Scared to relocate.

I would think very carefully mrsbirdy. I know your daughter finds the childcare useful and you want to maintain a strong link with your grandchild. But, they grow up so soon. I don't think you can plan your own future around a young couple and a child. They may move again, they may divorce. Also, although you can make acquaintances through groups etc, good friends are not easy to make when you're older. What about your son, is there a plan (if one is needed) for him? Downsizing is a good idea but do think carefully about moving away from everything you know.

NotSpaghetti

If you have a good community and friends where you are I don't understand why you would have to move areas just because your daughter wants to move?

Am I missing something?

My thought as well~~~

Whatever you do don't have a shared house with your daughter. My Childminder years ago sold her house and put most of the money into a large 3 story house in DD and SILs name only. She had the basement flat. Daughter sil and dgc lived above. 18 months on she told me the shouting and rows were horrendous as SIL was having an affair. They divorced, SIL insisted on exactly half the proceeds as childminders money was a gift not a loan. Wouldn't give her anything. She ended up in a small rented flat alone as DD and DGC moved abroad a year after with a new job.
Wait until they move then visit and see if you like the area first and could be happy there.

flappergirl

I would think very carefully mrsbirdy. I know your daughter finds the childcare useful and you want to maintain a strong link with your grandchild. But, they grow up so soon. I don't think you can plan your own future around a young couple and a child. They may move again, they may divorce. Also, although you can make acquaintances through groups etc, good friends are not easy to make when you're older. What about your son, is there a plan (if one is needed) for him? Downsizing is a good idea but do think carefully about moving away from everything you know.

I agree.
There would need to be a very good reason for me to move to where my DC live.
I think it's important to stay near friends and all you are used to.
Downsize but stay put is my advice.

It sounds as though you'd like a smaller house , but would be reluctant to move to an unknown area .
That is completely understandable.
I know people who've moved to please their children as they've been invaluable in providing childcare and sadly they've found it hard to make new friends and miss their old ones .
I'd express my doubts and feelings to my daughter .
Are they planning another baby?
You need a social life - we all do .
When your daughter and son in law choose an area -have several visits and really find out if you're going to have friends and things that interest you .
It might not sound important to your family ,but believe me it's essential for your well being and sanity .
This week I'll meet up with an friend ,who is widowed and deeply regretting moving to my area ,which is unfriendly from her old one in which she had long term friends and connections .
She's one of many who provides child care and when she can't her daughter loses her temper
and bullies her .
I'll never tell her, but her husband used to tell me that it really distressed him to hear and witness it .
He worried about her future and he was so right .
Seconds into our coffee her daughter will be on the phone wanting a guarantee that she can child mind for an extra day . She has no real social life .

Exactly that Esmay you could be describing a woman who moved here c10 years ago from Cornwall.
Except in this case the DD doesn't bully her mother but they went on to have 2 more children and her DMs health deteriorated.
Now she's no longer required for babysitting, the family have moved away!
She still misses her beloved Cornwall but has made a life of sorts, here. in the cold north
Watch out mrsbirdy

It seems to be a sad fact of life these days , Grammaretto .
My friend starts shaking when her daughter calls .
She's terrified of her .
I wonder what will happen to her when her services are no longer required .

Esmay - maybe when babysitting is no longer required the love she and her grandchildren share will see her through and the children will actually want to see her.
🤞

That's a good thought NotSpaghetti
Let's hope so and I guess for my df to remain in Cornwall when her only DC and DGC are all in Scotland, would be lonely.
At least they are still fairly near.

NotSpaghetti -
I really hope so for her sake .
My grandmother was treasured and respected by her mother and me .
I loved being in her company .
If I'm honest , my mother less so . She was often upset , nervous and tense .
My grandmother gave me unconditional love and her time .
I remember a summer evening when some teenage boys cane round to take me to a party .
My grandmother asked me why I wasn't getting ready .
I just didn't want to go .
I looked at her and knew that she spent most evenings alone .
I made an excuse and we sat in the kitchen drinking tea , eating cake and playing cards then games and then we watched TV .
And it was great .

Too many negative comments on here. Your daughter wants you in their family life, just go for it. If you re a social person you will make friends wherever you go. My daughter is a paramedic and lives at least two hour drive away, might see them two or tree times a year. Son and family live thirty to forty mins away and we hardly see them. Son visited on Sunday with our two youngest grandchildren, first time we had seen them in more than four months.