Off to sit in on another care assessment today.

The reason I asked Petallus is that because of deletions made in the thread, it is now difficult to follow what happened re mental illness comments. To be absolutely clear, and for the avoidance of all doubt, Aka in her post of 11.55:26 accused Grace of having confused personality syndrome. Aka's post was subsequently deleted but Grace refers to it in her post of 12.02:55. I was furious, as I have been in the past at Aka's potentially hurtful psychobabble and told her so in no uncertain terms at 12.04:07. Any comments after that were meant to be ironic - but if Aka dishes it out, she has to be able to take it, whether the comments are ironic or not. I just wanted clarification from you as to who you thought was making the comments - perish the thought that you'd jump to the conclusion it was me. And Aka, if you're reading this, which I'm sure you are, heed Petallus's wise words about making suggestions about mental illness!!

I would have to disagree with the f word being fairly acceptable nowadays, it is never used around me and if it was used to my face I would be livid.

Agree harri, if any of my friends or family are inclined to use such language they never do it around me.

Same here. Harrigran. people can say whatever they like about it being perfectly acceptable these days, means nothing and is used by everyone from 2 to 92. I still don't like it. It has been considered and vulgar and aggressive term of abuse for a long time, and it does NOT lose its power to shock. That is why it it used - if it were no stronger than any other word, then there would be no incentive to use it when shock is the effect wanted.

Of course I didn't take offence at what I took to be an ironic reference to an earlier post from Aka so I think GNHQ have been over zealous and missed the point.
There may be situations and occasions when nobody takes exception to the "F" word, but it is sad when that sort of language drifts into the realm of the acceptable. Just as I hate to hear little children swear - and they have much more excuse as they are only repeating what they hear at home, so I find it offensive when used in anger in a situation such as this.
Whether it is preferable to "nicely spoken nastiness" is a moot point. Churchill, Oscar Wilde among others were famous for managing to deliver an insult in the most elegant and articulate way imaginable - we remember those, while "*f**" remains the last resort of the inarticulate.

BB there is no such illness as 'confused personality syndrome' I was just speculating wondering why Grace kept answering for you, why did she think i was addressing her when clearly I told you to back off. I was certainly confused!
It's clear you think the worst of me but all your comments are supposed to be ironic. Fair enough. I'm happy to take whatever you want to dish out, but I supposed you'll call that 'sanctimonious twaddle' too.
I've been out all afternoon and just wanted to set the record straight on my return. I did try to diffuse the situation several times but ...

Talking of irony...I used two **s in the middle of my swear word. Others who objected just used the 'f' so I apologise for the extra 'k' which appears to make all the difference

2 post deleted? Now were they reported or were HQ being vigilant? No please don't answer! I don't want to open another can of worms!

The post containing the 'f' word remains, though. Presumably no one reported it...

graces, small point, but sometimes the swear words young children use are first heard at school (and repeated there) rather than at home. Actually, my guess is that that happens quite often. I'm not suggesting the kids hear teachers or other adults at school using them, but that they hear other children.

I'm afraid you did diffuse (rather than defuse ) the situation Aka!!
Take your point, Bags of course they will mimic what their peers say. Apparently when DH was 3 his parents were picking him up from kindergarten in Geneva one day and FIL, seeing DH looked upset asked him what was the matter. DH blurted out that so-and-so was" a rotten bu**er!! "- MIL at this turned round and promtly laid into her husband on the grounds that he must have heard language like that from him!!

Being a straightforward kind of lass, I would prefer to hear a short expletive (well most of them, anyway), to nicely spoken nastiness or sarcasm.
They are clear, concise and to the point. I'm sure they can be used elegantly at times.

I'm so glad I've been out all day.

I agree, Butty!

I went to see a middle of the road film at our local cinema yesterday, with robert de niro, diana keaton and that bullock woman. They used the 'c' word, only once but in a loud voice.

These words are shocking to our generation but they are all over the entertainment industry.

The only times I swear in real life are at the really inopportune moments. Like nearly tripping up on the way into a cathedral, or nearly knocking something over in a very quiet National Trust house.

#shite!

Put it this way, I would be uncomfortable to hear some of these words in the presence of my DGC just as I would have felt the same with my parents or PIL. One thing I am learning, is that "little pitchers have long ears" - and I have to be very careful when DGS (3) can hear what I am saying - for instance, no reference to sh***y inclement weather

Hunter look what your good deed has set off. Are tempers running so hot because of a Heatwave in some part of the country? I haven't liked a few threads recently. I don't know if HQ like this bickering because it attracts people and its becoming more like Mumsnet .its very uncomfortable reading. No one seems to have mentioned the disgusting scandal in hospital in Cumbria . That is really something to get worked up about. Some of us have been fighting that sort of coverup and secrecy for years.

Our beautiful heatwave here seems to be lost and gone forever. It lasted all of two days.

I think fully funded NHS funded care should be abiolished and any money inherited by the son or daughter from the spouse should be used for the care of the patient.
It should also be assumed any house owned by the son or daughter has been paid for by the parent and it should be sold immediately so funds are available for care.

Gerry

Oh-er Gerry, don't entirely disagree with you but I hope you have a tin hat! Why assume any property owned by the kids was paid for by the parents? Not the case with me I can assure you nor my kids. Should I forfeit my hard earned home if my parents need care I can't give? Or my kids if I do?

"It should also be assumed any house owned by the son or daughter has been paid for by the parent and it should be sold immediately so funds are available for care."

What, even if the property has been bought and paid for by the son or daughter, Gerry? Sounds like a good incentive for bumping your ageing parents off before they need to go into care...(joke!)

mollie

In what respect do you agree with Gerry.
If the deceased spouses share of the estate has been willed to the children it is their property and can not be used for care fees.
Also if the children could lose their homes if their parents have to go in to care they will not bother buying houses and everybody will want council houses.
Also if the children are married and the house is partly owned by the spouse are you going to assume his / her share has been paid for by the parent going in to care?.

Frank

Gerry

Another thing I have thought of.
What happens if there are children in the house?.
I visited a care home when I was 62 and found I was older than 2 of the residents.
At that time my eldest granddaughter was 4.
Would she be kicked out of her parents house if I needed care?.

Frank

Back up a bit, Frank. I agree to some extent that the NHS shouldn't be used to fully fund care. Or all treatments that individuals request. I don't think we can ever afford or fund that level of expectation. I don't particularly agree with Gerry's statement beyond that initial idea or half sentence.

Just as a point of interest Frank how do you think care for the elderly, in their own home or in residential, ought to be funded? Just out of interest I'm asking, genuinely.