No discussion

Oh how I sympathise! True I do have a disability and a wonderful supportive partner, but he does tend to micro-manage me. I get meals when I'm not hungry and his choice of snacks, and he does get so hurt when I can't eat or don't like what he has cooked for me. He 'tidies up' around me and either forgets where he has put the things I want to use, or puts them in inaccessible places so that by the time I've shifted various obstacles, I'm in no condition to do what I wanted to do. Sometimes I just feel like crying because his 'help' makes life so difficult - and explaining makes no difference.

Oh dear Diddyl it sounds horrible being married to a control freak, or bully as is the correct term.
If you can, I'd suggest that you politely but firmly say that you don't fancy what he has put out for dinner, saying, "Well, I'm having ... instead."
Just say that you want something different for a change and do this maybe once a week at first. Then try to initiate a proper discussion. Tell him he's being too controlling.

Tell him! Hell's bells, you need to put your foot down! Why should you have to eat what he wants you to eat? Why are you not eating what you want to eat? What a ridiculous situation. Sorry, this annoyed me. Change it and change it now!

Diddy you must have our version of Women's Aid in Sweden. You are in domestic abuse. You need to get out
Take it from one who has been there and got out. Please get out. Your further postings about him being frightening says it all. You don't have to be to live like that not shouldn't. Domestic abuse is about emotional controlling behaviour NOT just physical violence

Imo, this isn't just about meals. If you're scared of the man, maybe it's time to leave or at least, start thinking about it. And please, get some counseling.

I am beginning to feel like a lucky woman. How have you survived 40 years with so many food differences? If you have children, how did you cope with feeding 3,4 or 5 people?

Surely there are dishes that you both like? Concentrate on those and maybe once or twice a week do your own thing. It doesn't augur well for the next 20 years if you are still so diverse in your preferences.

It is surely about compromise. I love salads, my husband hates them, but he will have one a week. He loves liver, I hate it, so he chooses that when we eat out. But most foods we share, thouhg he has white rice and me brown, or chips to my baked potato.

Compromise.

Meg

I have always cooked different meals for my husband and myself, and also for my sons when they were at home....2 vegetarians and 2 meat eaters.

No problem.

Diddy1 my husband does all the cooking in our house but we always discuss what we will be eating, if I don't like what he's cooking then he cooks me something else. Do you tell your controlling husband that you do not want what he's having? If not why not? You say he's used to getting his own way, well tough, it's about time you got your own way. Why don't you go shopping without him, buy things you would like to eat and cook for yourself that way you would both get what you want.
I do hope for your sake that you get this sorted. Good luck with solving this problem.

Coco51 you seem to be in a similar position to Diddy. Your partner controls you but is more subtle hiding his control under the guise of looking after you and being solicitous for your welfare, That is known as passive aggression and his tactics probably includes emotional blackmail.

In the time I've been on GN I've realised that I don't want to reach retirement and discover I'm in an unhappy marriage. We're OK at the moment, but we do go through rough patches. Maybe one of those times will be the last straw, but either way I wouldn't stay if I was scared of my DH in any way. I may be scared or worried about how I would manage financially on my own or because of my health issues, but never frightened.

What I would be scared of is finding myself stuck with someone I should have left years ago and he's got some form of dementia. Take note Diddy1.

For forty years I asked my DH what he wanted for dinner and every time he annoyingly said , 'anything , I'm not bothered '.
We retired, and slowly he took over the cooking , until one day he asked me what I fancied for dinner and I took great delight in saying 'anything , I'm not bothered'.
I love him to bits , and he really is a wonderful cook ,but the look on his face was priceless, and worth waiting over forty years for , when he finally got it .