When sexism and ageism combine...

My sister used to say “Don’t call me ‘dear’ call me ‘expensive’”…. Love it! ?

Don't know if this is true or not, but I once read that golf stands for 'gentlemen only ladies forbidden'. I guess there are plenty around who have this attitude.

Why is this thread in HOUSE and HOME ??

why use any form of address at all if you don't know someone's name?

Exactly.

Or if you should know it, just quickly say "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."

Why didn't you just tell the golf guy your name? He'd probably forgotten it.

I don't mind what I'm called but what I do find really offensive is when I say something to a younger person and they respond with :Oh, bless you'. I find it annoying and I don't get why they say it. Example, recently got a phone call about house insurance renewal. I said I couldn't talk because I was on my way out to get my second vaccination. The response was 'oh, bless you'. Why???? Presumably because I'm old?

I also dislike being called young lady as I am so obviously not. It draws attention to the fact that I am old and it tells me the person saying it feels awkward or sorry for me being old. Just call me madam or Mrs or miss. In fact why call me anything? It feels like they think I should be treated differently. I also hate it when people speak to you in a loud voice possibly expecting you to be hard of hearing, or assuming that you know nothing about modern technology. It is very patronising and insulting and makes my blood boil.

I would have been quite happy to have been called ‘lovey’ or even acknowledged by the very grumpy sales assistant in the supermarket yesterday. Perhaps, as it was 7 p.m. she just wanted to get home? It was the first time I had been shopping since 12th March 2020. I now understand why my son always goes through the self checkout.
I think with the golf instructor I would have asked if he had a problem with his memory or eyesight. I would have inserted my name every time he called me young lady.

cci53
I agree with you I detest the 'bless you' term.

Too much time on your hands

Some of us understand discriminatory language and object to it. Some of us don't care.

Those who don't care don't get to tell the rest if us to get over it, that we have too much time on our hands or that its sooooo difficult for them in this PC world.

Just a thought. Did you know the man in front? Even though he was young he may still have been a titled person and could be addressed as Sir.

I am not in the least insecure @Aveline. I do like to be addressed with a degree of respect. ‘Hun’ is a common one these days and that particularly sets my teeth on edge. I’m happy to be called my my name (first or last) or ma'am, madam, but I don’t like being called love, lovey, darling etc. I tolerate it, but I don’t like it. Most of the time when I encounter it, it’s not sexism though as men get the same terms. I would take a very dim view of being called lovey when the bloke in front of me had been addressed as Sir! Maybe it jars most when we’ve had a successful professional career where we would never have been addressed as lovey or hun and suddenly we are ‘old women’ and treated differently!

JohnD

Just a thought. Did you know the man in front? Even though he was young he may still have been a titled person and could be addressed as Sir.

Oh, FGS.

Yeah, the checkout person knew that.

Anyway if he was a titled person, assuming it was a Knighthood, it would have been Sir John. I suppose at least the checkout person didn't call him Your Grace....

What is the matter with everybody. It's only because 'somebody' decided it wasn't politically right to use these addresses that people complain. ~Think back all you older people and that includes me at 85 when a wolf whistle made our day, when being called darling, sweetheart, love was a figure of speech and not an insult. Ask yourself 'WHY? this offends you, only because it's become the thing to say.
Carry on lads, most of us love it, and after all it's difficult to erase language you've grown up using as ordinary. They are not insults. If they said hello wrinkly then I could understand your not liking it. Grow up please.

WE'RE NOT OFFENDED. We're angry, discriminated against, sidelined and ignored

Pay attention.

Some people are awfully prickly! It makes life so difficult! It occurred to me that the golf instructor probably worked mainly with men and was accustomed to calling them by their first name regardless of age, but may well have been brought up not to address an older lady by her first name, quite rightly. Therefore he didn’t know quite how to address the OP and perhaps thought he was paying her a compliment. You’ve got to look at it from his point of view as well. Of course he should have asked everyone at the outset how they wanted to be addressed but perhaps he hadn’t learned that lesson. I wonder if the OP would have taken umbrage if he’d automatically used her first name, as with the younger lady. I rather feel she would ... I came to the conclusion years ago that you can’t please everybody and you’re lucky if you please anyone sometimes!

Sorry, I'm hogging this thread.

Stop apologising for people who don't know how to interact with older women. If everybody in a group is being called by their first name, I expected to be called by my first name. If everybody else is "Sir", I expect to be "Madam".

I'm going to hang the washing out before I self combust

JohnD very flipping likely!

Life is too short (ha ha especially for this old lady !).....I have absolutly no objections to being called old lady, young lady, missus, luv, pet, ducky ....whatever !......why do some people take offence unless it is a rude name ? ...ha ha ....I bought something in a shop the other day and was asked if I was over 18 .......I said no, so the shop assistant said laughing, then I can't sell it to you .....ha ha ....she did ! makes life interesting !

There is an astonishing number of very supple people on this thread, all bending over backwards!

If you go again and he addresses you in the same way, try laughing and saying, "Oh twinkle/sweetie-pie/honeybunch, I'm xxxx. Have you forgotten?" And call him twinkle/sweetie-pie/honeybunch (whatever you choose) until he remembers!

My children (age 30+ now) tell me I have a 'withering look' when I want to get a point across. I am practicing this more and more by:
smiling wryly and knowingly
giving a slight patronising (or is it matronising?) squint
saying 'hmmmmm' quietly as I walk away

Sarcasm is one of my main talents, as are passive aggressive remarks too, so I'm told!

There are so many ways to hone our talents and plenty of opportunities to use them - go ahead girls/ladies/fellow womenfolk, dames, mesdames and sisters

As one thread pointed out if you are confident in who you are and stand tall who cares what anyone else cals you, it's their issue

Ilovedragonflies I must remember that next time I feel the need to point out an address I dislike.
Very recently, a (not young) assistant in a shop in Cornwall asked my DH,
“All right there, my duck?”
He just ignored her. Perhaps that’s the way to go.
If you think they’re being discourteous, sexist, racist or whatever, just ignore them. Mind you it won’t stop them. They’ll think you are being as rude as you think they are.

Sometimes it just gets ridiculous!
One transaction in a shop can often get you called three or four different names - lovely, darling, hun, sweetheart, dear.
I treat it as a game sometimes, usually responding with my Cornish heritage with a few me ansome, dear lover, right are ee, or just make up the first endearments that come to mind.