said. Allowing people to address you in a way they wouldn't address someone of a different gender, age, class, etc., is the thin edge of the wedge, and if you don't speak out against it, it becomes endemic and continues to influence the way people regard you in general. Language which is demeaning perpetuates a stereotype. A few years ago I complained to Sainsbury's about their slogan 'Take an Old Bag Shopping'. They were using humour (they claimed) to encourage people to re-use plastic carrier bags, but it was clearly at the expense of older women. Sainsbury's received so many complaints, and got such a bad press, that they abandoned the slogan, but shamefully would not accept it was ageist or sexist, despite the fact that attacks like these on a certain demography, older women in this case, are insidious, and when they permeate society we get unfairness - witness the inequality which still exists in women's pay, pensions, etc.

Sorry, I meant to say Alegrias1.