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House and home

Moving from house to flat

(76 Posts)
AJgranma Mon 13-Feb-23 16:20:30

Am 74 & thinking about moving to a city apartment. Thinking - no stairs/garden/lively interesting surroundings. Messaged grown up children/grandchildren about this & had no response. I feel they disapprove - and am hurt, wanted to discuss it but can’t force it on them. I’m not entirely confident about it anyway. What to do?

Smileless2012 Mon 13-Feb-23 16:23:28

How long since you messaged them AJgranma? Did you ask what they thought about this or did you just say this is something you're thinking of doing.

Maybe if you make it clear that you value their opinion you'll get a response.

Norah Mon 13-Feb-23 16:35:49

Do what you want to do, as long as legal, you can afford.

Perhaps your children feel you stated what you want and you will proceed as there is no impact to them moving about?

I doubt our children give a care if we move or where. [We're not, we've lived in our home since our marriage over 60 yrs].

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 13-Feb-23 17:17:29

I would draw up a list of the pros and cons AJ and tell them what I had decided after that. It’s you who will be living in the flat, so your decision.

Thoro Mon 13-Feb-23 17:23:31

If you live in the house they grew up in or visited frequently they may feel a sense of loss when you move. Shouldn’t stop you moving though but maybe why they’re not discussing it with you.

MerylStreep Mon 13-Feb-23 17:24:45

Why don’t you phone them? Hopefully they won’t ignore a call.
If they do, you know something is amiss.

Chardy Mon 13-Feb-23 19:02:50

I moved from a house to town centre flat years ago, with a view to my old age. Eventually I won't have a car, so will need bus and rail, access to dr, shops etc nearby. I also downsized so threw out plenty of stuff.
Part of this was because we, their children, moved our parents from their family home in their 60s.

Tenko Mon 13-Feb-23 19:37:06

7 years ago my dm 87 moved from the house I grew up in to a flat, walking distance to a busy high street . Her mobility was deteriorating and we were concerned about the stairs in her house . Plus she needed to drive to the shops and we felt there would be a time when she couldn’t drive .
I would do what you what you to do . It’s your life . And I’d suggest doing it sooner rather than later . Whilst you’ve got your health .
Maybe organise a meeting with your dc and dgc to discuss it.
Myself and my siblings felt downsizing was the right move for my mother . Yes it was sad clearing out our family house, but it wasn’t about us.

Ohmother Mon 13-Feb-23 19:46:14

Is it a much further distance from them as you are now.

If not I would begin de-cluttering now and go for it. Do it whilst you fell capable with an eye to the future on your independence.

Cheesey Mon 13-Feb-23 20:04:15

During lockdowns we realised we no longer liked living in the area we had lived for 30 years. The area had become rough and rundown and we were sick of constantly hearing foul mouthed, aggressive neighbours arguing.
Also the stairs in our Victorian terrace were very steep and narrow and we realised in 10 years time, or less, we might not be able to manage them.
The sale proceeds from our house would not have bought us a flat in an area we wanted to live.
During lockdowns we took to walking around a beautiful heritage village a few miles away and we heard that some of the properties were rented out.
We joined the waiting list for a modern apartment, built in a style sympathetic to the listed houses on the estate, in a block of just 26. Owned by a Trust, so a private landlord but with far more security of tenure.
We sold our house and moved in last December. While we do miss the house to some extent, because it was a happy home for so many years, living in this lovely spacious apartment is so much easier. Easy to keep clean, just across the hall to the bathroom and no maintenance worries.
Neighbours are lovely. Not intrusive but very friendly and a lot of them were in the same position as us.
I realise this wouldn’t suit everybody. We are 66 and 68 have no children so no concerns about inheritance, and we can easily afford the rent out of income, even when we are down to one.
This means we can realise our retirement dream of lots of holidays in our beautiful UK while we are fit and well enough to do so. The flat is safe and secure to leave also, which was a real worry for us with the house.
I am surprised how quickly we have felt at home here, and right now we feel it was absolutely the right decision.

lixy Mon 13-Feb-23 20:49:18

Moving to a flat sounds like a good plan to me. I was very pleased when my mum did just that in her late 70's - the flat is so much easier to manage.

Check that the lift is reliable and that there is a contract for a swift repair if it goes wrong - within 4 hours here.
Also check the arrangements for rubbish disposal - here the bins are in a garage with and up-and-over door which mum just can't manage.
The only drawback I have found is that it isn't possible for friends to drop a note through the letter-box. They have to ring the entry phone to get into the block before they can access the internal front doors. Mum's social life used to revolve around little notes through the letterbox so that was a bit of a conundrum!
I hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do. Perhaps if you message with a concrete idea - I have seen W, X, Y flats in Z town - they would have something definite to respond to?

Franbern Tue 14-Feb-23 08:58:31

Reading the original OP, I would have thought that their Adult children and GC felt that it was not their business to make any comment. Onviously have enough respect for the OP's intelligence to make such decisions about their lives for themselves.

If input of any sort is required from these relatives, then perhaps the OP could contact them all again, asking how they feel about it.

I was 79 years of age when I made the move from a London suburb house 150 miles away to a flat in the West country. Yes, in a town that one of my AC lived.

Having only previously lived in a flat before I married - a council flat - I had always been very opposed to these and concerned about the on-going costs of service/maintenance charge.

I am very fortunate in that the flat I moved to had a large living./dining room, and an en-suite shower room as well as a separate bathroom. Two bedrooms. I am on the first floor - so try to use the stairs rather than the lift when possible. A nice patio balcony.

I love it - did so from Day one of moving in. Wonderful to be able to fall out of bed, across hallway into (no stairs to negotiate). Sometimes, if having a bad night, out of bed and next door into Living room.

Garage on ground floor where I keep and recharge my mobility scooter, etc. as well as being a useful store area. Our letter boxes are all at the main entrance, reached to put things into, from the outside, we open them from inside. Lovely entrance foyer, where usually see other people living here and can have a short chat.

I worked out that the amount of money I usually spent most years on maintainance on the house was [retty much equal to what I now pay in service charge and I have none of the responsibility and worry.

Yes, Lifts are a major problem. with the best will in the world - no-one can guarantee that any lift will be working all the time and any breakdown will be dealt with in four hours. Sometimes parts have to be accessed from other countries causing delays, etc. If only one lift serves the flats, then do be prepared for times when it may not be working.

Apart from that I really cannot think of a single downside to living in a nice apartment/flat. I think I get less noise from neighbours here than I did in my 1930's house. Wonderful feeling of security here - can leave windows open in the summer when I am popping out for a couple of hours.

Energy bills lower as (I suppose) we all help to heat each others flat, neighbours are around if I want a chat, but not intrusive. We do have some community get-togethers and happily take in each others parcels, etc. I never enjoyed gardening, indeed had to employ someone to do this inthe last couple of years at the house. My patio balcony has room for some pots of both real and faux plants and garden chairs and table.

Having made up my mind about this, I informed my AC, not asked them. One did object and came up with all sorts of worries, but they were more to do with me moving so far from London where I had always lived than anything else. And, she has now admitted she was wrong and my living in a small town is actually easier for me to get to things.

Do ensure you really know the area you are thinking of moving to. Different times of the year as well as nightime as well as daytime.

Have a good look at all the many different apartments available and select the one(s) you are interested in. Make a good list of the really important things for yourself. For me, I wanted a garage, and either a four-piece bathroom or (preferably) a shower room and a bathroom. A large Living room was an absolute and a spare bedroom. Wanted to be in close proximity to bus service. I did not wish to live too high up - first or second floor - even if that meant giving up wonderful views.

Take your time - it is probably going to be the last move of your life, It is important to get right. ANd, do look beyond the decoration, etc when you are viewing. Think how you can put your own stamp on it once you have moved in. Check what rules the Maintenance company have regarding to alterations to each flat, and any other rules and regulations regarding parking, etc. that may effect you.

LRavenscroft Tue 14-Feb-23 09:16:40

Perhaps go through all the estate agent options on FB and in your area. Explore, imagine and then see what is the most convenient for you as you get older: shopping, GP, chemist, hairdresser, parking etc. Where I live I have everything on tap on one high street as in Budleigh Salterton in Devon. Very convenient and have no intention of moving. There is even a hospital there and church all within easy reach, the beach and the pub.

Hetty58 Tue 14-Feb-23 09:32:10

AJgranma, it's your decision, so not dependant on their opinions.

People often don't like change. If you ask them, sounding uncertain, they'll be reluctant to agree or disagree - in case they get the blame should there be any problems.

Generally, people think about moving to more suitable accommodation, then leave it too late or never do it. Those who do make the change just wish they'd done it years earlier.

NotSpaghetti Tue 14-Feb-23 11:51:16

Not helpful OP but as an aside-
My mother-in-law moved to be near us ages 96. She looked at bungalows but decided on a house as she said she didn't want to get "bungalow knees" grin

NotSpaghetti Tue 14-Feb-23 11:51:52

Was really thinking to make sure you have stairs and a lift too...

Glorianny Tue 14-Feb-23 12:03:36

I moved to a ground floor flat 2 years ago and I love it. I was encouraged by my children who wanted me nearer them and worried about the stairs in my old house I have got a lovely south facing patio, so space to sit outside.
There could be a few issues. As it's a conversion sound proofing isn't good, but the person above me is quite quiet. It might annoy someone who is sensitive to noise but I actually like knowing there is someone there.
I looked at a few bungalows but didn't really like them.
If you are seriously thinking of moving you might begin sorting out things in your house and offering things to your children. Once they realise you are serious they may be more willing to tell you how they feel.

Hithere Tue 14-Feb-23 14:33:56

Maybe they took it as a statement?

What is the reaction you expected to receive?

How does your decision impact their lives?

cc Tue 14-Feb-23 14:43:16

I honestly can't imagine why they've not got back to you.

We did this, possibly under different circumstances as we now live close to two of our children. The most difficult thing is downsizing your possessions, if you can't decide about something you should say to yourself "would this mean anything to anyone else after I've gone?". I didn't downsize enough and still have too much stuff. I would think that they would be grateful for you for clearing out!

We're very happy in our maisonette, no boiler to service, no maintenance other than inside decoration, just a nice big balcony with a lovely river view. We do have steps: a few to the front door and a flight inside. We've put in a new staircase so this isn't as steep as it used to be.

Annanan Fri 17-Feb-23 11:14:35

I occasionally have days when I think I want to move from my house to a flat. I always talk it over with my two daughters and listen carefully to their opinion. At present I have a four bedroom house within a 90 second walk to the village, where there is a bus four times an hour Into town and a wide variety of shops, including a post office!
I know that the stairs in my house will become a problem, but I’m quite prepared to have a stairlift put in, although I know they are ugly and have absolutely no resale value. I would suggest that the original poster takes Her children’s opinion into consideration and realises that selling a house is not something to be undertaken likely, even though A move to a flat could be desirable.

GrammyGrammy Fri 17-Feb-23 11:16:00

I hate cities. And in some you increase your risk of being assaulted or burgled or attacked generally. I hate cities. I hate towns too generally. Why would you move towards lots of people and lots more risk of harm? Your kids are horrid not communicating. A horrible generation or two and getting worse. Why are you thinking of this? And moving from what? unpack your thinking...

Nannashirlz Fri 17-Feb-23 11:16:56

I’m younger than you and I’m also doing the same thing only mine is to be closer to one of my sons also the area I live in is going down hill to what it used to be. My area used to be for over 40s now it’s anyone so you can’t open your windows without smelling drugs. So if you looking for a flat check the age range

grannyro Fri 17-Feb-23 11:19:11

I did this 7 months ago. Sold my family house, where I had lived for 40+ years and rented a flat with an all round balcony. I can't tell you how much I love it. The benefits are: it's easy to clean, I don't have a big garden to worry about (just a few pots), I don't have to worry anymore about the maintenance on an old house, it is modern and airy and I really do not regret leaving my house one bit! My son was sad at the thought of me selling the family home but he got over it and thinks I seem much happier here. I would say go for it definitiely!

Blondie49 Fri 17-Feb-23 11:29:42

They might just be rubbish at responding, one of mine is not great at that. I think do what someone suggested, a list of pros and cons and certainly being nearer shops/ health centres/ activities is in my opinion a good idea when your older. Good luck 👏

DeeDe Fri 17-Feb-23 11:39:38

Don’t be influenced by others, only you can know what you want, if you’ve a good trusted friend or family member keen to discuss your plans, that’s fine
But at the end of the day, it’s your life so do want feels right.
It makes sense to me what you said, and sounds like a good move. Be an easier life with more time to enjoy yourself.