Should I renovate or move

Esmay

Barmcake -this is exactly my dilemna .
I don't know what the answer is .
I can sell my house easily as it's convenient for London ,near a big shopping centre and is a good area for schools
I don't really know where to move to .
I fancy the coast .
The house is so badly designed . It suited my parents .
My mother hated cooking and the galley kitchen didn't bother her .
I want an studio ,a bigger kitchen and a downstairs bathroom for the day that I can't get up the stairs -a lift is tricky to install because of the cramped layout .
It means an extension .
The best solution would be to demolish the garage and use the space for an extension.
I deliberate on what to do and browse the housing market .
Constantly being asked about moving or staying is irritating as I have no real idea
I've thought of getting some plans done for an extension .

I suggest that you browse around on line and get some quotations done .
Having been ripped off has left you feeling uncertain . I don't blame you !
I find writing my thoughts down helpful as I weigh up the pros and cons .
Wishing you lots of luck with your decision.

I hear you loud and clear Esmay. I'm exactly the same. Getting work done seems so daunting but moving is even more daunting.

Your house sounds wonderful and an extension would be great. In the meantime we'll keep on browsing and one day we'll wake up and know exactly what to do, at least I hope so.

cc

We completely renovated a large house whilst we were in our 60's and then decided that it was time to downsize, whilst the house still looked pristine and before the expensive regular maintenance had to start.
We bought a maisonette on an established estate, all our outside maintenance is done by the management company and we find out new smaller home is just what we need. No regrets for us, other than the occasional pang when I think of the lovely garden at my old home.

Doing a renovation and moving must have been exhausting. What a good find and you did it just at the right time.

CariadAgain

When I decided where to move to I had to do the research myself. What I had was a starter Victorian terrace house and what I needed/had been waiting for for years was a detached house with a garden in a reasonable area. I was also waiting for the nearby local airport to close and couldnt figure out how long I thought it would be before it did close (ie I hate aircraft flying overhead and start swearing at those members of the human race that decide to fly in aircraft that go over other peoples houses at night).

So I wrote down my own criteria - not Scotland (too cold and I don't know how things operate re the law etc), not North of England (too cold for me), not North Wales (just in case.....). No airport if I could possibly help it. Then wrote down the size of place I needed and what facilities I felt I couldnt manage without (as I'm used to them) and was restricted to places where I could afford the better house (ie cheaper areas then).

In hindsight - I think it would have been helpful if Chat GPT had been around then. It would have saved me a lot of research I had to do. I did input a full range of criteria to that and asked for towns/cities of 15,000 people upwards, in Norfolk, with a river, with a Waitrose. It came up with a list of 3 possibles for me that matched the criteria and with some "me" type housing I can afford.

Cue for swearing visibly and wishing it had been around when I was having to decide where to move to that I could afford a better house. I'm going to stay put where I am now - partly because the garden is mature now, partly because I got "frit" as to whether other areas of the country have tradespeople as unreliable as a noticeable number are here (the "Pembrokeshire Promise" - which means they promise and they promise.....and some think nothing of letting you down) and I have (finally!) finished the house renovation at last here. As I'm now 72 and that means an estimated 10 years to go - and I do not want a day more than that average age of 82 life expectancy British women have (or I'll be complaining volubly to the Almighty if I get landed with the long life I've never wanted personally) then it's not worth moving again anyway imo for 10 years.

But things could have been rather different if I'd been able to do that better research.

Yep...I'm that person who if I land up arriving in Heaven later than required will probably head out of the "welcome home celebration party" and demand to know why my life had been longer than I required LOL. I'll be the one over in the corner going "85!!!!!! 85!!!! The average is 82 - why the bleep did I get landed with 3 extra years?!"

So maybe that's the way to go about things for people who - one way or another - feel they cant stay where they are....ie input your personal criteria, "spin the wheel" and see what comes up....

Well done for finishing the renovation - you must be so relieved.

We're the same age and another 10 years will be enough for me too. I'll end up in the Twilight home for lunatics if I have any more builder problems. I live by the sea at the moment but quite fancy city life in a modern new build. Oh well, more searches tomorrow.

aggie

I did sell and move , to a new build . Now im so glad

This the best move you could make.

Good Luck
,🤞

CORNERGRAN: how sensible and sensitive of you to cover the pros and cons of staying put or moving from a home full of memories and connections. I feel for the writer as it can't be an easy one to make - shame on the botched cowboy jobs.

So sorry you have had to go through this. I live in a dear little house which I love. However, because of a number of factors have decided to move to a smaller new build. I shall be doing a small amount of "tarting up" but have been advised not to put in a new bathroom and kitchen which are both needed.

I could put both in and attempt to stay but think it wiser for me to move. I wish you well.

Bucking the trend here....my house is a detached very little one, two bedrooms, sort of terrace size.

I'm only 74 but have decided that when I can't cope with here I will actually go to the McCarthy and Stone I know well as a friend lived there. And people still there.

Not much sign of perms and twinsets, rather people who have been professionals with interesting things to say and wifi.

Its in a really nice place. The flats are big, warm, and very well insulated noise wise. Thick carpets everywhere. Lunch if you want to or too tired to cook is around a fiver.

There is always someone there 24/7 on the desk. Its lively in the communal areas.

No worries about intruders or answering doors. A lot of privacy, you don't need to "mix" if you dont want to

Yes the annual cost is high and they are hard to sell - but all those looking after property worries taken away.

DS and DiL would rather I felt happy and safe then get £30.000 more inheritance and trouble selling.

Lovely gardens - looked after by someone else. sunny views into the distance. Same doctor as now. Tesco and Sainsbugs walking distance, or deliver anyway. A nice Costa I know already for a change in company.

I'm not sentimental about my home as it's not a lifetime home. I dont hoard stuff, never have. And if you ar prepared to lose a % of worth on your house they will buy your house and help you you move, pack, move, give you 2 weeks to make the transition not one day. Its comforting knowing its an option.

WithNobsOnIt

aggie

I did sell and move , to a new build . Now im so glad

This the best move you could make.

Good Luck
,🤞

Pleased for you and very encouraging.

Thank you

Tingtong23

CORNERGRAN: how sensible and sensitive of you to cover the pros and cons of staying put or moving from a home full of memories and connections. I feel for the writer as it can't be an easy one to make - shame on the botched cowboy jobs.

Yes, this has been a terrific help and makes me realise that there are many options and light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish every town had some kind of certified register of traders dealing with the elderly. I worry most about those with early dementia. I've just got stupiditise, which can be cured.

LilyoftheValley

So sorry you have had to go through this. I live in a dear little house which I love. However, because of a number of factors have decided to move to a smaller new build. I shall be doing a small amount of "tarting up" but have been advised not to put in a new bathroom and kitchen which are both needed.

I could put both in and attempt to stay but think it wiser for me to move. I wish you well.

Thank you.

It's going to be a wrench to leave a house you love. A new bathroom and kitchen wouldn't leave you much change out of £20,000 so definitely not worth it.

Many happy posters on here who decided to move to a new build. I would move and wish you well too.

Wyllow3

Bucking the trend here....my house is a detached very little one, two bedrooms, sort of terrace size.

I'm only 74 but have decided that when I can't cope with here I will actually go to the McCarthy and Stone I know well as a friend lived there. And people still there.

Not much sign of perms and twinsets, rather people who have been professionals with interesting things to say and wifi.

Its in a really nice place. The flats are big, warm, and very well insulated noise wise. Thick carpets everywhere. Lunch if you want to or too tired to cook is around a fiver.

There is always someone there 24/7 on the desk. Its lively in the communal areas.

No worries about intruders or answering doors. A lot of privacy, you don't need to "mix" if you dont want to

Yes the annual cost is high and they are hard to sell - but all those looking after property worries taken away.

DS and DiL would rather I felt happy and safe then get £30.000 more inheritance and trouble selling.

Lovely gardens - looked after by someone else. sunny views into the distance. Same doctor as now. Tesco and Sainsbugs walking distance, or deliver anyway. A nice Costa I know already for a change in company.

I'm not sentimental about my home as it's not a lifetime home. I dont hoard stuff, never have. And if you ar prepared to lose a % of worth on your house they will buy your house and help you you move, pack, move, give you 2 weeks to make the transition not one day. Its comforting knowing its an option.

You really peaked my interest at the mention of them buying and helping with the move. I'm at a stage where I'm prepared to lose almost any amount of money for the sake of peace of mind. What use is money if you feel constantly stressed. It's 1.50 a.m., and I know I won't sleep again.

I'm also not ready for twinset and pearls. I prefer to do my own thing and am a loner but we all need a cuppa and chat at times. Thank you so much and good luck!

I'd have a different take personally on "Pay out over the odds - to get peace of mind". But I've had to deal with a lot more than it being an unreliable builders area - I had a family that thinks they're "It" here and "carry weight" with other locals. So I feel I've had to battle my way through a lot to get my house finished and deal with the bully family and their circle - so I'm determined to get the "reward" for all my efforts with both them and the house itself and just live here peacefully and that's it (now they've been "put back in their box").

The area I'm in is changing - for the better I'd say - and I do have several neighbour households a little bit further away that I wouldnt go so far as describing as friends - but we're on friendly/do odd favours type terms.

Really the only reason I could think of to move is I'm very used to doing voluntary type work - in umpteen organisations over decades - and I've found I've not been able to do voluntary type work here - and for the daftest of stated reasons when I started two of them (eg I didn't join in a conversation 10' away from me that centred round "Plaid Cymru are lovely....yes they're lovely" being shouted at top of her voice whilst she kept looking over at me willing me to agree with her and I just kept my mouth firmly shut and head down getting on with other things) and didnt say a word and kept as expressionless a face as I could.

But - I don't want to move again now at my age - bar a lottery win that allowed buying a similar house to my own (which would be more expensive - as it would probably be back in my dearer home area) and getting it sorted before even selling my current one.

So the area you live in/might live in is a factor too imo.

I'd feel concerned myself re going into a McCarthy and Stone type set-up (quite apart from the money) in case there was "Someone who thinks they're Someone" ruling the roost there and telling others how to think/what to do" and I would tend to think the risk of someone like that would be too high personally. I know a lot of people "keep their head down" if someone wants to be bossy/in charge - but I personally treat them exactly the same as everyone else and scrupulous about no "head bowing" and don't want to be "in charge" myself - but won't tolerate anyone else trying to be Queen/King Bee either. I wouldnt want to take the risk of landing up with someone like that having to be "put back in their box" and ignored until they accepted that, if there's 10 people for instance they have precisely 10% of the say (no more no less).

barmcake

Wyllow3

Bucking the trend here....my house is a detached very little one, two bedrooms, sort of terrace size.

I'm only 74 but have decided that when I can't cope with here I will actually go to the McCarthy and Stone I know well as a friend lived there. And people still there.

Not much sign of perms and twinsets, rather people who have been professionals with interesting things to say and wifi.

Its in a really nice place. The flats are big, warm, and very well insulated noise wise. Thick carpets everywhere. Lunch if you want to or too tired to cook is around a fiver.

There is always someone there 24/7 on the desk. Its lively in the communal areas.

No worries about intruders or answering doors. A lot of privacy, you don't need to "mix" if you dont want to

Yes the annual cost is high and they are hard to sell - but all those looking after property worries taken away.

DS and DiL would rather I felt happy and safe then get £30.000 more inheritance and trouble selling.

Lovely gardens - looked after by someone else. sunny views into the distance. Same doctor as now. Tesco and Sainsbugs walking distance, or deliver anyway. A nice Costa I know already for a change in company.

I'm not sentimental about my home as it's not a lifetime home. I dont hoard stuff, never have. And if you ar prepared to lose a % of worth on your house they will buy your house and help you you move, pack, move, give you 2 weeks to make the transition not one day. Its comforting knowing its an option.

You really peaked my interest at the mention of them buying and helping with the move. I'm at a stage where I'm prepared to lose almost any amount of money for the sake of peace of mind. What use is money if you feel constantly stressed. It's 1.50 a.m., and I know I won't sleep again.

I'm also not ready for twinset and pearls. I prefer to do my own thing and am a loner but we all need a cuppa and chat at times. Thank you so much and good luck!

OK, here we go:

what they do is give you about 82% of your house's value. They have valuers but of course what you do is get 2/3 quotations from well respected local agents to talk them down if they try it on. As I said, my son and DiL care about me, not the money they might get.

The removing of the terrible anxiety of "will your home sell" and what happens if the buyer drops out and that awful gap while you hope things will work out and don't lose the flat you want is taken away at a flash.

They are used to people asking for tours, showing you the facilities (in my local one, a computer room, a laundry, a dining room, the big communal lounge, the garden space to store a bike or wheelchair or mobility scooter etc etc downstairs .

some people deal with the anxiety of that moving gap and the worries well, I dont, so its a good option for me.

What I can effectively do when the time comes is choose a number of flats within the McCarthy and Stone building (I like sun, a view others don't for example, they quite like not over heating and the garden view is better at the back) and

just "Jump" the moment one of the flats I like comes up. Keep my house repaired adequately and when the time comes splash out on an in depth clean and complete garden tidy, tart the house up a bit etc etc.

As Satre said 'hell is other people'. Well done for battling the bullies and getting the house finished. Hopefully, you can relax and enjoy it now.

I suppose it could be like being on a cruise ship, but you can't just get off. There are dominant personalities and cliques in every institution. I did read one post on here about a lady squabbling with a fellow resident and not being to afford to leave.

I will choose somewhere with lots of eligible bachelors who can take me off into the sunset if I get fed up.

Wyllow3

What I can effectively do when the time comes is choose a number of flats within the McCarthy and Stone building (I like sun, a view others don't for example, they quite like not over heating and the garden view is better at the back) and

just "Jump" the moment one of the flats I like comes up. Keep my house repaired adequately and when the time comes splash out on an in depth clean and complete garden tidy, tart the house up a bit etc etc.

There is a McCarthy Stone building in my town. Flats at the front are practically on the beach and they have french windows opening on to a balcony.

I did look into it today, as one lady mentioned, they will buy your house and help with moving. I do hope all works out well for you when the time comes.

like it. I doubt there will be many eligible bachelors there, you might have to go online 🤣

Yes, the possible clique aspect is a concern.

I had made up my mind when I thought it might be sooner by deciding to keep myself to myself, and never, ever gossip as in talking about one to another.

Which is a good rule of life anyway, is it not?. By doing that time you earn a place of respect in a community. As a trained therapist it's a rule of life really. Dont encourage confidences: respect real pain, but don't feel you must intervene

"I'm sorry but I wont talk about one resident to another, its not fair"

I am dismayed at those of you who, even though you say you are quite well, don’t want to live longer than 82. Perhaps if, like me, you got a terminal illness, at an earlier age than that, it might change your mind. I want to live for many more years than I will probably be able to and I resent those who flippantly dismiss life in the way you do. It is hurtful and, yes, insensitive.
Think whatever you like, but do you have to post such an upsetting idea? You have no clue how you have made me feel as I read that.

Wyllow3

like it. I doubt there will be many eligible bachelors there, you might have to go online 🤣

Yes, the possible clique aspect is a concern.

I had made up my mind when I thought it might be sooner by deciding to keep myself to myself, and never, ever gossip as in talking about one to another.

Which is a good rule of life anyway, is it not?. By doing that time you earn a place of respect in a community. As a trained therapist it's a rule of life really. Dont encourage confidences: respect real pain, but don't feel you must intervene

I don't think there is a Grandadsnet.

That's good advice as the gossiper always gets gossiped about. Moving to a new home always attracts the local gossip, who makes it her business to find out your life history and share it around. I openly say to people now, I don't like knocks on my door and am happily alone.

Respect is earned by not gossiping and I too keep myself to myself.

Crossstitchfan

I am dismayed at those of you who, even though you say you are quite well, don’t want to live longer than 82. Perhaps if, like me, you got a terminal illness, at an earlier age than that, it might change your mind. I want to live for many more years than I will probably be able to and I resent those who flippantly dismiss life in the way you do. It is hurtful and, yes, insensitive.
Think whatever you like, but do you have to post such an upsetting idea? You have no clue how you have made me feel as I read that.

Crosstitchfan: I sincerely apologise if I've upset you. I do see your point of view and it must be hard to hear from someone who is physically well.

I don't really know what to say but feel upset that I've upset you. Please forgive me. I will stop and think more before I post.

My brother committed suicide two years ago because life was just mental torture for him. Mental illness runs in my family unfortunately and it gives one a distorted view.

Perhaps discussions about how long we want to live (which includes reasons why), could be an entirely separate thread, so no one has to read anything unless they choose. When Mental health is involved, especially suicide, feelings come out that may not under usual circumstances.

(Or indeed, people say how do I cope with this knowledge? at our ages, death of self, of friends and family, is often ever present and not a non go area) xx

If someone has been through terminal illness it must feel like a kick in the teeth if a healthy person says they have no wish to go beyond a certain age.

A separate thread with a warning maybe.

A warning, and a clear direction against certain kinds of posting.

Our society is still one that find it hard to look death in the face. But people would be supportive.