Scared to relocate.

I don't know where you are, but why can't they move nearer to you?

I'm not getting the full picture here so they are moving, but why does that mean youhave to move too?

How does your son feel about it?

You certainly shouldn't just go wherever, but you say you are sick of living in a big house so selling up may release some money, but you would still have to buy/rent and the south coast is expensive.

My thoughts are not to rush into something you will regret- maybe let them move first and then that may help you decide where you want to be too.

Your title is "scared to relocate".
Do you mean scared in general, or are you ok about moving in general, but scared about where?

Think about Worthing or Eastbourne.
DDhas moved to former and it's great. Good schools, swimming pool and good rail links to London.

Is your son working? Would he have to change jobs if you relocate or would he stay in your present location?

Downsizing is a good idea before you feel too old to cope with it.
You can join groups in your new location, not so easy to make new friends when you're older but it is possible.

Choose somewhere that suits you and you think you might settle well.

You never know if they might move again.

If you have a good community and friends where you are I don't understand why you would have to move areas just because your daughter wants to move?

Am I missing something?

I would wait until they move and then see if you like where they choose.. It sounds as though you are inland from London.. But if you choose to follow them I would make sure you have a good trainline close by so that friends can easily visit.. I live in Brighton which has masses of activities on offer and though expensive, is easily commutable to London and very appealing to young people ie your son.. If not then Worthing, Eastbourne or Margate might fit all requirements..

I’ve done exactly what you’re worried about, mrsbirdy and it has worked for me.

I now live on the south coast just ten minutes away from DD and DSiL They moved out of London due to work commitments and moved back to where they already had a home so my situation is slightly different to yours in that I knew where I was heading.

You could take the view that you’re never to old for an adventure especially if you like joining things and making new friends. Downsizing can be hard work but exciting at the same time and it’s a buyer’s market at the moment.

Don’t worry about your old friends just make sure you have a spare room and WhatsApp or Facebook!! Two of my old friends have sadly died since I moved so I would have been facing life without them anyway (That’s not as selfish as it might sound)

More importantly, you will have the best chance to build up a lovely relationship with your grandchild. Mine are all adults now but it means I’m included in their visits home which is lovely.

Every journey begins with a single step. Put your positive hat on and Good Luck!

The problem with waiting for them to move is that you might not find something to suit you.
In your shoes I would go together to a good (old established) estate agent and explain what you need.
I would consider a 'double property' (although it doesn't suit everyone!)
I'm a bit unclear as to why the South Coast has been decided - you don't say where you live now. I don't know it at all, but understand it is very expensive. Other places that are OK for a 1 or 2 day a week commute are much cheaper, and some are lovely.

Do you actually want to move?

I have moved to another area and feel so totally alone, apart from my husband I feel totally lost. My Daughter lives quite close by but works full time, so only see her at some weekends or if she has a day off, when she can take me out for a treat. I have good neighbours one side, and they are very friendly but still feel I have moved and don't know anyone to say shall we go shopping. or out for a cup of tea/coffee etc etc.

jeapurs54 did you move specifically to be near your daughter or because you really thought you would be happier/make life easier by moving?

My parents moved after retirement but went to an area where they had at least a dozen good friends already. They were very happy there.
It never occurred to either of us that they should move near me.

My MIL did this when her son moved to the North of England. She had only been there a short time when he was promoted to London and she was stuck there with no friends.

One thing I would say is be very careful about moving to Chichester. The traffic is a nightmare and there are lots of problems with drainage because of all the new builds. My daughter moved there and it has gone from being a wonderful place to visit to an awkward place to move around. My daughter can't use the toilet when it rains heavily because of the drainage problems and she is far from being alone.
On the upside, I think they have the best theatres!

I would take the opportunity to move if you wish to remain involved with your grandchild and don't want to continue with a lengthy commute or the upkeep of a larger property, If they have busy lives, you could take the opportunity to manage the situation by doing some proactive research, taking your preferences, as well as their priorities into account.

Allira

Choose somewhere that suits you and you think you might settle well.

You never know if they might move again.

💯 this.
I'd take my time deciding too ..its lovely that you both want to be in each others lives but grandson will be starting school soon & daycare will no longer be needed. Yes downsize but relocate where will be good for you in your older age and & still accessible for/to your family. Good luck 😊

A colleague sold up everything when widowed to move nearer to her daughter and help with childcare. It was a huge wrench for her as she'd spent fifty years living in the same place. Less than three years later the daughter's partner was posted abroad! My colleague now has health issues and it's a very remote part of the world so she hadn't gone. She's now stuck in an area she still hasn't settled into with poor health and miles away from old friends. Don't move unless you are sure you'd be happy living there without them!

jeapurs54

I have moved to another area and feel so totally alone, apart from my husband I feel totally lost. My Daughter lives quite close by but works full time, so only see her at some weekends or if she has a day off, when she can take me out for a treat. I have good neighbours one side, and they are very friendly but still feel I have moved and don't know anyone to say shall we go shopping. or out for a cup of tea/coffee etc etc.

Do you knit or sew? If so join a craft group. I belong to 3 now, one I only joined recently as I was under pressure to finish a project and I get distracted at home. Most are really friendly - as long as it remains 'knit and natter' and doesn't become 'bitch and stitch'! The groups I'm in are lovely with a bit of overlap of members too.
If you are fit and well maybe think about volunteering too. I volunteer with 2 organisations and meet lots of lovely people. I also walk with a 'simply walk' group - again great company and some of the walkers are volunteers so again there are overlaps. The more you get involved with the less lonely you will feel. I hope this helps.

Would you prefer a different home in the area you currently live mrsbirdy?

If you are in London and currently travel 70 miles for your grandchild, surely the south coast is no further?

Chichester is very expensive in comparison to Bournemouth. Whilst Bournemouth is not the town it used to be it has good public transport, access to other Dorset towns and reasonable shops. As people have emigrated to the area , I find that most people get on with each other. I live in Wiltshire now but it is not as friendly as B'mouth ( I think Wiltshire is unfriendly)
Worthing (Goring, Rustington and East Preston)is flat so easy to walk around . The 700 bus service is good
I would suggest looking at Rightmove to look at house prices, checking on public transport in the chosen area (I'm not exaggerating when I say some places only have a bus service twice a week) and what groups are around.

I cannot work out where you live, but that does not really matter.

In your place, I would wait until my have either moved, or chosen where they want to move to. If they can give you any idea of the places they are considering, you can start looking at house prices there now.

As you are fed up living in your present house, this is the right time to consider a move, once you know where you want to be. But find out now what money you can re asonably expect to have when you go house-hunting.

When they have moved, go to pay them a visit or stay for a week in a bed and breakfast in the town and see what you think of the place.

Right now you could consider contacting two or three estate agents in your neighbourhood and get and idea of what sort of price you can expect realistically to sell your house for in its present condition.

I would not follow advice to do costly repairs or alternations before selling. You will not recoup the expense in the sales price, if you do.

Start deciding what stuff you will get rid of before moving, and dispose of it before the house is to be shown to prospective buyers - the less clutter the better, at that point.

Make sure that attics, cellers, crawl spaces are accessible and not chock -a-block with odds and ends.

How old is the son who lives with you at the present moment, and how does he feel about the move. Will he be moving with your, or finding his own accomodation where you are now?

mrsbirdy

My Daughter, SIL with 3 yr old want to move out of London. They need to commute approx one day a week. They want me to still be in their lives o (I care for 3yr old one day a week, driving 70 miles to do this currently), on my side its just me (widowed 6 years and her brother who lives with me). Thing is they don't know where on the South coast, I don't know where and she is worried about me losing friends. Folkstone was suggested but...? Idk. Bournemouth or Chichester too. Do I just go along with where ever? I know how to join things, I'm fed up living in a big house that needs money spent on it and memories. Any thoughts?

I live in Folkestone we moved here from Dartford when my husband retired in 2007. When he died in 2022 I decided I would stay as I have made many friends in social groups. There are lots of groups here and the town is so much better with all the rejuvenation not perfect and still some 'dodgy' areas but living by the sea in one of the sunniest driest areas suits me.

I think it should be YOUR decision, not theirs.

mrsbirdy’s daughter, whilst wishing to have her mum still a part of their lives (not just for childcare) is concerned about her mum losing friends, should she move closer to them, so she is not being selfish, in my opinion. I agree with others that, once her daughter and family have decided where to move, mrs birdy needs to consider very carefully whether the new location would work for her. Much research before you make a decision mrsbirdy.